I married the wrong person

[InThePottersChamber]

Hi all

I am asking for a friend.

My friend married her husband 3 years ago. She married because there were people forcing her to be married and she was afraid of one of the friends of her father, who is a mafia member. His son wanted to marry her, so she got married quickly to a 'normal' man. He runs a family-owned restaurant. Just a year ago, she confided in me that she met her true love. I was shocked and reminded her that she is married. She told me that ever since she laid eyes on that boy a year ago she has been convinced that he is her 'Adam', she is his rib. She says that if there were two men and Eve married the wrong one she would still be Adam's rib regardless of who she married.

I know that in the eyes of the church, if my friend divorced her current husband they would still be married in God's eyes, but is this really realistic in this sinful world we live in? I was not happy with my friend but upon deep reflection I realized that she had no choice. She wanted to be single until she met the right one but she was frightened for her life. I know this doesn't seem fair to the man she married to escape the mafia, but this boy she loves so much, he loves her too, isn't it unfair to the boy she met too? What if he really is her Adam, it is not his fault that he wasn't at the right time and place for her. Even before she met this boy she knew that the man she married wasn't her true love, and she was unhappy almost everyday, we, her friends, we could all tell even though she never complained.

As her friend I care for her, and she has been unhappy and a changed person ever since her marriage to this man. Her personality has changed too, she used to be so intellectual and independent and ever since she married her current spouse she's just not the same. The man never abuses her, but he doesn't operate on the same wavelength, and my friend always feels misunderstood and sad despite trying her best to communicate. She has a son with her current husband, but everyday I see her she looks more and more miserable.

This new boy she met makes her feel seen, loved and understood. Even i have to admit, he's a dream come true for her compared to the man she married.

I know this doesn't look good, but I can't stand by and watch my friend turning into a subservient shell of herself this way, I used to tell her that the grass isn't always greener, but I've seen her becoming so unlike herself in her marriage, and with this boy she sparkles like the brightest star. It isn't her fault or the boy's or even the man's that she married who she did when she did, but she was forced to by circumstances, the other thing that would have happened, we don't want to think of or talk of. If God is love, ,wouldn't he understand and let her be with the one she loves? God didn't stop the mafia, why should He stop her from marrying her true love? The only one in the wrong here, imo is the mafia, not my friend not the boy's.

What do you think? Especially people who divorced and remarried, what is your take on this?

EDIT: her current husband is no saint either. He had a girlfriend of many years and even had children with her out of wedlock, my friend said he was going to propose to the mother of his children when he met her but married my friend instead when he found out that her father was wealthy.

 

[Joseph G]

Hi all

I am asking for a friend.

My friend married her husband 3 years ago. She married because there were people forcing her to be married and she was afraid of one of the friends of her father, who is a mafia member. His son wanted to marry her, so she got married quickly to a 'normal' man. He runs a family-owned restaurant. Just a year ago, she confided in me that she met her true love. I was shocked and reminded her that she is married. She told me that ever since she laid eyes on that boy a year ago she has been convinced that he is her 'Adam', she is his rib. She says that if there were two men and Eve married the wrong one she would still be Adam's rib regardless of who she married.

I know that in the eyes of the church, if my friend divorced her current husband they would still be married in God's eyes, but is this really realistic in this sinful world we live in? I was not happy with my friend but upon deep reflection I realized that she had no choice. She wanted to be single until she met the right one but she was frightened for her life. I know this doesn't seem fair to the man she married to escape the mafia, but this boy she loves so much, he loves her too, isn't it unfair to the boy she met too? What if he really is her Adam, it is not his fault that he wasn't at the right time and place for her. Even before she met this boy she knew that the man she married wasn't her true love, and she was unhappy almost everyday, we, her friends, we could all tell even though she never complained.

As her friend I care for her, and she has been unhappy and a changed person ever since her marriage to this man. Her personality has changed too, she used to be so intellectual and independent and ever since she married her current spouse she's just not the same. The man never abuses her, but he doesn't operate on the same wavelength, and my friend always feels misunderstood and sad despite trying her best to communicate. She has a son with her current husband, but everyday I see her she looks more and more miserable.

This new boy she met makes her feel seen, loved and understood. Even i have to admit, he's a dream come true for her compared to the man she married.

I know this doesn't look good, but I can't stand by and watch my friend turning into a subservient shell of herself this way, I used to tell her that the grass isn't always greener, but I've seen her becoming so unlike herself in her marriage, and with this boy she sparkles like the brightest star. It isn't her fault or the boy's or even the man's that she married who she did when she did, but she was forced to by circumstances, the other thing that would have happened, we don't want to think of or talk of. If God is love, ,wouldn't he understand and let her be with the one she loves? God didn't stop the mafia, why should He stop her from marrying her true love? The only one in the wrong here, imo is the mafia, not my friend not the boy's.

What do you think? Especially people who divorced and remarried, what is your take on this?

EDIT: her current husband is no saint either. He had a girlfriend of many years and even had children with her out of wedlock, my friend said he was going to propose to the mother of his children when he met her but married my friend instead when he found out that her father was wealthy.

This "new boy" cannot possibly love her if he has no respect for her vows to her husband.

As for her, coerced or no, how can she predict the future that God has planned? I have a dear Christian friend whose unbelieving husband scorned and mocked her faith throughout their marriage. But she was *determined* to love him with the love of Christ in return.

She led him to the Lord hours before he died of Covid. And she still loves him to this day and looks forward to their reunion in Heaven.

God doesn't make mistakes. The same as He doesn't with giving life to children conceived in fornication and even rape.

I would advise you to encourage her not to compound the grief of her situation by flocking to a feel-good wannabe adulterer who will probably betray her in the future anyway.

True love - is defined by commitment over devotion to feelings. She can love her husband - if she's willing to obey God and depend on HIS love above all.

1 Peter 3:1-2 NIV

" Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

biblegateway.com

 

[InThePottersChamber]

This "new boy" cannot possibly love her if he has no respect for her vows to her husband.

As for her, coerced or no, how can she predict the future that God has planned? I have a dear Christian friend whose unbelieving husband scorned and mocked her faith throughout their marriage. But she was *determined* to love him with the love of Christ in return.

She led him to the Lord hours before he died of Covid. And she still lives him to this day and looks forward to their reunion in Heaven.

God doesn't make mistakes. The same as He doesn't with giving life to children conceived in fornication and even rape.

I would encourage not to compound the grief of her situation by flocking to a feel-good wannabe adulterer who will probably betray her in the future anyway.

True love - is defined by commitment over devotion to feelings. She can love her husband - if she's willing to obey God.

1 Peter 3:1-2 NIV

" Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

biblegateway.com

If you think the boy will betray her, how do you explain those people both christians and atheists, etc, who found their true love later in life and married being way happier than they were? Funny people like you would support children conceived by rape yet when it comes to truly evil things like coercion by the mafia etc you turn a blind eye? Is it because it's easy to blame single struggling mothers, abused women, than look evil true in the eye and say 'you are wrong'. i have a problem with the church because it seems to me you only point out the wrongs of those who cannot fight back. where are the churches that condemn mass rape, that condemn what the mafia does, that condemn human trafficking as passionately as you all condemn abortion, lgbtq, minorities who have no power or resources to fight back?

you would work hard to condemn a woman who was pregnant by rape, rather than find the rapist and rehabilitate him. Show me where Jesus did this, pointing to the weak when you need someone to blame, disregarding the evil powers who can actually fight back. Jesus did the opposite of what most modern day christians are doing and its sad.

 

[Palmfever]

If you are her friend, do not lead her into sin.
And stop focusing on feelings.
The fact that many divorce and remarry is not a justification.
That is the voice of Satan whispering his rational to the weak, simple, and deceived.

 

[Joseph G]

If you think the boy will betray her, how do you explain those people both christians and atheists, etc, who found their true love later in life and married being way happier than they were? Funny people like you would support children conceived by rape yet when it comes to truly evil things like coercion by the mafia etc you turn a blind eye? Is it because it's easy to blame single struggling mothers, abused women, than look evil true in the eye and say 'you are wrong'. i have a problem with the church because it seems to me you only point out the wrongs of those who cannot fight back. where are the churches that condemn mass rape, that condemn what the mafia does, that condemn human trafficking as passionately as you all condemn abortion, lgbtq, minorities who have no power or resources to fight back?

you would work hard to condemn a woman who was pregnant by rape, rather than find the rapist and rehabilitate him. Show me where Jesus did this, pointing to the weak when you need someone to blame, disregarding the evil powers who can actually fight back. Jesus did the opposite of what most modern day christians are doing and its sad.

Hmm... seems like you posted in the wrong sub-forum. You're looking for justification to sin rather than Christian advice.

As for your indictment of Christians, you are operating from a woefully uninformed stereotype you've constructed in your mind. You actually have no idea to what degree Bible-believing Spirit-filled Christians do for everyone in every possible situation.

If you hate condemnation without reasonable effort at examination, start in the mirror, friend.

Matthew 7:3-5 NIV

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

Hatred only consumes the one who wields it...

biblegateway.com

 

[trophy33]

She told me that ever since she laid eyes on that boy a year ago she has been convinced that he is her 'Adam', she is his rib. She says that if there were two men and Eve married the wrong one she would still be Adam's rib regardless of who she married.

I wonder who told her this bunch of illogical nonsense. The new "boy"?

This new boy she met makes her feel seen, loved and understood. Even i have to admit, he's a dream come true for her compared to the man she married.

If this "boy" (not sure why you call him that, I hope he is in a normal age) was told the truth that she is married and also with a child, then he is significantly morally corrupted, doing this.

Of course, you do not expect to get a support for infidelity and/or divorce here on this page. What kind of advice do you expect, then?

P.S.:
You say its about your friend, but in the title you said "I married the wrong person". You are also quite obviously susceptible to the same ideas she is ("what if he really is her Adam..").

 

[InThePottersChamber]

I wonder who told her this bunch of illogical nonsense. The new "boy"?


If this "boy" (not sure why you call him that, I hope he is in a normal age) was told the truth that she is married and also with a child, then he is significantly morally corrupted, doing this.

Of course, you do not expect to get a support for infidelity and/or divorce here on this page. What kind of advice do you expect, then?

P.S.:
You say its about your friend, but in the title you said "I married the wrong person". You are also quite obviously susceptible to the same ideas she is ("what if he really is her Adam..").

my dear friend, in the title i said 'i' as in my friend. it's a title, i was afraid if i wrote 'my friend' instead people wouldn't click into my post to read. i wanted to use a strong attractive title.

no the boy did not place ideas in her head. i have known her for a long time and she believes that out of her own free will.

and yes i agree with her view. I agree that many people settle down with those whom were available, not because they were in love. in this world everything goes wrong and will and can go wrong, what makes you think marriage is the exception? so what if there are adams and ribs out there and one person marries wrong and a whole slew of people marry wrong? yes i do believe in that, i believe that can happen. yes i truly believe we can marry the wrong person and meet the right person later in life. my friend absolutely would not have married if there were no external pressure.

and no i do not believe that if something doesn't work out then we should jump to the next person who we are attracted to. when i say i believe there are true loves and that we do marry wrong i am not suggesting a marriage without hurdles at all where everything will be smooth and easy. but we have to admit when a marriage just isn't going to work out. If i spend years at sculpting school, years and years and still fail my classes, not for want of trying but for want of the natural talent and ability, should i still spend my resources, time and money at sculpting school? no, i have to admit i made a mistake and learn something else that better suits who god made me to be. It is the same with marraige and friendships.

 

[InThePottersChamber]

in case anyone is wondering, this is my friend's issue so it will not affect me to a personal extent. In the end the choice is hers, the reasonings i gave, she and i we both share the same convictions, we are friends for a reason, we have the same values and opinions about most things.

I would like to say though that before this I did hold to the opinion that she should stay married, and when she married her current husband I was happy for her, i believed she would love him over time.

but this is no longer the case. I have been friends with her since we were 15, i know intimately the kind of men she was always into. This new boy is everything she wants. He is a good person, he is intelligent and he is of good breeding. He is kind, he protects her.

I reacted negatively when she initially told me of him, but it's been almost two years now and I see this boy loves her and she loves him. I have already made my decision if I were her, I posted to see if anyone can come up with a good argument against my points. Regardless, I would like to stress that in the end the decision is hers not mine. thank you for all your input, past and future.

 

[Lost4words]

Tell your 'friend' to go to councelling

my dear friend, in the title i said 'i' as in my friend. it's a title, i was afraid if i wrote 'my friend' instead people wouldn't click into my post to read. i wanted to use a strong attractive title.

no the boy did not place ideas in her head. i have known her for a long time and she believes that out of her own free will.

and yes i agree with her view. I agree that many people settle down with those whom were available, not because they were in love. in this world everything goes wrong and will and can go wrong, what makes you think marriage is the exception? so what if there are adams and ribs out there and one person marries wrong and a whole slew of people marry wrong? yes i do believe in that, i believe that can happen. yes i truly believe we can marry the wrong person and meet the right person later in life. my friend absolutely would not have married if there were no external pressure.

and no i do not believe that if something doesn't work out then we should jump to the next person who we are attracted to. when i say i believe there are true loves and that we do marry wrong i am not suggesting a marriage without hurdles at all where everything will be smooth and easy. but we have to admit when a marriage just isn't going to work out. If i spend years at sculpting school, years and years and still fail my classes, not for want of trying but for want of the natural talent and ability, should i still spend my resources, time and money at sculpting school? no, i have to admit i made a mistake and learn something else that better suits who god made me to be. It is the same with marraige and friendships.

Tell your 'friend' to go to counselling with her husband. Stay away from other men. Try her best to save her marriage.

 

[trophy33]

no the boy did not place ideas in her head. i have known her for a long time and she believes that out of her own free will.
...and yes i agree with her view.

But that nonsense about some Adam for her and she being his rib etc had to come from somewhere. Its not any Christian teaching, so the source you both got it from would be interesting to know. Looks like something originated on instagram or a similar "solid" source.

I agree that many people settle down with those whom were available, not because they were in love. in this world everything goes wrong and will and can go wrong, what makes you think marriage is the exception?

Not sure what exception you think I talked about.

so what if there are adams and ribs out there

There is no such thing. I am not sure why you are so deeply in this weird doctrine or where it came from.

and one person marries wrong and a whole slew of people marry wrong? yes i do believe in that, i believe that can happen. yes i truly believe we can marry the wrong person and meet the right person later in life. my friend absolutely would not have married if there were no external pressure.

People can get to marriage from plethora of good or wrong reasons, but after the vow is made, its meant to be for life, in Christian thinking.

Instead of feeding her with nonsense or supporting her in foolishness, lead her to be happy where she is - she has a family, she can have hobbies, she can have religion etc. Instead, you are both thinking like teenagers who live according to movies.

 

[InThePottersChamber]

very christian your tone is. exceedingly patronizing. so glad you found the right moral high horse to sit on and look down at others from. anyway i am closing this thread.

 

[trophy33]

He is a good person, he is intelligent and he is of good breeding. He is kind, he protects her.

I doubt a man having and affair with a married woman with child is a good person or of a "good breeding". Such a person would be kind to all (husband, child), not just to her.
I can imagine he could be a good person is he does not know the real situation and was lied to.

Also, she does not seem to be a a good/faithful person, for obvious reasons. It would not surprise me if a third man appeared later, another "Adam".

 

[InThePottersChamber]

I doubt a man having and affair with a married woman with child is a good person or of a "good breeding". Such a person would be kind to all (husband, child), not just to her.
I can imagine he could be a good person is he does not know the real situation and was lied to.

Also, she does not seem to be a a good/faithful person, for obvious reasons. It would not surprise me if a third man appeared later, another "Adam".

to be frank you do not know the whole story and you have so much anger about this situation, very obvious you are projecting. please stop replying or i will block you since i can't close the thread

 

[trophy33]

to be frank you do not know the whole story and you have so much anger about this situation, very obvious you are projecting. please stop replying or i will block you since i can't close the thread

We work with what you said. I do not claim to have the whole story. I feel no anger, why should I be angry because of some unknown people? (Maybe you are the one projecting your emotions on me?)

You cannot block me, this is a public forum. The only thing you can do is to stop seeing my posts but others will continue seeing them.

You came here for an advice and you got it - Christians will not support divorce for this reason or running away with a lover. Not sure why you are surprised and why do you complain so much.

 

[public hermit]

Hi all

I am asking for a friend.

My friend married her husband 3 years ago. She married because there were people forcing her to be married and she was afraid of one of the friends of her father, who is a mafia member. His son wanted to marry her, so she got married quickly to a 'normal' man. He runs a family-owned restaurant. Just a year ago, she confided in me that she met her true love. I was shocked and reminded her that she is married. She told me that ever since she laid eyes on that boy a year ago she has been convinced that he is her 'Adam', she is his rib. She says that if there were two men and Eve married the wrong one she would still be Adam's rib regardless of who she married.

I know that in the eyes of the church, if my friend divorced her current husband they would still be married in God's eyes, but is this really realistic in this sinful world we live in? I was not happy with my friend but upon deep reflection I realized that she had no choice. She wanted to be single until she met the right one but she was frightened for her life. I know this doesn't seem fair to the man she married to escape the mafia, but this boy she loves so much, he loves her too, isn't it unfair to the boy she met too? What if he really is her Adam, it is not his fault that he wasn't at the right time and place for her. Even before she met this boy she knew that the man she married wasn't her true love, and she was unhappy almost everyday, we, her friends, we could all tell even though she never complained.

As her friend I care for her, and she has been unhappy and a changed person ever since her marriage to this man. Her personality has changed too, she used to be so intellectual and independent and ever since she married her current spouse she's just not the same. The man never abuses her, but he doesn't operate on the same wavelength, and my friend always feels misunderstood and sad despite trying her best to communicate. She has a son with her current husband, but everyday I see her she looks more and more miserable.

This new boy she met makes her feel seen, loved and understood. Even i have to admit, he's a dream come true for her compared to the man she married.

I know this doesn't look good, but I can't stand by and watch my friend turning into a subservient shell of herself this way, I used to tell her that the grass isn't always greener, but I've seen her becoming so unlike herself in her marriage, and with this boy she sparkles like the brightest star. It isn't her fault or the boy's or even the man's that she married who she did when she did, but she was forced to by circumstances, the other thing that would have happened, we don't want to think of or talk of. If God is love, ,wouldn't he understand and let her be with the one she loves? God didn't stop the mafia, why should He stop her from marrying her true love? The only one in the wrong here, imo is the mafia, not my friend not the boy's.

What do you think? Especially people who divorced and remarried, what is your take on this?

EDIT: her current husband is no saint either. He had a girlfriend of many years and even had children with her out of wedlock, my friend said he was going to propose to the mother of his children when he met her but married my friend instead when he found out that her father was wealthy.

Is your friend Catholic? She might be able to get her marriage annulled. If fear impeded her judgment, it might be grounds for annulment.

What Are Grounds for Annulment?

When a couple exchanges nuptial consent, either a valid marriage comes into existence at that moment or it does not. If it does not, it is because something nec...

www.catholic.com

 

[Sketcher]

She married because there were people forcing her to be married and she was afraid of one of the friends of her father, who is a mafia member. His son wanted to marry her, so she got married quickly to a 'normal' man. He runs a family-owned restaurant. Just a year ago, she confided in me that she met her true love. I was shocked and reminded her that she is married. She told me that ever since she laid eyes on that boy a year ago she has been convinced that he is her 'Adam', she is his rib.

She doesn't know that.

She says that if there were two men and Eve married the wrong one she would still be Adam's rib regardless of who she married.

Either she made that up, or she quoted someone who made that up.

I know that in the eyes of the church, if my friend divorced her current husband they would still be married in God's eyes, but is this really realistic in this sinful world we live in? I was not happy with my friend but upon deep reflection I realized that she had no choice.

Yes, it's realistic. She has a choice now.

but this boy she loves so much, he loves her too

Or maybe he's just a slick talker.

isn't it unfair to the boy she met too? What if he really is her Adam, it is not his fault that he wasn't at the right time and place for her.

I say this as a single man, who doesn't have very many women to pick from, because most women my age and a few years younger are married already: You won't get a quality partner by getting someone to cheat with you. Cheaters are inherently disloyal. You are therefore picking an inherently disloyal person for yourself. Combine that with it being against God's will, and this is a very bad risk.

God didn't stop the mafia, why should He stop her from marrying her true love? The only one in the wrong here, imo is the mafia, not my friend not the boy's.

The mafia doesn't get a pass. They will be judged and condemned, as will adulterers. Just because God doesn't stop you from doing something, it doesn't mean that you should do it.

 

[Richard T]

Hi all

I am asking for a friend.

My friend married her husband 3 years ago. She married because there were people forcing her to be married and she was afraid of one of the friends of her father, who is a mafia member. His son wanted to marry her, so she got married quickly to a 'normal' man. He runs a family-owned restaurant. Just a year ago, she confided in me that she met her true love. I was shocked and reminded her that she is married. She told me that ever since she laid eyes on that boy a year ago she has been convinced that he is her 'Adam', she is his rib. She says that if there were two men and Eve married the wrong one she would still be Adam's rib regardless of who she married.

I know that in the eyes of the church, if my friend divorced her current husband they would still be married in God's eyes, but is this really realistic in this sinful world we live in? I was not happy with my friend but upon deep reflection I realized that she had no choice. She wanted to be single until she met the right one but she was frightened for her life. I know this doesn't seem fair to the man she married to escape the mafia, but this boy she loves so much, he loves her too, isn't it unfair to the boy she met too? What if he really is her Adam, it is not his fault that he wasn't at the right time and place for her. Even before she met this boy she knew that the man she married wasn't her true love, and she was unhappy almost everyday, we, her friends, we could all tell even though she never complained.

As her friend I care for her, and she has been unhappy and a changed person ever since her marriage to this man. Her personality has changed too, she used to be so intellectual and independent and ever since she married her current spouse she's just not the same. The man never abuses her, but he doesn't operate on the same wavelength, and my friend always feels misunderstood and sad despite trying her best to communicate. She has a son with her current husband, but everyday I see her she looks more and more miserable.

This new boy she met makes her feel seen, loved and understood. Even i have to admit, he's a dream come true for her compared to the man she married.

I know this doesn't look good, but I can't stand by and watch my friend turning into a subservient shell of herself this way, I used to tell her that the grass isn't always greener, but I've seen her becoming so unlike herself in her marriage, and with this boy she sparkles like the brightest star. It isn't her fault or the boy's or even the man's that she married who she did when she did, but she was forced to by circumstances, the other thing that would have happened, we don't want to think of or talk of. If God is love, ,wouldn't he understand and let her be with the one she loves? God didn't stop the mafia, why should He stop her from marrying her true love? The only one in the wrong here, imo is the mafia, not my friend not the boy's.

What do you think? Especially people who divorced and remarried, what is your take on this?

EDIT: her current husband is no saint either. He had a girlfriend of many years and even had children with her out of wedlock, my friend said he was going to propose to the mother of his children when he met her but married my friend instead when he found out that her father was wealthy.

I hate to say it but I have seen lots of misplaced love among those that are married. It seems like things did not exactly pan out they way they expected. So at some point the neglected find hope in someone else and if they are not really grounded in Christ the sparks can fly. Timothy addresses some of this. Saying all the bad things one can expect:
2 Timothy 3:5-7 (NKJV)
5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!
6 For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts,
7 always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

So, I would size up the guy, is he a player? His Christianity must be weak to non-existent. Anyone can spark if they are looking but the follow through will just bring sorrow. So what is the married one to do? Avoid wrecking her current marriage by making things worse? She should fall on her face to God, pour her heart out and ask God to make something out of what she has. She should cut off all contact with the new man. Find some counseling and if that fails, let her separate for a time to get her bearings and to be built up in Christ. It might seem far easier to just try out this new guy. But likely he is empty and for sure just a distraction from her own set of problems.
I have met women dissatisfied for lots of reasons. He cheated, he likes porn, he does not excite me anymore, he does not value me, he is not spiritual enough, the list is endless. Don't these husbands ever talk to their wives? Some can't even communicate their desperation and some husbands do not seem to care. Yes, there are men that have lists of complaints too.

Marrying the wrong one? Yes, I know some too that cried even on their wedding night. There can be lots of pressures and many do not even know exactly what they want. Those folks should take more time. But in starting an illicit relationship, those folks should move on, disregard feelings, and break contact. I pray this married couple gets a second chance, that they can build on Christ and welcome the deficiencies in each other as a means to grow in God even faster. God bless.

 

[com7fy8]

yes i truly believe we can marry the wrong person and meet the right person later in life. my friend absolutely would not have married if there were no external pressure.

I understand you are saying she was forced into the marriage.

I have seen how someone not forced would get upset with the guy she married, then go looking for someone else. But her own character could affect how she could evaluate a man, and so she could move on to yet another man she then finds to be a problem. Her character can be her magnet deciding who she attracts.

The bait you use can be what chooses the fish you catch. Sucker bait will not get you a salmon!!

But you are claiming she had no choice. So, the question is, then, can she go after another guy?

Well, it seems you are saying she is getting worse, and you are blaming this on her being married to her husband she was forced to marry, out of fear. Well, Jesus gives us "rest for your souls," we have in Matthew 11:28-30. He makes us so we can stay even peaceful and generously loving and forgiving right while we are in very hard situations. So, whether she wants him or not, still with Jesus she can have peace and not allow her surroundings to dictate and decide how she is and how she becomes, or else she is not depending first on Jesus.

And so, if she is weak enough now to be decided by circumstances, then getting with a dream husband is not going to automatically turn her into a deeply strong and sound person. Have you gotten to know him? Has he talked with you and her about this?

i know intimately the kind of men she was always into. This new boy is everything she wants. He is a good person, he is intelligent and he is of good breeding. He is kind, he protects her.

You haven't said anything about how he ministers. Does he protect her by challenging her not to let her hard situation get the better of her? Does he encourage her to be gentle and humble and emotionally sound with rest for her soul so she can be an example of this for her child?

Because how she is and what she is doing now can keep on being how she will function even if she marries someone who gives her all she desires.

Also . . . about seeking everything you want and *dictate* > Jesus guarantees >

"'He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.'" (John 12:25)

There are people who live for what they want, not first for all God desires; and so they are living in Satan's selfish kingdom with the unfair consequences of selfish loving, and in Satan's kingdom of selfishness people stay in weakness so they give in to pride and arguing and complaining and unforgiveness and frustration. And ones in his kingdom automatically have a hard time, then >

"Good understanding gains favor,
. But the way of the unfaithful is hard."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .(Proverbs 13:15)

So, more than deciding what to do in this case, she needs to become a deeply strong person in Jesus, so she can be peaceful and wise in any circumstance, and with God discover how God is able to use any situation for His good, with her. And this includes how He can make her able to be good for others, right while she is going through things.

So, blaming the mafia is not going to work; blaming being married to her husband does not work. If you and she use a blaming method, instead of claiming and obeying how God is able to do things with you, then it is likely you and she will keep on blaming, even in nicer situations.

 

[timewerx]

EDIT: her current husband is no saint either. He had a girlfriend of many years and even had children with her out of wedlock, my friend said he was going to propose to the mother of his children when he met her but married my friend instead when he found out that her father was wealthy.

Marriage in the book of Genesis is simply leaving your parent's home, to live with someone of the opposite sex, and consummate the relationship (via sex act).

This means the husband of your friend is already married to his girlfriend according to Genesis 2:24 and this makes your friend's marriage to him null and void in the eyes of God.

In fact, your friend may even be in an adulterous relationship with her "husband" and must cease their relationship at once. To answer your question, she can leave her husband and get married to the new boy.

What constitutes a wedding or marriage in the Bible is entirely within Genesis 2:24.

The Bible makes absolutely no mention of church bells nor wedding rings nor wedding cakes nor exchange of vows (in fact, Jesus said DON'T make vows!). You don't even need a priest nor pastor nor a military officer nor any person to marry you. These wedding rituals are actually pagan in origin!

Although I'd like to make it perfectly clear, these pagan wedding rituals doesn't nullify a marriage. It only makes you commit the sin of idolatry that you can ask for forgiveness later on.

 

[walkswithFire]

Marriage in the book of Genesis is simply leaving your parent's home, to live with someone of the opposite sex, and consummate the relationship (via sex act).

This means the husband of your friend is already married to his girlfriend according to Genesis 2:24 and this makes your friend's marriage to him null and void in the eyes of God.

In fact, your friend may even be in an adulterous relationship with her "husband" and must cease their relationship at once. To answer your question, she can leave her husband and get married to the new boy.

What constitutes a wedding or marriage in the Bible is entirely within Genesis 2:24.

The Bible makes absolutely no mention of church bells nor wedding rings nor wedding cakes nor exchange of vows (in fact, Jesus said DON'T make vows!). You don't even need a priest nor pastor nor a military officer nor any person to marry you. These wedding rituals are actually pagan in origin!

Although I'd like to make it perfectly clear, these pagan wedding rituals doesn't nullify a marriage. It only makes you commit the sin of idolatry that you can ask for forgiveness later on.

This is incorrect. If a married man, has a sexual relationship outside his marriage, his marriage is not null and void. Matt 5:27-29 says: 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; 28 but I say to you that everyone who [so much as] looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye makes you stumble and leads you to sin, tear it out and throw it away [that is, remove yourself from the source of temptation]; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.