to those who married a non-believer - was it better than singleness?

[Chaplain David]

Hi,

I think there is always a promise behind God. Just believing gives the most important promises of all. That you are trying to salvage your faith is fantastic. I believe it is through these times that much can be learned.

When we realize that some work is needed and more communication attempted in our relationship with God, we open ourselves up to learn a lot. I've never necessarily liked problems but try to make my way through them in faith, and learn what I can to take with me on my new or revised journey.

I go to the following site for scripture verses by topic. The following are associated with "God's Promises" to us.

Faithfully,

 

[hopesum]

hi

im in my late 40s and still single and considering the nuclear option of marrying a
spiritual "non" believer, but still a nice person etc as the least of evils to staying single going into my 50s.

i know the bible verse about being yoked to a non-believer, but i also think the
bible is silent on the subject of chronic singleness too, so i'll be open minded.

the other option of staying single, facing dark thoughts about christianity and my expanding
gap to other believers who have established social circles, families etc and my own disillusionment with how life turned out.

they are both bad and wrong, but which is worse?

I'm happy about this thread. Not your problem certainly. Although I will say this is an issue with many many singles today. I'm especially drawn to the points made about our culture from some of you.

".... facing dark thoughts about christianity and my expanding gap to other believers who have established social circles, families etc and my own disillusionment with how life turned out."​

This issue is very true and ongoing. I grew up in a particular Christian circle where all unmarried persons in the church were discipled together as people, not singles. This meant you had classes/events including 15 year olds with 35 year olds. It was rather wonderful. The older folks helped the younger ones in their walk. And the older ones didn't feel exiled to an island. As it was a very dedicated circle to Christ, there was no questionable behavior from anyone.

But today's church has young adults that only span up to college age. This leaves the more mature singles exiled. Between married couples not having time/aptitude for Singles, the Church focusing on all the scripture FOR/ON relationship and marriage, and culture demanding couplehood as normalcy... it's easy to see how this is becoming a silent epidemic. Mature singles, more than ever, are bewildered and taking to comforts of all sorts to fill the gap they feel.

However, I have to include the following: We walk by Faith. Not what we feel or see. It is REALLY hard to not give into feelings of disrepair AND disappointment! BUT we have been told (in scripture) it would be a FIGHT of Faith. Take heart! AND USE the Word. It works when you Work it. God's faithfulness and His Word are the only things that have gotten me this far as a single... many years. I have TERRIBLE days. Agony beyond words for the ache of companionship, as I have no close family to me, or childhood friends either (moved a lot as a kid). It's terrible. BUT, GOD....

God is our portion. Our focus is HUGE in the matters we suffer. Peace be with you.

"You will guard me and keep me in perfect and constant peace as my mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because I commit myself to You, lean on You, and hope confidently in You." —Isiah 26:3

 

[mercyfollowsme]

However, I have to include the following: We walk by Faith. Not what we feel or see. It is REALLY hard to not give into feelings of disrepair AND disappointment! BUT we have been told (in scripture) it would be a FIGHT of Faith. Take heart! AND USE the Word. It works when you Work it. God's faithfulness and His Word are the only things that have gotten me this far as a single... many years. I have TERRIBLE days. Agony beyond words for the ache of companionship, as I have no close family to me, or childhood friends either (moved a lot as a kid). It's terrible. BUT, GOD....

God is our portion. Our focus is HUGE in the matters we suffer. Peace be with you.

"You will guard me and keep me in perfect and constant peace as my mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because I commit myself to You, lean on You, and hope confidently in You." —Isiah 26:3

thanks for the post, but i'll have to stop at your last point. Faith doesnt exist in a vacuum, nor hope. It needs a goal and a promise, and thats where i feel most let down. there is no promise that you will ever find someone - what do i put faith in? i can believe in the ideas of the Bible, the person and nature of God, but telling single people to put faith in a promise that doesnt exist is unfair.

You probably are right, God is enough. Maybe he wasnt for Adam, but he is for us.

I cant even begin to face that prospect of trying to be content alone, and being happy about it.

 

[JAM2b]

The thing about seeking marriage for happiness is that marriage does not guarantee that. Even if the person was a wonderful match for you and you both treated each other very well, the happiness that comes with marriage is still temporary. It comes and goes. People die. People leave. People fall out of love and can even fall out of liking each other. I was married for 11 years before my divorce, and I was more lonely in my marriage than I feel now.

This is making me think of the movie City of Angels. This angel intentionally fell to become human so he could be with a woman. Shortly after establishing a relationship with her, she died unexpectedly in an accident. So this guy lost who he was as an angel for a very short gratifying relationship, and was never able to return to being who he was before. He lost everything for the sake of something very short and fleeting.

I understand how you feel about not wanting to be alone. I'm single and in my forties. On top of that I don't have much family contact because my family are some bad people. However, I find more fulfillment in my relationship with the Lord than any earthly relationship has ever offered me. My kids are growing up. They are going to move away and have their own lives. If I marry someone else, he might die or leave. Or I might die. I'm not saying marriage is hopeless or useless. I'd like to be married again.

 

[mercyfollowsme]

The thing about seeking marriage for happiness is that marriage does not guarantee that. Even if the person was a wonderful match for you and you both treated each other very well, the happiness that comes with marriage is still temporary. It comes and goes. People die. People leave. People fall out of love and can even fall out of liking each other. I was married for 11 years before my divorce, and I was more lonely in my marriage than I feel now.

This is making me think of the movie City of Angels. This angel intentionally fell to become human so he could be with a woman. Shortly after establishing a relationship with her, she died unexpectedly in an accident. So this guy lost who he was as an angel for a very short gratifying relationship, and was never able to return to being who he was before. He lost everything for the sake of something very short and fleeting.

I understand how you feel about not wanting to be alone. I'm single and in my forties. On top of that I don't have much family contact because my family are some bad people. However, I find more fulfillment in my relationship with the Lord than any earthly relationship has ever offered me. My kids are growing up. They are going to move away and have their own lives. If I marry someone else, he might die or leave. Or I might die. I'm not saying marriage is hopeless or useless. I'd like to be married again. But it's not my biggest life goal.

you make some good philosophical points, thank you. I really wish i could pretend i was some desireless, sexless eunuch, but its not me. I dont think its natural either. sorry if it seems im stretching your point.
Im too emotionally invested in a lifelong journey just to walk away from it, even if the destination is going to eventually disappoint. its the human condition.

 

[nick garai]

Do not marry a non-believer. I did this to my ex-wife and she committed adultery on me. We had two children and I am blessed because of it however she did not have the same values that I did. I should not have gotten involved with her. It was a mistake. I thought I loved her but I put my love for the L-rd second place instead of putting him first. It is not worth making the mistake. There are lots of single Christian women out there. Go to eHarmony or some of the singles sites out there.

Take it from someone who learned a very painful lesson about thinking he was in love with a non-believer - DON'T DO IT! IT IS NOT WORTH THE PAIN!

 

[mama2one]

deleted, realized OP not active since last April