I wasn’t sure how to phrase my true situation because I felt I would get condemned so sorry for the cryptic-ness.
You most likely have not done anything worse than the rest of us have done.
If you have already accepted Jesus as your Savior then God's grace is sufficient to cleanse you from all unrighteousness.
Everyday I realize more and more just how bad I was and I feel immense guilt.
Your conscience is convicting you of wrong doing. But guilt, immense guilt comes from the devil. Separate the two. And refuse the guilt.
Romans 8 says that to those in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation or guilt. Refuse what Jesus has already suffered for (the chastisement) on the cross. And receive instead the peace of mind that is provided because He suffered for us to have it.
I know what I need to do to repent. I know I need to confess to those who I’ve caused offense to and hurt, and face the consequences, however I’m very scared to.
Fear is not from God.
I suggest that you pray to God and forgive the people whatever they did to cause you to react in some unrighteous manner toward them. Then receive your forgiveness from God for what you did or said to those people. Pray that God heal their hurts that you may have caused.
Do not go to them until you do that and allow time for God to work in them. Thank God for His working in you and in them every day. That will help your fear of any imagined or real consequences to dissolve.
I’m scared because I still feel that in my situation I might die- it may sound silly but it isn’t.
You are only required to go to someone to ask forgiveness of one who is a Christian and therefore you need not fear for your life. You are not required to go and repent for wrongdoings to a sinner who might hold a grudge against you.
I have committed so many offenses in my life and sinned with knowledge of truth.
The word 'knowledge' means experience, not just head knowledge. You sinned because you had no experience of God's word working in you to restrain your sinful nature. You were not partaking of the divine nature of Jesus., you were not using the scriptures that say that as a new creature in Christ Jesus your old nature has been crucified with Christ, and you have been given a new nature of righteousness that refuses to yield to the sinful nature.
We've all been there.
You were mentally assenting as long as things were going well, but then in time of pressure you went the way of your flesh. That is what Jesus taught of the parable of the sower that sows the word. Read it and desire to be the good ground. To desire it means to ask God to help you be the good ground. Then believe that He helps you every day. Even if you make another mistake. Still believe that He forgives and cleanses and helps you to be good ground. Be steadfast in that faith.
There are many things I want to achieve and do in my life especially repenting. I definitely regret the way I lived but I have no excuse before god because I had knowledge of truth and chose to still reject god later on.
So have we all at one time or another. I backslid, I was a prodigal son too. I repented and got back in the saddle. And I've stayed in the saddle ever since. Many have done that and you can do it too.
It's sad that you would think that any Christian would condemn you. Only those using the strictness of the law effective in the old testament times would do that, but Christians use the new testament's much more change-producing grace of God that does not condemn but encouraging the reliance of God working in us- faithfulness.
I’ve become like one of the bad seeds.
If you were born again by the incorruptible seed of the living word of God that abides forever, then you're not a bad seed. A bad seed doesn't want to repent. You do want to repent.
But you don't need to put it off. Just say to God.. "Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, I repent, and I believe that you cleanse me of all unrighteousness."
That is all that you have to do. Trust in Jesus. Trust that the cleansing is immediate. Incorporate the taking of a shower along with your repentance and then you have natural result that corresponds with spiritual result.
That natural correspondence will help you against any lingering guilt feelings or memories of wrong that you did however short ago or however long ago.
I really want to start over, completely but I feel god is done with me.
That's just a feeling that is opposite to the scriptures that assure that God is not done with you. Such as this one. God is all the while working in you and creating in you the power and desire to will and to do of His pleasure.
You put "I" in those places of that text. Example: God is all the while working in me. He creates in me the power and desire to be willing and to do of His good pleasure.
And this one. Create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me. [Because] This one. I desire Your word [O Lord] to grow thereby according to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ and having completeness in Him.
If you are saved and born again, then God isn't done with you until then.
I remember all those times he showed me mercy and I took it for granted because now I’m in enmity of god. I read the book of Romans and what it says about reprobates and it aligns a lot with my life.
Enmity against God is only in your mentality, it's not in your heart if you are born again.. you desire to do what is right. Here's another scripture that describes a born again believer in Jesus. You delight in the law of grace and faith according to your inward being. That is in Romans chapter 7.
You're reading Romans as if you are a reprobate and not a child of God. You need to decide who you are.
You're focusing on what you were instead of what you are now as a child of God.
Did you read chapters 6-7-8? Those assure the child of God, you, your position with God is good, even though you've sinned. Did you read 1John 1:9 and 2:1? And 3:1?
Have you accepted them by faith that they are talking about you? Accepting by faith means that you don't rely on feelings. It means that you accept and confess regardless of your immense guilt feelings.
Say them anyway. Say them whenever a thought or memory of wrong doing comes to mind. That is called fighting the good fight of faith.
You need to read of God's grace and His unfailing love for you. God never quits loving those who accepted Jesus as their Savior. God even loves those of the world who haven't accepted Jesus as Savior.
Why would you think that you're different than anyone else in not being loved by God and done with you?
I don’t even have a good reason for rebelling against god in the first place I just wanted to entertain my sins and now I regret it. I find that I’m also stuck in this slavery to sin, even at times that I don’t want to be.
That describes what is in Romans chapters 6-7. But read on to Romans 8. That is speaking to you too.
I’ve always disobeyed god and my parents and I’ve always been curious for the wrong things.
That was then, but haven't you accepted Jesus? Aren't you born again now? Yet you still live and think like you haven't. Read your bible and start using the scriptures to mow down all of those sin weeds. And plant seeds of right living and right thinking in a faith garden. And encourage them to grow.
God's love is greater than any of those sins. God's grace abounds more than any of those sins.
Did you read of what the apostle Paul when he was Saul of Tarsus did? He said that he was the worst of sinners. Your sins are not the worst sins.
In my culture that’s what’s considered a cursed person and I definitely feel cursed.
If you are saved and born again, then your ultimate culture is the kingdom of God which is not like any culture on the earth. The kingdom of God does not function according to feelings and your sins but according the promises of God in the word, and the faith of Jesus and what He has done for you.
Your spiritual inheritance includes the blessings of God in Christ Jesus. In Christ Jesus every child of God is blessed.
I do want to be held accountable and change
Yes definitely be accountable, but changing is not the work that you do. Listen, if you could change you then you nor anyone else wouldn't need Jesus to have been crucified on the cross. God the Father sent Him because we all needed Him to do for us what none of us could do ourselves.
Changing is the work that Jesus did for you when he was crucified in your place and was cursed there because He took upon Himself your sins. He took the punishment for your sins in order that you be redeemed from sins and death.
You are redeemed from sins and death.
What you are to be held accountable for is to accept what He did for you. And by confession of the scriptures concerning it, receive it as done and being done in you.
Christianity is grace by faith and not by your works. We are to be obedient in faith to confess the scriptures of who we are in Christ Jesus, and to be obedient from our hearts where God makes those changes in us.
and I wouldn’t even mind suffering or chastisement from god I just really fear dying and facing those who I’ve caused serious harm to.
God will not do that to you because the suffering and chastisement was done to Jesus in your behalf so that you can have fellowship with God, to be as much loved by God as He loves Jesus.
Some parents have favorite children that they treat better than others. But God doesn't treat some of His children better than His others.
If you accept suffering or chastisement then you're ignoring all that Jesus suffered in your place. Ignoring is the kind of thing that does not please God. That just means that He isn't pleased with you, it doesn't mean that He no longer accepts you as His child.
I’ve also been revealed ti my pastor which has made me realize a lot- it’s definitely given me more incentive to do the right thing but it showed me that even as I’m willing to face the consequences, I’m still scared to.
Jesus already faced all the consequences for you when He was on the cross. Jesus died in your place. Jesus also went to hell to suffer those consequences for all who sin. Jesus went there so that you don't have to. Jesus paid for everything, so you can have everything He offers in salvation and redemption.
I don’t see any redemption for myself but I know that I need to do the right thing nonetheless.
You want to, you try to do the right thing, that means that you are redeemed. You are not reprobate. You are not enmity against God. It's just that you have not renewed your mind to who you really are in Christ.
You need to read the scriptures so that you can see all about redemption in, by, and through all that Jesus did for all who accept Him as Savior and Redeemer.
And, let the redeemed of the Lord say so. Let the redeemed of the Lord declare their redemption in Christ Jesus.
www.christianpost.com
