The Outgoing Girl vs. The Shy Girl

[leothelioness]

This is an excerpt from an article by author Elizabeth Wurtzel:

I am a hopeless, shameless flirt. I wish I were shyly, quietly intriguing, like Jaqueline Bouvier Kennedy, like someone French and fashionable who knows how to twirl her ladylike locks just so and walk adroitly on kitten heels, who is all gesture and whisper-- but I am unfortunately forward and forthright: When I am interested in a man, he absolutely knows it.

I found this article interesting. It's funny because I have had someone tell me that they wished they were more shy and mysterious like me. They hated being so outgoing and flirty. On the other hand, I wish that I weren't so shy and that I was more outgoing and flirty. It would be so much easier for me to let a guy know I'm interested.

I think it's funny how we are never satisfied with the way we are, we always want to be like someone else. As a shy person, it baffles me why anyone would want to be shy rather than outgoing and forthright.

Guys, do you prefer the outgoing types or the shy types? Why or why not?

 

[Sketcher]

Well, I'm shy.

The advantage of outgoing women is that it's easier to talk to them. The disadvantage is it's harder to interpret their intentions. And that puts me on edge.

With a shy woman, it's easier to interpret her intentions, but the downside is that when you have two shy people on a date, that date can get awkward and boring pretty fast.

 

[timbo81]

shy for me

cause it's my personality.

outgoing loud type girls seem to be less content with what they have and are more shallow imo.

 

[Tenken07]

For me.......... I dunno. beats the heck out of me. Never actually been on a date..... or ever had a relationship with anyone.

I view myself as more shy and passive, and not that outgoing. As a result I never figured out how to initiate relationships..... of any kind really. Always needed someone to come up and say hi.

 

[K9_Trainer]

shy for me

cause it's my personality.

outgoing loud type girls seem to be less content with what they have and are more shallow imo.

Thats a pretty big generalization to make right there ^

 

[Super Kal]

maybe a combination of both... outgoing in some areas, and shy in other areas

 

[timbo81]

Thats a pretty big generalization to make right there ^

eh not really. I've always found the loud girls are always the ones who make the biggest drama out of everything.

 

[SonicBOOM]

"to thine own self be true"

 

[radhead]

A woman needs to be somewhat outgoing. That's sort of a female trait in itself. Men are more typically introverted. I am introverted but can be quite talkative if I'm with someone who is either a little more outgoing or is intelligent. Or if they are naturally friendly, the introversion is okay.

If I have trouble talking with someone face to face, then that's a sign there is something wrong with that person's personality.

 

[lozzie]

A woman needs to be somewhat outgoing. That's sort of a female trait in itself. Men are more typically introverted. I am introverted but can be quite talkative if I'm with someone who is either a little more outgoing or is intelligent. Or if they are naturally friendly, the introversion is okay.

Is there a difference between talkative, outgoing and introverted though?

I'm a huge introvert who will be pretty quiet in group situations, but one on one I am an exceedingly talkative person. I don;t think I'm outgoing but I will make an effort to talk to a new person at work/church because if I was in that situation I'd want someone to talk to me.

Around lots of new people I feel on edge though... although perhaps that has something to do with me being a people claustrophobe, not sure!

 

[mina]

"to thine own self be true"

yep! I'm quiet and spent most of my life wanting to be someone else. But, i've found in later years that it's better to just be yourself- the best you that you can be. God didn't make everyone to be exactly the same. I'm totally content being who God made me to be. I'll never be the loud loud girl, and I really don't want to be. Embrace and be simply you.

 

[Wren]

I'm shy and hate it. My sister is outgoing and I'm absolutely positive that she has no desire to be shy. It's harder for a shy person to get a job (especially with the necessity of building networks), making friends, and in dating. For women being shy sucks because we are expected to be social creatures. It sucks for men because they are expected to be assertive and some macho definition of manly.

I'd prefer to date a shy guy. He'd be more like me, where as an outgoing guy would probably see me as strange.

 

[K9_Trainer]

eh not really. I've always found the loud girls are always the ones who make the biggest drama out of everything.

I can understand that, quiet ones are going to be less likely to make a big deal out of their problems, they internalize them.

I'm loud and outgoing, but my personality is quite mellow and laid back. I don't "act out" unless I have a darn good reason to, usually if people are being wronged.

 

[Blank123]

eh not really. I've always found the loud girls are always the ones who make the biggest drama out of everything.

shy girls can be just as prone to drama, the world may not know about it but those in her close circle will definitely know just depends largely on their personalities.

 

[Redstiletto]

I am both.

There are times I can be very shy, timid and introverted.
But othertimes, especially when I am with friends or doing my job (which requires me to be) I can be very outgoing.

 

[IamHeather]

I'm shy and hate it. My sister is outgoing and I'm absolutely positive that she has no desire to be shy. It's harder for a shy person to get a job (especially with the necessity of building networks), making friends, and in dating. For women being shy sucks because we are expected to be social creatures. It sucks for men because they are expected to be assertive and some macho definition of manly.

I'd prefer to date a shy guy. He'd be more like me, where as an outgoing guy would probably see me as strange.

Tis true. I do not have a shy bone in my body and I quite like it that way. I am totally comfortable talking to anyone, anytime, anywhere. I strike up conversations with strangers all the time and make friends easy. I am also a natural flirt, though it does not seem to be really helping me at the moment. I need another outgoing guy, or at least a guy that I can draw out so that we can have nice conversations.

 

[Blank123]

I am both.

There are times I can be very shy, timid and introverted.
But othertimes, especially when I am with friends or doing my job (which requires me to be) I can be very outgoing.

same here. i even describe myself as outgoingly shy

 

[skysthelimit]

Both, but I lean towards the shy side more. I like someone that's reserved and quiet but still fun to be around and social.

 

[GQ Chris]

I like shy girls that open up after breaking the ice with her.

 

[Bitnd12]

Blind post.

I'm quite introverted and I usually have a very good intuition about people in general, so I can sort of pick out people that I'll be able to "jive" with after a little observation. I observe before I act/speak. Socially, I guess that translates into being shy. Being around a ton of people leaves me mentally and physically drained because I observe first and when it's time to talk, I still need time to digest what I've learned. I take in everything before doing almost anything. Most of the time, I'd even go as far as to say that I hate parties, big gatherings or even family events (though I'm not close with my family at all. I don't feel comfortable with them. If I had my own family - a spouse, children - I'm fairly certain that I'd want to be with them as much as possible.)

One-on-one or with a small group of friends, I thrive. I'm witty and talkative. I'm infamous for helping friends solve their problems, make sense of things, etc. I love talking about what I know, my life experiences and things that are intellectual or abstract. My friends come to me when they don't feel like "going out" but instead want a "chill night." But in group settings, I become too self-aware and it hinders how I interact with those around me. I can assimilate fairly well if the group isn't ridiculous and the setting is, say, a campfire as opposed to a night club. Other than that though, I'll pass.

So, I guess I'm the "shy" girl?

FYI, I'm an INFJ.