Possibly Narcissistic Friend is driving me INSANE

[Godcrazy]

If you need to talk, send me a line

 

[Sunflower39]

I NEED to get this off my chest.

I have this online friend who was one of the people that helped bring me to Christianity but over the years our friendship has taken a turn for the worst, I'll be honest I'm pretty pathetic, self-conscious, and insecure which often leads to self-obsession but there's just so many things he's said and done that have been red flags for me ending the friendship but i just can't help wonder if I'm in the wrong and that he's the one that's in the right. To a list few things:

-He is very racist towards me and treats me inferior and belittles me. He calls me the N-word very frequently. I guess this is the main issue. At first he didn't, Until I told him that I don't care that he did and that was okay if he said it. Says I talk and ramble too much and should speak less and read proverbs. Says i should be lucky i have a friend like him that cares about my soul. Now he says the N-word in my presence very often especially when we are watching the new and world events. One time he while we were discussing something, He told me that I was just a dumb animal and that he doesn't care what some n-word thinks. He's constantly calling my race pitiful and pathetic. He has insulted everything about me, My intelligence, My heritage (he says descend and have no warrior blood inside me), My attractiveness (Calls me ugly), My height (Let's says im in the 5"10 - 6"1 range, My athleticism (I'm strong and am lean well-built and train martial arts), My friends, My appetite, My dignity, and even the size of my genitalia. Whenever i go on a date with woman, He says there must be something twisted about them to want to date me. He also gets FURIOUS if i date a woman that isn't the same race as me, and says i practice abomination, even though he is mixed race himself. He also often jokes about me being a scrub and getting prison raped, and has even joked about overpowering and raping me a few times.

-His best friend is a young adult woman that he met online when she was around 13-14 (He was in his late 20's and in fact most his friends he met when they were teenagers), and from my perspective it seems like genuinely loves her because he gives her good advice and has helped led her to christ, and he's always been listening to her and helping her with her problems, and occasionally gets her gifts. But there were some things that he's said that were sketchy like one time we were playing and game and he got very angry and started calling her a B-word and beating her up in the game to express his fury, Shouting at her until she cried then there was this one time that someone online started mocking and trolling him in a game, she started laughing, and he later told me that he wanted to strangle her. He' used to call her a demon all the time, but now that she acts more Christian he doesnt really berate or chastise her anymore. If their relationship is romantic, It's one sided because she dates other men but I dont wonder if there's a jealousy on his part and if she reciprocated his emotions, Would he date her? One time he said that the boys she dates should be thanking him because he helped make her so decent and Christian. A couple of months ago he said that she'd probably to be beheaded during the tribulation because shes too imperfect to be raptured (although he considers himself sinful too tbh)

-He's very prideful and tends to view himself as superior to other. He says he has a higher understanding of the bible than most people and believes that he was of the few Christians that fully achieved god's will, Achieved perfection, and entered the kingdom within while on earth but fell from grace. He says that he understands what love and selflessness because of the bible and that he is one of the few people that have loved and self-sacrificed to the peak and that everyone else is selfish. Every so often he'll start talking about his past, About how cool he was, How strong, brave and fearless he was, and how him and his buds were popular and got all the girls. Hes hypercompetitive, We've been playing this game recently with this other friend who's really good, Personally I dont care if im constantly losing to our skilled friend. But my friend has turned this fun game time into this dark vulgar competition like if he starts losing he gets anger and starts cursing, and his main motivation is to be better than our skilled friend or at least at his level and laughs at me for just settling for mediocrity and just wanting to have fun. He's very well-versed in alot of subjects, and likes to act like he knows a little about everything, and has perfected all the crafts he's done. He says he was always the best guy at any job he worked before he became unemployed and lived with his relative. He believes he's always right about everything because his truths are fixed on the bible, even though hes changed his opinions before. Like I remember i was talking about a job i had in security and military, and he responds with things like "yeah i worked at the gas station and i had to do a bit of security" or "yeah dude, i spent my childhood and teens training to be a cia agent but god told me killing was bad so i didn't join". He says hes not domineering because he always does what other people want to do, but he still always has to talk himself up like he's toughest, most fearless warrior on the block and despite me being military, security background, and martial artist that works out near daily, He insist im a coward because i don't act macho or confident. Despite all this, Every once in a while he downplays himself and talks about how he fails god and insist that he is humble and narcisstic, and that im the narcissist because i talk too much and start defending myself if i criticized. He's always talking about how he's so done with this world and all our problems, tired of us, and just wants to be with god. He's often brings up things like i should submit to him and he's talking always talking about being a leader.

-He can be very resistant to confrontation and is very difficult to debate with. Not sure were to begin with this.....Arguing with him is like trying to siege a fortress, His voice is often so gruff and belligerent. He'll start speaking over you so you cant get a word in. He's very good at debating and analyzing things and he's constant tripping me up. He's so aggressive in his arguing, I can just never really find footing and knock him down. He's had so much practice arguing with teenagers on multiplayer games for nearly 2 decades. I'm usually a nice guy and it takes alot to genuinely anger me but I've snapped at him so many times for insulting me and whenever I try to defend myself from his attacks or explain myself to protect my ego, He starts calling me selfish and narcissistic, and in a way he's right because i should just be able to let things go. At first I just kind of took it in stride but after a while, it just became too much and I started snapping. One time he made me so angry because he was really trying to punk me off, I exploded and told him I was going to break him and started cursing at him and I was yelling so loud i woke up the neighbors. He blocked me then he started messaging me and begging and pleading me not do anything to him and said that I was more dangerous than he was, and that was sorry, it was pretty cowardly but i also wonder if he was just nobly following jesus instructions to make peace. I've been through alot but I've never wanted to physically harm someone more than this man. He says that if he stops talking to someone its probably because theyre damned and going to hell, which has seeded the idea in my mind that if we stop being friends then i might be an antichrist. He gets very irritated if you try to pick apart or continuously disagree with what he says. He always talks about love and how great his understanding of it, but he's so HATEFUL. I dont understand! He doesn't make peace. I also wonder if this is why he doesn't really hang around other christians probably because he doesnt want to get rebuked, Most of the people he seems to hangout with online are alot younger than him and he talks to them about christianity, and they have christian tendencies but he's always in a teaching position. Definitely not enough to rebuke him. He often says "Why is it always on me to change?" when confronted about changes he should make or when he offends people. One time he cried when I got angry at him and said that all he ever wants to do is hug me when he sees me but every time i try and talk to him he treats me like im some annoyance or burden. I don't get it. Another time, He tried to insult me while we were playing with our friend then I just started ignoring him and giving him no emotional response then he just immediately laughed then left and started ignoring my messages for days.

He makes me so inconceivably furious, All the things he's said to me have just built up over the years, I know I could definitely hurt him BAD given the right amount of time but i doubt he'd ever be able to face me, I truly think god protects him from me now so i'm supposed to submit to him in some way and endure his abuse because of something i must've done in the past and perhaps i myself need more humbling or perhaps i'm being mocked. Something hectic happened a few months ago, I had invited a christian friend of mine to the group who always very peaceful, warm, positive, and loving and even tried to befriend him but he just kept pushing him away because he was a "shallow" christian with little understanding. Well, One time while I wasn't around my peaceful friend came into the group to hangout and my racist friend started shouting the nword and was being aggressive to other players while he was gaming, and my peaceful friend started rebuking him and then my angry friend got angry and hostile and told him to go away, and that he'll say the n word as many times as he wants and that he calls me the n-word, and that he shouldn't be getting rebuked by him because theyre not even friends that my peaceful friend is a hypocrite because a bit of a troll himself. My peaceful friend came back in a few days later and then he tried to rebuke him again but my angry friend muted him, then unmuted him and listened to his rebuke then he just said screw it then left and my peaceful friend said that he could hear my angry friend sounding like he was about to cry right before he left. Now my angry friend has blocked my peaceful friend, and i asked him why he hasnt forgiven my peaceful friend but he says has, but just wont talk to him ever again.



Of course, You're probably still wondering why I'm still friends with this guy, Well part of it is pride and wrath, I keep feeling if I just back down and cut him out of my life then he wins because he seems to want that any way. I feel like i'm running away from him when i try to block him out of my life. My anger and rage towards him has become obsessive, no one in my life has every brought me to this point before. No one has. I'm constantly thinking about the arguments we've had and the things he's said to me. I don't hate him at all but I truly and deeply wish to hurt him. I train martial arts, I would train a year more to ensure utter complete dominance over him. He has tried so hard to break me and undermine my confidence and self esteem, in such insidious ways with his vulgar scornful tongue.
I barely ever insulted him, and if i do it's because he's thrown shade first. I've never been this furious with someone. I strongly believe god might have also put me in his path specifically so that I might beat him into submission and violently destroy his ego with my fist. Just the sheer audacity he has infuriates me and drives me wild. I've threatened him many times with visits. I'm not a violent person and am generally peaceful, docile, and timid but he considers that weakness and steps all over me until i snap at him then im suddenly considered a selfish demon. I want so bad to just see him break either physically or mentally, i cant just walk away.

Another reason, I'm friends is because I sincerely want peace between us. I want it to be like how when we first became friends he was so friendly, gentle, and such a good listener and kinda interesting to listen to. I thought I could finally open my heart to him. I finally felt like i had found my best friend. And i think maybe im the bad guy here and maybe I am. I talk alot. Im always anxious. Flighty ungrounded. Emotional. Take things too seriously. Too sensitive. Maybe its my fault and I'm the one that just needs to change? But again, The guy is like a fortress, I try to peel his layers but its like I can't get anywhere. Maybe he is the peaceful and he's doing it the biblical way and maybe I just dont understand. And some of things he does, Just doesn't make sense for a narcissist to do like He'll cry about trafficked children, people he loves, and things related to god, and a pure narcissist would never be Christian or acknowledge god's sovereignty. I just can't leave him. I can't. I feel like there's more to him than this and I just have to crack it like its a code.

Please patient with me I know this reads like a joke but im 100% serious, This is my life now.

Wow. Disgusting behaviour from your ‘friend’. If I was you, I would cut all contact with him. He sounds like a bully and you’re better off without someone like that in your life.

 

[Sunflower39]

It sounds like he has serious issues. Wish him well, pray for him, cut all contact, find friends who truly appreciate you.

 

[Godcrazy]

Wow. Disgusting behaviour from your ‘friend’. If I was you, I would cut all contact with him. He sounds like a bully and you’re better off without someone like that in your life.

If the behaviour is tolerated, you actually encourage him to continue. And it might end up being bad if not for you then another. It's definitely not how a normal functioning balance person behave. I know it's hard because you have been given him leeway. But think about it as you've been manipulated. It's so typical narcissistic that they can't stand any opposition, even if it's healthy and normal. Get away while you can. A Narcissist creates a trauma bond, this is why it's hard to go. You might want to check. They can be really charming and funny and interesting. As well as long as you don't go against. To test a Narcissist you might want to try their empathy, and agreeableness. Especially how you solve conflicts say a lot. A healthy person wants to meet in the middle, and understand the other person. For a Narcissist, they don't do that. It's their way, and they can't understand or work with others.
I know you feel angry it's normal, try to process it healthy. You have been abused. You might feel angry with yourself for tolerate or being manipulated. Know that they are skilled in mind games. This is not your fault. You wanted to give the benefit of doubt. Unfortunately, a Narcissist will use it. Don't give up there are good people out there just be careful

 

[Godcrazy]

If the behaviour is tolerated, you actually encourage him to continue. And it might end up being bad if not for you then another. It's definitely not how a normal functioning balance person behave. I know it's hard because you have been given him leeway. But think about it as you've been manipulated. It's so typical narcissistic that they can't stand any opposition, even if it's healthy and normal. Get away while you can. A Narcissist creates a trauma bond, this is why it's hard to go. You might want to check. They can be really charming and funny and interesting. As well as long as you don't go against. To test a Narcissist you might want to try their empathy, and agreeableness. Especially how you solve conflicts say a lot. A healthy person wants to meet in the middle, and understand the other person. For a Narcissist, they don't do that. It's their way, and they can't understand or work with others.
I know you feel angry it's normal, try to process it healthy. You have been abused. You might feel angry with yourself for tolerate or being manipulated. Know that they are skilled in mind games. This is not your fault. You wanted to give the benefit of doubt. Unfortunately, a Narcissist will use it. Don't give up there are good people out there just be careful

God doesn't want you to be treated like that. And God doesn't care about race. He knew what he was doing when he made you. If it was right, a correct church, they would have rebuke him long time ago, and he would have to work on it or leave.

 

[seeking.IAM]

Of course, You're probably still wondering why I'm still friends with this guy...

Yes, I am wondering. Here is some wisdom to consider from Dr. Jordan Peterson in 12 Rules for Life:

“Here is something to consider: If you have a friend whose friendship you wouldn’t recommend to your sister, or your father, or your son, why would you have such a friend for yourself?...You are not morally obligated to support someone who is making the world a worse place. You should choose people who want to be better, not worse...Make friends with people who want the best for you.” ​

 

[AlexB23]

Brother, do you want to DM @O mountains ?

 

[com7fy8]

Even if you get away from this person, you have your problem that he can have power over you to get you enraged. You need to be strong in Jesus so Satanic people can't get the better of you.

And spend time with people who are good examples of how you need to mature.

 

[RBPerry]

I NEED to get this off my chest.

I have this online friend who was one of the people that helped bring me to Christianity but over the years our friendship has taken a turn for the worst, I'll be honest I'm pretty pathetic, self-conscious, and insecure which often leads to self-obsession but there's just so many things he's said and done that have been red flags for me ending the friendship but i just can't help wonder if I'm in the wrong and that he's the one that's in the right. To a list few things:

-He is very racist towards me and treats me inferior and belittles me. He calls me the N-word very frequently. I guess this is the main issue. At first he didn't, Until I told him that I don't care that he did and that was okay if he said it. Says I talk and ramble too much and should speak less and read proverbs. Says i should be lucky i have a friend like him that cares about my soul. Now he says the N-word in my presence very often especially when we are watching the new and world events. One time he while we were discussing something, He told me that I was just a dumb animal and that he doesn't care what some n-word thinks. He's constantly calling my race pitiful and pathetic. He has insulted everything about me, My intelligence, My heritage (he says descend and have no warrior blood inside me), My attractiveness (Calls me ugly), My height (Let's says im in the 5"10 - 6"1 range, My athleticism (I'm strong and am lean well-built and train martial arts), My friends, My appetite, My dignity, and even the size of my genitalia. Whenever i go on a date with woman, He says there must be something twisted about them to want to date me. He also gets FURIOUS if i date a woman that isn't the same race as me, and says i practice abomination, even though he is mixed race himself. He also often jokes about me being a scrub and getting prison raped, and has even joked about overpowering and raping me a few times.

-His best friend is a young adult woman that he met online when she was around 13-14 (He was in his late 20's and in fact most his friends he met when they were teenagers), and from my perspective it seems like genuinely loves her because he gives her good advice and has helped led her to christ, and he's always been listening to her and helping her with her problems, and occasionally gets her gifts. But there were some things that he's said that were sketchy like one time we were playing and game and he got very angry and started calling her a B-word and beating her up in the game to express his fury, Shouting at her until she cried then there was this one time that someone online started mocking and trolling him in a game, she started laughing, and he later told me that he wanted to strangle her. He' used to call her a demon all the time, but now that she acts more Christian he doesnt really berate or chastise her anymore. If their relationship is romantic, It's one sided because she dates other men but I dont wonder if there's a jealousy on his part and if she reciprocated his emotions, Would he date her? One time he said that the boys she dates should be thanking him because he helped make her so decent and Christian. A couple of months ago he said that she'd probably to be beheaded during the tribulation because shes too imperfect to be raptured (although he considers himself sinful too tbh)

-He's very prideful and tends to view himself as superior to other. He says he has a higher understanding of the bible than most people and believes that he was of the few Christians that fully achieved god's will, Achieved perfection, and entered the kingdom within while on earth but fell from grace. He says that he understands what love and selflessness because of the bible and that he is one of the few people that have loved and self-sacrificed to the peak and that everyone else is selfish. Every so often he'll start talking about his past, About how cool he was, How strong, brave and fearless he was, and how him and his buds were popular and got all the girls. Hes hypercompetitive, We've been playing this game recently with this other friend who's really good, Personally I dont care if im constantly losing to our skilled friend. But my friend has turned this fun game time into this dark vulgar competition like if he starts losing he gets anger and starts cursing, and his main motivation is to be better than our skilled friend or at least at his level and laughs at me for just settling for mediocrity and just wanting to have fun. He's very well-versed in alot of subjects, and likes to act like he knows a little about everything, and has perfected all the crafts he's done. He says he was always the best guy at any job he worked before he became unemployed and lived with his relative. He believes he's always right about everything because his truths are fixed on the bible, even though hes changed his opinions before. Like I remember i was talking about a job i had in security and military, and he responds with things like "yeah i worked at the gas station and i had to do a bit of security" or "yeah dude, i spent my childhood and teens training to be a cia agent but god told me killing was bad so i didn't join". He says hes not domineering because he always does what other people want to do, but he still always has to talk himself up like he's toughest, most fearless warrior on the block and despite me being military, security background, and martial artist that works out near daily, He insist im a coward because i don't act macho or confident. Despite all this, Every once in a while he downplays himself and talks about how he fails god and insist that he is humble and narcisstic, and that im the narcissist because i talk too much and start defending myself if i criticized. He's always talking about how he's so done with this world and all our problems, tired of us, and just wants to be with god. He's often brings up things like i should submit to him and he's talking always talking about being a leader.

-He can be very resistant to confrontation and is very difficult to debate with. Not sure were to begin with this.....Arguing with him is like trying to siege a fortress, His voice is often so gruff and belligerent. He'll start speaking over you so you cant get a word in. He's very good at debating and analyzing things and he's constant tripping me up. He's so aggressive in his arguing, I can just never really find footing and knock him down. He's had so much practice arguing with teenagers on multiplayer games for nearly 2 decades. I'm usually a nice guy and it takes alot to genuinely anger me but I've snapped at him so many times for insulting me and whenever I try to defend myself from his attacks or explain myself to protect my ego, He starts calling me selfish and narcissistic, and in a way he's right because i should just be able to let things go. At first I just kind of took it in stride but after a while, it just became too much and I started snapping. One time he made me so angry because he was really trying to punk me off, I exploded and told him I was going to break him and started cursing at him and I was yelling so loud i woke up the neighbors. He blocked me then he started messaging me and begging and pleading me not do anything to him and said that I was more dangerous than he was, and that was sorry, it was pretty cowardly but i also wonder if he was just nobly following jesus instructions to make peace. I've been through alot but I've never wanted to physically harm someone more than this man. He says that if he stops talking to someone its probably because theyre damned and going to hell, which has seeded the idea in my mind that if we stop being friends then i might be an antichrist. He gets very irritated if you try to pick apart or continuously disagree with what he says. He always talks about love and how great his understanding of it, but he's so HATEFUL. I dont understand! He doesn't make peace. I also wonder if this is why he doesn't really hang around other christians probably because he doesnt want to get rebuked, Most of the people he seems to hangout with online are alot younger than him and he talks to them about christianity, and they have christian tendencies but he's always in a teaching position. Definitely not enough to rebuke him. He often says "Why is it always on me to change?" when confronted about changes he should make or when he offends people. One time he cried when I got angry at him and said that all he ever wants to do is hug me when he sees me but every time i try and talk to him he treats me like im some annoyance or burden. I don't get it. Another time, He tried to insult me while we were playing with our friend then I just started ignoring him and giving him no emotional response then he just immediately laughed then left and started ignoring my messages for days.

He makes me so inconceivably furious, All the things he's said to me have just built up over the years, I know I could definitely hurt him BAD given the right amount of time but i doubt he'd ever be able to face me, I truly think god protects him from me now so i'm supposed to submit to him in some way and endure his abuse because of something i must've done in the past and perhaps i myself need more humbling or perhaps i'm being mocked. Something hectic happened a few months ago, I had invited a christian friend of mine to the group who always very peaceful, warm, positive, and loving and even tried to befriend him but he just kept pushing him away because he was a "shallow" christian with little understanding. Well, One time while I wasn't around my peaceful friend came into the group to hangout and my racist friend started shouting the nword and was being aggressive to other players while he was gaming, and my peaceful friend started rebuking him and then my angry friend got angry and hostile and told him to go away, and that he'll say the n word as many times as he wants and that he calls me the n-word, and that he shouldn't be getting rebuked by him because theyre not even friends that my peaceful friend is a hypocrite because a bit of a troll himself. My peaceful friend came back in a few days later and then he tried to rebuke him again but my angry friend muted him, then unmuted him and listened to his rebuke then he just said screw it then left and my peaceful friend said that he could hear my angry friend sounding like he was about to cry right before he left. Now my angry friend has blocked my peaceful friend, and i asked him why he hasnt forgiven my peaceful friend but he says has, but just wont talk to him ever again.



Of course, You're probably still wondering why I'm still friends with this guy, Well part of it is pride and wrath, I keep feeling if I just back down and cut him out of my life then he wins because he seems to want that any way. I feel like i'm running away from him when i try to block him out of my life. My anger and rage towards him has become obsessive, no one in my life has every brought me to this point before. No one has. I'm constantly thinking about the arguments we've had and the things he's said to me. I don't hate him at all but I truly and deeply wish to hurt him. I train martial arts, I would train a year more to ensure utter complete dominance over him. He has tried so hard to break me and undermine my confidence and self esteem, in such insidious ways with his vulgar scornful tongue.
I barely ever insulted him, and if i do it's because he's thrown shade first. I've never been this furious with someone. I strongly believe god might have also put me in his path specifically so that I might beat him into submission and violently destroy his ego with my fist. Just the sheer audacity he has infuriates me and drives me wild. I've threatened him many times with visits. I'm not a violent person and am generally peaceful, docile, and timid but he considers that weakness and steps all over me until i snap at him then im suddenly considered a selfish demon. I want so bad to just see him break either physically oY

You need to love yourself enough to get rid of this person. I suppose the one question I have is why would you allow someone to treat you that way? God Loves you, and this person doesn't. Learn to love yourself and you won't tolerate that kind of treatment. Find a good therapist to help you.

 

[O mountains]

ROTFLMBO!

And get it off your chest you did! Wow. That's some wall of text . Let's assume all the perceptions expressed in the op are true and correct. If the op is correct, then the hope for "peace" is impossible (unless God rends the fabric of time and space and overturns the normal rules of creation to perform a miracle). There are huge differences between selfish and/or ego-centric people and clinical narcissists. We are all narcissistic in some way at some time. The injuries cause to our self hurt and we naturally protect them. At least that's the psychological explanation. That's an enormously different condition than the person who is so self-oriented everything everywhere is measured by them, and they are always good, and great, and correct and everyone else isn't. The narcissist is the guy (or gal) who is sitting in a windowless room with others, everyone here's a minor car collision outside, and the narcissist says, "Ha! That guy was probably looking at my new Mercedes in the parking lot," oblivious to the fact neither guy in the collision knows anyone is in the building and can't see the parking lot from the road. There is no peace with that guy once the "you're the problem" tool has been turned on you.

Walk away.

For anyone with an interest, I recommend the series of videos Christian psychologist Les Carter has on YouTube, "Surviving Narcissism." Understand the best way to survive is to walk away. There are A LOT of videos on YouTube about narcissism, but many are misleading or just plain bad. Aside from Dr. Carter's vids, I recommend those of MedCircle and Psych2go. These are made for the layperson, so the content is accessible and easily understood.

Racism is not okay. Racism is toxic. I could go through much of what you've said and critique it (an adult's best friend is an early teen?) but it's unnecessary the moment racism exists. That's not okay. Real difference exist in ethnicity (there is only one race in humanity) but to leverage a person's ethnicity to derogatorily for self-elevation is wretched.

Walk away.


Be thankful to God for the momentary entrance of that person into your life because it brought you to Christ and revealed what bad relationships look like (and how easily entered they are). Then be thankful the exit is revealed and leave with hands raised high and voice shouting praise to the only person better then you or me, our Savior, Jesus the anointed one of God.

If this story is true, then you are in one of the most toxic relationships I've heard.

Your friend is racist, manipulative, gas lighting, narcissistic and cruel. Why you want to maintain a relationship with someone like this is beyond me. He is no champion of Christianity. Jesus said that you will know his disciples by their fruit. His fruit is putrid.

And no, God doesn't want you to beat some sense into Him. God is not violent. He says to love people, but also to walk away from those who don't listen. Learn the ways of Jesus by reading the gospels. We are to be like Jesus, not this maniac.

Somehow he has sucked you into his web, as he is trying to do with other young people. People who target the young are weak and manipulative, and do so because mature people would not fall for his tricks.

Cutting this person out of your life is the strongest thing you can do. The weakest thing you can do is to stay in this sick relationship and allow him to suck all your emotional energy away from you. You need to break this incredibly unhealthy cycle and learn what healthy relationships look like.

Amen to this. I am glad that the friendship ended. That is God helping you. Hey, if you need a friend with someone who is not a racist, I can be your friend (brown guy here). You are saved man. We can PM if you want, brother.

Totally wrong. The only friendship that's reflective of your state of salvation is your relationship with Jesus.

I'm so sorry your hurting. Hugs to behave like this is definitely not in order. It's abusive, you're correct. Your feelings are understandable. You have the right to feel angry and hurt. And as well you're adult enough to want to process those feelings properly.
I have a lot of experience in mental health and disorders and much more. It doesn't seem to be your friend has their mental health in order tbh. We don't know what is going on, and of course can't say anything about a diagnosis as the person haven't been seen. But there are many with issues like narcissism, borderline, bipolar, scitzophrenia etc. In this case the behaviour after my own experience, seems narcissistic. But there are many types. There are those who are outwardly ego, me, me, me, highly manipulative. Then there are the covert. They seem nice, but show the same narcissistic signs. But can be more vulnerable. Low self esteem, depression etc. There's a scale, from a few traits to full blown disorder. If you want to learn more about this i recommend dr Les Carter on YouTube, and dr Ramani. You will most likely be recognising something.

The bragging.. And the low self esteem.. To being abusive.. Its what covert narcissist do.
The put down. The belittle. The need to be superior. It's all there
I have encountered narcissistic people that mix religions into it. And misuse and abuse.
It's very normal to react negatively to this treatment. They try to rile you up on purpose. Then they turn around saying you're the crazy. In the meantime they have worked on every other person and told lies so noone believe you.
It's typical narcissist.
Basically, everything you described is.
They have a need to feed on negativity. Why because they don't feel anything. They only feel when they manage to get you to react. They feed on pain. Confusion. Fear.
They feel hollow inside because they haven't built up a real self, from early childhood.
People get like this because of abuse, trauma, genetic disposal combined with environmental. They haven't learned empathy.
They have made studies of criminals, and normal brains. Turned out the criminals had a non existent centre for empathy. Or, very tiny.
A Narcissist functionality on a pure cognitive level. They haven't and can't develop to the other more mature levels.
There are unfortunately many narcissistic in the churches too as well as other places. Because it's easy to hide.
You do best stay away from this person and read up on this
Otherwise they may destroy your mental health and physical too because it affects on the long run.
And a Narcissist or a unstable person you can't trust
I speak from experience
I'm so sorry this happened to you
You might want to see someone to sort through
I can recommend writing a journal about everything, and your feelings
Don't be ashamed of your feelings
It's normal
You have been abused, emotional and mental

I'd prefer to just continue discussing it here, I'm still working out alot of the things I went through because of him. Processing alot of the things he said. Things were so intense. I suppose it still looms over my head because I still think he had alot of good points to make, and was probably needed to help me focus more on god. One of the my flaws he was fixated it on was the Idea that I would not lay down my life for my friends, What angered me the most about this is how he honestly couldn't even conceive why he got the notion that someone he routinely treated so terribly and abusively wouldn't be willing to lay down his life for him? He was so unbelievably self righteous, always putting himself above others morally. Technically yes, As christians we are to be moral paragons in this world but he would continuously draw attention to his own. I'm still trying to work through the rage and anger, Every once in a while I get tempted to go back and confront but there's no point it'd lead to nothing. I remember when I told him I was holding back tears because he didn't want to be friends anymore and says "Wow, "It....Cries..." as if I wasn't even human. I was too exhausted at that point to snap back but for him to say so coldly and callously but The month before he cried when he told me he'd lay down his life for him but despite saying that I still told him I wished to strangle him with my bare hands. He said that because, let's be honestly, I appear as a sociopath to most but I mostly just withold my heart unless I encounter gentle nonjudgemental people but if he'd really cared maybe he'd see past that and I would've eventually opened my heart to him and become someone he truly felt like he could trust.

I'm kind of obsessed with him honestly, I just can't let go of the anger and how he always tried to make me feel so weak and powerless and he'd use keywords like "Submit to me". This anger has pushed me into my workouts and martial arts training, I still want to crush him so bad, he always feigned this facade of invincibility like no one could hurt him, then i threatened him and literally begged me not to come after him then after i let it go, but it's like he forgot that LITERALLY HAPPENED. I'm 100% sure that i brought that up again, He'd just claim something about how jesus tells you to agree with your persecutors or turning the other cheek so he could still maintain his moral high ground....The audacity. I have never met anyone so arrogant before and it bothers me so much because of all thing he uses to prompt himself, He uses the bible. He compares himself to jesus, but if he were an actually peace maker like jesus and the disciples, none of these dumb conflicts between us would've happened. I feel such addicting desire to finally beat him down, and I want everyone to see and know who he is so he cannot feign that again. He tried to punk me off, He'd try to pressure me and make me say "Thank you white man" and that I couldn't enter the kingdom of human because I lacked the humility and apathy towards the world and my pride and my ego to say those words even if they meant nothing to me. I didn't want a fight, I just wanted to be friends with him and if he wanted to keep his distance from me because I'm lukewarm then I understand but just the way he went about it, The egotistical maniacal way he did things. The hypocrisy to continually justify his bs, I just cannot get over it. A week ago, Another mutual friend was complaining to me about how prideful, self-righteous, and arrogant he is. He said he hated our mutual friend while getting frustrated over a game they were playing them. Then there's just another strange things he'd say like how he told me he shed a tear when his female teenage friend that i mentioned earlier said she would save herself for marriage and then he said that man she's be thinking him for helping guide her to be the proper christian woman she is today. Or every time something bad happens to wicked people like LGBT+ or muslims, He says that he laughs at their suffering and laughs when the wicked reaps what they sow.

I guess another problem I have is, I'm not sure what to make of his experience he told me. About how he entered the kingdom of heaven within by fully following the sermon on the mount. He would tell me about how he had attained sinless perfection while on earth and in the flesh , Basically he was saying he was in the state the disciples were, He would say things about how he didn't have to eat for days, Almost killing his sinful friends with holy fire until god stopped his wrath, increased mental activity, Feeling pure love everyone even the wicked. He said his will in this state was 100% aligned with god. Most people he told dismisses demon possessed or did not listen to him. I listened to him because I had come to believe that true transcendence can only be found through christ, and not demonic yoga or the occult. Also, I'd come to feel that most of the wisdom and advice he imparted was on another level compared to other Christians. He introduced me to a new way of thinking and a new standard which was full will alignment with god through complete utter selflessness to him and continuous connection with the holy spirit. But he said the holy spirit left him and he lost this state when he smoked weed and went back to his normal self.

He would always talk about how he had attained the pinnacle of carnal love with his girlfriend, he would talk about how love is about sacrificing and denying yourself for your partner until you are each other's whole world. But then she pulled away and they broke up and that sent him until a spiral of darkness and hell that consumed him until god brought him out of it. This period of his life was so intense that gave him the wisdom and understanding of god and love that he does today. He brags about how only someone like had the mental resilience to handle that strain and torture of that break up and would always tell me about I couldn't handle such pain and would just commit murder, mainly because I'd threatened to attack him multiple times at this point.

He'd talk about the will of man/devil and the will of god. The several billion paths to hell and the one way to god and how every action you do either takes you closer to the kingdom of heaven or the kingdom of satan, and the end game was to use the sermon of the mount as a roadmap to align all of your actions with christ to reach the kingdom of heaven and that everything in that world was pointless beyond this goal, hence why he has such a nonchalant and arrogant attitude towards everything because he believes that he as already reached the pinnacle of what a Christian can accomplish and thus no Christian can really rebuke or teach him anything or argue about him with anything. But yet chooses to hang out with younger or submissive people that are not studied enough in the bible to rebuke him but then he'll also say that he's not worthy enough to hang out with more devote Christians. He said the entire gospel can be confined to the sermon on the mount and that as long as you do that, you will enter an ascended state and your will shall become aligned with god and you are essentially sanctified.

So yeah things like, I just don't know who I have been dealing with all these years and why? What was the point. I mean he brought me closer to god, and helped me get out of a spiritual bind. He'd call me a narcissist because I'd get angry and defend myself with extreme rage but then he comes off as an even bigger narcissist, arrogant, constantly angry, prideful, egotistical, domineering, abusive, bragging about himself, cocky, etc. Part of me wonders has this all been a misunderstanding? Has he perhaps been in the right this entire time and he is closer to how a Christian should be? Is my anger justifiable? I do believe if i wouldn't have encountered him I might've veered off further in the world and perhaps I need some one this traumatizing to help me focus, and he'd say that himself but he was so full hate and wrath that brought out my worst qualities right to the forefront and he exposed my own ego and flaws in ways that only he could. Despite this, I still feel I want more of him, Everything he dished out on me, All the rage, abuse, anger, and belittling. Oh my goodness, The satisfaction i would get from breaking his body just be wondrous, like christmas day. I want god to give him TO ME. I could imagine him reading this right now seething, when all he had do is soften his heart and actually be a loving christ-like friend, even if he would've left me I would've understood. But it's like he conflates submission to him as being the same as love. Which is technically the case with god, But he has his own version of this with himself.

 

[AlexB23]

I'd prefer to just continue discussing it here, I'm still working out alot of the things I went through because of him. Processing alot of the things he said. Things were so intense. I suppose it still looms over my head because I still think he had alot of good points to make, and was probably needed to help me focus more on god. One of the my flaws he was fixated it on was the Idea that I would not lay down my life for my friends, What angered me the most about this is how he honestly couldn't even conceive why he got the notion that someone he routinely treated so terribly and abusively wouldn't be willing to lay down his life for him? He was so unbelievably self righteous, always putting himself above others morally. Technically yes, As christians we are to be moral paragons in this world but he would continuously draw attention to his own. I'm still trying to work through the rage and anger, Every once in a while I get tempted to go back and confront but there's no point it'd lead to nothing. I remember when I told him I was holding back tears because he didn't want to be friends anymore and says "Wow, "It....Cries..." as if I wasn't even human. I was too exhausted at that point to snap back but for him to say so coldly and callously but The month before he cried when he told me he'd lay down his life for him but despite saying that I still told him I wished to strangle him with my bare hands. He said that because, let's be honestly, I appear as a sociopath to most but I mostly just withold my heart unless I encounter gentle nonjudgemental people but if he'd really cared maybe he'd see past that and I would've eventually opened my heart to him and become someone he truly felt like he could trust.

I'm kind of obsessed with him honestly, I just can't let go of the anger and how he always tried to make me feel so weak and powerless and he'd use keywords like "Submit to me". This anger has pushed me into my workouts and martial arts training, I still want to crush him so bad, he always feigned this facade of invincibility like no one could hurt him, then i threatened him and literally begged me not to come after him then after i let it go, but it's like he forgot that LITERALLY HAPPENED. I'm 100% sure that i brought that up again, He'd just claim something about how jesus tells you to agree with your persecutors or turning the other cheek so he could still maintain his moral high ground....The audacity. I have never met anyone so arrogant before and it bothers me so much because of all thing he uses to prompt himself, He uses the bible. He compares himself to jesus, but if he were an actually peace maker like jesus and the disciples, none of these dumb conflicts between us would've happened. I feel such addicting desire to finally beat him down, and I want everyone to see and know who he is so he cannot feign that again. He tried to punk me off, He'd try to pressure me and make me say "Thank you white man" and that I couldn't enter the kingdom of human because I lacked the humility and apathy towards the world and my pride and my ego to say those words even if they meant nothing to me. I didn't want a fight, I just wanted to be friends with him and if he wanted to keep his distance from me because I'm lukewarm then I understand but just the way he went about it, The egotistical maniacal way he did things. The hypocrisy to continually justify his bs, I just cannot get over it. A week ago, Another mutual friend was complaining to me about how prideful, self-righteous, and arrogant he is. He said he hated our mutual friend while getting frustrated over a game they were playing them. Then there's just another strange things he'd say like how he told me he shed a tear when his female teenage friend that i mentioned earlier said she would save herself for marriage and then he said that man she's be thinking him for helping guide her to be the proper christian woman she is today. Or every time something bad happens to wicked people like LGBT+ or muslims, He says that he laughs at their suffering and laughs when the wicked reaps what they sow.

I guess another problem I have is, I'm not sure what to make of his experience he told me. About how he entered the kingdom of heaven within by fully following the sermon on the mount. He would tell me about how he had attained sinless perfection while on earth and in the flesh , Basically he was saying he was in the state the disciples were, He would say things about how he didn't have to eat for days, Almost killing his sinful friends with holy fire until god stopped his wrath, increased mental activity, Feeling pure love everyone even the wicked. He said his will in this state was 100% aligned with god. Most people he told dismisses demon possessed or did not listen to him. I listened to him because I had come to believe that true transcendence can only be found through christ, and not demonic yoga or the occult. Also, I'd come to feel that most of the wisdom and advice he imparted was on another level compared to other Christians. He introduced me to a new way of thinking and a new standard which was full will alignment with god through complete utter selflessness to him and continuous connection with the holy spirit. But he said the holy spirit left him and he lost this state when he smoked weed and went back to his normal self.

He would always talk about how he had attained the pinnacle of carnal love with his girlfriend, he would talk about how love is about sacrificing and denying yourself for your partner until you are each other's whole world. But then she pulled away and they broke up and that sent him until a spiral of darkness and hell that consumed him until god brought him out of it. This period of his life was so intense that gave him the wisdom and understanding of god and love that he does today. He brags about how only someone like had the mental resilience to handle that strain and torture of that break up and would always tell me about I couldn't handle such pain and would just commit murder, mainly because I'd threatened to attack him multiple times at this point.

He'd talk about the will of man/devil and the will of god. The several billion paths to hell and the one way to god and how every action you do either takes you closer to the kingdom of heaven or the kingdom of satan, and the end game was to use the sermon of the mount as a roadmap to align all of your actions with christ to reach the kingdom of heaven and that everything in that world was pointless beyond this goal, hence why he has such a nonchalant and arrogant attitude towards everything because he believes that he as already reached the pinnacle of what a Christian can accomplish and thus no Christian can really rebuke or teach him anything or argue about him with anything. But yet chooses to hang out with younger or submissive people that are not studied enough in the bible to rebuke him but then he'll also say that he's not worthy enough to hang out with more devote Christians. He said the entire gospel can be confined to the sermon on the mount and that as long as you do that, you will enter an ascended state and your will shall become aligned with god and you are essentially sanctified.

So yeah things like, I just don't know who I have been dealing with all these years and why? What was the point. I mean he brought me closer to god, and helped me get out of a spiritual bind. He'd call me a narcissist because I'd get angry and defend myself with extreme rage but then he comes off as an even bigger narcissist, arrogant, constantly angry, prideful, egotistical, domineering, abusive, bragging about himself, cocky, etc. Part of me wonders has this all been a misunderstanding? Has he perhaps been in the right this entire time and he is closer to how a Christian should be? Is my anger justifiable? I do believe if i wouldn't have encountered him I might've veered off further in the world and perhaps I need some one this traumatizing to help me focus, and he'd say that himself but he was so full hate and wrath that brought out my worst qualities right to the forefront and he exposed my own ego and flaws in ways that only he could. Despite this, I still feel I want more of him, Everything he dished out on me, All the rage, abuse, anger, and belittling. Oh my goodness, The satisfaction i would get from breaking his body just be wondrous, like christmas day. I want god to give him TO ME. I could imagine him reading this right now seething, when all he had do is soften his heart and actually be a loving christ-like friend, even if he would've left me I would've understood. But it's like he conflates submission to him as being the same as love. Which is technically the case with god, But he has his own version of this with himself.

Your friend sounds like a politician, or Vladimir Putin. Stay away from him.

 

[Josheb]

I'd prefer to just continue discussing it here, I'm still working out alot of the things I went through because of him...................

Have you done anything I or anyone else recommended?

 

[O mountains]

Have you done anything I or anyone else recommended?

Yes I stopped contacting him for 2 months and even left the group we were both in, however we have a mutual friend that likes to play with both of us at the same time. For those 2 months, but other than that I didn't talk to him even mention him unless my friend brought him up and I'd be like "yeah okay that's interesting" and then change the topic. I'd finally started finding a sense of peace and freedom and tried to move on but still missed the guy.

Well, My friend told me that he said still thinks of me as friend and wanted me to come back so I did except I set boundaries like I don't really want to audibly speak to him because prolonged talks either lead to arguments and he'll start insulting me ( I didn't tell him this though) and that I only wanted to message him so as to keep him at arm's length , so that way peace can finally be achieved and we can finally have a somewhat healthy relationship. I'm back in the group but he seems to be doing that thing where he either ignores any messages i send to him or might give quick curt responses because i think i might be irritated that whenever he chills in the voice room i refuse to enter or if we do talk after our mutual friend leaves, i try to take most of listening role and then kind of try to leave the conversation after a while so as to mitigate any risk of arguing but i think he wants me to stay so he can resume the destruction of my identity and more manipulation. Like if he wants to talk I'd prefer he just ask me directly, because I go into the room while he's in and just start talking about anything he takes the listening role then i talk to much then he gets angry or starts belittling me, or if he was bothered by something someone or someone else my race did he'll start attacking me. At least if he directly ask to conversate with me, It's less likely he'll have a chip on his shoulder when we talk. I also don't feel like I can explain this reasoning to him without him getting angry or rolling his eyes, because I missed something or I'm somehow the selfish conceited sociopathic one or just dropping me off contact completely. I don't think he cares and part of me thinks that is a godly righteous mindset to have. That it's godly not to respect people because god is not a respecter of persons and that if because Jesus held his tongue against Pontius Pilate then those with higher wisdom need not explain themselves.

I honestly regret re-joining the group now but our mutual friend coaxed me back by saying i was taking things too seriously. I want to leave the group again, but I feel like that might worsen the situation and give him more reason to smear campaign or justify anger towards me. The reason I even give a darn is because I some level I think I am in the wrong. I'm losing my mind due to the ambiguity like I'm floating in space in my own mind sometimes, as if i can get no footing. I know I'm trauma bonded for sure but the more observe the processes of following christ. Dare I say, I almost see parallels between the process of submitting to a Narcissist and submitting to God, not that I am saying god is a narcissist by any means. When I'm away from this friend I feel a yearning/pulling like I need to go back and prove myself some how or find some peace but when I'm him, I'm constantly left waiting, guessing, and being denied the friendship i want from him, wondering i was in the wrong. Like Am I withdrawing myself to much? Am I not open enough? Not communicative enough?

The only certainty I know i have is that stability can be achieved between us through my utter submission and conforming to his will. Like If I do something wrong and I submit to his correction, I agree with his opinions, and lower my head and endure all his criticisms, insults, and judgements? On paper, This seems and toxic abusive but isn't this also how it's supposed to between man and god? It doesn't help that he conflates this mentality how proper Christian should be and that this is true love. I just want proof of his wickedness or mine but I can't conclude anything and he says the exact same thing about me. I'm going mad I want to tear him apart.

 

[Josheb]

Yes I stopped contacting him for 2 months and even left the group we were both in, however we have a mutual friend that likes to play with both of us at the same time. For those 2 months, but other than that I didn't talk to him even mention him unless my friend brought him up and I'd be like "yeah okay that's interesting" and then change the topic. I'd finally started finding a sense of peace and freedom and tried to move on but still missed the guy............... I honestly regret re-joining the group.................

Do NOT be misled: Bad company corrupts good character. If that guy is truly a clinical narcissist, then he's not actually friends with anyone. He's a predator. The sole purpose for others' existence is his comfort. There's nothing "mutual" about any relationship in his life. You and everyone else in his life is less than. Everything in the entire world revolve around him and confirms his belief he alone is superior to all others because it is absolutely untenable that he could ever be or have a serious problem.

Here's an anecdote to illustrate what I am saying. I was once counseling an individual, a bona fide clinical narcissist, and we were talking in a corner office that had no windows. It was the corner of the office closest to the road out in front of the building and there was a traffic light right at the driveway when pulling out of the parking lot. The driveway was like a lopsided pipestem where the parked cars were some distance from the road. People drive down that road all day long oblivious to the fact there is a parking lot there and they pay no attention to the cars parked there. However, while we were talking, we heard the sound of a fender-bender was heard. I'd heard similar sounds on rare occasion over the course of the many years I worked at that location. Immediately after we both heard the cars' impact my client said the following: "Ha! He must have been looking at my new car parked in the parking lot."

Maybe, but how would anyone prove otherwise? The reality is more likely something else entirely because that driver who wrecked his/her car had no idea my client exists, no idea s/he's in the building, no idea his/her car is in the parking lot and was likely oblivious to any and all of the cars in the parking lot. But the narcisist does not think that way. They are the single reference point for everything that happens in their world.

Stay away from that guy!

You will always be fodder for his internal self-aggrandizement, any perceived mutuality exists only to make him feel good about himself and keep you lass than. Check out (Christian psychologist) Les Carter's series "Surviving Narcissism" and MedCircle's videos on Narcissism on YouTube. No one healthy can spend recurring time with a narcissist and remain unaffected. Adaptation is a necessary part of EVERY human relationship. We all adapt to one another frequently. Two healthy people adapt healthily in a healthy relationship. A relationship with a narcissist is never healthy.

But if this other guy is simply selfish or self-centered, or ego-centric, then that is a matter of development, physical, emotional, psychological, relational development). That person might grow to become healthy, but it is going to occur at the expense of others and someone is going to have to make them pay, too. If the selfish person is never told they are selfish, if they are never told they are violating others boundaries then they will not learn healthy boundaries and healthy relationship skills. When scripture says things like, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another," or "Faithful are the wounds of a friend," that necessarily implies some degree of friction. It is, therefore, incumbent upon us ALL to be able to say, "I do not like that, would you please do _________________ instead?"

The only certainty I know i have is that stability can be achieved between us through my utter submission and conforming to his will.

And that will persist and worsen as more time is spent with him. Einstein's definition of insanity .

I'm going mad I want to tear him apart.

Do you like that feeling?

A man's righteousness does not achieve the righteousness of God. When they can't have you coming to them in adulation, they want you angry. It makes you easier to gaslight. You're the problem, not them; if you'd only take care of your own anger issues then you'd be better and see what a wonderful person he is. You are clearly less than. (insert vomit emoji)

The videos will provide some tips for interacting with the narcissist, but my advice is to have as little to do with the guy as possible. He needs you. You do not need him.

.

 

[O mountains]

Do NOT be misled: Bad company corrupts good character. If that guy is truly a clinical narcissist, then he's not actually friends with anyone. He's a predator. The sole purpose for others' existence is his comfort. There's nothing "mutual" about any relationship in his life. You and everyone else in his life is less than. Everything in the entire world revolve around him and confirms his belief he alone is superior to all others because it is absolutely untenable that he could ever be or have a serious problem.

Here's an anecdote to illustrate what I am saying. I was once counseling an individual, a bona fide clinical narcissist, and we were talking in a corner office that had no windows. It was the corner of the office closest to the road out in front of the building and there was a traffic light right at the driveway when pulling out of the parking lot. The driveway was like a lopsided pipestem where the parked cars were some distance from the road. People drive down that road all day long oblivious to the fact there is a parking lot there and they pay no attention to the cars parked there. However, while we were talking, we heard the sound of a fender-bender was heard. I'd heard similar sounds on rare occasion over the course of the many years I worked at that location. Immediately after we both heard the cars' impact my client said the following: "Ha! He must have been looking at my new car parked in the parking lot."

Maybe, but how would anyone prove otherwise? The reality is more likely something else entirely because that driver who wrecked his/her car had no idea my client exists, no idea s/he's in the building, no idea his/her car is in the parking lot and was likely oblivious to any and all of the cars in the parking lot. But the narcisist does not think that way. They are the single reference point for everything that happens in their world.

Stay away from that guy!

You will always be fodder for his internal self-aggrandizement, any perceived mutuality exists only to make him feel good about himself and keep you lass than. Check out (Christian psychologist) Les Carter's series "Surviving Narcissism" and MedCircle's videos on Narcissism on YouTube. No one healthy can spend recurring time with a narcissist and remain unaffected. Adaptation is a necessary part of EVERY human relationship. We all adapt to one another frequently. Two healthy people adapt healthily in a healthy relationship. A relationship with a narcissist is never healthy.

But if this other guy is simply selfish or self-centered, or ego-centric, then that is a matter of development, physical, emotional, psychological, relational development). That person might grow to become healthy, but it is going to occur at the expense of others and someone is going to have to make them pay, too. If the selfish person is never told they are selfish, if they are never told they are violating others boundaries then they will not learn healthy boundaries and healthy relationship skills. When scripture says things like, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another," or "Faithful are the wounds of a friend," that necessarily implies some degree of friction. It is, therefore, incumbent upon us ALL to be able to say, "I do not like that, would you please do _________________ instead?"

And that will persist and worsen as more time is spent with him. Einstein's definition of insanity .

Do you like that feeling?

A man's righteousness does not achieve the righteousness of God. When they can't have you coming to them in adulation, they want you angry. It makes you easier to gaslight. You're the problem, not them; if you'd only take care of your own anger issues then you'd be better and see what a wonderful person he is. You are clearly less than. (insert vomit emoji)

The videos will provide some tips for interacting with the narcissist, but my advice is to have as little to do with the guy as possible. He needs you. You do not need him.

.

Well I decided to leave the Group again, Tonight we actually had an okay convo. No arguments or anger or nothing and he was pretty respectful but I still couldn't shake the feeling that he still hates my guts beneath it all. I feel it's better this way. I thought about sending him a message in dm but i dont know if it'd have any effect like i feel like if i say anything that would pin him as the problem, it'd put him on the offensive. I feel that if i just leave now, things can end again on a relatively peaceful note because I know that if i continue to hang with him inevitably, unless i conform to his will fully, we will have more explosive abusive arguments. He's gonna talk smack about me to everyone anyway, at least now he has less ammo or justification. If my friends ask i will simply tell them that I felt like he still hated and resented me (which he does).

 

[turkle]

I wonder what it is in you that has allowed this person so much power over you?

 

[Josheb]

I wonder what it is in you that has allowed this person so much power over you?

Great question. Whatever it is, it'll be easier to recognize and change once distance from the person is obtained.

Well I decided to leave the Group again, Tonight we actually had an okay convo. No arguments or anger or nothing and he was pretty respectful but I still couldn't shake the feeling that he still hates my guts beneath it all. I feel it's better this way. I thought about sending him a message in dm but i dont know if it'd have any effect like i feel like if i say anything that would pin him as the problem, it'd put him on the offensive. I feel that if i just leave now, things can end again on a relatively peaceful note because I know that if i continue to hang with him inevitably, unless i conform to his will fully, we will have more explosive abusive arguments. He's gonna talk smack about me to everyone anyway, at least now he has less ammo or justification. If my friends ask i will simply tell them that I felt like he still hated and resented me (which he does).

What does scripture teach. I'll suggest the following:

1. Examine yourself.
2. Without gossiping, seek the counsel of another to make sure the problem is not you.
3. Overlook offenses that do not chronically damage the relationship.
4. When an offense can be specified that adversely affects the relationship go to the other person and make the case.
5. If the offender refuses to correct the offending behavior, then try again with a witness.
6. If that doesn't work, then have an authority consider the matter (like the small group leader, or an elder, or pastor).

It's not easy, but that's the whole-scripture approach. As I think I said earlier, watch for how things are handled, not just what is said. Method is as important as content. I do not know of a place where the following is actually stated in scripture, but I have found the principle the circle of confession is only as big as the circle of offense a valuable and effective guideline. It keeps things from becoming disproportionate and divisive. Since this is a personal matter that finds itself manifested in your personal life, I'd keep it that way unless or until information reveals the problem is more pervasive and adversely affecting others. Sadly, people tend to scapegoat the plaintiff.

Maybe it's just your cologne .

Fin folks who like your cologne or choose another fragrance.

 

[O mountains]

Great question. Whatever it is, it'll be easier to recognize and change once distance from the person is obtained.

What does scripture teach. I'll suggest the following:

1. Examine yourself.
2. Without gossiping, seek the counsel of another to make sure the problem is not you.
3. Overlook offenses that do not chronically damage the relationship.
4. When an offense can be specified that adversely affects the relationship go to the other person and make the case.
5. If the offender refuses to correct the offending behavior, then try again with a witness.
6. If that doesn't work, then have an authority consider the matter (like the small group leader, or an elder, or pastor).

It's not easy, but that's the whole-scripture approach. As I think I said earlier, watch for how things are handled, not just what is said. Method is as important as content. I do not know of a place where the following is actually stated in scripture, but I have found the principle the circle of confession is only as big as the circle of offense a valuable and effective guideline. It keeps things from becoming disproportionate and divisive. Since this is a personal matter that finds itself manifested in your personal life, I'd keep it that way unless or until information reveals the problem is more pervasive and adversely affecting others. Sadly, people tend to scapegoat the plaintiff.

Maybe it's just your cologne .

Fin folks who like your cologne or choose another fragrance.

Honestly, Since leaving the group for good (On good terms this time) I've felt so relieved and at peace for first time in a while. Now I'm trying to just keep him arms-length and just messaging each other unless he personally calls me. But he keeps trying to get me to re-join group which is very weird, and my other friend given me silent treatment until i rejoin the group (stated out of his mouth) which is also weird. I do not want to go back to that misery were i get bored and I'm tempted to talk to him and the entire cycle of abuse starts. Now everything is tranquil and relaxed.

As for the Scripture Approach, I'd say we are both the problem, as we are both lukewarm. I'd consider alot of his criticisms of me valid and I can actually understand why he'd have a low opinion of me but his ego, pride, and insecurities amplifies the disrespect and hatred to just unnecessary levels that a balanced man of the lord simply would not find/feel the need to express in the way he does. He's too prideful for any authority to rebuke him.

 

[O mountains]

I wonder what it is in you that has allowed this person so much power over you?

It's hard to explain, It's mainly due to a mixture of my lack of rooting in god because of certain things you could read in my post history. My unconscious belief that this guy's understanding and wisdom is superior to all of you and that if i do not conform to his will than i am bad and wrong. The pride of not wanting to back down. Also, I think part of me enjoyed the suffering and abuse. It was definitely no accidently we stumbled upon each other. No one else could have brought me to these emotional extremes. If we met in person, This probably would've ended years ago I would have smashed him into a wall but as if god intervened at so many key moments at my life to put me in position were I was essentially at his mercy. He would tell me that the reason we met is because I'm so extreme and at spiritual risk of hell that god needed to send him to subjugate and submit me to his will to steer me on the path of salvation. I'm inclined to agree, Just as the israelites were enslaved to bring them in submission to god.

 

[Josheb]

It's hard to explain, It's mainly due to a mixture of my lack of rooting in god because of certain things you could read in my post history. My unconscious belief that this guy's understanding and wisdom is superior to all of you and that if i do not conform to his will than i am bad and wrong. The pride of not wanting to back down. Also, I think part of me enjoyed the suffering and abuse. It was definitely no accidently we stumbled upon each other. No one else could have brought me to these emotional extremes. If we met in person, This probably would've ended years ago I would have smashed him into a wall but as if god intervened at so many key moments at my life to put me in position were I was essentially at his mercy. He would tell me that the reason we met is because I'm so extreme and at spiritual risk of hell that god needed to send him to subjugate and submit me to his will to steer me on the path of salvation. I'm inclined to agree, Just as the israelites were enslaved to bring them in submission to god.

Um.... fix that .