Frustrated at the Dating Pool I’m in

[Lybrah]

I’m really not attracted to any of the men who want to date me. It’s pretty much over since I’m 44 and the only guys who will date me are the old guys, the divorced, or the never-married such as myself. At the same time, I’m losing my looks as well.

Right now I’m forcing myself to talk to a man who is not attractive and he’s annoying. He keeps bringing up the same topics and asking the same questions in each phone call. He wants to meet in person and I’m okay with that but then he’s going to start touching me and wanting to kiss. I can’t win!

 

[bèlla]

What type of man are you naturally attracted to? How can you say how he’ll behave if you’ve never met?

For what its worth, I’m in my forties and my companion is in his thirties. We have an age gap but he fits me to a tee. I gave up height (6ft or better) but I got everything else and a Southern gentleman to boot.

If you see the connection through negative eyes, how will it last? Do you really want to date or are you killing time?

~Bella

 

[Occams Barber]

I’m really not attracted to any of the men who want to date me. It’s pretty much over since I’m 44 and the only guys who will date me are the old guys, the divorced, or the never-married such as myself. At the same time, I’m losing my looks as well.

If you take the "old guys, the divorced, or the never-married" out of your preference pool that leaves you with just married young men.

Are you sure that's what you meant?

Right now I’m forcing myself to talk to a man who is not attractive and he’s annoying. He keeps bringing up the same topics and asking the same questions in each phone call. He wants to meet in person and I’m okay with that but then he’s going to start touching me and wanting to kiss. I can’t win!

You're forcing yourself to talk with this unattractive, annoying person but you're happy to meet in person but you've already decided that he's physically offputting?

Frankly Lybrah you appear to be all over the place on this.

OB

 

[Lybrah]

What type of man are you naturally attracted to? How can you say how he’ll behave if you’ve never met?

For what its worth, I’m in my forties and my companion is in his thirties. We have an age gap but he fits me to a tee. I gave up height (6ft or better) but I got everything else and a Southern gentleman to boot.

If you see the connection through negative eyes, how will it last? Do you really want to date or are you killing time?

~Bella

Is that picture of yours real? You have to be gorgeous to get a young guy.

 

[Lybrah]

If you take the "old guys, the divorced, or the never-married" out of your preference pool that leaves you with just married young men.

Are you sure that's what you meant?



You're forcing yourself to talk with this unattractive, annoying person but you're happy to meet in person but you've already decided that he's physically offputting?

Frankly Lybrah you appear to be all over the place on this.

OB

I guess I want to give his enough of a chance instead of writing him off quickly.

 

[bèlla]

You don’t need to be gorgeous. But you need common sense and a reasonable mind.

No one should be saddled with foolishness with either sex.

~Bella

 

[Occams Barber]

I guess I want to give his enough of a chance instead of writing him off quickly.

Based on your post it appears that you've already written him off. There's nothing wrong with deciding this man isn't your type, but I wonder who's ego is being served (his or yours) by dragging the relationship on given your obvious distaste.

OB

 

[JAM2b]

Is that picture of yours real? You have to be gorgeous to get a young guy.

No you don't.

43 year old female here, and I've got to say, you need to freshen up your perspective on yourself and stop assuming what men of any age would think of you. 40-something is not old. There are people who want someone in their age group, and they have good reasons for that, but there are others who don't care about age.

There are some people, both men and women, who are superficial and only want someone they think is attractive. However, I think a majority of people want someone they can relate to and share a mutual respect and caring with, in whatever way that works for them.

I want to point out that one of you complaints about men who are options for you is that some of them are old. I think maybe you displace some of your own issues on to other people, assume they will think like you do.

If you know you don't want physical interaction with a man, you need to say that upfront. Enforce that boundary. If you don't trust them to respect that, then you should not spend time with them.

I'm going to say something that might be hurtful, but I think it needs to be said. It is wrong to lead someone on that you clearly don't want. You should leave this man alone and let him find someone who can enjoy his company.

 

[bèlla]

I’ve never met a woman who emphasized attractiveness who didn’t crave male attention. Most want to be desired. They feed on recognition not companionship.

~Bella

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I’m really not attracted to any of the men who want to date me. It’s pretty much over since I’m 44 and the only guys who will date me are the old guys, the divorced, or the never-married such as myself.

On the never married men, you're never married too. So...I can see that would be the best option since you can relate?

At the same time, I’m losing my looks as well.

THat's not uncommon at that age, it's the nature of the beast.

Right now I’m forcing myself to talk to a man who is not attractive and he’s annoying. He keeps bringing up the same topics and asking the same questions in each phone call. He wants to meet in person and I’m okay with that but then he’s going to start touching me and wanting to kiss. I can’t win!

Um, of course he wants to meet in person. Why would he not?

Frankly Lybrah you appear to be all over the place on this.

Yep!

No offense, but I have to say, the jist I'm getting from this post is that it's you really. Your post makes no sense.

 

[bèlla]

No offense, but I have to say, the jist I'm getting from this post is that it's you really. Your post makes no sense.

The OP can’t attract her standard. That’s the problem. The men she finds appealing aren’t approaching. The alternative is unacceptable. That’s her quandary.

~Bella

 

[ThisIsMe123]

The OP can’t attract her standard. That’s the problem. The men she finds appealing aren’t approaching. The alternative is unacceptable. That’s her quandary.

~Bella

She hasn't stated what is it she doesn't find appealing about them? The worry of meeting in person and she's thinking too far ahead about physical affection.

 

[bèlla]

She hasn't stated what is it she doesn't find appealing about them? The worry of meeting in person and she's thinking too far ahead about physical affection.

Her posts have a theme. She’s not attracted to her suitors and most want physical intimacy too soon. She feels age is a detriment and hinders her options.

There are many references to aesthetics. The assumption of diminishing appeal for women over forty. I’m uncertain if worth is tied to physical attraction in her mind.

I think there’s too much emphasis on the physical and a lack of understanding about the qualities that seal the deal and hold a man’s attention long-term.

~Bella

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Her posts have a theme. She’s not attracted to her suitors and most want physical intimacy too soon. She feels age is a detriment and hinders her options.

There are many references to aesthetics. The assumption of diminishing appeal for women over forty. I’m uncertain if worth is tied to physical attraction in her mind.

I think there’s too much emphasis on the physical and a lack of understanding about the qualities that seal the deal and hold a man’s attention long-term.

~Bella

Oh, I don't know the theme of her posts. Never seen this until now. What is "attractive"in her eyes? Is she aiming outside of her expectations? Some tend to do that and if Mr. tall, dark, and handsome doesn't cut it, well...she'll remain single. There's something out there about if you have more than 5 deal breakers, then you should date a robot. lol. An author I read said that out of so many men and women surveyed, women, who had their list vs men who had their list of criteria and/or deal breakers. When asked about if they could compromise on said criteria/deal breakers...they said they'd give up a couple just for the sake of companionship.
The women didn't budge...and their lists were much longer.

 

[bèlla]

Oh, I don't know the theme of her posts. Never seen this until now.

I look at older threads on occasion.

What is "attractive"in her eyes? Is she aiming outside of her expectations? Some tend to do that and if Mr. tall, dark, and handsome doesn't cut it, well...she'll remain single.

I don't believe she's spelled it out in a post. I think a holistic approach is best. But you need a clear idea of your appeal from a man's perspective. That can't come from friends. You need honest feedback from prospects. That gives you an idea of your strengths and weaknesses from their vantage point.

There's something out there about if you have more than 5 deal breakers, then you should date a robot. lol. An author I read said that out of so many men and women surveyed, women, who had their list vs men who had their list of criteria and/or deal breakers. When asked about if they could compromise on said criteria/deal breakers...they said they'd give up a couple just for the sake of companionship.
The women didn't budge...and their lists were much longer.

The better option is only a factor if you can snag it. I don't view that from deservedness. Rather, what am I adding to the picture which justifies the necessity for a different suitor? It needs to make practical sense and can't hail from ego.

You have to satisfy the 'what's in it for me' question for the other person. And the theory must be proven. Meaning, you routinely attract individuals with the qualities you're seeking. Desiring him isn't enough. He has to reciprocate.

This is where many mess up. They get an idea in their head and stick with it. Even though the facts say otherwise. They hinge their happiness on hope instead of rational action.

~Bella