I'm struggling with wrong fantasies

[frenchbread101]

I'm a single female and have struggled with loneliness. Almost all of my life I have had a skewed view on sex: it is something "dirty" etc. A month ago I had a semi-sexual dream and it was beautiful. It made me see sex in a different way, something wonderful in the bounds of marriage. It made me want to experience it someday. I now look at sex as a beautiful way for man and woman to connect.

The problem now is...now I can't seem to get it out of my head. The dream i had , that is. It's made me hope for more similar dreams. I've stooped to having daydreams when i first wake up about my "future" husband and what it would be like when make love. It never think about the act itself but how it would be after as we hold each other. It makes me want to find someone someday.

Is God angry at any of this? I think i need to stop thinking about it, but I don't know. I don't want to think anything God hates. If i was married this would be no sin at all, but since Im single the tables are flipped and it doesn't seem fair.

Help?

 

[salt-n-light]

I'm a single female and have struggled with loneliness. Almost all of my life I have had a skewed view on sex: it is something "dirty" etc. A month ago I had a semi-sexual dream and it was beautiful. It made me see sex in a different way, something wonderful in the bounds of marriage. It made me want to experience it someday. I now look at sex as a beautiful way for man and woman to connect.

The problem now is...now I can't seem to get it out of my head. The dream i had , that is. It's made me hope for more similar dreams. I've stooped to having daydreams when i first wake up about my "future" husband and what it would be like when make love. It never think about the act itself but how it would be after as we hold each other. It makes me want to find someone someday.

Is God angry at any of this? I think i need to stop thinking about it, but I don't know. I don't want to think anything God hates. If i was married this would be no sin at all, but since Im single the tables are flipped and it doesn't seem fair.

Help?

First off, just calm down. What you are going through is called a temptation. But temptation is not sin. So before you try to self-punish yourself with anxiety, breathe.

I think I explained it to someone else here on the forums, but Ive mentioned that this is not new, as this is the same temptation as in the Garden of Eden with Eve. Eve intentions and desires were good desires, she wanted to be wise, she wanted to know, she wanted enjoy the apple, in its essence those are not bad desires, God would want us to enjoy his creations and to be wise. But she got them through unholy means. This is where she fell, when she bypass what God warn her off to get them. Good desires, but unholy means.

So you have good desires, desire for companionship and intimacy, that is what God wants. But want he doesn't want is for us to resort to unholy means of getting there. So whats the point of making such distinctions? The point is that we tend to focus so much on the fear of falling into temptation, that the dwelling of it makes it more likely to fall into the act. We jinx ourselves. Imagine if Eve actually turns from looking at the fruit so much, that she just ran away? Then there is no room for it to grow into an act, but give it that room, and you'll find yourself there. When Jesus face the same trial, he cut it short for Satan, he didnt give the temptation room to grow, and combat with the Word.

Thats my encouragement to you:
1. Don't be so anxious about your thoughts, you are humans, it will happen. I go through many thoughts that are unfavorable, not just about sex. So don't make this one more important than the other thoughts.
2. Access yourself, give yourself grace to step back and just identify that it happened.
3.Fight it with the Word, temptation breeds lies, but if you equip yourself with truth, it will subside. "I know I feel this way, I know I'm tempted to do unholy means, but God has better for me, God you know the desires of my heart, help me Lord to trust you so that I'm able to experience it in a way you intend it to be".
4. Move on, do not dwell that it happened, if God can move on so can you. Remember that you are God's kid, and He knows the heart. Walk with that confidence every time it comes up.

 

[pinkjess]

First off, just calm down. What you are going through is called a temptation. But temptation is not sin. So before you try to self-punish yourself with anxiety, breathe.

I think I explained it to someone else here on the forums, but Ive mentioned that this is not new, as this is the same temptation as in the Garden of Eden with Eve. Eve intentions and desires were good desires, she wanted to be wise, she wanted to know, she wanted enjoy the apple, in its essence those are not bad desires, God would want us to enjoy his creations and to be wise. But she got them through unholy means. This is where she fell, when she bypass what God warn her off to get them. Good desires, but unholy means.

So you have good desires, desire for companionship and intimacy, that is what God wants. But want he doesn't want is for us to resort to unholy means of getting there. So whats the point of making such distinctions? The point is that we tend to focus so much on the fear of falling into temptation, that the dwelling of it makes it more likely to fall into the act. We jinx ourselves. Imagine if Eve actually turns from looking at the fruit so much, that she just ran away? Then there is no room for it to grow into an act, but give it that room, and you'll find yourself there. When Jesus face the same trial, he cut it short for Satan, he didnt give the temptation room to grow, and combat with the Word.

Thats my encouragement to you:
1. Don't be so anxious about your thoughts, you are humans, it will happen. I go through many thoughts that are unfavorable, not just about sex. So don't make this one more important than the other thoughts.
2. Access yourself, give yourself grace to step back and just identify that it happened.
3.Fight it with the Word, temptation breeds lies, but if you equip yourself with truth, it will subside. "I know I feel this way, I know I'm tempted to do unholy means, but God has better for me, God you know the desires of my heart, help me Lord to trust you so that I'm able to experience it in a way you intend it to be".
4. Move on, do not dwell that it happened, if God can move on so can you. Remember that you are God's kid, and He knows the heart. Walk with that confidence every time it comes up.

This is really helpful. I agree

 

[Kevin Snow]

It's a very tough thing for us singles to have to be put through temptation when the desire is made in us physically, yet we can't, before God, do anything about it. Just remember:

Yet in like manner these people also, relying on their dreams, defile the flesh, reject authority, and blaspheme the glorious ones. ~Jude 1:8

So I never rely on my dreams for anything. It teaches that:

For a dream comes with much business, and a fool’s voice with many words. ~Ecclesiastes 5:3

So dreams can be a real problem when our business in this life is entirely messed up and not pointed to God. And I mean that in a general world view sense.

But yeah, it's unfair that we get tested in this so, when we are not allowed to enact on the desire. Stay strong and understand that you are being tested. Don't let yourself go now by carousing your desires. Don't get into that practice. I did it my entire life and it destroyed me.

Seek the Lord and in prayer and he is able to bring you a husband if he has one for you.

 

[royal priest]

If i was married this would be no sin at all, but since Im single the tables are flipped and it doesn't seem fair.

Help?

You're desire to be with a future husband (if God wills it) is a good one. What is not good is for this desire to consume you. This is an effect of the sinful nature and addressed in the 10th commandment "You shall not covet".
What is happening is may not seem fair but it really truly is. For one, God never promised to provide anyone with a spouse. Secondly, as long as we are alive and have an opportunity to believe the Gospel and repent of sin is an immense blessing which we do not deserve.
One thing that God has promised is that if we abide in Jesus Christ, then we will bear good fruit and know His power over our sin, but if we fail to abide in Him, then we will be fruitless and end up in Hell.
John 15:5-6 "Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned."
May God grant you a godly husband, and in the meantime, give you the grace to abide in Jesus as you seek to honor Him through this affliction.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

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[Dave-W]

1. Praise God you had the dream. It seems to have healed you of a very bad viewpoint.

2. Like anything shiny, new and exciting, it can become a preoccupation. That is especially true of sexual things since there is a strong hormonal drive behind it.

3. No, I do not believe God is mad at you. I believe He was the author of the dream and knew exactly what effect it would have. IMO it is now up to you to seek Him as to bringing this into proper balance, enjoying your new perspective while not letting it interfere with the rest of your life.