Unequally yoked

[nicoletteyu]

Hi, my name is Nicolette, I'm 19 this year and I come from Singapore.

The reason why I decided to turn to a Christian forum is not because I have no one to talk to in real life. It's because I already know what they will tell me and my Christian brothers and sisters in Christ aren't that supportive...

My problem is common and simple...

I'm a Christian who is currently dating a Non Christian... He is 24, very stable. Has a job and all... He treats me well, very sincere, caring etc etc.

I do not wish to end the relationship because I know it will hurt him and myself as well. We have cried a few times over this matter, and it was because of that, that I am convinced he is serious about me. He's not a playboy. He's like the boy next door very simple.

I do not want people to judge me based on my "unequally" yoked relationship.... I just wish my brothers and sisters in Christ could be happy for me that I found someone who can take care of me... But I guess their not happy because of the fact that he's not Christian.... And wouldn't be able to take care of me the Christian way...

Sigh..... School is starting soon and I don't want to bring this problem into my last semester in school....

Sigh... Please pray for me....

 

[CrystalBrooke]

So you won't talk to them because they'll tell you the truth? Being with a non-believer is clearly spoken against in the Bible so what do you expect your friends to tell you? Honestly, my opinion is that if he treats you well and respects you and your beliefs then it's not exactly the end of the world..but it could end up putting a huge strain on your relationship, not only with him, but with God also.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

Oh yeah I also meant to ask if he's an Atheist or if he's just not a born again Christian..that could make a big difference? Is he at least open to the idea of Christianity?

 

[Shabby]

Oh yeah I also meant to ask if he's an Atheist or if he's just not a born again Christian..that could make a big difference? Is he at least open to the idea of Christianity?

Atheists r teh uber evil.

 

[Isambard]

If you're happy with the relationship, then its none of their business.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

I didn't mean athiests were evil..that's not at all my opinion. I just think that if she's dating an athiest he may oppose her beliefs and it will cause more arguments than if he's just simply not a Christian but is open to the idea. Like I said above, in either case, as long as he's good to her I really don't see why it's such a big deal.

 

[Wedjat]

Be with who you love, not with who other people tell you to be with. It is no ones business but yours. If it's not putting a strain on your relationship now, I doubt it will in the future.
Don't listen to what anyone say's, question everything (even me if you so choose), but make the decision for yourself, not for anyone else.

 

[aandb]

No one will judge you. And they do, they're not even worth knowing.

 

[MiccyNarc]

Alot of non Christian advice here. Anyway, I was in the same situation before I went to school. Missionary dating doesn't work, and ends in pain for both members of the relationship. Trust me when I say end it, sooner rather than later. I let mine continue much longer than I should have and the hurt still lingers, 2 years later.

 

[Shabby]

To be fair, it's not a racist comment at all. A Christian and a non-believer (especially an atheist) have a different value basis, so a relationship would be understandably harder to maintain.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

You do realize that you're comparing apples and oranges here, right?

 

[aandb]

You do realize that you're comparing apples and oranges here, right?

Not really. Why should end her relationship with anyone because they're different?

 

[CrystalBrooke]

Yes you are..I can't believe you don't see the difference between skin color and reglion. Having different idea and beliefs in politics, religion, morals..ect can cause strain on a relationship. Having different color skin doesn't strain anything, there's no strong difference of a opinion, no arguing because he's black and she's white...it's a COMPLETELY different scenario.

 

[explodingboy]

Yes you are..I can't believe you don't see the difference between skin color and reglion. Having different idea and beliefs in politics, religion, morals..ect can cause strain on a relationship. Having different color skin doesn't strain anything, there's no strong difference of a opinion, no arguing because he's black and she's white...it's a COMPLETELY different scenario.

try telling that to Keith Bardwell,

on a more ontopic note. There is a pretty big gap between "can cause a strain" and "will cause a strain". If it the differences don't bother them, it's abit daft to tell them how much the differences will strain there relationship.

(because let's face it, by this point in time they've probably both got an opinion/decision worked out for themselves.)

 

[Eberlin]

I normally only read the discussion on these forums to soak up some knowledge. However, the lack of sound Christian advice from other Christians is completely depressing. There is more to this matter than just following your heart, as Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us that, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

Being equally yoked can be understood when you get the picture of what a yoke really is. It's a device used to hold two animals together. If you are an ox attached to another ox for the purpose of work, then the two of you cannot stray in different directions. If one isn't carrying an equal amount of the work, then they are unequal and the work isn't done efficiently or sometimes not at all.

In our spiritually lives, we have spiritual work to do. The work isn't the same as what an ox has to do, but we have work/our calling in life and we have the commands that Christ gave to us (to love each other, love our enemies, prayer, fast, attending church, and so on). The person that you are married to or dating is someone that is an important part of your life.

In a way, you are yoked to them. If you are yoked to them in the way that you both aren't trying to do your own spiritual work, then your joint spiritual lives are going to suffer. It is the duty of Christian parents to rear their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. How can one do this when the other sets the example of unbelief and disobedience to God?

Peter charged husbands and wives to be "heirs together of the grace of life" (1 Peter 3:7). When husbands and wives journey together toward their heavenly home, that is the IDEAL in marriage. That ideal is not realized when husbands and wives are traveling separate paths spiritually. They are "unequally yoked", they are pulling in different directions.

 

[Jedah]

The bible is actually not as clear on being Unequally Yoked as most would lead you to believe. There are verses that state that an unbeliever is saved simply by being married to a believer.

I Corinthians 7:12-15; - PassageLookup - New International Version - BibleGateway.com

 

[Eberlin]

The bible is actually not as clear on being Unequally Yoked as most would lead you to believe. There are verses that state that an unbeliever is saved simply by being married to a believer.

I Corinthians 7:12-15; - PassageLookup - New International Version - BibleGateway.com

The husbands and wives that Paul are speaking to are in Corinth. At the time, the people of Corinth were gravitating towards Pagan religions. These verses deals with couples who were married as Christian couples and the man or the woman later converted to Paganism. These are the marriages that these passages are dealing with.

What this verse speaks about is how the marital vows still stand unless the pagan husband or wife does not want the marriage to stand. The believing husband or wife can not divorce his/her spouse on basis on their conversion to the Pagan religion. Marriage is binding in this case unless the nonbeliever deserts the faithful partner.

I CORINTH 7:14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

Sanctified:
This verb cannot mean `holy in Christ before God,' because that kind of holiness cannot be predicated of an unbeliever. Paul here uses such a term in a ceremonial sense, rather than in a sense suggesting the salvation either of the unbelieving partner or of the children.[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Arial, Geneva]

Paul simply means that the Old Testament principle of the communication of uncleanness does not hold. The union is lawful and confers privileges on the members, such as the protection of God and the opportunity of being in close contact with one in God's family.

Nowhere does it say that a nonbeliever can be saved simply by being married to a believer. That is an absolute false teaching. You should be careful when throwing around things like that.[/FONT]

 

[JediMobius]

Don't be too concerned with what other people think - unless they are trusted counselors.

Mat 19:4 And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,'
Mat 19:5 "and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
Mat 19:6 "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

Of course, this is about divorce, but I believe scripture is often multifaceted. God knows who his sheep are. So, ask God daily until you get an answer, prayerfully, without letting your feelings and fleshly desires answer for you. Give it to God. If God doesn't want you to stay together, he will make that abundantly clear. But I think it would be unwise to someday marry if he's still an unbeliever. Still, God knows better than any of us.

 

[aandb]

Yes you are..I can't believe you don't see the difference between skin color and reglion. Having different idea and beliefs in politics, religion, morals..ect can cause strain on a relationship. Having different color skin doesn't strain anything, there's no strong difference of a opinion, no arguing because he's black and she's white...it's a COMPLETELY different scenario.

It is not a completely different scenario. There are cultural differences, ideological differences, etc. The term "unequally yoked" implies that non-Christians are below Christians. Which is similar to the outdated idea that Europeans are better than non-Europeans.

You're telling her to dump her boyfriend because a book says so. That is wrong, if she's in love, then she's obviously been able to look past the fact he's not a Christian.

 

[Eberlin]

It is not a completely different scenario. There are cultural differences, ideological differences, etc. The term "unequally yoked" implies that non-Christians are below Christians. Which is similar to the outdated idea that Europeans are better than non-Europeans.

You're telling her to dump her boyfriend because a book says so. That is wrong, if she's in love, then she's obviously been able to look past the fact he's not a Christian.

I'm sorry, but you are completely off base here. Not marrying someone because of their ethnicity is completely different than not marrying someone because they are not a Christian while you are.

Refer to my first post in this thread as to what 'unequally yoked' is, because you seem to be very misinformed as to what the correct meaning of that is as well. It has absolutely nothing to do with placing people in different levels or castes based on their beliefs. God does not love one more than another.

I see that you are not a Christian, and that's fine when you call the Bible 'just a book'. However, the OP IS a Christian and has dedicated her life and service to Christ. Being such, her first priority in life is to follow God's infallible word, not her own fleshly desires. So while it may be just a book for you, it's the guideline by which all Christians need to compare their lives with. You can not pick and choose parts of the Bible that you like to apply to your life. It's all or nothing. Not just what suits you.

While I don't think that marrying a nonbeliever is a sin, it is putting yourself in a situation that is going to a) put a strain on the relationship at some point and b) slow and at the worst, completely derail one's personal walk and growth in Christ. These are the things that need to be considered when dealing with a situation like this.