asking question? venting? what do I call this?

[BethShalom]

my brother's best friend, and my good friend too...HE used to have a thing for me. and one BAD decision ended with me and the friend(John) hooking up. after that, we hooked up a couple more times, but I told him it was wrong to do it that way. we weren't dating, and I was sneaking out of my house at 3am to meet up with him. And because I didn't think I was anything to him. And he didn't treat me as anything more than a friend. so I stopped it. I wasn't his girl friend or anything, but I did feel something for him. A couple days later he comes over and says that he has a girl friend named Bethany, which is also my name. And I have to say...My heart broke. I was nothing more than I booty call; if that's what you want to call it. And it hurt that he could have a girl friend just days after me... it makes you feel so used up. now I don't know how to act around him. or how to treat his girl friend. How can you go back to the way it used to be when we were friends. How can I let go of my hearts hurt and accept his new Girl friend

 

[ALiberalTeen]

Tell yourself it's fine and you'll get your own BF soon enough, be glad for him, pray to god for the strength if you need to.

 

[Idratherstayanonymous]

Hang out with friends, they tend to help you forgetting stuff, and make you happy again .

 

[S53]

^Rockin the screename.

 

[BethShalom]

=] thanks. I mean his girl friend is actually nice and kinda cool. and my one really good friend just doesn't get why it's weird for me.
But I don't like to live life with regrets, instead I learn from my mistakes. so what I learned was...Don't just be with someone. don't give away your heart so fast. make sure you know that they are willing to meet you half way.
"Above all else, Gaurd your heart" <~ So true...
I'm trying to slowly get over it, hang out with people who know how to make me feel good. I can't just ignore it, I have to face it. *sigh* it's just really weird because he and his new Gorl friend are also going on vacation with me and my family in july, and she is sleeping in my room...it's weird...

 

[ALiberalTeen]

lol...sounds werid, but you'll get through it

 

[BethShalom]

lol it's very weird. I'll be glad when everything can be some what normal again.
Idk...as I start taking steps back, and just letting it go, I'm starting to realize people around me. like my best mate Joe, who is there for me all the time without even having to know what's going on with me

 

[ALiberalTeen]

That''s good. Now just stop worrying about it

 

[BethShalom]

yup. I know. I'm setting aside what I feel about it. and I'm getting to know her by myself.

 

[tpk]

Hey I know your 17 and will make your own decisions, but I have a suggestion. Before getting the "Boyfriend/Girlfriend" status, why not just start out as friends? The status of being someone's girlfriend only makes it more likely to break up. But as friends, you can still hang out and have fun together and get to know each other. When you know each other, then you can go a bit further. Otherwise, generally you're just choosing someone based on looks and whatever other people say about them, which may or may not actually be true.

Anyway, in theory it works great. I don't actually have a girlfriend and never have, and I have a lot of friends that are girls that I haven't ever had to "break up" with. So it works for me. When I feel like I know someone and like someone enough to take it a step further, I might just do so. But for now, I'm content just being friends. Because then, there's no jealousy and no unreasonable expectations for each other which will only lead to you breaking up in the end.

Does this make sense?

EDIT: OK I realize this wasn't the only question asked, so let me get to the other part. I'd suggest getting to know his current girlfriend before judging her. She probably feels just as awkward around the previous girlfriend (you) as you do around the new girlfriend (her). Of course, as a guy, I'm not the best advice giver in this category. I'm just trying to help as best I can.

 

[BethShalom]

lol. Yes I know what you're saying. For me Dating or having a boyfriend isn't a big thing. I'm just really good friends with alot of guys, just because that's my personality. I get along better with guys. I was great friends with this guy since...for about 12 years, then like I said, bad choices were made at a party one night. NOO SEX! Thank goodness!

His current Girl friend does not know that he and I had a thing before. And I have no intention of telling her. I did have a good conversation with Him though last night, and we have an understanding. He and I are trying to get back as good friends, even though he's a good 3 to 4 years older. I'm trying to get to know her. I don't want to lose his friendship, and I don't want any of us to feel weird because he has a girlfriend.

I'm 17...I'm just going to concentrate as much as I can on college

 

[tpk]

Yes, school should be a priority. You have time later to focus on relationships, but I find that intimate relationships like boyfriends/girlfriends get in the way and cause people to lose focus. That's another reason I am not really interested in a girlfriend at the moment, even though a bunch of the guys at my school have trouble understanding that.

 

[BethShalom]

yup! Alot of kids in my schools...they don't really beleive in relationships. they just like..well sleeping with guys/girls or making out with them. and I don't really understand why they do that. and they don't understand why I wont do it

 

[tpk]

it's all based on what you believe a relationship is for. Most of todays youth believe that a relationship is based on physical attraction. Now I am generalizing, so I do realize that not everyone thinks this way. But anyway, when you have a relationship based on attraction, it is only going to fail. There's no way around it. Eventually the other person will become used up and not be as gratifying to you as they once were. So the only way to go from there is to break up (or if you're married, get a divorce).

However, if you base your relationship on what love truly is (not the world's perception of love, which is for the most part just physical attraction), then you'll succeed. Not saying it won't be hard, but that it will work if you're willing to put some time into it.

As my father puts it, a relationship should consist of 200&#37;... each person puts in 100%. Also he says that 1 + 1 = 1, not 2. When you're married, you become 1.

Anyway, enough preaching.

 

[BethShalom]

I like your father's saying. though I heard it a little different before. it went something like. we are all a half of a whole person. 1/2 +1/2= 1. And you keep taking a point off for every person you're with. Get it? it's hard for me to right out.

I think a relationship should be based on friendship, because if you cannot be friends with the person, what can you be? I mean...for a relationship I kind of look at the way my parents were. They grew up and knew each other's their whole lives, and when my dad was 18 and my mom 17, they got married. But that's years of friendship before they were married.
I think that is awesome. And they have been married for over 30 years

 

[tpk]

That's a good way of looking at it. I always hear adults talking about their spouses about them being their best friends. So yes, friendship should be the basis. So like I was saying earlier in this thread, you should just be friends at first, and then when you're both ready, take it to the next step instead of just starting out with a status that is just ready to be broken.

 

[BethShalom]

yeah...plus I'd rather have their friendship over any type of relationship.