I married the wrong person

[timewerx]

This is incorrect. If a married man, has a sexual relationship outside his marriage, his marriage is not null and void. Matt 5:27-29 says: 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; 28 but I say to you that everyone who [so much as] looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye makes you stumble and leads you to sin, tear it out and throw it away [that is, remove yourself from the source of temptation]; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

This is marriage:

Genesis 2:24
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Jesus repeated it in Matthew 19:5
and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?

Both the Greek and Hebrew word used for "wife" (γυναικὶ and בְּאִשְׁתּ֔וֹ) can also mean woman or female.

There are no wedding rituals in the Bible apart from the sex act.

So Biblically, the OP's friend married an already married man that's why I wrote their marriage is null and void. Ofc, the legal system will recognize their marriage is valid but the legal system also recognizes that divorce is valid. Our God does not.

 

[walkswithFire]

Brother @timewerx. Adultery was forbidden in the O/T and was punishable by death. Adultery is when a man or a woman has a sexual relationship outside of their actual marriage. (usually relating to a married person). Yes Genesis 2:24 is what God would have considered <married> however, if the same man had sexual relationship with another person that was not his wife, he has committed adultery which was punishable by death , particularly in the O/T.

 

[timewerx]

Brother @timewerx. Adultery was forbidden in the O/T and was punishable by death. Adultery is when a man or a woman has a sexual relationship outside of their actual marriage. (usually relating to a married person). Yes Genesis 2:24 is what God would have considered <married> however, if the same man had sexual relationship with another person that was not his wife, he has committed adultery which was punishable by death , particularly in the O/T.

He is committing adultery with the OP's friend because his 1st wife would be his GF of many years.

His GF of many years is his real wife according to Genesis 2:24.

 

[Jo555]

Hi all

I am asking for a friend.

My friend married her husband 3 years ago. She married because there were people forcing her to be married and she was afraid of one of the friends of her father, who is a mafia member. His son wanted to marry her, so she got married quickly to a 'normal' man. He runs a family-owned restaurant. Just a year ago, she confided in me that she met her true love. I was shocked and reminded her that she is married. She told me that ever since she laid eyes on that boy a year ago she has been convinced that he is her 'Adam', she is his rib. She says that if there were two men and Eve married the wrong one she would still be Adam's rib regardless of who she married.

I know that in the eyes of the church, if my friend divorced her current husband they would still be married in God's eyes, but is this really realistic in this sinful world we live in? I was not happy with my friend but upon deep reflection I realized that she had no choice. She wanted to be single until she met the right one but she was frightened for her life. I know this doesn't seem fair to the man she married to escape the mafia, but this boy she loves so much, he loves her too, isn't it unfair to the boy she met too? What if he really is her Adam, it is not his fault that he wasn't at the right time and place for her. Even before she met this boy she knew that the man she married wasn't her true love, and she was unhappy almost everyday, we, her friends, we could all tell even though she never complained.

As her friend I care for her, and she has been unhappy and a changed person ever since her marriage to this man. Her personality has changed too, she used to be so intellectual and independent and ever since she married her current spouse she's just not the same. The man never abuses her, but he doesn't operate on the same wavelength, and my friend always feels misunderstood and sad despite trying her best to communicate. She has a son with her current husband, but everyday I see her she looks more and more miserable.

This new boy she met makes her feel seen, loved and understood. Even i have to admit, he's a dream come true for her compared to the man she married.

I know this doesn't look good, but I can't stand by and watch my friend turning into a subservient shell of herself this way, I used to tell her that the grass isn't always greener, but I've seen her becoming so unlike herself in her marriage, and with this boy she sparkles like the brightest star. It isn't her fault or the boy's or even the man's that she married who she did when she did, but she was forced to by circumstances, the other thing that would have happened, we don't want to think of or talk of. If God is love, ,wouldn't he understand and let her be with the one she loves? God didn't stop the mafia, why should He stop her from marrying her true love? The only one in the wrong here, imo is the mafia, not my friend not the boy's.

What do you think? Especially people who divorced and remarried, what is your take on this?

EDIT: her current husband is no saint either. He had a girlfriend of many years and even had children with her out of wedlock, my friend said he was going to propose to the mother of his children when he met her but married my friend instead when he found out that her father was wealthy.

Romantic love is fleeting.

What happens when she finds out her Adam listens to snakes?

Will that be reason to also give him a certificate of divorce?

What if she stops looking to her husband to fulfill her and look to God?

I've met men that i felt we would have made a great match if only they weren't married, and then i cut off any idea of falling in love, etc.

If she married her husband out of pretense in my eyes she should at the least try and work it out.

If he is lacking in emotional support, etc, get some friends that can help in that department, but look to God first about everything.

I have learned that difficulty reveals how dedicated someone is to another. Everyone professes their love and wanting to be with you when everything looks great and benefitting them, but love and loyalty is truly tested during times of difficulty

I would encourage her to give her marriage another go, and allow the Lord to change her heart to serve her family, and when we do things so that we can draw close to God and serve Him, He shows up.

 

[Paul4JC]

EDIT: her current husband is no saint either. He had a girlfriend of many years and even had children with her out of wedlock, my friend said he was going to propose to the mother of his children when he met her but married my friend instead when he found out that her father was wealthy.

Wow this is a huge factor. Does look like he was already married, and committed adultery by marrying your friend. I hope she can get out of this so called "marriage" legally.

As far as the other guy, if she jumps the gun with him, she will end up in deeper trouble with her so called "husband", legally.

 

[linux.poet]

This is incorrect. If a married man, has a sexual relationship outside his marriage, his marriage is not null and void. Matt 5:27-29 says: 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; 28 but I say to you that everyone who [so much as] looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye makes you stumble and leads you to sin, tear it out and throw it away [that is, remove yourself from the source of temptation]; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

Since sexual immorality is valid grounds for divorce, the principle is that the immorality makes the covenant void.

This is marriage:

Genesis 2:24
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Jesus repeated it in Matthew 19:5
and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?

Both the Greek and Hebrew word used for "wife" (γυναικὶ and בְּאִשְׁתּ֔וֹ) can also mean woman or female.

There are no wedding rituals in the Bible apart from the sex act.

So Biblically, the OP's friend married an already married man that's why I wrote their marriage is null and void. Ofc, the legal system will recognize their marriage is valid but the legal system also recognizes that divorce is valid. Our God does not.

And what course of action would you suggest to those who have had relations with many people? One guy I know, unsaved, has had sex acts with over 100 women. If he became a Christian tomorrow, what would you suggest that he do?

While sexuality as a venerated part of Hebrew weddings would indeed suggest this is true, well, uh, the Jewish people did have marriage ceremonies. The reason why is that those ceremonies (and the legal protections that come with them) are so we know what sex acts to defend as part of a marriage between one man and one woman, and which ones to shun as sexual immorality. The public declaration is for the benefit of everyone else as we don't want to be having sex acts in public to prove our point. It's not prescribed, but it's practical and obviously we recognize the practicality of it.

Another problem with this line of thinking is that it writes off couples who had sex only between themselves and then got married with the ceremony later. Clearly they never sinned or committed any immorality, they were married when they did it. Are we supposed to write off people banging each other out of wedlock in hopes that they will schedule a ceremony and commit? Or worse, require them to commit with the ceremony when they get discovered?

I think more than anything else, the church's standard teaching is borne out of practicality rather than biblical prescription, but we need to know whom to bind and loose for sin, and thus we need to know who is married and to whom they are married to.

 

[timewerx]

And what course of action would you suggest to those who have had relations with many people? One guy I know, unsaved, has had sex acts with over 100 women. If he became a Christian tomorrow, what would you suggest that he do?

I don't think "one night stands" meets the checklist of Genesis 2:24. What qualifies at least is you decide to live/move in with that person and actually do it (commit to it or enter a committed relationship). Even several meets with the same person don't count.

So if all the 100 women of this guy you know never moved in with any of those women AND never had committed relationship with any of them then he would still be eligible for a legitimate marriage in the future.

However, if he had a committed relationship and even lived together with at least one of the women in the past, then he's already married to the first one he did that.

 

[linux.poet]

So if all the 100 women of this guy you know never moved in with any of those women AND never had committed relationship with any of them then he would still be eligible for a legitimate marriage in the future.

As far as I know he never moved in or committed to any of the early 100.

After that season of world traveling and sexual gallivanting, he did decide to get married to one woman, though, so he should stay with his current marriage.

 

[Sabertooth]

1. Is your friend a Born-Again believer? For those who are not, living by "good" morals will be beneficial in the short term [this life], but it will not stave off Hell.
2. If the OP is true and complete, her husband's unfaithfulness is grounds for divorce, but until she pursues one, she is not eligible to the other man. She will be committing adultery, too.

 

[CoreyD]

Dear @InThePottersChamber
If you are looking for Christian advice that comes from Jesus' first century followers who stuck to his teachings, and follow the principles God outlines, here are a few scriptures from God's word.

• Psalm 15:1-4 - Those who remain friends of God, keep their vow, even when they have made an oath that is not to their favor.
• Malachi 2:16 - God hates divorce.
• Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:8, 9; Mark 10:5-9; Luke 16:18; Romans 7:2, 3; 1 Corinthians 7:10, 11 - Divorcing a mate, for any reason other than sexual immorality, on the part of that mate, is a serious sin. Genesis 2:24

If you, and your friend want to have a good relationship with God, and his son, and be blessed, then you would need to follow this scriptural advice, regarding marriage, and divorce.

 

[timewerx]

As far as I know he never moved in or committed to any of the early 100.

After that season of world traveling and sexual gallivanting, he did decide to get married to one woman, though, so he should stay with his current marriage.

He's probably okay but I'm not absolutely sure.

There's a lot of gray areas in Genesis 2:24. For example if he's no longer living with his parents when he fornicated with many women.

And what about "what would Jesus do?" Jesus held marriage to higher standards than they had in the Old Testament.

There are three outcomes, either he's totally okay or should leave the woman he is married to now (their marriage would be void) and go find the first woman he fornicated with and marry her. If that woman is already married or otherwise unavailable for marriage for any reason, then he should continue his life as celibate if he were to live right in the eyes of the Lord.