what's the deal with divorce and the bible?

[lavendar]

ve been brought up in a half christian not so happy home. My mother started going to church and walking with christ when my sister was about six years old. I do not like the way my father treats us. He has cheated, drinks, stays out all the time, bad with money always arguining etc. To us the girls he is selfish, manipulative, self centered, controlling and treats us like a retirement fund. (Bridal price is practiced in my culture).

It would not be a surprise to us children if he turned out to have another family girlfriend or children somewhere.

I am in my twenties now, and having private counselling for various personal reasons. One of the things that I have noticed is I have somewhat lost faith in God. I find myself sometimes coming back to God expecting an answer, but I get so angry when I see my mother stayed married to him all these years and how it has affected us children. I remember praying many times when I was younger hoping that they could finally divorce and so we could be at peace. I don't understand why God did not answer, why if he loves us and my mother so much, why he let my mother stay in such a toxic relationship. So thinking maybe someone here might relate or see something that I do not see, why do "God serving women stay in toxic relationship and what does the bible say about divorce?

I know some of you might say she did it for us, but to be honest with you, I think we would have had a much better life if they had separated a long time ago. Its one thing to have a father and another thing to have a father that is present. I know the difference because the latter is what I wish I had.

 

[JAM2b]

This was posted almost a year ago. I'm so sorry there was no replies.

I feel the same pain and confusion you do. My mother stayed married to my father who was terrible to us, and unfaithful. She, however, had her own bad behaviors and contributed to the marital and family strife. Part of her contribution was keeping us exposed to him. She did separate from him several times while I was growing up, but she would always go back to him and bring us with her, even in the face of his obvious, admitted, unapologetic, and unrepented adultery. After I was grown, she did divorce him when she reach a point that she wanted to give up.

I have often questioned, if she had a better character and was more responsible, and cared more about our wellbeing than herself, would she have divorced? Would things have turned out less damaging? Would divorce had been a lesser of two evils?

But the fact is that isn't what happened. She stayed with him, allowed him to abuse us and her, and also abused us herself. We have to live with the outcomes that occurred in reality, not what we wish had happened. Focusing on the "what ifs" does not bring healing. We can only grieve what we were deprived of, healthy, stable families and upbringing. Learn from the bad choices that parents made. Choose to move forward with a healthy and responsible life.

This healing phase can take years, maybe a life time. I'm still in it, and still have a counselor for it, even after 20 years of being out from under my parents' roof. It takes a while. It's ok if it takes a long time because the damage is deep and traumatic, and occurred during developing years of our lives. If you rush it, then you don't get true or adequate healing. You just get coping skills, which are great and absolutely needed. But coping skills are not the same thing as healing.

 

[If Not For Grace]

People sometimes seem to get sideways on "vows" they forget that they most likely promised to

Love, HONOR & Cherish...til death does them part...most people don't seem to understand that if they don't/can't do that their vows are already broken..

It's not about staying together (tenants in common) just sharing space. Marriage is about a union. Unions are partnerships of "unity" and bickering and abuse has no part in it. My question to people is are you REALLY..married? There is more than one way to "live in sin"..

God hates divorce..this is true for He hates the pain and suffering that His children go through as a marriage deteriorates. it's not like it is a sin that is worse than some other and The Good News is that God forgives our sins and remembers them no more. The sin is in breaking the vow..not dissolving the marriage.