Family Issues
- By Delvianna
- Requests for Christian Advice
- 3 Replies
I have sought the Lord many a times for this, but I guess what I'm looking for isn't necessarily advice ( although its welcomed, as well as opinions ) but more like, empathy or sharing if you all are going through/have gone through similar stuff and to just converse over shared experiences. First, you guys need some history...
I grew up in a family that went to church every sunday and claims Christianity, but our family dynamic is just... wack. My Dad has a superiority/enabling issue, my mom has a manipulative/control issue. There is no doubt in my mind that I am the black sheep of the family (for various reasons). When it comes to scripture, any insight is disregarded because my dad was a "teacher for over 30 years!" and when it comes to personal life, my mother is never wrong, I'm always wrong and I'm always supposed to just forgive her despite my mother not giving me an apology for her behavior because, "she's your mother".
My mom's history of control has been a lot, from wanting me as a 39 year old married woman, to install an app on my phone so she can see exactly where I'm going at all times, to giving me orders that are supposed to be carried out regardless of how it affects myself or my husband. When I finally drew boundaries with my mom, it blew up into a few month tirade of phone call harassment. When I blocked her, my dad would call and when I blocked him, they showed up at my door (for various reasons) where my mom tried to manipulate my husband while I locked myself in another room.
For a while my mom did good. She would call once, allow me time to get back to her without it leading to a barrage of a dozen phone calls and 30+ text messages in the span of 2 hours. Or she would text me once and I would respond at my earliest convenience. But yesterday... and why I feel like I just need to vent, is like she's going back to her old ways. And the thing is, nothing she wants to get into contact with me for is important OR an emergency.
So yesterday, I put my phone on silent because she had been calling me everyday for the last 4 days just to talk about work. She had asked me to help her with some of her work, which I agreed to do because she's behind after dealing with a pulled muscle in my dads hip and her fracturing her foot. After I did what she requested, I turned off my ringer to just have a nice relaxing day with my husband playing video games with him and eating home made stew. I did not see that she had tried to call me 3 times. But because I didn't answer, she then called my husband, in her worried and panicked tone "is everyone okay?!?! I've been trying to call her but she isn't answering!" Now because my husband answered, I had to call her back... was it important? No... she asked me if I did something work related for her and I told her no because she never asked me to do that. She said she did and even sent me a file that I needed to do it. I said, no you did not. She then checked her email and found that she didn't send me anything and says, "well, I meant for you to do it." Which makes NO sense because literally the day before I gave her advice on what program to use TO do that very job.... I tell her I would do it. We hang up, she calls me back asking when she can expect me to do it, I tell her I'll work on it tomorrow because its already 6:30 in the afternoon. She says okay, we hang up. She then calls AGAIN at 8:30 at night and I don't answer and put my phone back on silent. I then wake up this morning to a text message to call her that was sent at 6:45 in the morning.
I am just so incredibly tired dealing with this... my husband said no more favors. Clearly, I can't even do something for her without harassment or it being an issue and I completely agree. But I am just so tired and frustrated and it just makes me want to move to the moon, shut off my phone and just... exist for a while.
I grew up in a family that went to church every sunday and claims Christianity, but our family dynamic is just... wack. My Dad has a superiority/enabling issue, my mom has a manipulative/control issue. There is no doubt in my mind that I am the black sheep of the family (for various reasons). When it comes to scripture, any insight is disregarded because my dad was a "teacher for over 30 years!" and when it comes to personal life, my mother is never wrong, I'm always wrong and I'm always supposed to just forgive her despite my mother not giving me an apology for her behavior because, "she's your mother".
My mom's history of control has been a lot, from wanting me as a 39 year old married woman, to install an app on my phone so she can see exactly where I'm going at all times, to giving me orders that are supposed to be carried out regardless of how it affects myself or my husband. When I finally drew boundaries with my mom, it blew up into a few month tirade of phone call harassment. When I blocked her, my dad would call and when I blocked him, they showed up at my door (for various reasons) where my mom tried to manipulate my husband while I locked myself in another room.
For a while my mom did good. She would call once, allow me time to get back to her without it leading to a barrage of a dozen phone calls and 30+ text messages in the span of 2 hours. Or she would text me once and I would respond at my earliest convenience. But yesterday... and why I feel like I just need to vent, is like she's going back to her old ways. And the thing is, nothing she wants to get into contact with me for is important OR an emergency.
So yesterday, I put my phone on silent because she had been calling me everyday for the last 4 days just to talk about work. She had asked me to help her with some of her work, which I agreed to do because she's behind after dealing with a pulled muscle in my dads hip and her fracturing her foot. After I did what she requested, I turned off my ringer to just have a nice relaxing day with my husband playing video games with him and eating home made stew. I did not see that she had tried to call me 3 times. But because I didn't answer, she then called my husband, in her worried and panicked tone "is everyone okay?!?! I've been trying to call her but she isn't answering!" Now because my husband answered, I had to call her back... was it important? No... she asked me if I did something work related for her and I told her no because she never asked me to do that. She said she did and even sent me a file that I needed to do it. I said, no you did not. She then checked her email and found that she didn't send me anything and says, "well, I meant for you to do it." Which makes NO sense because literally the day before I gave her advice on what program to use TO do that very job.... I tell her I would do it. We hang up, she calls me back asking when she can expect me to do it, I tell her I'll work on it tomorrow because its already 6:30 in the afternoon. She says okay, we hang up. She then calls AGAIN at 8:30 at night and I don't answer and put my phone back on silent. I then wake up this morning to a text message to call her that was sent at 6:45 in the morning.
I am just so incredibly tired dealing with this... my husband said no more favors. Clearly, I can't even do something for her without harassment or it being an issue and I completely agree. But I am just so tired and frustrated and it just makes me want to move to the moon, shut off my phone and just... exist for a while.