I am not normally an angry person, but ever since I became aware of what has been happening in my life, everything has changed. Every sense of stability and normality that I thought I had was now gone as I was forced to confront the reality of my situation. My parents were not honest with me, I had to deal with the fact that I had children who I never even knew I had.
When I did try to explain what was happening to the father of my children about the above he rejected me, he did not want to speak to me, he did not want to hear what I had to say. This helped to bring up insecurities that I had in regards to him, because I remember him rejecting me because I was too quiet, and because I was not 'hot enough,' 'not popular enough' like my friend. He did not say that bluntly, but I knew how he thought based on how he acted and some of the things he said.
Years later Jesus Christ later showed me that although he put him to be my husband, he did not want me, and was rebelling against what God was saying. So even the person, God chose to be with me did not want to be with me, which affected me greatly.
One of my former best friends (the one I talk about most of the time) is 'his type' and the same insecurieties that I had previously began to appear again. This is where I felt and still do that he was rejecting me for her. He liked hanging around her, talking to her, while I struggled with my personal insecurities, and was rejected by him when I tried to tell him the truth earlier. This affected me a whole lot, because yet again I was being rejected, where it seemed he liked another one of my friends, my former best friend.
It seemed as if no matter how hard I tried I could simply not be 'normal' like everyone else. I was not outgoing, I did not have a whole lot of friends, I had and have a lot of problems in me, that I couldn't even begin to explain to anyone the depth of what I was feeling. I remember feeling like I could just cry, cry, and cry non stop for over 24 hours, not speaking because I couldn't, the only thing I felt I could do was just cry. I could not talk about what was happening within.
Right now I am just surviving, trying to make it through each day, hoping that one day things will be better, leaning on Jesus Christ.
When I did try to explain what was happening to the father of my children about the above he rejected me, he did not want to speak to me, he did not want to hear what I had to say. This helped to bring up insecurities that I had in regards to him, because I remember him rejecting me because I was too quiet, and because I was not 'hot enough,' 'not popular enough' like my friend. He did not say that bluntly, but I knew how he thought based on how he acted and some of the things he said.
Years later Jesus Christ later showed me that although he put him to be my husband, he did not want me, and was rebelling against what God was saying. So even the person, God chose to be with me did not want to be with me, which affected me greatly.
One of my former best friends (the one I talk about most of the time) is 'his type' and the same insecurieties that I had previously began to appear again. This is where I felt and still do that he was rejecting me for her. He liked hanging around her, talking to her, while I struggled with my personal insecurities, and was rejected by him when I tried to tell him the truth earlier. This affected me a whole lot, because yet again I was being rejected, where it seemed he liked another one of my friends, my former best friend.
It seemed as if no matter how hard I tried I could simply not be 'normal' like everyone else. I was not outgoing, I did not have a whole lot of friends, I had and have a lot of problems in me, that I couldn't even begin to explain to anyone the depth of what I was feeling. I remember feeling like I could just cry, cry, and cry non stop for over 24 hours, not speaking because I couldn't, the only thing I felt I could do was just cry. I could not talk about what was happening within.
Right now I am just surviving, trying to make it through each day, hoping that one day things will be better, leaning on Jesus Christ.
