Wedding Musician - Same Sex Marriage

[WedSinger]

Hi,

I am new to this forum and find myself here this evening with a very specific situation that I’d be grateful for some insight on.

I am a wedding musician and recently accepted a booking through a booking agent. However, I did not do my due diligence and was unaware it was a same sex union until after confirming availability.

I do not believe I can actively be a part of this wedding and I think that in my country of residence I could potentially be under threat from discrimination laws for citing my religion.

I could of course provide an unrelated excuse not to do the wedding but would that be essentially denying my faith and God?

Thank you

 

[Tinker Grey]

"Look, couple. I didn't realize that this was a same-sex marriage and I don't normally do those. I recognize that I made a commitment; I will keep my commitment; and, I will do my very best for you. But if you could release me, I would be grateful."

 

[Hammster]

Hi,

I am new to this forum and find myself here this evening with a very specific situation that I’d be grateful for some insight on.

I am a wedding musician and recently accepted a booking through a booking agent. However, I did not do my due diligence and was unaware it was a same sex union until after confirming availability.

I do not believe I can actively be a part of this wedding and I think that in my country of residence I could potentially be under threat from discrimination laws for citing my religion.

I could of course provide an unrelated excuse not to do the wedding but would that be essentially denying my faith and God?

Thank you

If you feel it’s a sin, then you have to back out and take the consequences.

 

[jayem]

As a professional musician, you must know of colleagues who would have no problem working this gig. I'd think the booking agent can also help. But you should be honest with the couple. Inform them respectfully of your situation, and that you'll help them find a replacement.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Hi,

I am new to this forum and find myself here this evening with a very specific situation that I’d be grateful for some insight on.

I am a wedding musician and recently accepted a booking through a booking agent. However, I did not do my due diligence and was unaware it was a same sex union until after confirming availability.

I do not believe I can actively be a part of this wedding and I think that in my country of residence I could potentially be under threat from discrimination laws for citing my religion.

I could of course provide an unrelated excuse not to do the wedding but would that be essentially denying my faith and God?

Thank you

Welcome to CF!

My option......
Christian's have to live in the secular world. If situations come up that directly violate God's moral law then we must, at all cost , obey Him. I really dont think playing for a same sex marriage fits in this catagory nor do I think baking a cake fits in this either. All this has caused is hatred and divisiveness when we should be building the Kingdom. God sends His Body with a full armor to go out into the world and spread the Gospel. What better way to do so when among sinners. If you reject this gig based on religious conviction you call attention to yourself only. I know Jesus Christ of Nazareth would have no problem proceeding because love is His main agenda.
All this being said, if you can't stomach the secular world then find a Christian agency to work for from now on so you don't subject yourself again or put on His full armour and spread the Good News. Be Blessed.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Hi,

I am new to this forum and find myself here this evening with a very specific situation that I’d be grateful for some insight on.

I am a wedding musician and recently accepted a booking through a booking agent. However, I did not do my due diligence and was unaware it was a same sex union until after confirming availability.

I do not believe I can actively be a part of this wedding and I think that in my country of residence I could potentially be under threat from discrimination laws for citing my religion.

I could of course provide an unrelated excuse not to do the wedding but would that be essentially denying my faith and God?

Thank you

I was in a similar situation once. I do computer networking and get my contract jobs by date and time, approximate location, and technical skill fit. No information is provided on the exact location until once I have been paired with the job. Somewhat like your thing. I put in for the job, got it, and was told it was at a Planned Parenthood office. Once I saw that I instantly knew I couldn't do the job. I called the people who contracted me and told them I simply couldn't do it and I told them why. They released me right away. They COULD have gotten all bent out of shape and applied a cancellation penalty or a bad review but they didn't. I have continued to do business with them and aside from that one instance everything is great.

So in theory your booking agent COULD do the same thing. Or they could play hardball with you. They could even report you to some government office and make your life a living hell. We have seen similar things where a baker is unwilling to bake a wedding cake for a same sex union. That happened in the state of Colorado and even though the baker won his court case the State of Colorado and various activists keep coming after him. This baker has no problem selling generalized cakes like birthday cakes to homosexual people but does have a problem with selling wedding cakes in support of weddings he considers improper because his faith has informed him they are improper.

How will you fare? You could maybe have no problem at all. Or it could be a legal nightmare. I think you know what you have to do. Pray for the courage to do it. Many before you prayed for the courage for actual martyrdom and were killed for their faith. They stood up when they had to. You might not fare that badly. The booking agent has probably already come across this situation and could make things easy for you. After all, they want their clients, that is both you and the people you are providing the music for, to be happy. Your booking agent wants you to be happy so you will continue taking gigs. If the agent makes a stink he risks losing you in the long run.

I think I would talk with your booking agent very soon. Don't let this stew. And maybe talk to a lawyer right after that if things don't go smoothly. Pray for courage and dive in. Keep me posted.

 

[WedSinger]

I was in a similar situation once. I do computer networking and get my contract jobs by date and time, approximate location, and technical skill fit. No information is provided on the exact location until once I have been paired with the job. Somewhat like your thing. I put in for the job, got it, and was told it was at a Planned Parenthood office. Once I saw that I instantly knew I couldn't do the job. I called the people who contracted me and told them I simply couldn't do it and I told them why. They released me right away. They COULD have gotten all bent out of shape and applied a cancellation penalty or a bad review but they didn't. I have continued to do business with them and aside from that one instance everything is great.

So in theory your booking agent COULD do the same thing. Or they could play hardball with you. They could even report you to some government office and make your life a living hell. We have seen similar things where a baker is unwilling to bake a wedding cake for a same sex union. That happened in the state of Colorado and even though the baker won his court case the State of Colorado and various activists keep coming after him. This baker has no problem selling generalized cakes like birthday cakes to homosexual people but does have a problem with selling wedding cakes in support of weddings he considers improper because his faith has informed him they are improper.

How will you fare? You could maybe have no problem at all. Or it could be a legal nightmare. I think you know what you have to do. Pray for the courage to do it. Many before you prayed for the courage for actual martyrdom and were killed for their faith. They stood up when they had to. You might not fare that badly. The booking agent has probably already come across this situation and could make things easy for you. After all, they want their clients, that is both you and the people you are providing the music for, to be happy. Your booking agent wants you to be happy so you will continue taking gigs. If the agent makes a stink he risks losing you in the long run.

I think I would talk with your booking agent very soon. Don't let this stew. And maybe talk to a lawyer right after that if things don't go smoothly. Pray for courage and dive in. Keep me posted.

Hi, thank you for this response. You are absolutely right, of course. I knew deep down inside what I had to do and this really gave me the support and encouragement I needed. I don’t have any Christian friends where I live and the town is small, the congregations will be gone in a few years due to age of attendees and dwindling numbers. It does feel terribly lonely at times in that respect as I don’t have fellow Christian’s to talk with. This has been very helpful.

I called the agent today and was upfront with him. I’m not sure what he’s going to do with my reasoning with respect to the couple but he is going to find someone else. Come what may, I feel a lot better because it was the right way to do it and I told the truth.

This scenario has also made me reflect on other aspects of my life that I am not treating with the same conviction. I am in the infancy of my journey and this will give me more courage to shine a light on other areas that I have been avoiding.

 

[WedSinger]

Welcome to CF!

My option......
Christian's have to live in the secular world. If situations come up that directly violate God's moral law then we must, at all cost , obey Him. I really dont think playing for a same sex marriage fits in this catagory nor do I think baking a cake fits in this either. All this has caused is hatred and divisiveness when we should be building the Kingdom. God sends His Body with a full armor to go out into the world and spread the Gospel. What better way to do so when among sinners. If you reject this gig based on religious conviction you call attention to yourself only. I know Jesus Christ of Nazareth would have no problem proceeding because love is His main agenda.
All this being said, if you can't stomach the secular world then find a Christian agency to work for from now on so you don't subject yourself again or put on His full armour and spread the Good News. Be Blessed.

Hi Maria, thank you for the warm welcome and for your response. I can see where you are coming from though I don’t believe my hesitancy is from a place of hatred - I feel no negativity to the couple and I wish them the very best. I did, however, feel that actively taking part in not just a celebration of same sex union but being a part of the ceremony itself was not right for me. Jesus certainly spent time with sinners - he was and is looking for his lost sheep but he did not celebrate nor encourage sin. That is not love.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Hi, thank you for this response. You are absolutely right, of course. I knew deep down inside what I had to do and this really gave me the support and encouragement I needed. I don’t have any Christian friends where I live and the town is small, the congregations will be gone in a few years due to age of attendees and dwindling numbers. It does feel terribly lonely at times in that respect as I don’t have fellow Christian’s to talk with. This has been very helpful.

I called the agent today and was upfront with him. I’m not sure what he’s going to do with my reasoning with respect to the couple but he is going to find someone else. Come what may, I feel a lot better because it was the right way to do it and I told the truth.

This scenario has also made me reflect on other aspects of my life that I am not treating with the same conviction. I am in the infancy of my journey and this will give me more courage to shine a light on other areas that I have been avoiding.

Praying for you.

Sometimes it can be really scary to do the right thing. Not everything is prosperity for us. But we are called to be faithful, however that turns out.

 

[Blade]

Hi,

I am new to this forum and find myself here this evening with a very specific situation that I’d be grateful for some insight on.

I am a wedding musician and recently accepted a booking through a booking agent. However, I did not do my due diligence and was unaware it was a same sex union until after confirming availability.

I do not believe I can actively be a part of this wedding and I think that in my country of residence I could potentially be under threat from discrimination laws for citing my religion.

I could of course provide an unrelated excuse not to do the wedding but would that be essentially denying my faith and God?

Thank you

I fully understand now for me I wouldn't do it and that has nothing what so ever to do with love. I know how my Father (God) feels about sin and He hates it. There is no sin He's ok with. We are.. we can look at it be around it and not blink a eye. He came to save this world not condone sin. Here's some "Blessed is the man who walks NOT in the counsel of the ungodly, NOR stands in the path of sinners, NOR sits in the seat of the scornful, But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law, he meditates day and night"

"But actually, I have written to you not to associate with any so-called [Christian] brother if he is sexually immoral or greedy, or is an idolater [devoted to anything that takes the place of God], or is a reviler [who insults or slanders or otherwise verbally abuses others], or is a drunkard or a swindler—you must not so much as eat with such a person." Now this is just a Christian brother.

"Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."

We might be able to dance around some verses but the reason we the light what would it be? Is it for this reason "To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some."

See this is why Christ was around them.. He love them as we do but He came to save them not party have fun goof around or just ignore but to save them. Maybe.. "Father in some way some how shine through me that they will see YOU". Whats the reason for going?

So for me to just go sing something like that..I would do like one said "pray about it".. He will give you a peace or not but you have to want to know what He wants and be willing to do it. Praying.

 

[friend of]

This is actually a chance for you to own your faith and tell them that you're a Christian and you object on those grounds. Don't look for a lie to get you out.

 

[GodLovesCats]

In my county, business owners get sued for refusing to sell things because of their opposition to same-sex marriages. If people do that in Australia, you must be very careful not to give the couple your reason for wanting to back out without telling a lie.

 

[Hammster]

I understand and appreciate the issue, but at some point this all becomes slightly absurd. What if the couple were man and woman, but their relationship was the product of adultery? They both had multiple unbiblical divorces? They'd been cohabiting for years and already had two children? And so on and so forth. Do we inquire about these things? Where is the line in the sand?

To me, if you enter into the world of commerce, you pretty much leave your religious scruples behind. You take wedding photos, then take wedding photos and shut up. You don't want to photograph same-sex weddings, then don't make wedding photography part of your business. To me, it should be a pretty bright line: you're either in this business or you aren't.

What if a married couple wanted a portrait photographer to take pictures of them having sex so they could mount it in their living room. According your standard, that photographer should do it.

 

[Hammster]

No, you misunderstand. A portrait photographer would be free to say "All portraits are taken in my studio" or "All portraits require formal attire." A commercial business can certainly have appropriate commercial requirements: "No shoes, no shirt, no service" or whatever. You fail to make the distinction between appropriate commercial standards, applicable to all customers regardless of race, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, etc., etc., and discrimination arising out of supposed religious scruples. The "we don't serve gays" argument is a legal loser.

So why can’t a wedding photographer have similar standards such as only biblical marriages??

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Hi Maria, thank you for the warm welcome and for your response. I can see where you are coming from though I don’t believe my hesitancy is from a place of hatred - I feel no negativity to the couple and I wish them the very best. I did, however, feel that actively taking part in not just a celebration of same sex union but being a part of the ceremony itself was not right for me. Jesus certainly spent time with sinners - he was and is looking for his lost sheep but he did not celebrate nor encourage sin. That is not love.

He took away sin and that is Love. He ate, drank, healed sinners and was rebuked by those around Him for doing it. Who are we to decide what is right for ourselves when we are called to be selfless and do for others as Christ did for us. It is a high calling, I know, and most just don't get it. Instead they spew hate and hurt. You will be known for that I am afraid to say if you choose "religious" reasons for backing out. I do apologize for my insistence on this, I understand each one of us must live according to our conscience.
Thanks for engaging! Be blessed.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

MOD HAT ON

This thread has been moved from Ethics and Morality. As it is now in a Christian Only and a no-debate area, please respect the Statement of Purpose for Requests for Christian Advice. Address only the topic raised by the OP, and do not debate each other's replies. Thank you.

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[TheLastGeek]

Hi,

I am new to this forum and find myself here this evening with a very specific situation that I’d be grateful for some insight on.

I am a wedding musician and recently accepted a booking through a booking agent. However, I did not do my due diligence and was unaware it was a same sex union until after confirming availability.

I do not believe I can actively be a part of this wedding and I think that in my country of residence I could potentially be under threat from discrimination laws for citing my religion.

I could of course provide an unrelated excuse not to do the wedding but would that be essentially denying my faith and God?

Thank you

I could not go through with it in good conscience. My faith and conviction in God's word and law is more important than potential discrimination complaints. I'd be sick with shame if I just ignored my gut and did it anyway to avoid any consequences. I would tell the booking agent that you aren't able to provide the service, that you're very sorry for the inconvenience, and accept any lost fees that might result from it. I don't think you need to explicitly state WHY you need to cancel, unless that's a requirement of some sort with the agent.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Hi, thank you for this response. You are absolutely right, of course. I knew deep down inside what I had to do and this really gave me the support and encouragement I needed. I don’t have any Christian friends where I live and the town is small, the congregations will be gone in a few years due to age of attendees and dwindling numbers. It does feel terribly lonely at times in that respect as I don’t have fellow Christian’s to talk with. This has been very helpful.

I called the agent today and was upfront with him. I’m not sure what he’s going to do with my reasoning with respect to the couple but he is going to find someone else. Come what may, I feel a lot better because it was the right way to do it and I told the truth.

This scenario has also made me reflect on other aspects of my life that I am not treating with the same conviction. I am in the infancy of my journey and this will give me more courage to shine a light on other areas that I have been avoiding.

Proud of you!