Teenager struggling with lust

[Sunflower Garden]

I'm posting this here instead of the teenagers section because I would like answers from anyone, not just people my age.

I'm a hormonal teenager and I can't stop falling into lust.

I know it is normal for a teen but it has been overwhelming lately. It crosses my mind too much. I keep thinking "just thinking about it a little won't hurt" and find myself going way too far.

I have been making progress, admittedly. I have officially quit certain sins, and have not been tempted in ages. But I am still tempted to think about such lustful actions. It's been easier but it still happens.

I don't lust after specific people. I just really want to get "it" out of the way. I often daydream about being in a relationship, and anticipate all the things that might happen once it comes around. And sometimes that gets me imagining less-than-pure scenarios.

It feels natural to me, and right in the moment. And it aches, because I don't want to sin against God. It pains me to see people already having these relationships, or even just fantasizing about them, without feeling shame, because I do feel shame.

The scariest thing about this, even when I pray and apologize over and over, deep down I still want to act on this lust. I find myself moving back towards it, no matter how later on it may be. I hold on to the hope that I can find a way to act on these desires without sinning. And I find no answer. And it just leads me back down all over again, sometimes right after praying for forgiveness.

There has to be a healthy way to relieve these feelings. Don't tell me "exercise" or "keep yourself distracted" because I honestly don't know how well those help. I want to act on it so bad, but there is no way of doing do as a single person and I hate it.

I really don't want to fornicate. I really do not. But I'm not sure if I can stay like this for long. In biblical times, I understand people got married off earlier, so it was easier to resist this. But now people are getting married well into their middle ages. How am I supposed to wait that long?
There are also some societal issues with abstaining til marriage that actually makes such a goal harder, more complicated, and slightly problematic.
1) let's face it, not even most Christians want to wait til marriage. Intimacy is seen as a very important part of relationships nowadays, and if you reject said advances, said relationships will fail because they feel unloved and unsatisfied, and you'll never end up getting married at all. I have read about this happening- people who are still virgins and unmarried at 40 years old because their partners left them due to lack of intimacy. And the older you are without experience, the less attractive you'll be. Seems like waiting til marriage just pushes you farther away from it.
2) in the case of marrying quickly (20's), you don't know if you're compatible with the person in that way unless it's already happened. What if after you're married, you decided you rushed in too fast and find you dont like each other that way after all? Sounds like a unhappy recipe for divorce.

These issues above really seem to glare at me.

Anyways, I have been feeling very disconnected from God lately. I don't know when it started. I feel like I can't hear him or feel for him, even when I'm praying, reading the bible, or going to church. It all feels distant. I feel like my faith has been withering, and it is horrifying because I never want to fall away from God again, I do not want to be dead ever again. I feel like I gained everything, and suddenly I have lost it.

Please help.

 

[Jags]

I'm posting this here instead of the teenagers section because I would like answers from anyone, not just people my age.

I'm a hormonal teenager and I can't stop falling into lust.

I know it is normal for a teen but it has been overwhelming lately. It crosses my mind too much. I keep thinking "just thinking about it a little won't hurt" and find myself going way too far.

I have been making progress, admittedly. I have officially quit certain sins, and have not been tempted in ages. But I am still tempted to think about such lustful actions. It's been easier but it still happens.

I don't lust after specific people. I just really want to get "it" out of the way. I often daydream about being in a relationship, and anticipate all the things that might happen once it comes around. And sometimes that gets me imagining less-than-pure scenarios.

It feels natural to me, and right in the moment. And it aches, because I don't want to sin against God. It pains me to see people already having these relationships, or even just fantasizing about them, without feeling shame, because I do feel shame.

The scariest thing about this, even when I pray and apologize over and over, deep down I still want to act on this lust. I find myself moving back towards it, no matter how later on it may be. I hold on to the hope that I can find a way to act on these desires without sinning. And I find no answer. And it just leads me back down all over again, sometimes right after praying for forgiveness.

There has to be a healthy way to relieve these feelings. Don't tell me "exercise" or "keep yourself distracted" because I honestly don't know how well those help. I want to act on it so bad, but there is no way of doing do as a single person and I hate it.

I really don't want to fornicate. I really do not. But I'm not sure if I can stay like this for long. In biblical times, I understand people got married off earlier, so it was easier to resist this. But now people are getting married well into their middle ages. How am I supposed to wait that long?
There are also some societal issues with abstaining til marriage that actually makes such a goal harder, more complicated, and slightly problematic.
1) let's face it, not even most Christians want to wait til marriage. Intimacy is seen as a very important part of relationships nowadays, and if you reject said advances, said relationships will fail because they feel unloved and unsatisfied, and you'll never end up getting married at all. I have read about this happening- people who are still virgins and unmarried at 40 years old because their partners left them due to lack of intimacy. And the older you are without experience, the less attractive you'll be. Seems like waiting til marriage just pushes you farther away from it.
2) in the case of marrying quickly (20's), you don't know if you're compatible with the person in that way unless it's already happened. What if after you're married, you decided you rushed in too fast and find you dont like each other that way after all? Sounds like a unhappy recipe for divorce.

These issues above really seem to glare at me.

Anyways, I have been feeling very disconnected from God lately. I don't know when it started. I feel like I can't hear him or feel for him, even when I'm praying, reading the bible, or going to church. It all feels distant. I feel like my faith has been withering, and it is horrifying because I never want to fall away from God again, I do not want to be dead ever again. I feel like I gained everything, and suddenly I have lost it.

Please help.

I'm going trough the same thing but i feel like the best thing you could do is just pray for the lord to help you. Thats what iv been doing the past few days and haven't had as much lustful thoughts as i did before Just pray for the lord to help you. just my opinion on what the best option could be. i'l be praying for you.

 

[trophy33]

If its so unbearable, there may be some antihormonal treatments, both natural and medical ones. But they are probably hard to find, todays western society propagates the opposite direction.

I am not for "pray" and similar advices, it did not help me.

 

[Sketcher]

Just because you're lusting doesn't mean you have to fornicate. Nor does it mean that you might as well fornicate. Better the frying pan than the fire.

 

[LoveGodsWord]

I'm posting this here instead of the teenagers section because I would like answers from anyone, not just people my age.

I'm a hormonal teenager and I can't stop falling into lust.

I know it is normal for a teen but it has been overwhelming lately. It crosses my mind too much. I keep thinking "just thinking about it a little won't hurt" and find myself going way too far.

I have been making progress, admittedly. I have officially quit certain sins, and have not been tempted in ages. But I am still tempted to think about such lustful actions. It's been easier but it still happens.

I don't lust after specific people. I just really want to get "it" out of the way. I often daydream about being in a relationship, and anticipate all the things that might happen once it comes around. And sometimes that gets me imagining less-than-pure scenarios.

It feels natural to me, and right in the moment. And it aches, because I don't want to sin against God. It pains me to see people already having these relationships, or even just fantasizing about them, without feeling shame, because I do feel shame.

The scariest thing about this, even when I pray and apologize over and over, deep down I still want to act on this lust. I find myself moving back towards it, no matter how later on it may be. I hold on to the hope that I can find a way to act on these desires without sinning. And I find no answer. And it just leads me back down all over again, sometimes right after praying for forgiveness.

There has to be a healthy way to relieve these feelings. Don't tell me "exercise" or "keep yourself distracted" because I honestly don't know how well those help. I want to act on it so bad, but there is no way of doing do as a single person and I hate it.

I really don't want to fornicate. I really do not. But I'm not sure if I can stay like this for long. In biblical times, I understand people got married off earlier, so it was easier to resist this. But now people are getting married well into their middle ages. How am I supposed to wait that long?
There are also some societal issues with abstaining til marriage that actually makes such a goal harder, more complicated, and slightly problematic.
1) let's face it, not even most Christians want to wait til marriage. Intimacy is seen as a very important part of relationships nowadays, and if you reject said advances, said relationships will fail because they feel unloved and unsatisfied, and you'll never end up getting married at all. I have read about this happening- people who are still virgins and unmarried at 40 years old because their partners left them due to lack of intimacy. And the older you are without experience, the less attractive you'll be. Seems like waiting til marriage just pushes you farther away from it.
2) in the case of marrying quickly (20's), you don't know if you're compatible with the person in that way unless it's already happened. What if after you're married, you decided you rushed in too fast and find you dont like each other that way after all? Sounds like a unhappy recipe for divorce.

These issues above really seem to glare at me.

Anyways, I have been feeling very disconnected from God lately. I don't know when it started. I feel like I can't hear him or feel for him, even when I'm praying, reading the bible, or going to church. It all feels distant. I feel like my faith has been withering, and it is horrifying because I never want to fall away from God again, I do not want to be dead ever again. I feel like I gained everything, and suddenly I have lost it.

Please help.

TEMPTATION IS NOT SIN UNTIL YOU GIVE IN TO IT.

All Christians have temptation to sin. Temptation only becomes sin when we act upon it in our thoughts and feelings. God's WORD tells us when temptation comes to our thoughts and feeling the first thing we must do is to submit ourselves to God (through prayer and faith in God's Word to deliever you from sin), resist the devil and he will flee from you.

JAMES 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore unto God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

When temptation comes to us, it comes to our thoughts and feelings, so when you are tempted to have sinful thoughts we are to submit ourselves to GOD in prayer asking JESUS to deliver us from temptation..

MATTHEW 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil..

God's WORD tells us when temptation comes that we are to BELIEVE God's WORD and cast the temptation away from our thoughts as soon as they come..

2 CORINTHIANS 10:3-5 [3], For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh [4], for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but mighty before God to the casting down of strongholds),[5], casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ

We need to remember sister that salvation is from sin not to continue in it. We are weak indeed but Christ strength is made perfect in weakness if you have faith in His Word alone to deliver you..

2 CORINTHIANS 12:9 [9], And he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

We are weak but God's WORD is strong if you CONTINUE in by faith in God's WORD the promises of JESUS save us from sin...

JOHN 8:31-36 [31], Jesus therefore said to those Jews that had believed him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye truly my disciples; [32], and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. [33], They answered unto him, We are Abraham's seed, and have never yet been in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free? [34], Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Every one that committeth sin is the servant of sin. [35], And the bondservant abideth not in the house for ever: the son abideth for ever. [36], If therefore the Son shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

Let JESUS set you free from your sins. He has give you power today if you through his Word alone believe it. God's power is in His WORD. It is yours today if you BELIEVE. It is God who works in us to will and to do of His own good pleasure if we believe His WORD. BELIEVE God's WORD only like blind Bartemaus and you will see. When JESUS bids you come and you believe the Word only you will walk on water.

Remember sister, temptation is not sin until you make it your very own in your thoughts and feelings. When temptation comes to your thoughts and feelings, Cast them down *2 CORINTHIANS 10:5, submit yourself to God in prayer and BELIEVE HIS WORD *JAMES 4:7 resist the devil (TEMPTATIONS) and he will flee from you.

2 PETER 1:4 [4], Whereby are given to us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these you might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

1 CORINTHIANS 10:13 [13] There has no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it.

1 JOHN 1:9 [9], If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Not only does JESUS forgive us from our sins if you believe God's WORD he will cleanse you from them.

Your strength is made perfect in JESUS (the Word) if you believe..

If you want to strengthen your faith remember; FAITH comes by hearing and hearing by?? The WORD OF GOD. This is where you will find JESUS.

Also you may not think so but excercise really does help.

 

[Jeshu]

Lust is a formidable enemy to overcome, especially when you are still young. When i was young i struggled with very much the same feelings.

The problem is that giving up your virginity for lust is the worst deal you can make for a healthy satisfying sex life. Lust is not the right ingredient for a good sex life and makes us unfaithful to God's design for love in true harmony and unity.

The best way to overcome lust is to look at Jesus dying on the cross for your sins and accept God's grace over your life. Please make sure you refuse guilt and shame to fire you but instead let your love for Jesus grow. The more you love Jesus for His grace and love over you a fallen sinner, the more ability you will have to overcome lust.

So build your sex life in and with Jesus. Let His loving truth teach you how to have sex the way God intended it to be. Honest sex God's way is the best way to have sex while sex in lust always demands more sacrifice of good life.

Also remember that when you fall not to give up but rather seek Jesus the more urgently for a guilty conscience doesn't save you but rather accuses you and brings you shame, guilt and regrets. Heeding the accuser about your falls with lust will only make you look at yourself to fix the problem rather than at Christ and make you feel terrible.

i sincerely hope that you will overcome your lust for sex in life. Lust is a horrible affliction that makes us very selfish lovers. Selfish sex doesn't satisfy for long but makes us burn for more and more and more while we feel emptier and emptier inside. Lust will try and rob control away from you so that you may do its bidding.

When lust ruled my life i gained a lot of unfaithfulness, unholy thoughts and desires with a continual need for more. It was awful to see how the need for sex controlled so much of my time while it wrecked my sex life with my wife. Thanks to God in the end Jesus restored my sex life and brought me grace and forgiveness and good sex.

Please remember that it is not wrong to have sexual desires, God created them for us to enjoy and bring Him glory with. However these desires ought not to be awaken until marriage and never be handed over to lust for lust destroys good sex and makes it a selfish experience.

In reality lust is just another form of greed. It is never satisfied and always takes for itself and kills good life rather than brings it.

i sincerely hope that you will be able to let lust die out of your psyche so that Jesus can teach you what good sex is all about.

Peace.

His love is good!

Song of songs 1:1-4
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
for your love is more delightful than wine.
Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the young women love you!
Take me away with you—let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers.

 

[Richard T]

Praying you find freedom> Hopefully I can also offer some insight into a couple of things you said. You write "Intimacy is seen as a very important part of relationships nowadays, and if you reject said advances, said relationships will fail because they feel unloved and unsatisfied, and you'll never end up getting married at all. I have read about this happening- people who are still virgins and unmarried at 40 years old because their partners left them due to lack of intimacy. And the older you are without experience, the less attractive you'll be. Seems like waiting til marriage just pushes you farther away from it."

Sorry but that is worldly thinking. The quickest way for a Christian to sabotage a relationship is to have sex before marriage. Highly experienced just means more unwanted pregnancies, STD's and a lack of fulfillment. I would not look to the world about the age you should marry either. Better to marry than to burn (with passion).

 

[Dave-W]

Praying for you sister!

 

[Dave-W]

I can't stop falling into lust.

That is the first thing I want to address.

Lust (as it appears in our English bible translations) is inaccurately understood to be sexual desire. The Greek word is epithumeo which means any strong desire, good or bad. It is also used to translate "covet" in the ten commandments.

Exodus 20:17
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”​

So in the negative sense, perhaps covet would be a better translation; and it is used several times in Paul's letters where he says to not covet.

Coveting means to be razor focused on something and nothing else will suffice. In Matt 5, it says to lust after a woman is to commit adultery with her in your heart. That is from the 2nd phrase about coveting your neighbor's wife. Not her sister or someone who looks like her - HER and no one else. Razor focus.

So just having sexual desires (even extremely intense ones) does NOT fit the biblical definition of "lust."

 

[longwait]

I'm posting this here instead of the teenagers section because I would like answers from anyone, not just people my age.

I'm a hormonal teenager and I can't stop falling into lust.

I know it is normal for a teen but it has been overwhelming lately. It crosses my mind too much. I keep thinking "just thinking about it a little won't hurt" and find myself going way too far.

I have been making progress, admittedly. I have officially quit certain sins, and have not been tempted in ages. But I am still tempted to think about such lustful actions. It's been easier but it still happens.

I don't lust after specific people. I just really want to get "it" out of the way. I often daydream about being in a relationship, and anticipate all the things that might happen once it comes around. And sometimes that gets me imagining less-than-pure scenarios.

It feels natural to me, and right in the moment. And it aches, because I don't want to sin against God. It pains me to see people already having these relationships, or even just fantasizing about them, without feeling shame, because I do feel shame.

The scariest thing about this, even when I pray and apologize over and over, deep down I still want to act on this lust. I find myself moving back towards it, no matter how later on it may be. I hold on to the hope that I can find a way to act on these desires without sinning. And I find no answer. And it just leads me back down all over again, sometimes right after praying for forgiveness.

There has to be a healthy way to relieve these feelings. Don't tell me "exercise" or "keep yourself distracted" because I honestly don't know how well those help. I want to act on it so bad, but there is no way of doing do as a single person and I hate it.

I really don't want to fornicate. I really do not. But I'm not sure if I can stay like this for long. In biblical times, I understand people got married off earlier, so it was easier to resist this. But now people are getting married well into their middle ages. How am I supposed to wait that long?
There are also some societal issues with abstaining til marriage that actually makes such a goal harder, more complicated, and slightly problematic.
1) let's face it, not even most Christians want to wait til marriage. Intimacy is seen as a very important part of relationships nowadays, and if you reject said advances, said relationships will fail because they feel unloved and unsatisfied, and you'll never end up getting married at all. I have read about this happening- people who are still virgins and unmarried at 40 years old because their partners left them due to lack of intimacy. And the older you are without experience, the less attractive you'll be. Seems like waiting til marriage just pushes you farther away from it.
2) in the case of marrying quickly (20's), you don't know if you're compatible with the person in that way unless it's already happened. What if after you're married, you decided you rushed in too fast and find you dont like each other that way after all? Sounds like a unhappy recipe for divorce.

These issues above really seem to glare at me.

Anyways, I have been feeling very disconnected from God lately. I don't know when it started. I feel like I can't hear him or feel for him, even when I'm praying, reading the bible, or going to church. It all feels distant. I feel like my faith has been withering, and it is horrifying because I never want to fall away from God again, I do not want to be dead ever again. I feel like I gained everything, and suddenly I have lost it.

Please help.

Just look for Bible verses about lust and keep reading it. Let it get in your spirit.

 

[Johan_1988]

I'm posting this here instead of the teenagers section because I would like answers from anyone, not just people my age.

I'm a hormonal teenager and I can't stop falling into lust.

I know it is normal for a teen but it has been overwhelming lately. It crosses my mind too much. I keep thinking "just thinking about it a little won't hurt" and find myself going way too far.

I have been making progress, admittedly. I have officially quit certain sins, and have not been tempted in ages. But I am still tempted to think about such lustful actions. It's been easier but it still happens.

I don't lust after specific people. I just really want to get "it" out of the way. I often daydream about being in a relationship, and anticipate all the things that might happen once it comes around. And sometimes that gets me imagining less-than-pure scenarios.

It feels natural to me, and right in the moment. And it aches, because I don't want to sin against God. It pains me to see people already having these relationships, or even just fantasizing about them, without feeling shame, because I do feel shame.

The scariest thing about this, even when I pray and apologize over and over, deep down I still want to act on this lust. I find myself moving back towards it, no matter how later on it may be. I hold on to the hope that I can find a way to act on these desires without sinning. And I find no answer. And it just leads me back down all over again, sometimes right after praying for forgiveness.

There has to be a healthy way to relieve these feelings. Don't tell me "exercise" or "keep yourself distracted" because I honestly don't know how well those help. I want to act on it so bad, but there is no way of doing do as a single person and I hate it.

I really don't want to fornicate. I really do not. But I'm not sure if I can stay like this for long. In biblical times, I understand people got married off earlier, so it was easier to resist this. But now people are getting married well into their middle ages. How am I supposed to wait that long?
There are also some societal issues with abstaining til marriage that actually makes such a goal harder, more complicated, and slightly problematic.
1) let's face it, not even most Christians want to wait til marriage. Intimacy is seen as a very important part of relationships nowadays, and if you reject said advances, said relationships will fail because they feel unloved and unsatisfied, and you'll never end up getting married at all. I have read about this happening- people who are still virgins and unmarried at 40 years old because their partners left them due to lack of intimacy. And the older you are without experience, the less attractive you'll be. Seems like waiting til marriage just pushes you farther away from it.
2) in the case of marrying quickly (20's), you don't know if you're compatible with the person in that way unless it's already happened. What if after you're married, you decided you rushed in too fast and find you dont like each other that way after all? Sounds like a unhappy recipe for divorce.

These issues above really seem to glare at me.

Anyways, I have been feeling very disconnected from God lately. I don't know when it started. I feel like I can't hear him or feel for him, even when I'm praying, reading the bible, or going to church. It all feels distant. I feel like my faith has been withering, and it is horrifying because I never want to fall away from God again, I do not want to be dead ever again. I feel like I gained everything, and suddenly I have lost it.

Please help.

Hi, what you are experiencing is not unique. It happens worse to us guys than you will ever know, but you know what gets me through all of it knowing that not all my thoughts are my thoughts and are planted by the devil to take advantage of our weakness. Just keep on rebuking it in the name of Jesus Christ and repenting if you entertained it and eventually you will overcome it . Do not condemn yourself for the Bible says:"Rom 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." and you really have to ask God to fill you with his Holy Spirit so you can have the strength to over come and walk in his, grace and his truth. There will be tough times ,but you will get though it. Remember God saves sinners not perfect people and as long as you admit the gravity of the evil and repent towards God, he will forgive you and eventually you will be delivered from this constant bugging not meaning that it will stop all together. That is the belief I have for myself and God has been faithful and delivered me again and again.

All that sexual compatibility stuff is all nonsense. You will be compatible to whosoever is the person that you will marry, if the love is real. Lack of intimacy(sex as I presume you said) will only break up a relationship that is based on sexual lust. True love between people whom really love each other will endure without it. Don't take the nonsense that the world teaches since it's based on self gratification and indulgence in sinful lusts. That's why marriages and relationships between men and women are breaking up, because they are confusing love with sex and are only in it to be self satisfied, no sacrifice for each other and for their children,that's if they have them.

 

[Joined2krist]

It seems you are spending too much time alone, your thoughts will soon get the better of you if you don't do something positive about it. Spend more time being active, doing positive things like working in church, playing competitive sports, doing spiritual exercises(fasting) and challenging yourself mentally. Make a covenant with your eyes (if you can) not to look at pornography, pray for God to help you overcome this lust. God bless

 

[The Righterzpen]

A lot of people on this thread have already said some spot on things.

Anything in life; (good bad or indifferent) is driven by what we think about it. Change your thoughts, change your feelings, change your life.

Easier comprehended than practiced!

Scripture says: "Guard your heart for out it come the issues of life." So any struggle anyone has with sin (any sin) is an issue of life that springs from the heart.

So how do you get past this?

First off; one has to determine within themselves that they are willing to go to any lengths to over come what ever the struggle is. If it means, becoming accountable to someone, counseling, addicts meetings, medication, hospitalization; what ever it takes. If we hide our sin, God does not hear our prayers. So first step is "lay it all on the table". What ever it takes; God, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired - this has got to stop!

Second step; God help me understand why I'm struggling in the first place. All "addiction driven" behavior represents unmet emotional needs. Sometimes those wounds are extremely deep and are often connected to feelings of abandonment. This is where "God teach me to depend on You" because invariably people will let me down (intended or not - matter of reality is that people die, they move away, kids grow up, poop happens in life that you can't control).

We often let ourselves down too. How often do people regret decisions they make? (Shouldn't have slept with that person. Shouldn't have had an abortion. Shouldn't have gone to that school. Shouldn't have quit school. Shouldn't have joined the military. Shouldn't have married that person....) The list of potential regrets is endless. Yet failure to act, isn't going to keep regret out of our lives either. We make strategic choices based on decisions of morality. "God's purpose for my life." Isn't always clear cut.

Third step; when a door opens walk through it. When a door closes, look for another. (And remember, sometimes God opens windows.)

Now in all of my life struggles; the most useful skill I've ever developed is how to find answers to questions I have in the Bible. You want to know what God says about a subject, you have to learn how to study the Scripture. Understanding that what ever answer you will find to a question in the Scripture will be found in the Scripture.

You want to know what fornication is? You want to know what Godly expression of sexuality is? Why do I have these drives? Why do I have these feelings? How do I cope with this as a single person? What is really considered sexual sin and what isn't? What about dreams, masturbation, arousal? What is actually biologically driven and what is sin? Does God understand this stuff? How did Jesus deal with this? (Remember He was a fully functioning human male with an endocrine system, and hormones too.) What's up with this whole "be fruitful and multiply" thing? It apparently is a "big deal" to all life forms!

All those answers you will find in the Bible. You may have to dig for them, but they are there and it's likely those answers will actually surprise you. Often our definition of holiness is not the same as God's.

 

[hedrick]

No one that I know of has come up with a way not to think about something.

Fortunately, there's no reason to think that Jesus is all that concerned. Look at the Gospels again. He doesn't demand pure thoughts in this sense. He's certainly concerned about our intentions, as you'll see in Mat 5, but I believe this is different from what you're experiencing, because his examples all involve how you are going to treat other people. Indeed Jesus never uses the words pure or holy referring to normal human beings. That was the emphasis of the Pharisees. He demands that we produce positive results, fruit.

My point is that rather than trying to stop thinking about sex, you'd be a lot better to find other things to do and think about. If you're doing the kinds of things Jesus wants you to, the fact that you think about sex in the meantime is probably not going to bother him much.

 

[imMD]

I'll say too, lots of good things already written, I'll add just this, that sexual sins are different in that they are committed against our own body.

I think this is referring to the fact that sexual activity build neural pathways in the brain that strongly reinforce that activity.

The very best way to preserve the ability to have an satisfying and intimate relationship with a Godly partner is to reserve that part of your brain for them.

If we can avoid pre-marital sex, then we won't be associating sexual pleasure with anything other than our spouse.

Much love!
Mark

 

[Dave-W]

If you're doing the kinds of things Jesus wants you to, the fact that you think about sex in the meantime is probably not going to bother him much.

I completely agree with this.

I may even go a step further; and say if you keep trying to NOT think about sex you are fighting the way HE made you. I am not sure HE would be all that pleased with you criticizing how HE made you.

 

[The Righterzpen]

My point is that rather than trying to stop thinking about sex, you'd be a lot better to find other things to do and think about. If you're doing the kinds of things Jesus wants you to, the fact that you think about sex in the meantime is probably not going to bother him much.

I completely agree with this.

Me too.

I may even go a step further; and say if you keep trying to NOT think about sex you are fighting the way HE made you. I am not sure HE would be all that pleased with you criticizing how HE made you.

True, and consider Jesus incarnated "made Himself" the same way.

If you read the Scripture and look at everything Jesus said related to the subject and how He dealt with people contending with such type sin; we can conclude that He gave the subject a considerable amount of contemplation. He "thought about it" too.

So, how does one think about this as God would think about it?

There becomes the challenge - start digging through the Bible. The answer is in there.

@Sunflower Garden

I'll give you a "starter":

Matthew 19;12 is a very interesting passage. It talks about eunuchs. Jesus makes this statement in a couple of verses that some are born eunuchs by nature. (There's something physically wrong with them. Be it actual genital birth defect or lack of appropriate hormone level for the person's age.) Some are made eunuchs by men. (Male humans who've had portions (or all) of their reproductive systems removed for various reasons.) And the English translation says "Some have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of God's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."

Literal translation:

"One has made himself a eunuch in order to reign in the Kingdom of God. He empowered by God, who restrains him, let him continue in this command."

Now this particular verse is in the singular. We know there's only One who REIGNS in the Kingdom of God, who fits the biological capacity to be a eunuch in the first place. The Father and the Spirit don't have bodies, so if you don't have bodies, you have no reproductive system.

Now this choice to make himself/Himself a eunuch is a reference to Jesus's choice to not get married. He never gets married, so obviously he/He's not producing children. Now Jesus actually had that choice. If he/He decided that he/He really didn't want to endure the whole wrath of God / crucifixion for the sake of saving sinners ordeal, his other option was to produce his/His own children in the flesh.

Now this would have produced two races of people on earth; the race of the first Adam and the race of the last Adam. Now Jesus being sinless, all his/His offspring would have also been sinless. He also would have gone through the same process the first Adam went through as far as obtaining a wife, seeing how the daughters of the first Adam would not have been considered an appropriate helpmate; because this choice would have eliminated any opportunity for redemption any wife Jesus may have chose from the first Adam's children.

So in this sense, Jesus could not "have His cake and eat it too". It was either one choice or the other, and since the wrath of God, being crucified for the sake of redeeming sinners is what both Jesus and the Father (and the Spirit) intended from before the foundations of the world; this was the choice Jesus went for. And this is how he/He REIGNS in the Kingdom; for in a race of Divine beings, there'd be no one to "reign over", because they'd all be equal.

So Jesus Christ went through all of life, died a virgin (having never had sex with any other biological entity).

Now we get to the second part of this verse. "He empowered by God who restrains him, let him continue in this command."

The phrase "empowered by God" implies that there is not an innate ability inherent in the personhood of Jesus (God or man attribute of the incarnation) to restrain himself. He was incarnated in the likeness of the first Adam as a male human with a completely functioning body as the first Adam had.

Also this phrase "empowered by God who restrains him..." is in a participle of speech that is a continuous action. Meaning that the biological sex drive Jesus contended with, he/He contended with his/His entire post-pubescent life. Even though the choice to not be married was made at a specific point in his/His life; the consequences of dealing with that choice were still present for the duration of his/His life. The last portion of this verse could probably even be considered a prayer. "Continue to restrain me, because I don't have the power in and of my own volition to restrain myself."

Now what exactly does this mean for someone who didn't have any sin? That's hard to determine.

Be fruitful and Multiply:

One thing we do know from Genesis is that "be fruitful and multiply" was the first command given to completed creation. This command is probably given as such because of the innate desire to do so, is woven into the fabric of life itself. The reason for this is because God is a creative living entity. So this drive to reproduce is part of the fabric of life because "creating" is fundamental to the definition of life. It's fundamental to the definition of life, because it's fundamental to the entity that God is as the Creator.

This being said though, we can recognize simply from biology that human sexuality runs on a bit of a different / expanded paradigm than the rest of creation. One example of this is that man is the only mammal that does not have a penile bone. This anatomical difference makes copulation a little more complicated for humans that it is for other mammals and this I think is a direct result of man being made in the image of God. Human interactions run more on a relational level than other animals who's job it simply is to multiply. This is also bore witness to the fact that most humans have one baby at a time. So yes, there are some notable differences in the sexuality of humans as opposed to the rest of creation.

So all this being duly noted; the necessity of Jesus needing to be restrained from fulfilling this command in the flesh - it would not have been appropriate from either a theological or biological stand point to remove this aspect of Jesus's personhood from his/His existence simply because it was "not in the plan". Just because the drive was not convenient to his/His purpose, did not justify it's elimination and so therefore it wasn't eliminated. There are other theological reasons for this drives presence also; which I'll explain in a minute. Jesus just had to learn to exist within the boundaries that hedged him/Him in, despite his/His natural inclination to obey the command.

Now the "theological reasons" had to do with being an appropriate sacrifice. Since Adam was created in the image of God; Jesus had to be incarnated in the likeness of Adam. So if Christ had not bore all the same potential "frailties" Adam had, there would have been grounds to accuse God of "cheating". So thus is why Jesus, biologically remained fully intact.

The other aspect of this too, I think had to do with Jesus being able to fully engage in what it meant to be part of the creation. Not just the pain and trials of living in a fallen world, which is / was rightfully under the wrath of God; but also the joys, pleasures and contentments. "What is man that You are mindful of him; or the son of man that You take care of him?"

So what does it mean in the end of the verse (Matthew 19:12) to continue in the command if he/He was constrained from doing so in the flesh? We know from the first part of that verse that the command he/He was to continue in; wasn't being commanded to be a eunuch. That was a choice he/He made for the sake of atoning for sin, not a command that was given to him/Him. And we know he/He would not have been commanded to that end, because that would have been a violation of the original "be fruitful and multiply" command.

So the command "continued in", in relation to the context of what this passage is talking about had to be the original "be fruitful and multiply". How did Jesus still fulfill this command, although not in the flesh?

So I'm sure as you see: Jesus had to address the same issues you, me and the rest of us do!

Next I'll post a study of Psalm 139 - which is very interesting!

 

[The Righterzpen]

The next section of this study; which I "stumbled" across, comes out of psalm 139.

(The psalm I "stumbled" upon; the translation is my own. Bold text in parenthesis are words not present, but implied in the Hebrew. Non-bold text and italic text are interpretation / hypothesis based on textual context.)

This is a Messianic psalm of the Messiah's description of his personal experience of his own life. It's a quite fascinating insight into the psyche of Jesus, as to what he understood about his own existence and his experience with the Father as the plan unfolded.

Psalm 139

1. For the Chief Musician of David a psalm (of) the Lord. Search me and continue to (intimately) know me.

2. You completely know my (life) inhabitation; my rising (to where I stand); You completely understand my ideas (of my purpose / as opposed to Your ideas of my purpose) from the distance.

"… know my life habitation" has to do with the habitual every day grind of what Jesus did and his thoughts and attitudes toward life and his lot in it.

("Rising to where I stand" seems to have some implication beyond the concept of taking a stand on things like moral or ethical issues. Although Jesus did that when confronted with such issues; doing what's morally or ethically right is not something foreign to humanity. His "rising to where he stood" appears to have more to do with coming to conclusions on things and God's understanding of Jesus's motivations that drove behavior that was "culturally rude" - like throwing people and animals out of the temple.

Jesus did a lot of things that were "outside the box" so to speak and the Father understood his actions and reactions, even if other people didn't. Jesus's behavior was often judged and misperceived; to the point where Isaiah tells us he was condescended to, ignored and marginalized. Apparently though, he was aware of how God saw him and was comforted by the fact that the Father understood.)

3. In relation to my intended purpose; my laying down to sleep, you winnow (sift - throw in the air so the chaff flies away) all my doings in life; You are intimately involved in the care of.

there is not a word of (all) my utterances - Wow - Lord; You (we) know the whole of.

("Utterances" being both of intended communication using spoken words (both to God and man), but also of sighs, groans, other noises including body language that communicates to God feelings, thoughts and intents. This would include sorrow, frustration, joy, fear, excitement etc.)

5. Behind and before (surrounding), You have enclosed me in and have laid Your hand upon (around) me.

6. Great wonderful knowledge for me securely set upon high, that I can not overcome (resist) it.

7. Where could I ever go from the breath of Your Spirit; or where from (the direction of) Your face could I flee.

8. If I (determine) to ascend into heaven, there You own. If I strew myself across Sheol, (Wow) - You see that too.

9. If I take to the wings of (toward the sun) dawn, or dwell in the final end of the sea.

10. Also there, Your (powerful / possessive) hand shall lead me, seized upon by Your right hand.

11. And if I say: surely this darkness will overwhelm me, even that night shall be like sunrise about me.

12. Likewise, this darkness shall not grow darker than (to overpower) You, but that night as The Day (continually) grows brighter, for that darkness and The Day are the same to you.

(Language metaphorical of resurrection.)

13. Since You bought my inward parts and wove me together in the womb of my mother.

(Reference to those who (in the case of Christ) would be metaphorically begotten; yet if begotten in the flesh would be reference to female counterpart's ovaries; since this word is "feminine plural". This word (inward parts) is often translated "kidneys" although is often a reference to reproductive organs and I think the translation error comes from a misconception in the ancient world, that kidneys were somehow involved in reproduction. Those who would be begotten of Christ because of the sending of the Holy Spirit are "woven together" of him in that His human nature was necessary to be the appropriate sacrifice.)

14. I will heap praise upon You; for I am astonished of You and (perfectly complete) uniquely fashioned (by You). Extraordinary above all others is Your work (i.e. how You made me) that my (human) personhood (intimately) and abundantly knows.

15. Never was anything hidden of (denied) of (the way my) physical body (was made) than (coming from) You, by which I was made in secret, perfectly woven in the lowest lands of the earth.

(The first part of this verse … never was anything hid of the way I was made which came from You… because I was designed in secret…. seems to be a reference to the perfection of the creation plan which was laid out before creation was ever commenced.

The Messiah was never denied anything of his experience of the perfection of that creation plan, as was made known to him being directed from the Father. This hearkens back to some of the conclusions drawn in the Be Fruitful and Multiply study; whereas Jesus was not forbidden from exploring any aspect of life, although obviously staying within the confines of the parameters the Father put around him.

The second half of the verse …. perfectly woven in the lowest lands of the earth… being a reference to peoples and nations; that the Messiah would be birthed of those of the lowest estate of humanity, as Jerusalem is described in Ezekiel 16. Despite that "Jerusalem" believes themselves to be something special. God describes them as absolutely morally and ethically destitute above all other peoples.)

16. My body being not yet developed, You saw with Your eyes because of Your (massive) Book (prob. Book of life) all was written (in decree) the days formed for me though not the first of which had yet happened.

(This is probably a reference to the commencement of creation; in that God preordained the Messiah would be born of the seed of Eve. Even though at that point, creation had been completed, but Jesus hadn't been conceived yet.)

17. And to me, why the preciousness of Your ideas (of my purpose) so important to me? God! Why so numerous (like comparing bones) are the heads (continuous emerging of my new thoughts) of them.

18. If I should count them, they would continue to multiply (being greater in number than all the grains of - infinitely) sand. When I awake, I would again be with You.

(Verses 17 & 18 in comparison to verses 2 & 3, give us an interesting insight to how apparently revelation about Messiah's life purpose was brought to and processed by Jesus. One of the purposes of sleep, psychologically speaking is to "order our brains" as to help make sense out of our life experiences. Sleep helps our brains process what's happened during our waking hours and when we don't sleep; this causes a blurring in the brain's function between waking reality and sleeping non-reality. This is the stuff hallucinations and psychiatric crisis which lead to breaks with reality are made of. We need to sleep. It's vitally important to our mental health. So, as we apparently see from these four verses; much of how Jesus came to know and process what his purpose was, came though the apparent fact that he dreamt about it a lot.)

19. If You would slay God (probably reference to the Father because this is in the singular) the wicked one (probably reference to Satan because it's also in the singular) than would blood guilty men (obey the command) Depart from me!

20. Whom of which continuously speak (against You), scheming to carry off (Your name) in shady (varieties with no good intent) do these enemies.

21. Nor now You (we) hate them Lord. I will always hate those who rise up against You. I will continue to snap them off.

(This hearkens to language in the epistle to the Romans about the branches who don't bear fruit being broken off.)

22. To the consummation of my hatred, I face them in my wrath (non love). It has (come to pass that) they are my (personal) enemies, (as well as the enemies of my people - i.e. those I have redeemed).

23. Search me God (singular - probably Father). Know (intimately) my heart (soul). Try me and (intimately) know my anxious (secrets) of doubt.

24. Continue to search if there is any way of malice in me and lead me in the way of everlasting.

As we see, reading through this, there are some interesting truths that emerge.

First off, though Isaiah 53 describes the Messiah as contending with God over frustrations in his life; I don't think Jesus was unhappy. By this psalm, he seems to be quite amazed, enthralled, humbled and feeling protected by this overshadowing of (the rest of) God's presence.

He makes reference to the Holy Spirit being an Entity of operation of direction by His presence on earth, as well as a major presence in Jesus's "space". The Holy Ghost is described as a separate person, just like the Father. They are all present, but not existing as one another or "in" one another. They are all distinct in their Personhoods (all having distinct roles too). Which is an important point about the Trinity.

The other thing this psalm makes note of, is that this constant Divine presence was also described as overwhelming to the Messiah. It doesn't appear though that Jesus was overwhelmed in a negative sense. Having a Divine nature, but also being the possession of the other Persons of the Trinity was a unique experience, differing from that of any other human.

This psalm describes that the Messiah knew he was different. That was probably the most obvious to him in not having a sinful nature, but having to interact with everyone else who does. This appears to be the source of much of his frustration we see recorded in the gospels. The rest of humanity doesn't understand Jesus and they don't understand God either. And apparently trying to figure out how to interact from a very different paradigm, was a source of a lot of aggravation for Jesus, because just as they didn't understand him; having a sinful nature that motivates everything you do, was also foreign to Jesus's experience.

So taking into account that Jesus did not have sin, gives an interesting perspective on God and what holiness is as it relates to things Jesus participated in which he wholly did having no hangups related to sin. Human being often "prescribe" for themselves ideas of what they think God is like and what is or isn't "holy". For example, Matthew 11 and Luke 7 tell us:

18 For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, He hath a devil.

19 The Son of man came eating and drinking, and they say, Behold a man gluttonous, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners. But wisdom is justified of her children.

20 Then began he to upbraid the cities wherein most of his mighty works were done, because they repented not:

Jesus had the ability to take pleasure in the creation and "do all things to the glory of God" that those who were not the "children of wisdom" understood. Not having sin, he freely enjoyed things given to him in the confines of the Father's provision and because he had not sin, his experiences were "more full" than ours are.

John 10 says:

9 I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.

10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

11 I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

Now obviously having life and having it more abundantly is not "license to sin". We see this in Romans 6, starting with the first verse; but also, here is the contextualization of Jesus's "more abundant life".

10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.

11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.

12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

Jesus's joy and appreciation of good things in life came from the love of the Father which he was so intimately familiar with; that it amazed, enthralled, humbled, overwhelmed and comforted him. Because the "vertical" relationship was right, the "horizontal" ones were as well. Jesus was able to be what he was because of the loving nature of God; despite times when Jesus was frustrated, angry, sad, scared, disgusted, lonely, tired, hungry, sick or in pain and his behavior reflected his emotions. The love that amazed, enthralled, humbled, overwhelmed and comforted him was his primary motivating factor, not "duty".

"Sense of duty" will only carry a person so far. Any soldier who's been in combat can attest to this. When the rubber meets the road; it's the guy next to you that you "lay your life down for"; not "patriotism", some "political ideal" or "way of life".

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Stay strong, ask God for strength because if you try to fight lust by yourself, you will lose. I know because at 26 I finally gave in and had sex with my fiancee at the time. I hated that I did it. Eventually when I met my wife and we married, we enjoyed our honeymoon but I realized the "gift" of intimacy meant for marriage was not all there because the gift had been given to someone else earlier in my life.

 

[Sunflower Garden]

Thanks for the replies.

I'm sorry to say nothing has gotten better. In fact, it's just gotten worse. I've fallen into willful sin, I try to repent and I'm no longer sure I'm sincere, and I don't feel forgiven anymore. I'm scared I grieved away the Holy Spirit with this sin alone.

I don't know how I can cope with abstinence until marriage. I feel like if I don't lose my virginity by age 25, no one will ever want to be in a relationship with me due to my inexperience. I'm so scared I will fall into willful sin in the future just to avoid this outcome, but I don't want to disobey God. I'm afraid this sin has taken me over and stole my salvation. I feel hopeless.