Help! Everything twisted. .nothing right

[Itsahappyday]

He opened my closet to show me my stockings wère on the floor and I had 2 safety pins on the shelf. Then he opened one of my drawers, happened to be the messier one and showed it to me to say that I had not improved

 

[Jesus' Follower]

Joining in group prayer.

 

[Zoii]

How do u see this progressing. Do you think it will change without some tyoe of intervention or therapy. What life do you see for yourself with him. Will he partner you in a way that fulfills you and makes your life positive.

Or do you think you are experiencing a type of domest bullying with low prospects of change

 

[Itsahappyday]

How do u see this progressing. Do you think it will change without some tyoe of intervention or therapy. What life do you see for yourself with him. Will he partner you in a way that fulfills you and makes your life positive.

Or do you think you are experiencing a type of domest bullying with low prospects of change

Good question. I keep praying something will change. I think its bullying. Shamefully I sometimes have to catch myself to stop imagining if he passed away (natural causes, i would never hurt him)... what I would do, like move across country, to a place that's been on my heart for awhile.

Sometimes I say to myself... okay let's say 40 years left, 2 down.

I found out this week that he lied to me. He said that when he showed a girl (he had dated before) some changes he had made in at an organization we attend, he said that all 3 of her family members were there at the same time and others too.

Found out it was just her and her sleepy daughter that was in her arms when he showed the changes to her. Yes two people passed by but they themselves were there for a few minutes and he led her only her there and at one point I see him raise his arm towards her arm and then he leaned in twice with his head as if kissing someone. I could not see from the angle if he kissed her or the child.

After a few minutes being there they then went to get her family.

But when I confronted him about it just being alone with her and no famiily present (I didn't tell him about seeing him leaning forward to kiss anyone), he not only lied about them being there but he said he hadn't even had a chance to kiss her child goodbye and insisted her family was there. So who was he kissing ? ????

This same girl was passing him by a few weeks ago with her shoulders exposed and he touched her shoulder in a half circle with his finger quickly across the exposed part. He didn't expect anyone to see and when confronted he said he was going to ask her what the deal was with that type of clothing. I said why didn't you just tell her that when you were speaking with her and her family for 15-20 minutes before she passed by.

What can I do? God hates divorce but I don't trust him. Especially now. So tired of all this.

 

[EmmaCat]

Praying for you!

 

[seashale76]

Lord, have mercy! Praying for you.

 

[Itsahappyday]

I'm going to be brutally honest here. I'm not sure which is worse, someone abusing me or someone suffocating me. Personally, I wouldn't want to be married to either of you.

So first of all.. stop nagging him. You will not change him.. ever.. and some day you're incessant need to point out his flaws is very likely to get you beaten or killed. I have read your comments and you drone on and on and on. You will beat a dead horse until all that's left is dust. Stop it already. You've made your point. Say it once and move on.

Your husband exhibits some serious signs of abusive behavior. One day he's going to snap and you're going to end up being hurt, badly, if not killed. So stop. Know when to be quiet. Keeping you in a dependant position keeps him in control over you and your environment. Is there an age difference between you two?

Next, get a job, even if it's a second shift job. Stop living in the past, stop looking behind you. Your life is in front of you, look forward. Forgive and forget.

Men don't like to have their flaws pointed out to them. They prefer having their egos stroked. He has asked you to stop airing your dirty laundry in public by "asking for prayer". So what do you do? You come online here and dump it out for all of us to see. Why don't you just write a letter to Dr. Phil and see if you can air it on national TV for the whole country to see? Why do you do things that you know he doesn't like?

As far as your marriage goes.. my advice is to get a divorce. You will both be better off for it.

Happiness comes from within and isn't dependant on anyone else. I will pray for you both to see the error of your ways so that you can work this out. I don't like seeing any marriage break up but I don't honestly see a point in the two of you staying together in your current mindsets.

Put your trust in Jesus and lean on him. People will always let you down. Jesus will never leave you or let you down.

I totally agree with what you said about Jesus.

The reason why I "air my dirty laundry " here online is because no one, no friend or family member has any clue of what I am going through and if I speak out, he's very good at twisting things to make him look good. If I spoke to someone I think he would be worse at home. Already he gives me reasons why speaking out wouldn't be wise, example the person would feel superior over him. Airing online doesn't destroy his reputation because it's anonymous and it helps me to know that people care and can pray knowing truly what is happening.

I just pray he never finds out about me posting. It would be so difficult at home if he did.

After being told that I am stupid dumb don't know how to speak well, many times told what I said was wrong, that other people think that I am dumb, that I accomplished nothing compared to him, do you think it's easy to speak out?

You say I nag him yet every day he criticites me about many things. I do everything for him, yet I get very little praise at home. In public, he gives me praise but he's different at home. He treats other people better than me and would never speak to me in public the way he does to me at home.

In fact he's said that when I will do something worthy of praise then he'll be proud of me. So in 8 months I can remember him saying to me 2 times he's proud and almost every day more than 2 critical comments. And then him being proud doesn't last long.

I don't try to change him but just want him not to call me names. He criticizes my laugh, my hair, my family, my past, my lack of diplomas, my very few friends , the way I clean, the way I cook, the way I speak at times and speak with my hands etc.... I have worked so hard to be better than I used to be. If we go out sometimes he is happy with me other times he criticizes what I did or said. What's wrong with me that he seems to dislike so much about me now? He makes it like it is me the issue, that I am abnormal.

I wanted to protect him from error with the government not nag but now realize I can't question him, he said to trust him that he knows what he's doing.

 

[redleghunter]

Good question. I keep praying something will change. I think its bullying. Shamefully I sometimes have to catch myself to stop imagining if he passed away (natural causes, i would never hurt him)... what I would do, like move across country, to a place that's been on my heart for awhile.

Sometimes I say to myself... okay let's say 40 years left, 2 down.

I found out this week that he lied to me. He said that when he showed a girl (he had dated before) some changes he had made in at an organization we attend, he said that all 3 of her family members were there at the same time and others too.

Found out it was just her and her sleepy daughter that was in her arms when he showed the changes to her. Yes two people passed by but they themselves were there for a few minutes and he led her only her there and at one point I see him raise his arm towards her arm and then he leaned in twice with his head as if kissing someone. I could not see from the angle if he kissed her or the child.

After a few minutes being there they then went to get her family.

But when I confronted him about it just being alone with her and no famiily present (I didn't tell him about seeing him leaning forward to kiss anyone), he not only lied about them being there but he said he hadn't even had a chance to kiss her child goodbye and insisted her family was there. So who was he kissing ? ????

This same girl was passing him by a few weeks ago with her shoulders exposed and he touched her shoulder in a half circle with his finger quickly across the exposed part. He didn't expect anyone to see and when confronted he said he was going to ask her what the deal was with that type of clothing. I said why didn't you just tell her that when you were speaking with her and her family for 15-20 minutes before she passed by.

What can I do? God hates divorce but I don't trust him. Especially now. So tired of all this.

Prayers offered for you and husband.

May I suggest you open a private thread with a site chaplain?

If you follow the link below there is a tab to start a private discussion with an ordained minister who is qualified to advise you on family life matters:

https://www.christianforums.com/forums/ask-a-chaplain.792/

Have you a pastor or pastors wife you could speak with as well?

 

[Zoii]

Good question. I keep praying something will change. I think its bullying. Shamefully I sometimes have to catch myself to stop imagining if he passed away (natural causes, i would never hurt him)... what I would do, like move across country, to a place that's been on my heart for awhile.

Sometimes I say to myself... okay let's say 40 years left, 2 down.

I found out this week that he lied to me. He said that when he showed a girl (he had dated before) some changes he had made in at an organization we attend, he said that all 3 of her family members were there at the same time and others too.

Found out it was just her and her sleepy daughter that was in her arms when he showed the changes to her. Yes two people passed by but they themselves were there for a few minutes and he led her only her there and at one point I see him raise his arm towards her arm and then he leaned in twice with his head as if kissing someone. I could not see from the angle if he kissed her or the child.

After a few minutes being there they then went to get her family.

But when I confronted him about it just being alone with her and no famiily present (I didn't tell him about seeing him leaning forward to kiss anyone), he not only lied about them being there but he said he hadn't even had a chance to kiss her child goodbye and insisted her family was there. So who was he kissing ? ????

This same girl was passing him by a few weeks ago with her shoulders exposed and he touched her shoulder in a half circle with his finger quickly across the exposed part. He didn't expect anyone to see and when confronted he said he was going to ask her what the deal was with that type of clothing. I said why didn't you just tell her that when you were speaking with her and her family for 15-20 minutes before she passed by.

What can I do? God hates divorce but I don't trust him. Especially now. So tired of all this.

So if the status quo is unbearable and you cant see it changing, then ask yourself what do you want for yourself. Then ask your husband if he can give you that life. If he can then you two need to talk about how to make that happen. If he cant then you need decide if thats acceptable or you need to prepare things so you can leave.

 

[Itsahappyday]

So if the status quo is unbearable and you cant see it changing, then ask yourself what do you want for yourself. Then ask your husband if he can give you that life. If he can then you two need to talk about how to make that happen. If he cant then you need decide if thats acceptable or you need to prepare things so you can leave.

Divorce is not right in God's eyes. I cannot divorce

 

[Zoii]

Divorce is not right in God's eyes. I cannot divorce

Well I didnt say divorce. I said if nothing is resolvable then leave.... you dont have to divorce but you dont have to have a miserable life should reconciling marriage issues not be possible.

 

[Truthfrees]

MOD HAT

This is the prayer forum.

Posts have been removed for being unhelpful/unkind to a hurting person who is asking for prayer.

 

[brinny]

Praying.

 

[Itsahappyday]

Today at church during the preaching I feel as if I am being asked to die to self (not in the natural), to lay my life down for him as Jesus did for me, and love him more. Jesus says no greater love does a man have when he lays his life down for a friend. Jesus died for everyone even those who were abusing him. He didn't say Father forgive only the thief on the cross but also the ones who were against Him.

I think of Corrie Ten Boom and her ability to forgive the Nazi jailer.

Pray please that when he's mean to me I can keep my mouth shut, try to leave the room and hope he doesn't follow me to continue his tirade.

I read some notes last night of something I believe the Lord spoke to me sometime about 2 years ago more than once.

Like a lamb to a slaughter/Jesus did not open His mouth to His accusers - keep quiet (2 Peter 2:23)

When thinking that he my husband wasn't acting like a Christian - book of John - what's it to you, you follow Me. I.will be responsible for my actions regardless of his, no excuse.

And last night when I was wondering why what Paul said about husband's prayers not being answered if he treats his wife wrong wasn't seeming to be happening with me, the Lord showed me like a parent can love many children equally, my husband is still His child and He loves him. A parent still loves a child even when they behave badly.

Please pray that I can walk in greater love. That His love will be a shield about me from the fiery darts of the enemy regardless of whom the devil uses. That the Lord will enable me to walk so much in His love that even my husband will notice a change for the good. That I would not try to defend myself verbally. That His love will be so evident in me towards my husband that my husband will know Jesus lives in me.

I have to be a doer of the Word and not just hear. No one ever said being a Christian and doing the right thing is easy. And I want to follow Jesus all the way.

 

[Truthfrees]

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