Im tired and scared. Tired of trying so hard and scared because of the thought of ending up with a complete loser. Its like im afraid of risking being alone and happy to being in a relationship and being in utter misery. Someone told me oh you have plenty of time when their are already married, and others wonder whats wrong with me I wonder the same thing. How do you guys cope trying to find someone?
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Why Do I think its a good idea to give up on finding love?
- Thread starter anaunJq
- Start date
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Nanopants
Guest
I'm not sure that I do cope with it, I just gave up :\
But there's nothing to keep me from giving it another shot whenever I feel like it.
But there's nothing to keep me from giving it another shot whenever I feel like it.
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Lord Herdsetk
What were they thinking?
I struggle to ask someone out, then I do ask someone out, and usually fall flat on my face. I struggle, I bleed, and ultimately I'm left wondering if there will ever be someone I can depend on in life.
I struggle a lot, but I believe its when we struggle that we grow the most.
I recently found out that the girl I was interested in for some time now was already dating a guy. It hurt like crap, not gonna lie. But I decided to keep being friends with her, and because I did a lot of doors were opened up for me. I've met some fantastic people I never would had I narrow-mindedly continued searching for a woman. Still haven't found a girl, but my opportunities are opening up by the day
I'm not saying that your only focus is to find a guy or anything like that. Rather, I'm trying to say that our lows ultimately define and shape who we are. Don't be afraid to screw up. Yes, its scary to admit you like someone when they don't feel the same way. Yes, its easy to feel lonely when you see couples together, happy with each other, and then you're told that you'll eventually find someone and that you have your life ahead of you. Its not an easy thing to hear, but I've found that embracing my mistakes as much as my successes has lead to me being a much happier person, and a much better person.
I'm still looking for that special girl, and you're still looking for that special guy. The only real comfort I can offer is the fact that there are other people going through the same thing as you. Ultimately, you're going to have to put yourself out there and meet people. This is coming from someone who is extremely introverted. I hate putting myself out there, but I know its true. If you struggle with meeting others, find someone who is more outgoing than you and get them to introduce you to some people. It makes things a heck of a lot easier.
I struggle a lot, but I believe its when we struggle that we grow the most.
I recently found out that the girl I was interested in for some time now was already dating a guy. It hurt like crap, not gonna lie. But I decided to keep being friends with her, and because I did a lot of doors were opened up for me. I've met some fantastic people I never would had I narrow-mindedly continued searching for a woman. Still haven't found a girl, but my opportunities are opening up by the day
I'm not saying that your only focus is to find a guy or anything like that. Rather, I'm trying to say that our lows ultimately define and shape who we are. Don't be afraid to screw up. Yes, its scary to admit you like someone when they don't feel the same way. Yes, its easy to feel lonely when you see couples together, happy with each other, and then you're told that you'll eventually find someone and that you have your life ahead of you. Its not an easy thing to hear, but I've found that embracing my mistakes as much as my successes has lead to me being a much happier person, and a much better person.
I'm still looking for that special girl, and you're still looking for that special guy. The only real comfort I can offer is the fact that there are other people going through the same thing as you. Ultimately, you're going to have to put yourself out there and meet people. This is coming from someone who is extremely introverted. I hate putting myself out there, but I know its true. If you struggle with meeting others, find someone who is more outgoing than you and get them to introduce you to some people. It makes things a heck of a lot easier.
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GodsDaughter1981
Newbie
Oh sweetie, I get you. I really do. I've just split up with an ex who I recently was in the process of getting back together with. We talked at length about the future. He promised me love, marriage, kids, the whole bit ...only to go and sleep with someone else 2 days later because "he couldn't handle a relationship without sex". I do get a bit upset sometimes worrying if I'll be single forever but at this stage, I'd rather be single than put up with that kind of heartache again.
There's a woman at my church who's like a spiritual mother to me. She's amazing, and together God and her are a great team She told me this, and it may help you too. I'm working on it currently:
Write down all your criteria for what you'd want in a husband. I mean, every little detail that's important to you. Everything from his faith to his sense of humour to whether he opens doors for you and puts the loo seat down
Then pray about it. Talk it over regularly with God. I find that it gives a security and helps me to realise that I AM LOVABLE (something that's been a bit of a long process after a divorce!).
Also, anaunJq, I'd like you to know this: Father God thinks you're His princess - so why should you settle for anything less from any other man?
With love in Christ,
GD81
Edit: Lord Herdsetk, you posted as I was typing so apologies. I just wanted to include this:
Indeed. All of our experiences to date, good or bad, have made us what we are now. It's up to us to get hand in hand with God and build on them.
There's a woman at my church who's like a spiritual mother to me. She's amazing, and together God and her are a great team
She told me this, and it may help you too. I'm working on it currently:Write down all your criteria for what you'd want in a husband. I mean, every little detail that's important to you. Everything from his faith to his sense of humour to whether he opens doors for you and puts the loo seat down
Then pray about it. Talk it over regularly with God. I find that it gives a security and helps me to realise that I AM LOVABLE (something that's been a bit of a long process after a divorce!).
Also, anaunJq, I'd like you to know this: Father God thinks you're His princess - so why should you settle for anything less from any other man?
With love in Christ,
GD81
Edit: Lord Herdsetk, you posted as I was typing so apologies. I just wanted to include this:
Indeed. All of our experiences to date, good or bad, have made us what we are now. It's up to us to get hand in hand with God and build on them.
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No matter your age people usually say, "you have time." When I was in my early 20's it seemed okay but now hearing those words always made/makes me feel, ugh.
I don't think I can ever give up on love. Romantic love or other wise. And with love there is always risk, always the potential of hurting but those things can happen, it doesnt mean be so afraid of it that you stop yourself having any form of it.
Coping for me has always been to love what I do, be with my family and friends, do things that interest me, and when I have someone that I do love, not be so darn scared of saying how I feel.
So I guess my answer is, no, no its not a good idea. Just live.
I really hope I made sense my brain is mush.
I don't think I can ever give up on love. Romantic love or other wise. And with love there is always risk, always the potential of hurting but those things can happen, it doesnt mean be so afraid of it that you stop yourself having any form of it.
Coping for me has always been to love what I do, be with my family and friends, do things that interest me, and when I have someone that I do love, not be so darn scared of saying how I feel.
So I guess my answer is, no, no its not a good idea. Just live.
I really hope I made sense my brain is mush.
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are you the one thats posted recently about a really bad break-up? or am I confusing you with someone else? Not trying to pry or anything, but if thats what you're dealing with now then it makes sense to write off dating. I did for well over a year after i broke up with my ex. even the idea of dating then made me feel emotionally drained. its part of the healing process.
although, if i'm confusing you with someone else, ignore that ^^
strangely i agree with both Mary and Ethie. There's really no controlling your own dating life, because you cannot control the kind of people that come into your life or the timing that has to be right for both people to be ready for a relationship. and in that case you have to just put it in God's hands and trust in His sovereignty. Its not easy, by any means, but there's no one else i'd rather have in control than Him. I've gone through phases where i was done with men and done with love and dating because i get so tired of things never working out right for me, but i can't really give up the idea of finding that one day. because that is my biggest dream - to get married and raise a family. I don't actually see it happening for me, at least not any time soon, and that does hurt but at the same time... i have peace in the Lord about it. I just need to live my life and leave the rest in His hands.
there's nothing else any of us can do but that.
although, if i'm confusing you with someone else, ignore that ^^
strangely i agree with both Mary and Ethie. There's really no controlling your own dating life, because you cannot control the kind of people that come into your life or the timing that has to be right for both people to be ready for a relationship. and in that case you have to just put it in God's hands and trust in His sovereignty. Its not easy, by any means, but there's no one else i'd rather have in control than Him. I've gone through phases where i was done with men and done with love and dating because i get so tired of things never working out right for me, but i can't really give up the idea of finding that one day. because that is my biggest dream - to get married and raise a family. I don't actually see it happening for me, at least not any time soon, and that does hurt but at the same time... i have peace in the Lord about it. I just need to live my life and leave the rest in His hands.
there's nothing else any of us can do but that.
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Instead of looking primarily for a potential mate.
Look primarily to The Lord, and then for others who can be our friend/brother or sister in Him.
Then we'll never be entirely alone, even if single, and from there someone may gracefully arise to become our life long spouse.
But even if they don't, we'll be okay !
Asking for The Lord's Help, every day.
And thereby avoid feeling desperate, or that something should be attempted in a forceful, non-graceful way.
May God Be Pleased to Bless !
wm
Look primarily to The Lord, and then for others who can be our friend/brother or sister in Him.
Then we'll never be entirely alone, even if single, and from there someone may gracefully arise to become our life long spouse.
But even if they don't, we'll be okay !
Asking for The Lord's Help, every day.
And thereby avoid feeling desperate, or that something should be attempted in a forceful, non-graceful way.
May God Be Pleased to Bless !
wm
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omanid
I'm not perfect; I'm forgiven.
I cope by trying to become the person I want to be (who I think God wants me to be).
"Be the change you want to see in the world."
I, personally, wouldn't want a mate that, for an exaggerative example, hates being alone and is really needy and depressed when alone, so I focus on being fine with being alone and being productive during those times.
helping other people always makes me feel better ("in learning you will teach and in teaching you will learn").
"Be the change you want to see in the world."
I, personally, wouldn't want a mate that, for an exaggerative example, hates being alone and is really needy and depressed when alone, so I focus on being fine with being alone and being productive during those times.
helping other people always makes me feel better ("in learning you will teach and in teaching you will learn").
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septemberskies
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I keep my eyes and ears open to the possibility that my someone special might be right in front of me or just around the corner. As much as I keep saying I have given up hope, I still believe that I will meet him soon because it's my heart's desire. I try to focus on the things that I can do right now and hopefully he'll find me in the midst of doing positive things. (I don't want my potential future spouse not to notice me because I have a poor outlook on my life... that's not attractive). I can't be negative... I just have to be smile and have a little faith
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Well other types of relationships exist... I used to worry about finding a fulfilling relationship when I realized the relationship I was searching wouldn't work because I wasn't built for it internally. I had to look for a new way to express companionship. Maybe you should try finding a new way to have a relationship with someone. Maybe you are a puzzle piece that doesn't fit in this particular puzzle.
To do this will require a lot of brutally honest thought and reflection.
Humanity might be happier and more content in general if we learned how to expand our horizons properly.
This is just a suggestion, maybe what I am talking about in my post is not a problem of yours but I think it was worth mentioning.
To do this will require a lot of brutally honest thought and reflection.
Humanity might be happier and more content in general if we learned how to expand our horizons properly.
This is just a suggestion, maybe what I am talking about in my post is not a problem of yours but I think it was worth mentioning.
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Ceta_cea
I'm a Kings Daugther
I know how you feel. For a long time I felt the same way and even now I struggle with it from time to time.
But I try to cling on Jesus at those times. Somehow I realized I can't be a good girlfriend/wife to anyone, if I didn't try to live up to my possibilities. I believe there is sooo much God has in store for me, but I tried to put those things away until I have found my spouse. That's such a wrong thinking! Now I try to be the woman God has created me to be and I believe that sometime I will meet the person that is meant for me.
I also like to talk with God about how my future husband could be, like which kind of character probably would fit me and things like that. I try to love this person already, eventhough I have no idea who he is and where he lives. This happens to be a extremely interesting experience !
But I try to cling on Jesus at those times. Somehow I realized I can't be a good girlfriend/wife to anyone, if I didn't try to live up to my possibilities. I believe there is sooo much God has in store for me, but I tried to put those things away until I have found my spouse. That's such a wrong thinking! Now I try to be the woman God has created me to be and I believe that sometime I will meet the person that is meant for me.
I also like to talk with God about how my future husband could be, like which kind of character probably would fit me and things like that. I try to love this person already, eventhough I have no idea who he is and where he lives. This happens to be a extremely interesting experience !
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T
trentlogain2
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I wish I had a hundred copies of David Jeremiah's The Loneley Single just so I could mass distribute them here in this forum for threads like these.
Sad thing is, no matter how much encouragement you give to people that are stuck in these type of ruts they really have no wish to snap out of it.
Sad thing is, no matter how much encouragement you give to people that are stuck in these type of ruts they really have no wish to snap out of it.
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