New Member

[Press On]

New guy here. Fellow depression sufferer.

 

[miss-a]

Welcome! I'm glad you are here and pressing on! Please know that it does get better. He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it. You will find much encouragement and help here.

Blessings and prayers,
a

 

[Press On]

Thanks, miss-a,

I wrote just a very few words because I've had a hard time registering/posting and I didn't want to write a novel just to lose it all.

I had to log in every time I went to other pages on this site and my first post was put in the *greeter annex* section and is kind of stuck there. I don't think I was supposed to place it there. Anyway, I was using my iPhone and had the *no cookies* setting on. After I switched it I could navigate better.

I am a retired truck driver. Used to pull a tanker all over the country hauling hazardous chemicals. Got my CDL in 1976 so I've been at it awhile. So it was very hard on my professional pride to be terminated for the first time last November 30. I mention this because depression interfered with my job performance and was the cause of termination. The company hated to do it because I've done so well otherwise. I've hung up my keys because I have severe chemical imbalance depression/anxiety which gives me lots of cognitive impairment problems.

Been depressed all my life but wasn't diagnosed until 1987. I've read quite a few posts on the depression forum and can say I identify so much with you all that I could have written some of your posts word for word.

Nobody *out there* knows what it's like for us. I will pray for you all but I have been very impressed upon to spend extra time in prayer for a select few. I don't know why I gravitate to these certain people but I wish to be obedient. However, I've never been one to say "God told me this or that". I'm actually wary of such people.

Anyway, I'll check here regularly and maybe have something to say every now and then. Blessings to all.

 

[Jeshu]

Welcome to CF

Yes it is good to read the posts of other depressed people, despite the fights with depression, it made me realise how blessed I am and how hard some others have got it.

The years of me visiting CF also made me realise that depressed people often believe a lot of lies about themselves and how these lies are hurting them. I came to realise that one of the best weapons against depression is the truth of God's love for us, for the truth of God's love sets us free even the gruesome power of depression can't overcome the truth of His love.

Have a blessed week

 

[motherprayer]

Hi Press On, and welcome to CF! I love your username!

 

[NumberOfStars]

Hi, welcome to CF! Depression is really hard but we can all get through with God's strength, and encouragement from each other

 

[Press On]

Thank y'all for the replies! God Bless!

 

[Jo1]

Hi Press On
WELCOME TO CF.
God Bless You.

love Joxxx

 

[Chainless]

Welcome to CF, Press On! Glad to have you with us, brother. I hope you find hope and fellowship here. I just prayed for you and will continue to pray for you as well. May God bless your life.

The years of me visiting CF also made me realise that depressed people often believe a lot of lies about themselves and how these lies are hurting them. I came to realise that one of the best weapons against depression is the truth of God's love for us, for the truth of God's love sets us free even the gruesome power of depression can't overcome the truth of His love.

I couldn't have said it any better.

 

[Criada]

Welcome to CF and to the depression forum
Sorry things are so hard at the moment - praying for you

 

[audiologic]

I commented on another guy's post in the Depression thread. While everyone's circumstance is different, you may find some useful ideas in there. It's what worked for me, and if you have similar problems they may help you.

Either way, best of luck! It does get better - God shows us, one way or the other.

 

[Press On]

Hi Jo1, Chainless ,Criada

 

[Press On]

Audiologic, I found the thread you were referring to. Thanks.

Well, since I'm not doing too badly today (at least not suicidal) I thought I'd tell amore about myself.

I've been depressive all my life, but I was 18 when I realized that something wasn't right. I was finally diagnosed 1n 1987. I was put on Elavil which worked ok for about 13 years. I then went through hell for a number of months trying to find a suitable drug. I was given various cocktails of Serzone, Seroquel and Effexor. I found a good psychiatrist and I'm currently on Wellbutrin (450 mg.) and Cymbalta (40 mg.). I also have Xanax (.025) if I feel I need help with the anxiety. Hate taking it, though.

I got married at 31; my wife was 21 and in her final year at university. We were both musicians on the worship team and were kind of friends anyway. Then I got dumped by a real looker who turned out to be The Wicked Witch of the West (heck of a good cook, tho'.....). At first I wasn't sure about my future wife. She was moving the needle on my *she's a-bit-too-young-O-meter* but she had a bearing of maturity about her I liked. She was smart; getting two degrees and graduating Magna. Also a classically trained musician. I was intimidated.

2 months after we were married I was diagnosed with an aggressive type of cancer (I've fully recovered) but I was forced to quit a high paying secure job which dropped our income 75% overnight. My wife was just 22. A lot of women her age would have bailed but she stuck with me through it all. Nearly 30 years later she still puts up with me and is very loyal.

We were in full time ministry 4 1/2 years until they closed their doors. I started driving 18 wheelers again which I had wanted to do since I was 8. It's a hard job; a lifestyle really, so I had a love/hate relationship with it but I got to see the whole country many times over and met some good people.

I got my last job 2 years ago doing pretty well in a specialty niche (tankers) hauling around mostly hazardous chemicals. Then I began having a lot of "incidents" of scraping fenders, tearing off mud flaps and backing into stuff. Lots of cognitive impairment problems. Trouble focusing and concentrating, bad short term memory, light headed at times, fuzzy reasoning/thinking, depression and apathy. These all happened off road in lots and parking areas so are considered minor "incidents" and don't show up on my driving record which is spotless.

Even minor damage on a truck can mean big $$. I had one too many "incidents" so they let me go. They regretted having to do it since I was a model employee otherwise with lots of experience. My first termination; hard on my ego.

I knew something was wrong. It's only the grace of God that my accidents weren't on the highway. I think being terminated was the best thing that could have happened.

I saw my family doctor who arranged a battery of tests: MRI (looking for tumors) ultrasound, EEG, seeing a neurologist, vials and vials of blood workups. The last was a 4 hour neuropsychological exam which was interesting. My I.Q. tested at the superior level and I almost called the doc a liar. I had always felt stupid and worthless and told myself so. He also said I was severely depressed, had a severe anxiety disorder and my self esteem is in the gutter. "Gee, doc, tell me something I DON'T know!"
The good news was that I am in very good health (except for a brain that doesn't work right and a hip replacement). They tested for just about everything.

I went back to my family doc and he felt disability would be the best option. He volunteered to write a letter to the disability drones. "You can't be on the road driving an 18 wheel bomb." he said. He recommended an attorney who thought I had an excellent chance of obtaining disability ins. due to a long history of depression, my age (close to retirement) and the fact that I can't stand, walk, bend, lift, climb ect. for more than about 1.5 hours without significant pain. As I alluded to earlier, I shattered my hip falling off the top of a tanker in 2005. My attorney doubted I would be retrained for a desk job (which I never had any experience in. I barely know how to do what I need to on the computer.)

I have my good and bad days. Usually I can see depression coming on like a freight train before it's full blown, so I have time to warn my wife that I'm about to have one of *those* times so she can give me my space and not nag too much..

I can get very sad/hopeless/negative/worthless and not want to do the things I enjoy (I LOVE bicycling) I can get a little irritated but never "lose it" since I have no explosive anger issues. I tend to be neat and organized so the house stays clean, no dishes in the sink, the house/yard/rose garden still get tended to. I just shut down, hardly communicate, keep to myself, be bombarded with thoughts I hate, anger with God sometimes (but It's impossible to walk away from Him; I just can't/won't do it). I read the post by MatthewHNguyen. I could have written that myself. He captured exactly the way I feel sometimes.


God is still on the throne regardless. The thing that has saved our rear ends both now and when I got cancer is that we have almost no debt so we have a little financial cushion. No more luxuries, though (eating in restaurants).

This site is very good (and big). I'll get around to reading most of the forums one of these days, but I'm just gonna anchor on the depression forum. A lot of you have it a LOT worse than me; shame on me to complain about my cross but believe me I know how the darkest dark can be. My prayers for ya on a regular basis.

God bless,
RON (aka Press On)

 

[labloomer]

New guy here. Fellow depression sufferer.

It was nine years ago we first met dear brother, i have received so much comfort from you over the years. Truly you have been one of my most faithful brothers.

So good to know we will rule Christ's love forever and ever together. Being depressed with Christ does pay off in the end.

John 14:23-24
" Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Anyone who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me."

Hallelujah.

 

[labloomer]

Teach me Your way, O Lord;
I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name.

 

[labloomer]