Rude statements

[KristiLee]

I'd like to respond, on the OTHER end of quiverfull (meaning I think we are about done versus moreso on the starting end). When our whole family goes out together there are 9 of us..and 10 with my DIL who's more like a daughter. We are a very close, very happy family--but I do know what you mean! People look at us with that STUNNED look in their eye and say, "Are they ALL YOURS"??

I guess for some reason you're only supposed to have 2.5 kids! heehee

Don't let it discourage you too badly. They will never know the joy of 25 people at the dining room table for Thanksgiving--all your family. They will never know the joy of an older sibling helping a younger sibling and being proud of themselves for it. They will NEVER have the sheer joy of hearing seven children roar with laughter when they give you a surprise birthday party that really surprises you! YOU WILL.

((hugz))

~~FaithfulWife

Beautiful!! Thank you so much for your encouragement!

 

[Scottish Joy]

Lots of people give dirty looks, lots of people have rude remarks..
my mom just says "If I wanted your opinion/comments, I'd ask for em"... and goes on...

I love that! My Mom's gotten her share of nasty comments too... and I remember people coming up to me when I was a teenager, in the grocery store with three small children (littlest brothers and sisters) and making a remark- and I just LOVED making their jaw drop by saying something like, "Oh but this isn't all of them, there are four more at home."

"Oh we're just getting our family started - we plan to have many, many more babies before we're done. That's why we started so young." Bet that would make the jaws drop.

Lol! I'm lovin, it...

I've always been shocked at how many people have no filter on their mouths when it comes to pregnancy and the number of children someone else has.

Another comment I get pretty often: Don't you know what causes that? Answer: "Yes! We do! and obviously we like it!" or "No, what?"

ROFL!!!

I'd like to respond, on the OTHER end of quiverfull (meaning I think we are about done versus moreso on the starting end). When our whole family goes out together there are 9 of us..and 10 with my DIL who's more like a daughter. We are a very close, very happy family--but I do know what you mean! People look at us with that STUNNED look in their eye and say, "Are they ALL YOURS"??

I guess for some reason you're only supposed to have 2.5 kids! heehee

Don't let it discourage you too badly. They will never know the joy of 25 people at the dining room table for Thanksgiving--all your family. They will never know the joy of an older sibling helping a younger sibling and being proud of themselves for it. They will NEVER have the sheer joy of hearing seven children roar with laughter when they give you a surprise birthday party that really surprises you! YOU WILL.

((hugz))

~~FaithfulWife

Absolutely! My grandparents used to kinda give my Mom & Dad a hard time about having 8 kids. I've noticed that over the years they seem to have gotten prouder and prouder of us though... Enough so that, last time we were all together, my Pop (grandpa) was saying grace, and he said something like, "Thank you for this wonderful large family that I started." (he has 3 kids) - and my Great-grandma popped right up and said "No you didn't, I did!" right in the middle of the prayer! Really about 75% of the grandchild population is a result of my Mom & Dad, but it did me good to hear the older ones so thankful for us that they were arguing about who started it! Especially considering some of the rude remarks my Mom was subjected to back when she was having babies...

 

[KristiLee]

I don't call myself "Quiver Full" but I agree with all the same concepts of children as blessings. Dh and I do not space or use bc. Dh and I came to this conviction before we found out there was actually a movement regarding it! haha

I think what's hardest for me is that since we only have 2 small children people don't think (I think that is what it boils down to haha) and start talking nasty and negative about large families to us like we will chime in.

Depending on the circumstance I'll smile and keep quiet, or I'll say something smart like "I'm just glad my mom didn't stop... otherwise I wouldn't be here." (Mom had 9 babies; 6 survived) or "I think it is great that these people are standing up for what they believe in no matter what people think of them. They clearly have strong convictions!" It always causes people to stop in their tracks in surprise or will slightly nod their heads to the side with a clear look of "Hmm.. didn't think of it in that light."

I just don't think most people think the next thought... not very many praying like Nehemiah did in 2:1-10 before they speak. For he, in the midst of his conversation with the king, prayed for what to say next. I think the more people who did this, the less foolish things would come out of their mouth!

 

[unpardoned1]

I know three children is hardly a quiverful, but when my dh told his boss that I was having number 3, he asked him if we used birth control.

 

[KristiLee]

The Hebrew word for "hearts" is kardia and it's from the root word, meaning "to quiver" or "to palpitate". Therefore we can conclude that our hearts are full with no matter how many children we are blessed with. I always think of the common thing people say when having a new baby -that they don't know how they can love another child as they do the ones they have... but they always do.

Quiverfull, is just a fancy way of saying heart-full. That just looks different for each person. If the Lord only gives you one child -is not the heart still full? My heart certainly is with my three and I have yet to meet one of them!!

 

[sweetangelmum]

I have it all the time with 4 kids. especially with them all being under 5 years.

At times it can be very hurtful but I think as my mum points out you can only let things affect you if you believe it.

I start to laugh things off now.

 

[Leanna]

I have it all the time with 4 kids. especially with them all being under 5 years.

At times it can be very hurtful but I think as my mum points out you can only let things affect you if you believe it.

I start to laugh things off now.

so tell me, how do you do it? how do you stay sane with the noise and activity level of 4 under 5..... and how do you deal with so many that need you because they are so young all at once?

 

[sweetangelmum]

so tell me, how do you do it? how do you stay sane with the noise and activity level of 4 under 5..... and how do you deal with so many that need you because they are so young all at once?

It is amazing and at times I do go a little but God has blessed me. I also have had God lay on my heart to homeschool and have more kids. So my house will never be quiet but I know that God is in full swing control.

On the needs it is amazing but I often times will get everything done and have time like now to sit. Organisation and letting go of somethings is important.

I have never been sane.lol

 

[KristiLee]

It is amazing and at times I do go a little but God has blessed me. I also have had God lay on my heart to homeschool and have more kids. So my house will never be quiet but I know that God is in full swing control.

On the needs it is amazing but I often times will get everything done and have time like now to sit. Organisation and letting go of somethings is important.

I have never been sane.lol

Bless you sweetie. You're such an encouragement.

 

[Alexus]

Reading this post and others in the Quiverfull section has been such an eyeopener for me. I have always thought of children as blessings but have been guilty of saying things about large families (6+ kids) and thought they were perhaps just being irresponsible with bc.

I am so sorry for any comments I have made in the past to people I've met over my lifetime. I really regret them. I never saw large families as examples of people putting their trust in God. It shows a real leap of faith that God will provide and I have to admire those of you who do it. I don't think I could be that strong.

I'm also really sorry that your neighbours were so blatently rude to you. I've also had comments about looking so young and having a toddler and a baby at the same time so I can understand how you must have felt.

<big hugs>

 

[Pinki]

I am guilty of being one of those judgemental types. Maybe not in the same league as your neighbours, but I have judged harshly none the less.

I really don't understand how people can be "ready" to have lots of babies at a "young" age. Perhaps that is pure jealousy because at 18 (or even 28 for that matter), I wasn't in a position to have children (I was single). Or perhaps it was because I lacked the maturity to handle so many kids at a young age.

I am now (almost) 34, with just 2 kids, and a desire for more (although I am a careful planner and user of BC). Most of my friends have 2 kids and wouldn't dream of another. My sister has told me that if she fell pregnant again (she has 2 kids and doesn't exactly live a Christian life in any way, shape or form at the moment), then she would seriously consider an abortion. Most of my friends (and some of my family) think I am stark raving mad to consider having another child - partly because I have had such bad morning sickness for the entire 40 week durations of my previous pregnancies, and partly because they think that 2 kids is MORE than enough in today's society.

I am torn... I have not had the conviction that many of you have had, to stop using BC. I can't see that happening (although it might). I really want to have more children of my own, yet I am afraid of another pregnancy that involves such awful, and debilitating sickness (to do more than lie on the couch and moan is near impossible some days - I don't know if/how I would manage to cloth and feed the kids I have now). I would like to "wait" and have more kids later, but I am afraid of the added risks that are involved with being an older mum.

Sorry - just some of my thoughts and ponderings.

In response to the OP - I would invite your neighbours (who obviously have plenty of time on their hands) to feel free to come and assist you with your yard if they do not like the way it looks!

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Coming from a quiver full family myself (parents have eight kids; I'm second oldest), I've never encountered people as rude as the two you're mentioned. Actually, people have been very positive and happy for my family. Yes, they're usually shocked but shocked in a positive way.

Ironically, the doctors told my mom on two separate occasions that she would never have kids (once before she had any, and another time after she had three of us). So much for doctors >.<

 

[coffeegal]

over the years i've had my full of are they all yours? boy you have your hands full, you do know how this happens- ummm i thought it was the toothbrushes, so we stopped sharing and it is still happening.

recently our chiro who is also a friend and his son plays baseball with our son asked in front of said boys and boys baseball coach- you do know how that happens. to which my husband respond- well when you do something 6 times a week you increase your odds. :o needless to say coach (who is engaged) and chrio were rather

the one i get the most is- so are you done? i usually just respond- that is up to God.

 

[Called2Grace]

Since finding out that I am pregnant with number two, and finding out that it is a boy (I already have a girl) I have had quite a few people tell me that I can "stop" now that I have one of each.

I just can't see how it is anyone's business but mine and my DH's!

I just laugh and say that I want a heap of kids, mostly they laugh as well and it is ok, but one time I encountered this, the couple I was speaking to went on about how these days you can't afford more than one child etc. They were dead serious about how we can't have any more.

And these people were relations that this will be the second time I have seen them since DH and I were married!!

I just think that as far as pregnancy, children and parenthood is concerned, people seem to think that they have a right to actually dictate what you do!
It really baffles me!

DH who only wanted one, maybe two children has warmed to the idea of having another one, and possibly a fourth. So I figure the more I talk about it, the more he will adjust to it

We aren't exactly quiverful though, and basically DH will sneeze at me and I will concieve, but I am wanting to have lots of kids!

 

[Assisi]

DH who only wanted one, maybe two children has warmed to the idea of having another one, and possibly a fourth. So I figure the more I talk about it, the more he will adjust to it

I think husbands' ideas tend to change towards more children as the family grows. I remember my cousin wanted several children and her husband only wanted one. By the time she was 30 weeks pregnant with #1 he was bugging her for more. Some of my aunts' families have been like this too. I always would wonder how they could resolve such differences. But over time, the husbands decided they wanted more.

 

[Called2Grace]

It only really happened once I was pregnant with this one
He was a bit freaked out about how he would love another as much as he loves DD.
That seems to be a common fear, although I haven't had it myself yet. I'm trying to get over the freak out about birth first!

 

[homeofmew]

lol sorry you went through that no child is a mistake.
sometimes people are mean like that even in church ;/
*hugs*

 

[EmilyF]

I am by no means quiverfull (though I do not think that my way is the only way) but I read this thread because I have had my own personal hurtful comments directed at me.
My husband and I are done making babies. We do plan to adopt in 5 or so years but probably only once. I get the opposite. I get fairly constant criticism on having a hard time having only two, I get a LOT of "Oh, you'll change your mind."
I did have two different people comment on being pregnant AGAIN with my second. I was nice to both. When the second insinuated that pregnancy had ruined my body I was not so nice.
Her: "I'm not having kids. I don't want to ruin my body." Pointedly looks at me.
Me: "Oh honey, believe me you have nothing to worry about."

I guess my point is that people like to bring others' choices down no matter what they are. Those people in the OP were unspeakably rude. I agree with "killing them with kindness" and with asking them to help if they are really concerned about the state of your yard.

 

[ChristianMama84]

I doubt I'll have much trouble from family, but am curious if the churches around here will care- we live in a heavily populated Mennonite community.

 

[PastorJim]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I have had people ask me if all the children with me are mine, and after I answer yes, they respond with "don't you know what causes that?" I simply can't believe the nerve of some people.

That's an old joke. I'm sure they're not trying to be offensive. I think everybody has said something they thought was really clever, but once they said it, thought, "I can't believe I just said that". I'd give them the benefit of the doubt.