The Great Manger Mystery

[Kaylee4Christ]

Five unsuspecting animals enter their barn after a hard day in the yard, only to find a baby lying in their food trough. But who is he? And where did he come from? Is it a conspiracy ... or something far greater?

Starring: Sheep, Camel, Donkey, Ox, Chicken.

Props: Animal masks, signs around neck, manger, baby doll, hay etc.



Part I
Tired animals enter the scene of the crime.

Sheep: Phew, I’m exhausted!

Donkey: Time to hit the hay.

Ox: Time to eat the hay, I’m starving.

Chicken: I’m so hungry I could eat a horse!

Donkey: Don’t even joke about that.

Sheep: Hey donkey, I noticed you carrying in a couple of humans back there. I bet they’re all curled up, snug and cosy in their little hotel room by now.

Donkey: What about it?

Camel: (To chicken) Tell me the truth, is this thing on my back getting bigger?

Chicken shrugs.

Ox: (Examining manger) Er, fellas …

Sheep: Well, I can't help but notice that those humans get all the creature comforts, while we’re cooped up in the barn like animals.

Donkey: We are animals.

Sheep: You’re missing my whole point here.

Camel: (To chicken) You'd tell me, wouldn't you?

Ox: (Getting anxious) Fellas …

Sheep: It’s your typical ‘I’m too good for the barn’ mentality that’s making this country the segregated regime that it is. You know these humans have been pulling the wool over our eyes for too long.

Ox: (Trembling) There’s something in the manger!

Donkey: You know you’re right. Just once I’d like to see one of them out here in the barn on a cold night.

Sheep: Now your talking.

Donkey: I lugged that fat lady all the way from Nazareth, and what have I got to show for it?

Ox: WILL SOMEBODY LISTEN TO ME!

They all turn around.

Animals: What?

Ox: Something’s swimming in our food!

Animals: WHAT!

Donkey: You’re smelling things.

Ox: I’m telling you, it’s right here in black and white for all to see!

Sheep: Let me see that … well call me Little Bo Peep.

Camel: You mean it’s true? Somebody check the water trough!

Frantic running about.

Chicken: All clear!

Camel: False alarm, nobody panic.

Animals crowd around.

Donkey: Well now I’ve seen everything.

Chicken: What do you suppose it is?

Camel: It doesn’t even have fur.

Sheep: Wait till the guys in the flock get a load of this.

Ox: Maybe it’s a piglet?

Camel: A pig! Here in Bethlehem? Wash your mouth out with swill.

Chicken: I think it’s cute.

Donkey: Oh for crying out loud, doesn’t anyone here have a brain bigger than a peanut?

Chicken: I resent that!

Donkey: For your information, flea-brains, it’s a human. A human baby. I should know, I’ve been lugging them around all day.

Ox: No need to get your tail in a knot.

Chicken: Yeah don’t have a cow, man.

Ox: What’s that supposed to mean?

Sheep: Hold on a minute, boys, I’ll tell you what this is. The humans are sending us a message.

Donkey: What message?

Sheep: That living in fancy houses and sleeping on cushy beds isn’t enough for them. Now they’re turning the barns into nursery schools.

Ox: Is nothing sacred!

Camel: You know what they say, the grass is always tastier in someone else’s yard.

Sheep: Make no mistake gentlemen, it’s back to the wild for us.

Ox: But I’m domesticated!

Camel: It’s just another example of your ruling class taking advantage of the underprivileged.

Chicken: Feathering their own nests.

Sheep: Snouts in the trough.

Chicken: If you think that’s bad, get this - every morning before I go out I leave an egg in my roost, but when I get back in the evening … Poof! It’s gone.

Ox: You’re joking?

Chicken: I’m beginning to think there’s something funny going on around here.

Donkey: Guys, guys, don’t you see what’s happening here?

Animals: What?

Donkey: Try this on for size. Two strangers, one of them an overly large woman, ride in from out of town on a donkey - yours truely. But there’s no room in the inn, see. Next thing, we discover this baby lying conveniently in our manger.

Animals: So?

Donkey: So, I think somebody’s trying to set us up.

Ox: You mean frame us?

Donkey: That’s exactly what I mean.

Chicken: But why would anybody want to do that?

Donkey: Could be somebody wants the kid out of the way. Could be this kid’s someone important.

Chicken: You mean like a King, or a priest, or something?

Donkey: That’s exactly what I mean.

Sheep: Yeah, yeah, now I see it. They stick the kid in the manger. In come five hungry animals after a hard day in the yard. Chomp! Chomp! Who’s to say what’s hay and what isn’t? Next thing we know, all that’s left is a pile of swaddling clothes.

Ox: I think I’m going to be sick!

Camel: Oh-oh, look out, it moved.

They stare at the baby. Baby noises.

 

[Kaylee4Christ]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Chicken: Well if it is a King, this is a funny place for it to be born.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Ox: Funny or not, it can’t stay here. I can’t eat with someone watching me.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: I know what you mean, I can’t eat while I’m watching you either.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Ox: What are you talking about?[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: You throw up all over the place, it’s disgusting.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Camel: He’s right.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Ox: It’s called chewing the cud. It’s what cows do![/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: Four stomachs - you’d think you could hold something down once in a while.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Ow: Well ... somebody has to move it![/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: Don’t look at me, I hear they bite.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: What are you, a chicken?[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: No I’m a sheep, he’s the chicken. I would have thought that was obvious.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Chicken: And you think my brain’s the size of a peanut.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: Really - four legs, a woolly fleece - it doesn’t take a rocket scientist.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Ox: Well the donkey brought it here, I say he gets rid of it.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: I carried a fat lady half way across the desert today, it’s someone else’s turn.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Camel: Oh for heaven’s sake, I’ll do it.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Chicken: Careful, they can smell fear.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Camel: Coochie-coochie-coo … [/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: It’s a baby, not a dove.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Camel: Do you want to do this?[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: (Backing off) It’s all yours pal.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Camel: Coochie-coochie-coo … coochie-coochie-coo.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Baby: WAAAA![/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Chicken: Look out, it’s going into attack mode![/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Ox: I think I’m going to be sick.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Camel: Shh! Somebody’s coming![/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: I told you not to touch that thing.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]The animals peer through the door of the barn.[/font]​

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Chicken: Is it a pig?[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: No, it’s the fat lady! Boy, has she lost weight - there must be a gym in this hotel. Hold on, there’s some shepherds with her.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: I don't like the sound of that.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: And three guys on camels.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Camel: It's the cops! They’re onto us![/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Ox: What do we do?[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: Let’s make a break for it. If anyone asks, we blame it on the pigs, got it?[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Animals: Got it![/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Animals flee the scene. After a slight pause, the chicken runs back on stage.[/font]​

​

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Chicken: Wait, I left my egg![/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Checks the roost, the egg is gone![/font]​

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]‘Poof!’ The plot thickens. Hey fellas, wait for me![/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Exit.[/font]​

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[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]

Part II​

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[/font][font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]

Baby gone. Enter amazed animals.​

​

[/font][font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Camel: Do you mean to say the King of Kings was born in our barn?

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: That’s what the shepherds said.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Camel: God's Son, the saviour of the world … the guy, was born right here?[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Chicken: Well pluck my feathers and call me baldy.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Ox: He was sleeping in our manger?[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: What can I say, the kid has class.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: Fellas, fellas, you do know what this means don’t you?[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Dramatic pause.[/font]​

​

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Animals: We’re famous![/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Ox: Ooo I feel all tingly.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: You know I always liked that kid, from the moment I laid eyes on him.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: And to think I carried his mother all the way from Nazareth. You know they chose me out of a herd of qualified applicants - though it wasn’t so much a journey, as a labour of love.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Ox: I could swear this hay tastes better now that he’s been lying on it.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Camel: You can’t eat that hay now - that's holy hay, that is.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: I can’t believe little baby Jesus was born right here.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: Think of the headlines, "Kid born in trough saves world!" This story could be huge.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Chicken: Well I donated him an egg - you watch that go down in history. Gold, frankincense, myrrh, and an egg. It just rolls of the tongue.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: Think of the publishing rights.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: U-hum! Gentlemen, may I propose a toast of swill to the new born King. [/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]All lean over water trough. Guzzle! Gargle![/font]​

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[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Animals: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night![/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Pause.[/font]​

​

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Sheep: I’ve got to call my agent.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Chicken: Me too.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Camel: Oh look, isn’t that cute, the little guy threw up over here.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Ox: Er – no that was me.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Donkey: You ought to be ashamed of yourself.[/font]

[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Exit.[/font]​

[/font]