Lust in long distance relationship

[boughtwithaprice]

For me, it did not work and would never work because it was cravings for physical touch that drove me into relationship. A literal simple desire for hugs and back rubs. Why put a bunch of emotional effort into a guy on the internet when I don’t even know whether he will ever hold me? The speculation was emotional and physical torture.

Many people, especially women, are more invested in the emotional and spiritual elements of relationship, the more “words of affirmation” love language. They want encouragement and spiritual elevation, cute gifts, small deeds, sappy cards. For those types, the long distance works because they need that. They open their computer, someone says they are the greatest, they feel better and hopeful about their lives.

But men seem to be more physically oriented, looking at women, ranking them on number scales, etc. I mean, why go through a whole bunch of emotional effort for a woman you can’t even see and you don’t know whether she’s 10 or a 2? I’m not quite wired that way (I value kindness, willingness to solve problems, thoughtfulness, and other character qualities in my boyfriend) but I have an obnoxious visual side to me that really cannot be denied, in spite of the obvious female language proficiency that I also possess. No hugs? No relationship. Lack of physicality is actually a deal breaker for me, I have discovered. Pawn to e4, purity culture physicality paranoia. Your move! I have the right king and the right bishops on this board and you are going down!

So I think it has less to do with money and more to do with physicality, at least in my particular case. I do think that you should pursue what you want in a realm where it is actually possible though. Otherwise you’re just chasing a dream, not a real relationship, and thus opening the doors to lust.

Money I’m not really sure about. Part of the money thing is practical, as it is hard to a feed a baby and work at the same time, and the other half is laziness and greed on the part of women, I think. My experience so far has been that if you’re willing to do the work of solving problems and taking care of another person, the money will take care of itself. It’s less about the numbers in your accounts and whether you’re willing to move boxes, cook meals, do laundry, or fix a backyard for an elderly couple. On the internet, that isn’t visible. What good is being married to a 250K guy if you have to wait on him like a slave and he never takes care of you? 0$

Generally speaking, the world is dumb. You’re never looking for the rule, you’re looking for the exception to the world that gives you what you want.

I enjoyed reading your post. The world has lied to us regarding marriage, even some churches have bought into worldly lies. To overcome that I go back to what God has commanded
As a man, I am commanded to love my wife and give myself for her. How can I love without showing affection, emotional and physical?
My giving myself for her is that she has a right to my labor. I go out and make a living to relieve her of that burden.
She is commanded to be subject to me, but I cannot demand it of her. Unless it is voluntary, subjection is slavery, and I don’t want a slave, I want a wife. God created her to be a helpmate, not a competitor.
In marriage we are to join together as one flesh to build something bigger than ourselves. That is our house, our home and our family

Give into lust? That can all be destroyed. No one is ever able to satisfy all of our desire for pleasure. If that is what we concentrate on, we will fail. So much more to learn or unlearn about marriage in the modern world. I’ll stick to obedience to God rather than getting jollies off the internet

 

[Mr_Loevinger]

I've been dating this guy for a half a year now online. We haven't met yet but.. we're planning on it soon. The thing is, a lot of strong sexual urges have become a huge problem in our relationship. It's really taking a toll on both of us in our own spiritual walks. Every time I engage in a sinful, lustful act, I feel so distant from God. It sets me off on this spiral away from Him, and then next thing you know, I haven't read the Bible in a week. Haven't prayed in weeks. Unable to genuinely give wise counsel. Unable to share about Jesus because I feel incredibly fake for still willingly engaging in sin. Many self-condemning thoughts. Fearful thoughts of God taking this guy away, or allowing me to go through a trial because I keep engaging with this lustful desire. It feels like I'm going into a 'spiritual depression' with all this happening every time I sin lustfully.

We both repent and we take time to reconnect with God, but it just feels like an exhaustive cycle. It's gotten to the point where the flesh on me is so strong that I just want to please it and be okay with it (which is terrifying to admit), or just hurry up and get married so that it's not a problem. Truthfully it's gotten to a point where 'feeling good' seems to be what I desire more, but I know in my Spirit that something is so OFF.

I know that both of us in our hearts want to love each other properly and to have God in the center of us. But we both struggle with lust heavily, and since we opened that door, it's been seemingly impossible to keep shut.

I really love this guy, and I don't want to end things. yet, I've prayed the prayer so many times "Lord if it's not your will, take him away." He hasn't yet, and I wonder if He wants me to do that on my own. To choose Him over this relationship... as I've many times in the past idolized relationships (prior to knowing Him). This is my first relationship with someone also in the Faith, btw.

I just want to know what I should do at this point. I'm supposed to be fasting to reconnect with the Lord but even in the midst of it I am still engaging with this lustful sin. The desire is just so strong, and I know if I meet this guy soon I will definitely engage in the things I shouldn't. I feel so broken, lost, confused, frustrated, double-minded, and just sad.

Could I get some wise counsel on this?

You're a believing-young woman, is this correct?