Starting A Family...

[AngylBelle]

I am assuming that this has been discussed by those engaged as it is a very important topic in a marriage.

How long do you plan to wait before trying to have children? How many, ideally, would you like to have? Perhaps you don't want any...?

I think every couple, even while just dating has discussed names for their kids. If you plan to have children, which names do you like?...or are you like me were you don't want to share out of fear of someone *stealing* them?

As of right now, we plan to start TTC about a year after marrying. I was raised by parents who were young, 23 & 26, and I had such a wonderful development and upbringing, that I hope to be a young mother too. We will be roughly 21/22 & 27. We also would like to have 1 or 2, but no more than 3 kids, spaced a few years in between. But of course, all is up to you know who!


(And please no one turn my thread into a debate about what is a proper age to start a family and whether it is best to be a younger or older parent! Keep this light-hearted and a friendly sharing of preferences...)

 

[Maeyken]

We're hoping to have 3 kids, starting a couple years after we're married. My fiance will have one year of school left after we're married, maybe a little more. (depends on how many summer courses he does, and how many courses per term). So, we want to wait until he's done school at least, and preferably has a church (he's gonna be a pastor). We'd like to know where we're living before having kids. We haven't decided a definite time, because we're not exactly sure what's going to happen in the future.

And no, we haven't discussed kids names at all. I don't really want to do that until I'm pregnant. Like, what happens if you pick names out in advance, and then the name doesn't really seem to suit the kid. Then what do you do? You already decided on the name!

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

We're marrying in April.

In February next year, I have a meeting with my gynecologist to see if anything else has developed that could cause problems reproductively. From then I will be acting as pre-TTC (supplements, folate, exercise, diet for best reproductive health).

February 2007 we're planning to start trying (10 months post wedding date). At this point I'll go off the pill, and be making sure everything is ready to go (insurance cover for any assisted help we might need, for example). We are prepared to fall pregnant straight away, but are more expecting it to happen later in the year. At this point we'll be prepared for IVF/IUI/GIFT, if it turns out we need that to fall pregnant (although adoption is our first choice).

We all ready know I'll be having a cesarian delivery (unavoidable), and we know there's a big chance of difficult conceiving, as well as carrying to term, due to some long-term reproductive complications I have.

We might find that we don't have any of these problems, and that we fall pregnant and deliver easily, but it has been discussed with me by my gynecologist, so we're prepared for it to not be as easy as 'have sex, bam, baby', and are going with the highest medical care we can (tests, caesar, etc etc) as a result...

As for names - yeah there's a couple we like - but most names I've loved for years don't go with his last name, so we'll wait until the bubs born for that.

Conception and pregnancy will be an expensive endeavour for us - I will probably have to have tests every month to ensure I am still carrying safely, and that our baby is all right (as well as genetic testing), so we have to be financially able to do that, and ensure our insurance covers us for all of that.

I want to be prepared for anything that might be thrown at us, in regards to bub's health (and mine).

Sasch

 

[chocolateloverjen]

, i plan to maybe have a year or so before have kids, depending on how old i am when get married.

and i want 3 or 4 children, bf said im allowed as many as i want, lol, might have age gaps between some so not arguments. like have two and then 4 years later or so have one etc. i dont know, see how it goes me thinks.

 

[Inperfected]

Hmm the great old how many debate! I kno this one... I've had it with him many a day. Honestly i think we are looking at 2 or 4... and i would think 4 is more likely since we both come from families of 4.

As for age, i think we are planning on 2-3 years after marriage before we try for a child... However will be prepared for early comers! so around 3ish years from now...

But yeah it'll be hard... Most mum's with there first kid around here will be in early 30's... and i'll be 22! Will be a bit of an age gap and differences in ways of doing things which will be hard to get used to...

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Oh, I meant to say this too - we're going for one. If that goes all right, we'll try for two, but I'm fairly certain we'll only have one.

Sasch

 

[MN John]

I am assuming that this has been discussed by those engaged as it is a very important topic in a marriage.

How long do you plan to wait before trying to have children? How many, ideally, would you like to have? Perhaps you don't want any...?

I think every couple, even while just dating has discussed names for their kids. If you plan to have children, which names do you like?...or are you like me were you don't want to share out of fear of someone *stealing* them?

...

Keep this light-hearted and a friendly sharing of preferences...)

We don't plan to have any more. My future stepsons are 13 & 14 and we're both in our 40's, so the next generation of the family won't grow larger unless we were to decide eventually to adopt ... but that's not in the plans currently.

 

[Jillymac]

We'd like no more than 3 children - with a few years in between each. Getting married 2 weeks on Thursday and i think we'd like to wait a couple of years before trying - so maybe winter time 2007...but when we're married that might change.

I like the names Caleb, Bethany, Naomi...there were a few more but i've gone off them now.

 

[AngylBelle]

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

 

[FreezingRooster]

Erm....I guess its a case of (with us anyway) when it happens it happens! We don't have any real plans to start a family (i mean, we're only 18. I'd be a bit worried if we had it all planned out by now) Mind you we've thought about our perfect future together and neither of us mentioned kids...i guess the thought of that kind of responsibility is a little intimidating for us right now.

That said, i wana have a daughter someday

 

[Hope_0004]

Isn't it crazy how people have so many different ideas on this subject?

My bf and I aren't engaged yet, but we have pondered the idea before (of kids)... we both kind of act like we're not nearly ready for it, but honestly, we'll probably get married in the next few years, and I'd like to have a baby before I turn 30, if that's within the plan for me. I think it would be nice to be married a few years prior to having a baby, but... whatever happens happens, right?

As for names, I'm with another poster... wouldn't honestly decide until I was pregnant.

And how many? We're both from twosy families, so most likely two, although honestly, I kind of think maybe I'd just like one. I'm so afraid of having only one child though... I hate to be throwing around cliches, but only children frighten me!

 

[Leanna]

I don't decide on baby names until I am pregnant. We decided last time after we found out it was a boy. The only thing is... my husband is obsessed with the name Hannah.... so we may have a girl by that name someday.... I am not sure what I think about that, time will tell I was 24 when David was born, and I think that's young, and it was swell I had been married 5 years, not that the situation was ideal, but it worked out okay. We want 4 children.

 

[Inperfected]

Awesome leanna! Isn't it interesting how many of the "engaged" room conversations can very easily those already married...

 

[Leanna]

Indeed.... I think this is one of those situations you don't know how it will happen until you get there. All of my friends had a "plan" of when they were having kids and then ended up having them at another time. For example, two of our friends are having a baby In December and they got married one year (and almost one half) ago.... before they got married they kept saying "5 years before kids! yeah sex!" but then when they saw us with David, the wife got the baby bug.....

 

[Inperfected]

Heh. Yes.

We i'd say plan on approximately 3, maybe one more.. We very much want to have paid off our first house by the time we have our first child, so may need to wait. Time is on our side, so what is the harm. I another another couple who had a plan and i think she was pregnant within a month... And joy to them? Twins.

I realise life isn't always as planned

 

[Lake]

We'll begin as soon as we're married.2 kids.Names? We haven't even mentioned names.It won't be Apple or Lourdes tho.

 

[kiora]

We are getting married in July 2007 and I just don't have that maternal instinct-I am just contented with the thought of it being just us and doing what we want and when we want to do it. Which some might find a little strange since I am training to be a primary school teacher.My fiance is happy with that at the moment but we have made a compromise that we will have one child mid to late 30's if he wants one.

 

[KinderBee]

My fiance has a 8 year old son which has been hard to adjust to. He has never had a mother in his life and I don't know how much of that role I should take on. I am slowly learning how to be more patient and understanding. I have never pictured myself being a mother or having kids of my own but he means a lot to me and it has made me wonder whether I should have a child in the future. We have talked about names in a off hand sort of way and we both decided that we wanted to name a daughter Anastasia.

 

[FaithfulServant]

He comes from a large family of 8 children and I have always been fascinated with big families so we are considering about 6 children, maybe more. We'll be starting young (age 22 or 23) so it's likely that there will be more.

I agree with the others who posted - I'd like to have a year together after marriage before TTC.

 

[Leanna]

My fiance has a 8 year old son which has been hard to adjust to. He has never had a mother in his life and I don't know how much of that role I should take on. I am slowly learning how to be more patient and understanding. I have never pictured myself being a mother or having kids of my own but he means a lot to me and it has made me wonder whether I should have a child in the future. We have talked about names in a off hand sort of way and we both decided that we wanted to name a daughter Anastasia.

What happened to the mother? If he doesn't have a mother then you should take on the role of mother totally! Only, don't push the son... just let it happen... the more you are around the more you will become mommy. I was 8-9 when my dad married my stepmom and she is more like my mom now than my natural mom.