Avoiding people
- By irineiv
- Anxiety, Panic & Agoraphobia
- 4 Replies
Hello! Your advice sounds very sound as I’ve not had the chance to really talk to this with someone mature enough. If you can recommend online counseling with a pastor or therapist who is Christian I would totally do it.Emotional wounds left from betrayal, especially by trusted Christians, tend to persist until they are processed, not just waited out. A good trauma-informed or faith-sensitive counselor can help you process this, separating what happened from the truth of Christ himself. Some offer reduced rates or sliding-scale sessions, and there are community or online options that can make it more affordable; some churches can recommend a specific faith-sensitive counselor that would be free to you because their charitable giving covers the costs. (My church does that.)
That being said, the church is God's appointed channel of grace, community, and spiritual edification, even when people inside it fail badly (because they do). Healing doesn't happen apart from Christ's body but through being gently restored within it. The key is finding a setting where safety, accountability, and pastoral care exist together. It might help to start by meeting privately with a trustworthy pastor or elder. (It doesn't have to be from the church where you were hurt.) Tell him what happened and that you're struggling to come back. A good pastor will listen carefully, take your fears seriously, and help ensure that whoever mistreated or harmed you is not in a position to hurt anyone else. Church leaders have a responsibility to protect the flock and to address sin openly and justly (though not necessarily publicly).
Pray for courage and discernment, and remember that Christ himself was betrayed by religious people and those closest to him. He understands your wounds better than anyone—and he also knows how to lead you safely back into his church.
I expressed what happened to two friends who have good intentions and have been respectful, but they don’t understand just saying that “not everyone is like that” will help me feel safe enough to go back to the church I used to go to.
My main problem I have is that I’m a pretty lonely woman, I dont have a Christian family to attend church with and my friends have their own lives they can’t go with me, and in spite they used to sometimes, the men still managed to find ways to harm me.
I will get married soon so hopefully I may be able to go to church accompanied at all times in the next months or years, but the emotional harm is still there and I don’t even want to go and have to deal with people and unnecessary problems.
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