Have you ever tried to help someone and he doesn't exactly appreciate it?

[discombobulated1]

Have you ever tried to help someone and they don't exactly appreciate it?

I tried to help a homeless person who was living in his car and had car issues. It's been a strange experience and I don't know if I should go into details because, who knows (?), maybe he comes to this forum?

But in any case, I was willing to get car parts and even pay for his tags to be updated but he always had some reason for dragging his feet on getting the car going. He asked me for items that I frankly did not think he needed at all. But some day, the city is going to get tired of him staying in one spot. Neighbors already have.

There is more to this story, but again, I don't feel like airing his business in public so maybe I should leave it at that but I am wondering about other stories of trying to help people and they just don't seem to... uh... appreciate it or what have you. I mean, it seemed the guy was irritated w/ me recently and I couldn't figure out WHY. Maybe it was because I had some business of my own to deal with and didn't spend time socializing much the last time I saw him? God knows. But I do have problems myself...

Anyway, I was getting irritated feeling HE was irritated w/ me when I have been kind and etc... makes no sense. Maybe he knows more about the car's problems than he is telling? Maybe getting insurance and all the other stuff feels like too daunting a task, but as they say "a journey of 1000 miles begins with one step."

You have any stories like this?

 

[Laodicean60]

There is more to this story, but again, I don't feel like airing his business in public so maybe I should leave it at that but I am wondering about other stories of trying to help people and they just don't seem to... uh... appreciate it or what have you. I mean, it seemed the guy was irritated w/ me recently and I couldn't figure out WHY. Maybe it was because I had some business of my own to deal with and didn't spend time socializing much the last time I saw him? God knows. But I do have problems myself...

Maybe you expected something back for your help. I was walking one day and I said good morning to a guy in his front yard and he didn't acknowledge or return the gesture (rude) and kept walking and blessed him. I was satisfied enough knowing God had seen what I did but a 1 1/2 years ago I would have cursed him under my breath expecting a good morning back. I probably would have thought you grouchy old fart.

 

[discombobulated1]

Maybe you expected something back for your help. I was walking one day and I said good morning to a guy in his front yard and he didn't acknowledge or return the gesture (rude) and kept walking and blessed him. I was satisfied enough knowing God had seen what I did but a 1 1/2 years ago I would have cursed him under my breath expecting a good morning back.

I didn't expect anything from him except maybe common courtesy. I mean, he had NO reason to be irritable with me other than the possibility I wrote of in OP...

Well, I have decided to do one thing for him and that is about it. That is the only thing he seems to think he needs. It seems he thinks the city will let him live that way forever. He's already been there over a year.

 

[Laodicean60]

I didn't expect anything from him except maybe common courtesy.

But you did expect something "courtesy".

Well, I have decided to do one thing for him and that is about it.

Sadly without your desire for courtesy you won't help him again? Have you ever thought God placed him (angel) there to test you.

I mean, he had NO reason to be irritable with me other than the possibility I wrote of in

You feel he has no reason but what if he was addicted to drugs. I know when I was needing my fix that I was extremely irritable. No use speculating on other perceived motives.

I hear you call the other tribe evil do you believe yours is not? Trillions of dollars in debt from wars and that's not evil which will affect future generations.

 

[HopeSings]

Have you ever tried to help someone and they don't exactly appreciate it?

I tried to help a homeless person who was living in his car and had car issues. It's been a strange experience and I don't know if I should go into details because, who knows (?), maybe he comes to this forum?

But in any case, I was willing to get car parts and even pay for his tags to be updated but he always had some reason for dragging his feet on getting the car going. He asked me for items that I frankly did not think he needed at all. But some day, the city is going to get tired of him staying in one spot. Neighbors already have.

There is more to this story, but again, I don't feel like airing his business in public so maybe I should leave it at that but I am wondering about other stories of trying to help people and they just don't seem to... uh... appreciate it or what have you. I mean, it seemed the guy was irritated w/ me recently and I couldn't figure out WHY. Maybe it was because I had some business of my own to deal with and didn't spend time socializing much the last time I saw him? God knows. But I do have problems myself...

Anyway, I was getting irritated feeling HE was irritated w/ me when I have been kind and etc... makes no sense. Maybe he knows more about the car's problems than he is telling? Maybe getting insurance and all the other stuff feels like too daunting a task, but as they say "a journey of 1000 miles begins with one step."

You have any stories like this?

He has problems. We all do. Who knows. Forgive and try to forget

 

[discombobulated1]

But you did expect something "courtesy".

Sadly without your desire for courtesy you won't help him again? Have you ever thought God placed him (angel) there to test you.

You feel he has no reason but what if he was addicted to drugs. I know when I was needing my fix that I was extremely irritable. No use speculating on other perceived motives.

I hear you call the other tribe evil do you believe yours is not? Trillions of dollars in debt from wars and that's not evil which will affect future generations.

My, aren't we preachy?

Some day I might be as perfect as you.. I sigh and wait for that wonderful day..

 

[discombobulated1]

He has problems. We all do. Who knows. Forgive and try to forget

Why do you assume I do not do that?

You don't know the whole story. And I am not writing about it anymore. I have done what I can. There are facts that I myself do not know of. As stated, he may know something about the car that I do not. It looks to me like a simple matter of bad battery or..? But who knows?

All I know is that he is not cooperating. I don't know WHY and that was driving me up a wall for awhile... but I have surrendered the whole thing to the Lord.

 

[HopeSings]

Why do you assume I do not do that?

You don't know the whole story. And I am not writing about it anymore. I have done what I can. There are facts that I myself do not know of. As stated, he may know something about the car that I do not. It looks to me like a simple matter of bad battery or..? But who knows?

All I know is that he is not cooperating. I don't know WHY and that was driving me up a wall for awhile... but I have surrendered the whole thing to the Lord.

Sorry. I was just saying. My apologies

 

[Laodicean60]

My, aren't we preachy?

Some day I might be as perfect as you.. I sigh and wait for that wonderful day..

No more preachy than you are on these forums with your multiple threads.

Maybe you expected something back for your help

I didn't expect anything from him except maybe common courtesy.

Just pointing it out.

 

[Laodicean60]

This is or seems totally Presumptive.

And I apologize forgive me.

 

[Zaha Torte]

Have you ever tried to help someone and they don't exactly appreciate it?

I tried to help a homeless person who was living in his car and had car issues. It's been a strange experience and I don't know if I should go into details because, who knows (?), maybe he comes to this forum?

But in any case, I was willing to get car parts and even pay for his tags to be updated but he always had some reason for dragging his feet on getting the car going. He asked me for items that I frankly did not think he needed at all. But some day, the city is going to get tired of him staying in one spot. Neighbors already have.

There is more to this story, but again, I don't feel like airing his business in public so maybe I should leave it at that but I am wondering about other stories of trying to help people and they just don't seem to... uh... appreciate it or what have you. I mean, it seemed the guy was irritated w/ me recently and I couldn't figure out WHY. Maybe it was because I had some business of my own to deal with and didn't spend time socializing much the last time I saw him? God knows. But I do have problems myself...

Anyway, I was getting irritated feeling HE was irritated w/ me when I have been kind and etc... makes no sense. Maybe he knows more about the car's problems than he is telling? Maybe getting insurance and all the other stuff feels like too daunting a task, but as they say "a journey of 1000 miles begins with one step."

You have any stories like this?

Yes - I have similar stories and my theory is that they made all the decisions that got them into their present circumstances - and in their pride - they find any attempt on your part to help them out of their situation is a personal attack on them.

We all get what we want in life.

 

[Diamond7]

Have you ever tried to help someone and they don't exactly appreciate it?

I use to get upset when my wife would get credit for what I did. But as her husband I should be happy to make that sacrifice for her.

It is VERY hard to help people. A lot of what we consider to be help does more harm than good.

The gov has made changes and welfare is not what it use to be.

 

[discombobulated1]

Yes - I have similar stories and my theory is that they made all the decisions that got them into their present circumstances - and in their pride - they find any attempt on your part to help them out of their situation is a personal attack on them.

We all get what we want in life.

HUH? I was agreeing w / you more/less until that last thing. We do NOT get what we want in life! I never really have, anyway. I mean, yeh, God has blessed me this way and that but I am far from getting all I want (then again, we shouldn't want for much...)

Anyway.. I don't think the person I am trying to help sees my offers as any kind of personal attack. I'll ask him, though

LOL

No, I don't think I will. We have enough problems communicating already...

 

[discombobulated1]

I use to get upset when my wife would get credit for what I did. But as her husband I should be happy to make that sacrifice for her.

It is VERY hard to help people. A lot of what we consider to be help does more harm than good.

The gov has made changes and welfare is not what it use to be.

well, I have no choice but to offer help to this person, no choice at all in the eyes of Jesus.. He is in a very bad situation, one most people would consider ending it all over.. and he has often expressed this kind of depression. Yes, some of the problems are of his own making or at least he made some of the problems worse, but all humans do that.

 

[Zaha Torte]

HUH? I was agreeing w / you more/less until that last thing. We do NOT get what we want in life! I never really have, anyway. I mean, yeh, God has blessed me this way and that but I am far from getting all I want (then again, we shouldn't want for much...)

Anyway.. I don't think the person I am trying to help sees my offers as any kind of personal attack. I'll ask him, though

LOL

No, I don't think I will. We have enough problems communicating already...

Since we have free will and all of our choices lies within our control - we all get what we want in life.

 

[Diamond7]

he has often expressed this kind of depression.

I have found that most depression is the result of negative thinking. A lot of people believe positive thinking and positive energy is essential in life. I was recently in recover from surgery and I was amazed at how fast my recover was when I could think positive thoughts. I printed out a lot of scriptures to remind me of the promises of God.

Atrial Fibrillation Ablation​

 

[Simon_Templar]

Have you ever tried to help someone and they don't exactly appreciate it?

I tried to help a homeless person who was living in his car and had car issues. It's been a strange experience and I don't know if I should go into details because, who knows (?), maybe he comes to this forum?

But in any case, I was willing to get car parts and even pay for his tags to be updated but he always had some reason for dragging his feet on getting the car going. He asked me for items that I frankly did not think he needed at all. But some day, the city is going to get tired of him staying in one spot. Neighbors already have.

There is more to this story, but again, I don't feel like airing his business in public so maybe I should leave it at that but I am wondering about other stories of trying to help people and they just don't seem to... uh... appreciate it or what have you. I mean, it seemed the guy was irritated w/ me recently and I couldn't figure out WHY. Maybe it was because I had some business of my own to deal with and didn't spend time socializing much the last time I saw him? God knows. But I do have problems myself...

Anyway, I was getting irritated feeling HE was irritated w/ me when I have been kind and etc... makes no sense. Maybe he knows more about the car's problems than he is telling? Maybe getting insurance and all the other stuff feels like too daunting a task, but as they say "a journey of 1000 miles begins with one step."

You have any stories like this?

Very often, people who are in circumstances like this (homeless etc) are there precisely because they are messed up individuals who aren't capable of functioning in normal human relationships. Mental illness, for example, is pretty common.

If you want to help, you should go in understanding that you are likely to get ingratitude and even anger or similar in return. This isn't universal of course, but it is common.

It is a function of fallen human nature that we often refuse to see what really causes our problems. People routinely cause themselves all sorts of problems, but refuse to see that those problems result from their own behaviors. As a result they shift blame on to all sorts of other things, other people, etc.

That happens commonly even when people aren't mentally ill or emotionally unbalanced. When you add in those factors, the problem gets much worse.

As a result, for people who end up in this kind of circumstance, they often don't see what the problem even is, let alone how their behaviors cause the problem.

This means that when you step in and try to help, from their point of view, you are focused on all the wrong things. You are trying to help them with things that they don't see as problems, or things they don't care about, and refusing to help with the things that they see as the real problems.

As for stories like this, I had a couple of jobs some years ago where I had occasion to deal with a few different homeless people.

One was a nice young man who was obviously not all there mentally, but he was not angry or confrontational. He was grateful for help.

One was a guy who pretty obviously had issues with schizophrenia and was convinced that all the things that went wrong in his life were because there was a cabal of law enforcement and hospital staff who were out to get him. He believed that they would sneak into the house where he was squatting and steal his medication, that they turned off the gas and power to the house where he was squatting, and that they broke into his car and disabled the heater.

One of the more interesting cases to me was a couple of homeless guys who didn't appear to have any particularly noticeable mental illness. One of them was on government disability for a physical disability, and he actually received enough money to be able to afford to rent an apartment and live "normally". He had done so for a while, and turned the apartment into a flop house for his homeless friends. He eventually decided that renting the apartment was too much work, and tied him down too much, so he gave it up and went back to being homeless. He and his buddy both spent a good deal of time telling me how good their homeless life was and flat out saying that they preferred being homeless to having responsibilities.

 

[seeking.IAM]

Sometimes the thing we think someone needs is not the thing they think they need or want. Do you think that is possibly in play here? I see that in couples all the time where one partner is working hard to satisfy their partner. While they are well intentioned, the thing they are spending energy on is not the thing most important to their spouse and they wonder why their spouse is still upset with them when they have been trying this whole time. I think it is good to ask someone what they need or want, and do that if it is at all reasonable and do-able. It may not be obvious.

And you only know what you know. In my state you can't license your car unless you have proof of insurance. Maybe there is a history of accidents or DUIs that put a person in a high-risk category making insurance too expensive or even impossible to obtain. Maybe he thinks you want his car running with tags so he will just move along, and that you don't truly care about him. Pride sometimes keeps folks from telling us the whole story. Could be?

 

[partinobodycular]

I used to minister to homeless people when I was young and gung ho, and I remember one day it was getting late so I decided to hop on the bus and head home. You have to keep in mind that I didn't look like someone out ministering to homeless people... I looked like I was a homeless person. So anyway I head to the back of the bus and sit down across from another homeless guy. I don't say anything to him, and he doesn't say anything to me. But then a young Christian couple gets on the bus... and you can tell they're Christians because of the way they're dressed, and the fact that they're carrying bibles. So the other homeless guy gets up and walks over to them, and asks them if they could spare some change. They look at each other, obviously confused about how to respond, and then the girl turns back to him and says that they'll pray for him.

All I could think at that moment was... good grief, you have the perfect opportunity to help this person, and all that you're willing to do is pray for him. I could just imagine in my mind... God sitting up in heaven saying... I didn't put you there to pray for help... I put you there to BE the help.

I'm much older now, and I realize that my plan and God's plan aren't always the same. So I can look back at that incident on the bus and realize that I may have read it all wrong... it may not have been that God was using them to reach him, rather it was God using him to reach them. With God you never really know just who's supposed to be learning the lesson.

I said all that to say this... yeah, maybe your homeless guy is unappreciative, but maybe like me on that bus, you've missed the point... maybe God isn't trying to reach that homeless guy, maybe he's trying to reach you... with a lesson in patience, and humility, and compassion. But then again I'm not a very smart guy, I'm just old... been there, done that... learned that the lessons are almost always meant for me.