I need some advice. My girlfriend cuts.

[shabbo148]

I need some advice.

My girlfriend and I are extremely close to each other, so we pretty much spend 24/7 together. When we're not with each other, we're texting.

She's been struggling with self harm, cutting for about a year. As soon as I found out i've desperately been trying to help her to stop. Sometimes I'd spend over five hours a day discussing her problems and giving her encouragement to put the cutting behind her.

I've put a lot of energy into helping her, A LOT. I love her to pieces, and have pushed myself so far trying to help her.

Things are getting tough, though. I don't know what to do. At one stage I thought her cutting was over, shed gone clean for 3-4 months and was so happy.

But it's started up again. The amount of stress I'd put myself through trying to help her previously. I just feel like I have no strength left to help her.

I have destroyed myself trying to make her happy. I've found that I can't cope anymore with the simple things I use to be able to. I lose my temper easily and get angry all the time. I cannot handle any form of stress at school without become overwhelmed and frustrated.

Sometimes just being next to her is mentally draining, as I just know she's upset and it kills me so bad. I just have no emotional strength to deal with it anymore. She's never happy for more than brief periods of time.

My girlfriend is cutting more and more, but I do not have the strength to keep helping her. My emotions keep getting in the way. I want to support her but I only get angry and upset her.

Her parents are aware of her cutting, and have organized psychologists for her. But she refuses to see them all.

I don't know what to do anymore?

I feel if things progress it will not only destroy the both of us, but our relationship as well.

What should I do?

 

[whitebeaches]

Hi shabbo148,
I can see you have a very loving heart and care very much for your friend. You have been a wonderful friend to her offering your support. What she needs now is to be placed into God' hands. For God is able to turn things around. I will be praying that she will see a Councelor and get the help and support she needs from a specialist. I will pray for her parents to be guided to find ways to help their precious daughter. And i will be praying for you that you wont be so stressed and overburdened.

Here's a list of things she can do to help her when she feels this way. Maybe you can share it with her and encourage her to try any of the ideas listed here. You are a sweet wonderful friend and she is so blessed to have you in her life. (((( hugs ))))

 

[graciesings]

I cut when
(a.) I'm stressed,
(b.) I'm worried or so busy I'm overloaded but don't want to bother other people with it. They have their own lives, and trying to fix my problem will annoy them
(c.) Other people are stressed, and it wears off on me but I have to look calm to balance them out.
I don't know what triggers her, but I know that for me it helps to have the people around me calm and open to my problems/ ideas. When my family is busy and worried, I have a lot more problems. This girl might be that way too. Focus on getting yourself into top shape, and encourage her parents to calm down (if they can.) I usually see calm people = willing to support and help me, stressed people = I have to put on a happy face and can only hurt underneath my sleeves.

 

[Celticroots]

It's good that you care for your girlfriend. But, at the end of the day, you are what is most important. You mentioned that your girlfriend won't see the psychologists her parents have set up for her. Self-injury (not just cutting by the way) is a coping mechanism. If she doesn't want to stop harming, no amount of what anyone tries to do will make her. She needs to come to the decision to stop on her own.

I self-injure, so I know the feeling. I hope this helped some.