A question to those with high-functioning autism would you leave a marriage due to special interest

[Hannah66]

I hope this is ok to post here.
I am wanting to have a better understanding of what may have gone wrong.
I was married to my wonderful husband for 18 years(he divorced me in 20th year of marriage). He was a christian guy, too.
He was different from most people I know...lots of special interests in his life which could become obsessions. Had had a past addiction to herion and did struggle with impulsive gambling.
I never knew if he was struggling with Autism but I know his cousin and nephew both do.
(not sure if it is hereditary)

I am not sure what happened, but he left me after my mother died and turned into a very strange person. I didn't know he had a love for Japan and everything Japanese. He kept that hidden from me, unless it was a NEW special interest.

My dr feels as though he may have bipolar(I have wondered that too)

He left me four years ago(actually abandoned me without me even knowing he was unhappy) i was completely blindsided.
He left me to go to Japan to meet another woman, then travelled there 8 times and married a Japanese woman. Has never told me he has remarried, just keep everything a big secret

I have wondered. If he is on the spectrum, and Japan was an old or new special interest
would someone on the spectrum(high-functioning) actually leave their caucasian wife who loved and cared for them very much for an Asian person.

Are the special interests this strong?

Now, the love and obsession for Japan is very strong..he is still living here in Australia but practically tries to live like a Japanese person.

The man, I loved, loved God, and was very much into football and golf.
Now, he has no interest in either.

It feels like he has gone forever.

I still deeply grieve because i don't know what happened.
He still occasionally emails me to check in to see how i am especially now that I am on my own with no family during the COVID19

Can someone shed some light on this?

I know you cannot diagnose. Thanks

 

[Amittai]

Sounds unreconstructed bipolar which can combine with other things of course. I had two parish priests like that.

I wouldn't do a thing like that, but that's just me (am still single in fact)

It may be things in his past and the family past, that tip him off balance.

 

[SeventyOne]

I'm sorry that happened to you. My answer to your general question is no. It doesn't even make logical sense to me.

 

[NBB]

An special interest shouldn't excuse you of being unfaithful to God and your wife, people with autism also have a consience and they are not 'stupid' to think they would be not guilty of doing that kind of thing.

 

[SkyWriting]

I hope this is ok to post here.
I am wanting to have a better understanding of what may have gone wrong.
I was married to my wonderful husband for 18 years(he divorced me in 20th year of marriage). He was a christian guy, too.
He was different from most people I know...lots of special interests in his life which could become obsessions. Had had a past addiction to herion and did struggle with impulsive gambling.
I never knew if he was struggling with Autism but I know his cousin and nephew both do.
(not sure if it is hereditary)
I am not sure what happened, but he left me after my mother died and turned into a very strange person. I didn't know he had a love for Japan and everything Japanese. He kept that hidden from me, unless it was a NEW special interest.
My dr feels as though he may have bipolar(I have wondered that too)
He left me four years ago(actually abandoned me without me even knowing he was unhappy) i was completely blindsided.
He left me to go to Japan to meet another woman, then travelled there 8 times and married a Japanese woman. Has never told me he has remarried, just keep everything a big secret
I have wondered. If he is on the spectrum, and Japan was an old or new special interest
would someone on the spectrum(high-functioning) actually leave their caucasian wife who loved and cared for them very much for an Asian person.
Are the special interests this strong?
Now, the love and obsession for Japan is very strong..he is still living here in Australia but practically tries to live like a Japanese person.
The man, I loved, loved God, and was very much into football and golf.
Now, he has no interest in either.
It feels like he has gone forever.
I still deeply grieve because i don't know what happened.
He still occasionally emails me to check in to see how i am especially now that I am on my own with no family during the COVID19
Can someone shed some light on this?
I know you cannot diagnose. Thanks

God has a plan for you.

Job 23:10
But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.

1 Peter 1:7
so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

James 1:12
Blessed is the one who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

Zechariah 13:9
And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘They are my people’; and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’”

Psalm 139
O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.

Psalm 66:10
For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried.

James 1:2-4
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Proverbs 17:3
The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and the Lord tests hearts.

Psalm 17:3
You have tried my heart, you have visited me by night, you have tested me, and you will find nothing; I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress.

Hebrews 11:17
By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was in the act of offering up his only son,

2 Timothy 2:19
But God's firm foundation stands, bearing this seal: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of the Lord depart from iniquity.”

Malachi 3:2-3
But who can endure the day of his coming, and who can stand when he appears? For he is like a refiner's fire and like fullers' soap. He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord.

 

[Hannah66]

An special interest shouldn't excuse you of being unfaithful to God and your wife, people with autism also have a consience and they are not 'stupid' to think they would be not guilty of doing that kind of thing.

Yes, this is what I thought to, as my cousin has high functioning autism. He is a catholic with a very strict conscience.

 

[Hannah66]

I'm sorry that happened to you. My answer to your general question is no. It doesn't even make logical sense to me.

thank you - so, you don't think this is a symptom of being on the spectrum.

 

[Hannah66]

Sounds unreconstructed bipolar which can combine with other things of course. I had two parish priests like that.

I wouldn't do a thing like that, but that's just me (am still single in fact)

It may be things in his past and the family past, that tip him off balance.

Yes, his mother was like this and other members of his family. It has devastated me as he feels no remorse for multiple cheating(while married). I will look up what 'unreconstructed bipolar' is and thank you.

 

[SeventyOne]

thank you - so, you don't think this is a symptom of being on the spectrum.

No. I'm an aspy myself. We are in full control of our decisions. We just tend to approach them from a different angle than others, if that makes sense. It's not an excuse for bad behavior.

 

[Amittai]

... I will look up what 'unreconstructed bipolar' is and thank you.

"Unreconstructed" is my private jargon for "hasn't got round to doing better".

I used to have different "blind spots", not that particular one. It takes a lifetime for some of us to get our lives on the rails. There must have been huge prayers for me.

My guess is he's "got" a conscience but doesn't yet quite know how to "get it together" like an old-fashioned car I once had!

Donna Williams has written about the "fruit salad" and growing in responsibility.

 

[Hannah66]

"Unreconstructed" is my private jargon for "hasn't got round to doing better".

I used to have different "blind spots", not that particular one. It takes a lifetime for some of us to get our lives on the rails. There must have been huge prayers for me.

My guess is he's "got" a conscience but doesn't yet quite know how to "get it together" like an old-fashioned car I once had!

Donna Williams has written about the "fruit salad" and growing in responsibility.

Thanks for the explanation. I would like to think he has the holy spirit too, but not sure why he isn't listening to Him. He totally went off the rails, committing a lot of adultery which has broken my heart, dumped me and remarried someone else, but I still think he is in adultery or has that mindset. Very sad as I loved him dearly and he was probably my best friend..the closest person I have ever been too. Must hurt God's heart to see one of his children in destructive lifestyle. Have also wondered if he may be a narcissist or sociopath. All the aspies I know have a conscience and do the right thing. thanks again

 

[JesseBassett]

No. I'm an aspy myself. We are in full control of our decisions. We just tend to approach them from a different angle than others, if that makes sense. It's not an excuse for bad behavior.

As someone with Autism myself too, I tend to agree with SeventyOne here. This was just a case of misguided emotions and bad judgment.