im ashamed

[paul becke]

Keep your chin up, angel. BlondieLashes will be able to help you with a lot of practical advice, as well as spiritual advice. I saw Catherine Ann has also volunteered to help you, as well. You have two wonderful people in your corner.

 

[Catherineanne]

even tho i am forced to do this type of work i am ashamed and feel dirty disgusting but i dont know if i can live in real world this is all ive known this has always been my world i dont know who i am im who they say for me to be

It is always dangerous to diagnose by internet, so I will not attempt to tell you about you. I will tell you about me instead; I don't talk about this much because it is not easy, but it seems right to try.

I was abused from a very young age; mostly neglect and emotional abuse, some physical. The details really don't matter all that much; what matters is the effect.

What happened is that I split into different people; more precisely, I broke into bits of me. If I could not cope with what happened I split in two, disappeared and left the new bit to cope with what I could not. I don't know how many bits there are, but there are several. Put them all together and I would be one whole person; as it is I am bits of a person.

All these years later the result is that I often do not know who I am. I can be fine one moment, and the next moment not know my name, where I am or why I am there. This is known as a dissociative disorder, and it is a common result of childhood abuse over a prolonged time.

I have read your posts, and something in them resonates with something that I experience. Your posts indicate to me that you may well be as I am; fragmented.

Do you have times when you do not even know your name? Times when you feel yourself to be 5 years old, and other times when you feel you are 8 or 9, or no age at all? If so there is no wonder at all that you find it difficult to cope or to find a way out of your situation. If that happens then I can help you find a way forward.

The main thing is that you are no longer alone in all of this.

God be with you, Angel.

 

[angel jazz]

Yes I do have times like that I black out can't rember how I got somewhere or where I am people I know but don't remember etc I'm confused

 

[Catherineanne]

Yes I do have times like that I black out can't rember how I got somewhere or where I am people I know but don't remember etc I'm confused

That's the one, Angel.



So the next question is, what do we do about this? Do you have access to a doctor?

And the next thing is to realise that you are not alone; there are lots of us. We are not mad; we are perfectly normal people who have experienced abnormal stress from a very young age, and found a way to survive. What distinguishes us is that we are very good at surviving! So now we have to find a way to carry on surviving, and perhaps add a little quality of life as well.

You will find some others here, and some information to help you make some choices. This is a UK site, but the information will be relevant wherever you live. Take some time to read about this, and to work out whether it fits your experience or not.

Positive Outcomes for Dissociative Survivors - help and support for Dissociative Identity Disorder

And then when you have read some of this, we can talk some more about how you can learn to be stronger. I am still learning myself, so we can do this together.

God be with you.

 

[angel jazz]

No access to doctors or a friend or good family just alone

 

[Catherineanne]

No access to doctors or a friend or good family just alone

I hope we can change that before too long.

Meanwhile, how secure are your internet communications?

If you are online from home, can anyone track what you are saying? If you know how to clear the history trail on your computer, then try to make sure you do that every time you come online. And make sure you never give your location or your real name in public. PM is fine, but never on the main forum.

 

[angel jazz]

Mostly on my mob and yes I'm very careful have to be or I'm in trouble

 

[paul becke]

That's the one, Angel.



So the next question is, what do we do about this? Do you have access to a doctor?

And the next thing is to realise that you are not alone; there are lots of us. We are not mad; we are perfectly normal people who have experienced abnormal stress from a very young age, and found a way to survive. What distinguishes us is that we are very good at surviving! So now we have to find a way to carry on surviving, and perhaps add a little quality of life as well.

You will find some others here, and some information to help you make some choices. This is a UK site, but the information will be relevant wherever you live. Take some time to read about this, and to work out whether it fits your experience or not.

Positive Outcomes for Dissociative Survivors - help and support for Dissociative Identity Disorder

And then when you have read some of this, we can talk some more about how you can learn to be stronger. I am still learning myself, so we can do this together.

God be with you.

Truly, a meeting-place of angels! I feel like Jacob when he woke up and saw the ladder to heaven, with the angels ascending and descending.

 

[angel jazz]

This is great group of people

 

[Just4Jesus]

This is great group of people

praying for you sweetheart

 

[Criada]

((((((((((angel jazz)))))))))))))
I suffer from disisciative disorder too, due to a lot of abuse in the past.
It can be scary losing chunks of time - but it's the way your mind has survived all you have been through. You are a very strong woman, sweetie - I know you don't feel it at the moment, but you really are.
Praying that you find help and a way out very soon, sister

 

[Catherineanne]

Mostly on my mob and yes I'm very careful have to be or I'm in trouble

Clever girl! I told you, we are survivors!!



xxx

 

[Catherineanne]

((((((((((angel jazz)))))))))))))
I suffer from disisciative disorder too, due to a lot of abuse in the past.
It can be scary losing chunks of time - but it's the way your mind has survived all you have been through. You are a very strong woman, sweetie - I know you don't feel it at the moment, but you really are.
Praying that you find help and a way out very soon, sister

I am not sure why I had not made that connection, Criada. It is nice to know that such a good friend understands. That helps.

 

[angel jazz]

I'm confused scared and a lot
Makes sense I'm sure got this and sure there is a young child in me aas ive founded drawings before

 

[hammer123]

even tho i am forced to do this type of work i am ashamed and feel dirty disgusting but i dont know if i can live in real world this is all ive known this has always been my world i dont know who i am im who they say for me to be

Is a pimp controlling you?

 

[VeritasA]

What exactly is the deal with Angel? Is she 12 or older? Doesn't anyone think it's weird that the story keeps changing?