Lets talk about wives being submissive to their husbands.....

[GreenEyedLady]

Oh Lord help me. This is the hardest word in the bible for me. Submission. I was not raised to be submissive so its very hard for me. I want to know what each mans idea of submission is. I want to know from ladies how they submit to their husbands and when its really hard what they do.
What I DON'T want to hear or talk about is what everyone thinks submission is NOT. Meaning, "well, submission is not about beging ordered around. I already tell myself that stuff. TELL ME WHAT IT IS, not what it is not.
Feel free to use real life examples or just made up stuff.
GEL
I am very curious to see how far this thread will go and how many men VS women will reply and ALSO who will be the most honest with thier answers.

 

[Sword-In-Hand]

Submission in my opinion is telling my wife to get in the kitchen and cook me some pie and then she does it!

Very kidding, don't shoot me.

My wife is very submissive, which is kind of surprising, since while we dated she was the most stubborn person I ever met in my life. Amazing how God can change people when they want the change.

This is my story of a submissive wife. I am a dirt-poor man, called into the writing ministry, which if anyone doesn't know, is hard to break into. Two years ago I was called into this ministry and only now am I finishing novels and such. My wife shows her submissiveness by allowing me to continually focus on God's calling, even though I haven't made a dime at it yet, instead of hounding me to get a real job. She not only shows submissive attitudes, but shows extreme love and patience with this. Patience and love, I think have to go into being submissive.

Another aspect to being submissive is that she will not fight every decision that I make and actually trusts me to make a family based decisions even though she might not agree with it at the time.

She also wants to do the "womenly" things around the house. I mean she kind of has to do the laundry since I'm color blind , but other house chores I help, because I don't want her carrying the load.

So thats my idea of submissive behavior. Not necessarily being obedient to everything I say, but trusting me, showing patience when things look bad, and giving love rather than complaining all the time. Lord knows if she wanted to complain, she has every right, but instead she just astounds me more with how she submits to not just me, but God's plan for our life together. So in essence she is submitting more to God than me, which allows her to be a perfect wife. I could not ask for anyone else.

But I help her with everything she needs helping in. I guess in ways I am just as much submissive to her as she is me. We have a great relationship and one I thank God for.

 

[rural_preacher]

Submission means "deference to another". In other words, yielding your opinion in acceptance of another's. I believe that a wife will find it easy to defer to her husband if her desire is for the Word of God and the husband is living according to the Word of God.

Ephesians 5:25-33

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

--

 

[sara elizabeth]

For me, being submissive means knowing when to be quiet. If I can present my opinions and then let dh make the decisions things go so much better. It really comes down to trusting him to look at all angles and make the best choice.

 

[WhoeverLovesGod01]

well, God was speaking to husbands too but he made the point for thier wives. i think being submissive is just about trust, honour and respect. things like who does the chores is not a part of it. a submissive wife would let her husband have his say, respect his goals and ambitions and strive to maintain a loving relationship. likewise a husband should do the same.

it's fine for a man to lead the family. i don't mean be the boss of the family, but actually lead that family into the future. but we don't marry jesus, we marry fallible people. so i hope people don't think they should be blindly led off a cliff by thier spouse.

 

[greenessa]

I think it depends on whether or not your spouse is living in Christ also. If your wife or husband (yes I think it goes both ways) is living in a godly way then you will need to have faith that the decisions and choices that they make are in the best interest of your family. Vanessa

 

[ScarletRubies]

I wanted to reply just to encourage you... I hope this is honest enough with my answer!

I've only been married 5 years, and there hasn't been a situation yet where my husband and I have really disagreed. I hope that doesn't come across badly! We have had conflict, but not because we couldn't agree on an action, IYKWIM.

If you knew us in real life, most ppl would say my dh is henpecked or submissive to me (neither is true). For us (simply because of our personality traits), things like paint colours, clothing, newspapers and menu planning is all stuff I can pick - minor stuff, because frankly, dh doesn't care/mind. More important/longer term stuff like kids, education, tithing, church, mortgage/finances etc is stuff we agree on anyway.

I figure I have enough freedom in the things I care about (yeah, shallow I know, but I really do like shoes) that it is easy to agree with my husband on the things he cares about. For him, that's the car we drive, our computer, and the length of my hair... and really, the length of my hair is the only thing over the years that I've ever burred up against.

I know that God called us into this marriage, and I know we serve Him better together than we ever did apart. Maybe the best "advice" I can give regarding submission is that I think it is honestly desiring and endeavouring to see your spouse become the person God wants them to be - and sometimes that means deferring to their choices.

HTH, I really do.

Cheers,
Ruby

 

[eutychus]

Firstly know that I'm single and have no experience whatsoever in submission to a husband. However, I do practice it with my parents, since it is a skill that I need to develop. In that, I don't question them, I try and please them in whatever I do without their asking (pre-emptive serving, if you will), and obey whatever guidelines they have established for me--without whining.

I think submission is primarily a heart issue. When one respects--reveres, even--another person, she is more than happy to submit to that person's authority whether it is a friend, parent, or husband. Specifically with a husband, I believe that submission is giving yourself to him and not taking any part of you back. As a wife, a woman submits to her husband's schedule, ideas, and needs (even sexual ones *gasp!*). Her goal is to support him, and to be in his corner. Similarly a husband submits to his wife (though not her authority) by serving her by making a wage and meeting her needs.

Then again, this comes easily when there is mutual reverence.

 

[SonOfThunder]

Oh Lord help me. This is the hardest word in the bible for me. Submission. I was not raised to be submissive so its very hard for me. I want to know what each mans idea of submission is. I want to know from ladies how they submit to their husbands and when its really hard what they do.
What I DON'T want to hear or talk about is what everyone thinks submission is NOT. Meaning, "well, submission is not about beging ordered around. I already tell myself that stuff. TELL ME WHAT IT IS, not what it is not.
Feel free to use real life examples or just made up stuff.
GEL
I am very curious to see how far this thread will go and how many men VS women will reply and ALSO who will be the most honest with thier answers.

My mum and I used to talk about this, she had a hard time understanding ‘submission’. Some view it as obedience to any whim or order that comes from the head of the household. Letting a man make a decision that a female thinks is wrong for family even. Females today are powerful and wise, education has made them so and equality of rights and wages now make this concept of ‘submission’ difficult for people to comprehend.



God has ordained the order of the household, as such I feel that God is in control of the household.



Eph 5:33

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband






Reverence means to fear. The fear that the wife should have comes from knowing that God has set the order of the family, making the husband the head (leader) of the home.



Eph 5:22

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord




When my mum and I would talk about how to be submissive as a woman to my dad, I often noticed her manner to my dad was a ‘little short’ compared to how she might respond to other people. When a couple live with each other and the honeymoon phase is over they get so comfortable with each other that their manner might be ‘sharp’ rather than patient and loving…. Not all the time I might add, it’s just my observation of married people. The following verse I would like to comment on.





1 PET 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives





We are commanded to love one another and here we see our manner to others matters a great deal. Jesus set an example to us for our good and for us to follow. LOVE is His greatest commandment.



The Bible is also clear for men as the head of the household. I often thought about my dad having this responsibility and I know my dad has hurt 'big time' over me and feels a failure. Likewise if he decides on a path for the family and it turns out wrong I know my dad suffered much in this. He saw it is a huge responsibilty and constantly juggled with this burden.



GEN 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh



‘one flesh’ is the key words here, an old married couple start to cleave mentally and think alike, they have less battles than newer couples.



EPH 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it



‘LOVE, even as Christ also loved’ Huge isn’t it?



EPH 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself



First if a man does not like himself and accept himself the way God made him, he will be limited and have a warped view of hos to love his wife.



1 PET 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered



The word ‘HONOUR’ here means merit or riches. The husband is to show to his wife and others that she is valuable and respected.



Please don’t view ‘submission’ as a loss, when two marry they become one, and as you adjust to how the other thinks and work in partnership and use both ‘best talents’ in unison and pray and pray for God to guide your path as a family.



I am not married by the way, but this is how I see what God wants from the unison as a couple. LOVE... RESPECT.... PATIENCE....TOLERANCE....LOVE



James

 

[daveleau]

This is an easier topic than most people think, but it is a focus on both the male and the female that makes it work. Today's society of equality makes this word "submission" difficult, because it likens it to slavery or secondary. This is NOT the intent of this passage.

First, it starts off by saying that we (all humans) should submit ourselves to each other. We are to each serve each other because God has told us to.

Second, wives submit to your husbands, as unto the Lord. This is not a subservient role. The church is not subservient to Christ. The church follows Christ out of love and respect.

Third, husbands love your wives as himself. This is the one that is often ignored in this passage. Men are to love their wives so much that the women have no problem in serving in their role while men serve the role meant for them, leadership. This means that there is no selfishness or any secrets. It means that we are completely open and more intimate (mentally and physically, but the mental part is what I focus on here) with our wives than anyone else.

Both men and women have different roles in Christ. Each is equally important and equally valuable in Christ. Society is the one that puts value on this role or that. We are to cast off this value and do what God desires of us, which is to serve in our roles and serve Him.

 

[Gwenyfur]

I used to think "submitting" to a man would be the worst curse on planet earth, I mean..they're stupid, they're arrogant, they're gear heads, etc... on and on. I used to be a "there's nothing a man can do that I couldn't do better" type. Boy was I wrong! and for my "stubborn disrespect" I wound up with ulcers

What I discovered is that submission isn't about doing the laundry or washing the dishes or cooking all the meals...it's about trusting my husband to do what's best for his family.
It's about respecting his intelligence enough to know that he'll make a good decision.
It's about loving my family enough to not confuse the children with who's the final answer today...
It's about loving God enough to trust Him to guide my spouse...That's not my job it's the Holy Spirit's.

With that said, there are times it's really hard for me to do that. There are times that as women, we want our fingers in the pie so we can make it turn out our way.

The hardest time I have with leaving him in control is when our finances get tight. And that's usually during my layoff season. It seems like no matter how much we save of my salary, it's never enough. Let's take this year for example.

I'd only been laid off 2 weeks when the transmission went out of my minivan. I've been here since mid November without a working vehicle. Christmas adn Thankgiving, New Years and our youngest's b'day all fall in this time frame. We agreed to wait until all the holidays were done, everything covered and then look at fixing the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]...Well...
Now the $$ is so tight I'm starting to trip a little bit on it getting fixed before I go back to work....and in all honesty...he's *really* stressing on it.

The hardest thing about this is...he's going to try and rebuild it himself...

Part of me (thanks to some stuff in my past) is screaming on the inside...no no you can't do it, it's never going to work ect.... I've not voiced this aloud to him. All beit, I do ask him not to tell me about it and just do what he wants to do with it.

Not the best example of my submission, but a hard one for me to do..(any other situations, and it's usually a piece of cake). In cases where it's hard for me to trust hubby to know best, I lift my eyes higher, and trust that God knows best what He wants for my life.

Hope that helps...I'm best at circular answers LOL

 

[WhoeverLovesGod01]

I mean..they're stupid, they're arrogant, they're gear heads, etc... on and on...

Do you still think that?

 

[Gwenyfur]

Do you still think that?

not in the least.... I guess I should have clarified that ... Sowwwy

 

[WhoeverLovesGod01]

But, they are! Well, so many of them are. So many women are too. I hope my sisters choose good men.

 

[Gwenyfur]

But, they are! Well, so many of them are. So many women are too. I hope my sisters choose good men.

Well, I suppose in some ways they can be....but I've learned to look at it differently. God did create men to think and act differently than women. God knew what he was doing.
Men and women will approach problems or tasks differently. Like car difficulties, and yes, I can turn wrenches with the best of them. I can outdrive most men. I do it a lot at the job sites...heh. But, God bless 'em, men really are awesome creatures.

They are strong, to a fault sometimes, they don't hesitate in a crisis, they see most things logically, and when it's needed even their silly tendency towards emotional detachment can be a blessing. After learning to accept these differences, I can say that they aren't stupid, they're just different. They aren't arrogant, (godly men anyhow) they are directed...and well....the gear head part....it's a "guy thing" you can just accept, cause you're never going to change it Part of that male bonding that leads to a more fulfilling friendship of brotherly fellowship. Instead of swearing over stuck bolts, it's kinda fun to watch 'em stop and pray

It's taken a lot to get to this understanding considering I was once a neo nazi feminist LOL but, I praise God that men are *so* different, I thank Him that He saved my hubby, and most of all I thank Him for giving me the chance to see the freedom that I've gained in being a submissive wife.

I rather enjoy my "umbrella" of authority

 

[cygnusx1]

Submission is at it's heart ........ respect .

I know that I have a good bunch of bosses , they can ask me to do a,b,c, and sometimes they try to get me to do more work (over time) than I care for , so we have a contract , but at the end of the day a contract is a guideline , in practice it is a flexiable relationship and once I remember flat out rejecting to do some work that would have pushed me over my allotted time........ but in the end I did agree to do some "extra " work , and that was submission and the boss was more pleased that I had done it after saying No! than I think he would have been if I just said OK.

Greetings Cygnus

 

[WhoeverLovesGod01]

I think it comes down to the fact that having an "attitude" about how men or women 'just are' will prevent us from seeing anybody for what they 'really are'.

 

[Savedsis]

A really great topic and I have read them all.....Very good points..
I also have trouble with submission...Our association of Baptist churchs teach it..
I feel my husband is the head of the house and I respect him...He is wonderful provider and does know more about the finances and I let him do all that...
Sometimes I can be stubborn in other areas and that is where we have the problems...I admit I need to do better in that area.....

 

[suzybeezy]

I found this thread very interesting. I also struggling with this submissive thing. What happens when being a submissive wife isn't available to you? I've been married for 9 years (tomorrow) and have a truly wonderful husband. But I sadly have to say that I am very aware that I am the head of the household. I have taken this position not necessarily by choice, but by force. My husband totally doesn't want the responsibility of finances, disciplining the children and decision making. He has bailed completely from that arena of the household and left it on my shoulders. While I am extremely intellegent and very good at managing the bills and have performed tremendous feets of wonder within our household (not to be boastful), but I'm getting tired. And then the worst part is then he'll complain that I'm controlling! He's the one who put me in control! It is very hard to be submissive when you the person in charge. It's equally hard to shift responsibility back over to him, we tried a few years back with devastating results (I can't express how devastating).

So when I read about how submissiveness is about respect - it's true - I'm missing that element. I don't respect that he's given me all the responsibility. I don't respect that he's not seeking God for proper guidance for our household. I don't respect that he blames me for his own short comings. I would love to tell him that I respect him, but he is very aware of the fact that I do not. When we argue, which is oddly enough, rarely, that is the point that is always brought up - that he knows i don't respect him.

Wow, I just read over this and thought of erasing it. But I think I'll leave it. I realize it comes off a little harsh. I love my husband dearly I'm just very aware of our households unbalance. I'm finding it very overwhelming and frustrating. If you have any advice on how to reshift the balance and put me more receptive for submissiveness I would appreciate it.

 

[bloodofthelamb12]

This is an unmarried Christian teenage guy's opinion, but I hope you'l accept it.

All followers of Christ are in fact charged with submission to their brethren; "And be not drunken with wine, wherein is riot, but be filled with the Spirit;...subjecting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ." (Ephesians 5:18,21)

However, wives have been more specifically charged with submission to their husbands as a part of the punishment assigned to Eve at the fall; "Unto the woman He said, ' I will greatly multiply thy pain and thy conception; in pain thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.' " (Genesis 3:16)

Submission is the acceptance of your husband's will over your own when the two cannot reach agreement; "Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22)

Submission will not make a wife her husband's walking mat if she's married a Godly man; "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it;" (Ephesians 5:25)

Submission should be a trait that all Christians display, for Christ has promised such to them that make peace; "Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called sons of God." (Matthew 5:9)

May the Lord of Glory guide your feet;
Caleb