Rude statements

[PastorJim]

I don't know if we're quiverfull at all (to be honest, I've heard the phrase but don't know what it means) but we do have five children and one on the way. My wife and I are both open to biological children as long as we're able and plan to continue adopting as long as the law allows.

I'm much more likely to hear rude comments about the fact that we homeschool our children than that we have so many. I don't really consider five that many, but I think the average is 1.9, so I can see why it would appear so.

The thing is, though, I see a lot of humor in having a large family so I usually will make a joke about it, which I think communicates a sense of security about the size of the family, thus cutting off any comments. Or maybe not.

 

[PastorJim]

over the years i've had my full of are they all yours?

That's when I look around, lean in and whisper, "All except for the two little ones. I kidnapped them. I'd better get out of here before the cops show up."

 

[beehoney]

Has anyone recently encountered rude, hurtful statements for being quiverfull?

Often people seem to speak before they think. Two times this week people have openly made assumptions about me. Just tonight at church there was a visiting family. They were probably in their late 30s and they had two kids. Evie was in my arms and Ida was holding my hand when I went up to introduce myself. The lady asked, "Hon, how old are you?" When I told her that I'm 20, she looked at the girls for a long time, and then said, "Well I'm proud of you for deciding to get married and make a family after a mistake."

Excuse me? I was married at 18 and had Ida TEN months later. I was not pregnant (nor was I sexually active) before I married Zeke. Granted, I am young to have two kids... but I'm just so shocked that someone would make such an assumption- as if it was her business anyway.

On Monday we were at a homeowner's meeting. We live in an "upscale" type neighborhood (only by God's grace and the great generosity of others). Our neighbors have never been overly fond of us. The youngest couple besides us are in their late 50s and "can hear the babies crying across the street all the time" (guess what? babies cry.) Anyway, when asked when we would finish up our landscaping, my husband answered, "I'll get to it as fast as I can. Hopefully have it all finished by the end of the month." One of the other men chimed in, somewhat jokingly, "Why doesn't your wife do it? She's home all day." I am, in fact, a stay at home mom to a 2 year old and a new born. And I've also been doing some straightening of the yard in my spare time. So I answered, "Yes I'm home. But the girls keep me pretty busy." Our lovely neighbor from across the street (the same ones who hear babies crying...) said, "I don't have any pity. Ever heard of birth control?"

I just sat there. It disgusted me. They would rather me have prevented my beautiful little girls from being born than to be bothered with crying, and that our yard is taking a while to landscape? It was so hurtful. But I do know their opinion doesn't matter.

Sorry for the rant. These things have been on my mind lately.

I wouldn't speak to those people again. Honestly I wouldn't.

 

[katyajames]

.... but, you know, they are insensitive about people who have only kids too. My sister had one child & then couldn't have any more for medical reasons. She has since adopted two. When she had the one kid & was trying for more people were always making stupid comments. Like, "Isn't she lonely?" (She wasn't.) Or, "When are you going to give her a little brother or sister to play with?"
Now she has adopted two kids but they are of different races and people are always commenting on that too.
So it's not because of having a big family, it is just stupidity.
(I don't know why people even care about the size of other people's families unless there is a legitimate issue. A landlord might legitimately be concerned if there are too many people in a rental, for instance.)

 

[SAHMof8]

I get rude comments a lot myself.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

I get the rude comments from my own family. This last time it was are you going to stop if this one is a boy, we have 2 girls and this is predicted as our 3rd girl. Now my mum is on me to get my tubes tied. I am only 27, 28 two weeks after baby is due.

 

[SAHMof8]

I know my mother in law pestered my husband and I while I was pregnant with our 5th child. My husband basically told her it was none of her business how many children we have. She never pestered us about it again.

 

[peteos]

Why would grandparents care how many children you have? I can see why those over in the childfree get pestered by grandparents about having no grandchildren but I would imagine they would think the more the merrier on the other side. Unless maybe they are living in the same house with you.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

my parents live 900 miles away from us, hubby's parents live 0.6miles from us, they are ok with us having as many children as we want, my parents are against any "alternative" lifestyle that goes against their thinking, quiverfull does this. In fact this new baby has the nickname 7, as she is hubby's parents 7th grandchild, their lucky number and a holy number as well. It took 5 months for my parents to accept this grandchild, his parents were telling everyone they knew right after they found out we were expecting again. BTW my mother is against extended breastfeeding as well, she thinks 6 months is long enough.

 

[singingwife]

Here's something I found on YouTube; one family with 7 kids decided to put all those comments into a Christmas song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaD8xat6VDw
Anyway, enjoy. I'm still trying to come up with enough for the childless/childfree couple, but it's VERY diverse. If nothing else, you can start singing it when you have to!

 

[blessedmomof5]

i know how you feel to, people need to think sometimes before speaking.

what i usually say when people say are they all yours, i say no but they keep following me..lol

 

[Sunset2009]

^ LOL! I love that.

I'll remember that for the future.

 

[cassie121]

When people said that to my mom she always replied "All of them except the little one. I stole her from a hospital. I better go before the FBI finds out I'm here."

 

[Fullheart]

Sad to say there are some very selfish people in this world who view children as something harmful to their way of life. Children are such little sweethearts who at times, yes can challenge us, but that in my view just makes us better parents, learning how to make it all work.

Here are a few 'comebacks' I found from another site:


You have your hands full!

• Yes, happily so!
• Yes, and my heart too.
• Don't say anything, just look puzzled at your hands. (This does obviously not work if you are carrying a baby
• Yes, but I would rather have my hands full than empty!

Are they all yours?

• No, I just went to Rent-a-Baby.
• No, this is not all of them, my oldest is at home with the triplets.
• No, actually two are the mailman's and I am not sure whose is that one.....
• We always say YES, because they are OURS....but actually 3 bio, 1 niece, 2 adopted and 4 foster!! But ours in our eyes!!
• No, a couple of them starting following us a few minutes ago. -- This is especially funny when you look at your kids and realize that one of them really ISN'T yours -- he had just started following you and you didn't notice before...
• No, I picked up a couple extra in the produce aisle.
• Gee, I never heard that question before!
• Yes they are! And then one of the boys will pipe up and mention the 21 yo and the 18 yo if they are not there and of course the baby on the way!
• "Legally" first 3 are his & last 3 are ours, I feel in my heart they are all ours.....
• Technically,the oldest 2 are his, the next 2 are mine and the youngest 2 are ours, but we are all just one big happy family (most of the time)LOL, because they all live with us.
• YES!
• Yes, they are all ours. We have been married for 22 years, but only have 11 kids to show for it.
• No..........I have two more at home! (When it fits)
• Well no they are not all " OURS" but in our hearts they are......
• Yes, and they're such good kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the kids love that one!)
• Of course they are..wait..who is that one?Hes not ours.....oh,yeah,#5,I forgot I had him.
• I don't know. How many do you count?
• Yes. But if you have any you don't want, I'll gladly take them, too
• i'm pregnant. I gave this response. Yes, and this one (pointed to my belly) is too.
• No. I've been an avid collector for years and just picked these up in the food court!
• Yes, at least that's what I tell my husband.
• Most of the time I only have my 7 youngest ones with me, so when someone asks this, I say yes and one of the younger ones will say and there are 4 more. Then we wait to see how long it takes to add 7+4. Then you should see the looks we get.
• While I was still in hospital after having our 5th, visiting hours were over and we were all standing near the elevator, I was holding the newest and the others were all crowded around, (they ranged from 2ys to 14y) a young girl (early 20s) was trying to wade through the crowd and said "are they all yours?" to which we responded "yes", she then pointed to my still rather large belly and said "and you are having another one?" less than 24 hours after having given birth! I think not!! anyway we had a good laugh. (cbrouse23)

Are you going to have more?

• Yes, we just enjoy sex soooooo much!
• Why do you want to know?
• Well, not today.
• We are trying to get into the Genisus Book of World Records of (add whatever here) most kids, largest family living in one house, etc.
• OH YES! I want to have a family bigger then the one in my favorite movie "Yours, Mine & Ours!" only (add a # here) to beat the 19 they had!!
• Yes, I always want just one more.
• Well, we do have a twelve passenger van.
• Check back in nine months and you'll see for yourself.

Don't you know what causes that?

• No, please tell me!
• Of course, don't you?
• Yes, we do know what causes that and we like it very much, thank you.
• Oh yes, we finally figured it out and we now keep the tooth brushes in seperate glasses!
• Oh yes, I now wash my husband's underwear seperately.
• Oh yes, having a great sex life!
• Water or sex but I don't want to give up either.
• Smile brightly and say with enthusiasm "Yes and we like it!"
• It's in the water. Would you like a glass?
• Yes and I know WHO causes it! God gave us these children!
• LOVE! An overabundance of love!!
• Yes,and as you only have two kids obviously you dont do it much.
• Yes, and it is something I am very good at...
• Of course, and the Lord has greatly blessed us!
• A strong husband/wife relationship, big hearts, and the Lord's blessing.

Are you going to get fixed?

• Nope, I am not broken!
• Why do you want to know?
• Huh, we thought everything was working fine for us!?!
• We didn't know anything was broken.
• Don't you only fix things that aren't working properly?
• Well as you can see be the size of OUR family everything is in working order. (You have to say this last one with the kinda "I'm not to bright so your question seems kinda foolish don't you think?" attitude.

Everyone has 24 hours in a day, it is just how you use it...

• With lots of patience, patience, patience
• go and look at them while they're sleeping. This reminds me of what sweet children of God they are and keeps me going!
• Oh, I just do it. Wake up in the morning, do what you have to do all day, go to bed when it's done. nt
• Pick your battles carefully. It helps to have selective sight and hearing!
• Don't sweat the small stuff.

Are you planning to have any more?

• I've been wondering about this and maybe you can explain it to me: I always thought you had to plan NOT to have more.
• Before we were married we planned on having 2, but I didn't know that my husband couldn't count!
• We didn't plan the first six, I don't think we'll plan the next six, either.

I hope you aren't planning to have anymore?!?

• You mean, I just figured out what I'm really, really good at, and you're telling me to stop doing it?
• Talk to God about it... it's up to Him.
• Well, we do have room in our van for 2 more.
• OK, I won't plan my next one. Surprises can be fun!
• Yup we are going to keep going till we get an ugly one.

Haven't you heard of birth control?

• Yes, and I thank God it doesn't always work!
• Yes, I've heard of it, I hope you are using it!
• (for dad) Yes, but I just can't find a rubber that will fit me!
• Oh yes, we do know what birth control is; it's for people who don't want children.

Don't you have a television?

• No, we have much better things to do at night!
• Yes 4 of them. Why?

How can you afford having so many?

• Lifestyles are expensive not kids.
• We're not on welfare, in huge amounts of debt, and no, my husband is not a doctor or lawyer. We just budget well.
• I figure you spend what you make, you may as well spend it on more.
• " You don't know my financial backer!" (Our God, of course)
• I'm still not sure how we do it...but it works!

Look at that double trouble! (for twins)

• No, they are double blessings!

I am glad it is you and not me!

• Yes, me too!
• My kids are glad it's me and not you too! ;-)
• Oh me too! I love being a mother! and smile real BIG!

Do you get any time for yourselves?

• Obviously we get a little time to ourselves, or we wouldn't have six kids.

Did you give birth to all of them?

• Yes, I gave birth to them all. Do you really believe the stork dropped them off?
• Yes, in my heart...... (for adoptive parents)

When people just keep staring at your family....

• No, we're not Catholic. No, we're not Mormon. or Yes we're Catholic & proud of it!
• Yes, they all are mine!
• No, we don't try to overpopulate the earth, just to out number the idiots!

Haven't You Had That Baby YET?!!?

• "YES. This is the NEXT ONE!!!!!!!!" See if that don't make their jaws drop!

 

[angelsamongus]

That is awesome! I cut and pasted it and emailed it to all my quiverfull friends. Thanks

 

[4EverChanged]

Wow. That's incredibly tough and hurtful. It's so irksome when people make such awful assumptions about you and you know that you could talk till you were blue in the face and you still couldn't make them understand. The only thing you can really do is pray for them. Here is a hug to make you feel better. And I would just like you to know that I admire you. I pray that when I am married and have children I can be as brave as you.

 

[Niffer]

Hubby and I want a large family - Lord willing around 5 or 6.
We were married 3 years before getting pregnant; we stopped using BC for about 6 months and got pregnant then.
So while I'm only pregnant with my first, and even though I'm 24 and have been married for years, I look fairly young.
I get lots of dirty looks and fake 'congrats' when people notice my belly.

I always end up having to say something like: "Yes, my husband and I are very excited."...etc etc.

And the childfree people are worse! They love to say things like: "why would you do that to yourself?!" and "This was planned???" *rolls eyes*

I have to say though if someone called me a "breeder" I'd tear 'em a new one...

-Niffer

 

[PegasusOnFire]

my parents live 900 miles away from us, hubby's parents live 0.6miles from us, they are ok with us having as many children as we want, my parents are against any "alternative" lifestyle that goes against their thinking, quiverfull does this. In fact this new baby has the nickname 7, as she is hubby's parents 7th grandchild, their lucky number and a holy number as well. It took 5 months for my parents to accept this grandchild, his parents were telling everyone they knew right after they found out we were expecting again. BTW my mother is against extended breastfeeding as well, she thinks 6 months is long enough.

I just had to LOL when I read this old post of mine. I am pregnant again, but this time my mom is all on board and telling everyone that she is having another grandbaby!

 

[Sabertooth]

...

I have to say though if someone called me a "breeder" I'd tear 'em a new one...

-Niffer

We are supposed to be breeders;
they are the ones who are out of step...!

GE 1:28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."

MAL 2:15 Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

And congratulations to you, POF!

 

[svl3p]

Congratulations POF

I've only ever gotten one hurtful comment about the size of our family..I was pregnant with my 3rd, and the other two were sitting quietly in the shopping cart..and a store worker said "And you want even more?!"

Oh well.

A couple of times I've been told "Better you than me"...and I have to bite my tongue to not reply back with "with that attitude, apparently so"