The practice is an environmental one mostly, and a learned behavior. And let's face it: the flesh loves to experiment with sin, especially sexual sin. Sexuality was designed by the Creator to be between male and female.
You're not going to get to the root of that in a place like this. Many people like to save face and keep their skeletons hidden. You have to get in the company of people willing to be honest and unconcerned with others opinions. They aren't seeking validation. They like what they like unapologetically.
I've been around people like that for many years and I'm largely the same with the Lord in mind so I'll share what I know. My comments include homosexuality and related practices. Most of the people I knew had a negative experience in their youth or early encounters with one another or someone older. I knew all of their 'interests' and they admitted the origins and sometimes I asked. When I encountered people with different tastes I asked them why and wanted to understand.
Sexuality isn't fixed and by that I mean you can pick up things and put them down. This is a murky subject in the church. They're not getting real like that. But unsaved people will. Parameters help you stay within the line. But when you're exposed to things beyond those boundaries it will move if you don't hold it in check and that begins in your head.
The moment you tell yourself it's okay you'll go further and that's true for many things. Oftentimes they find others like themselves or enter an environment where differences are celebrated and curiosity is cool. They're unlikely to hear don't do it. It isn't just same sex relations you get the whole umbrella because that's the community.
I've known people who've laid it down when they came to faith because of their convictions. Others stopped impure practices because they knew they were wrong. That's what it means to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. You can't rely on people to keep you on track. They may enable you. You need to know where you stand with God.
I've seen marriages destroyed, homes wrecked, children exposed to inappropriate stuff, financial ruin through alternative relating, a lot of pain and unnecessary problems. When people champion alternative relationships they don't tell you the whole story. How many relationships or sexual partners they've had. They don't tell you about the parties or events. They want you to think they live like you. They downplay the sex and hedonism and all the other stuff.
We used to live in boys town when I was a teenager. I've seen it all. That was back when the bathhouses were popular. It was off the rails as were the parades. Halloween was a spectacle. People wear masks all the time. They blend in with their environment but when they're elsewhere the real them comes out.
There's a lot of down low in the church. You're not sitting around Pollyanna's. They're looking at OF, corn and a lot worse or practicing it. Some used to live like that and they stopped. Some haven't. That's why you have to ask hard questions when you're trying to find a spouse or forging close connections. You need to know who you're dealing with and their history.
I want the truth and that allows me to make an informed decision. I'm happy when I see people delivered from strongholds. I'm happy when I see them trying to change. But if you've accepted it and compromised that's a problem. I laid those connections down. I want God honoring relationships. Bad company corrupts good morals. You may not mimic their lifestyle but you don't go unscathed. I've seen it up close.
The ugly truth is this. There's things we don't want to relinquish. We all have them. Agreeing with God is where it starts and it has to be ratified in your relationships. You don't need people encouraging you to do things you shouldn't. You need them to say the hard things in love.
I had a friend who was having an affair. She had gotten to the point where she'd purchased a Chromebook to speak with him in secret while at work. She was camming at work. She had the office to herself most of the time. This was during my homecoming. The Lord was drawing me close.
One day I asked a question. What will happen if you get caught? What will your husband do? This wasn't her first rodeo she'd been caught before and they patched things up. She said he'd divorce her and take their son. I was shocked she was willing to risk that on a fling.
I told her she was risking everything for nothing. An empty past time that won't last that long. Is it worth it? I had a bad feeling she was nearing the point of exposure and advised her to stop and she listened. I told her to tell him what she needed and craved and let him provide it. Give him a chance and I'd help.
We got on the phone and I spoke to her husband and broached the subject. We laughed a lot and I smoothed the way for her to share and it changed their marriage. She never strayed again.
That's a friend and it wasn't the first time I've done it. That's love. Love isn't telling people what they want to hear or turning a blind eye. We should be bettered through our connections.
~bella
