I hate going to church

[awfulone]

so basically the title says it. I can't stand going to church. My fiance is the worship director and shes going to start preaching after we get married. I also sometimes volunteer for the tech stuff. I recently told her how much i really don't like going to church ( I've told her this before, but i really drove home the point this time). I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted. Ive been to many churches in my life, and church always feels like a chore. I'm not a "feeler" either though, so i have never really "felt" God, and probably never will. However, i DO believe the bible and what it says. I'm just a very logic brained person.


She was really upset by me telling her this and she feels like we need to share the same values and etc if we are going to be married. I told her we DO share the same values, i just don't like going to church, but she is still bothered by this and says it's important to her because its a big part of her life and she wants us to share that i guess.

I wish i could just flip a switch and like it, but i can't. I'm not sure what to do about it, i just needed to vent and get some advice. I'm also not the best at communicating, so if something is unclear, let me know please

 

[NomNomPizza]

so basically the title says it. I can't stand going to church. My fiance is the worship director and shes going to start preaching after we get married. I also sometimes volunteer for the tech stuff. I recently told her how much i really don't like going to church ( I've told her this before, but i really drove home the point this time). I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted. Ive been to many churches in my life, and church always feels like a chore. I'm not a "feeler" either though, so i have never really "felt" God, and probably never will. However, i DO believe the bible and what it says. I'm just a very logic brained person.


She was really upset by me telling her this and she feels like we need to share the same values and etc if we are going to be married. I told her we DO share the same values, i just don't like going to church, but she is still bothered by this and says it's important to her because its a big part of her life and she wants us to share that i guess.

I wish i could just flip a switch and like it, but i can't. I'm not sure what to do about it, i just needed to vent and get some advice. I'm also not the best at communicating, so if something is unclear, let me know please

1 Timothy 2:12 and 1 Timothy 3:1-2
Man you have really big bullet to dodge imo

 

[iluvatar5150]

I could've written this. I also don't like Sunday morning service (though I like the people quite a bit). I also don't "feel" any of it. I also volunteer for tech stuff to keep myself busy.

 

[Paidiske]

We don't primarily go to church for what we can get out of it, but to contribute our gifts and abilities to serve others in community. I'd encourage you to find a way to serve which uses your gifts and gives you some sense of fulfilment, even if you don't love everything else about church.

 

[Friedrich Rubinstein]

Welcome to the forums!

I never liked going to church; as a matter of fact I haven't been to a church in ~12 years.

Maybe it's less about liking it in your case, maybe it's more about supporting your fiance
It seems to be quite important to her, and if she is going to preach even then she also takes on some responsibility.

Most sermons are shallow indeed. Most preachers speak about the things the people like to hear, and leave out those things that actually hits people, what makes them realize that they're not as close to God as they should be.
Perhaps this is an opportunity for both of you, you and your fiance, to make a difference? Imagine you could work on the sermons together to reach the people in your church. Instead of spreading a shallow "religion" you could bring the person of Jesus Christ closer to the people and make them understand what all is really about!

 

[Tigger45]

We are kind of in the same situation only our roles are reversed. Before the pandemic I attended church services two or three times a week although unlike your fiancé I’m not part of the church’s ministries. My wife ‘like you’ has faith in Christ but prefers to attend church once a month at best. We’ve worked it out to except each other as they are but this sounds very important to your fiancé so it’s wise to work this out before joining in marriage.

 

[Sketcher]

so basically the title says it. I can't stand going to church. My fiance is the worship director and shes going to start preaching after we get married. I also sometimes volunteer for the tech stuff. I recently told her how much i really don't like going to church ( I've told her this before, but i really drove home the point this time). I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted. Ive been to many churches in my life, and church always feels like a chore. I'm not a "feeler" either though, so i have never really "felt" God, and probably never will. However, i DO believe the bible and what it says. I'm just a very logic brained person.

Out of curiosity, what denomination is the church? If non-denominational, what was the denominational background of the church's founders, and current ministry team?

 

[Landos]

If you don't like going to Church, maybe it's the Church you are going to?

 

[awfulone]

If you don't like going to Church, maybe it's the Church you are going to?

no, ive tried many. i just dont like going.

 

[awfulone]

Out of curiosity, what denomination is the church? If non-denominational, what was the denominational background of the church's founders, and current ministry team?

non-denominational. and i have no idea about the background. the pastor and i share different political views which kind of bugs me, but he seems to preach and not involve any of that, so i dont think thats the issue.

 

[awfulone]

We are kind of in the same situation only our roles are reversed. Before the pandemic I attended church services two or three times a week although unlike your fiancé I’m not part of the church’s ministries. My wife ‘like you’ has faith in Christ but prefers to attend church once a month at best. We’ve worked it out to except each other as they are but this sounds very important to your fiancé so it’s wise to work this out before joining in marriage.

im confident we will work through it. we are really good with communication and dont really "fight" we just disagree at times

 

[BobRyan]

so basically the title says it. I can't stand going to church. My fiance is the worship director and shes going to start preaching after we get married. I also sometimes volunteer for the tech stuff. I recently told her how much i really don't like going to church ( I've told her this before, but i really drove home the point this time). I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted. Ive been to many churches in my life, and church always feels like a chore. I'm not a "feeler" either though, so i have never really "felt" God, and probably never will. However, i DO believe the bible and what it says. I'm just a very logic brained person.


She was really upset by me telling her this and she feels like we need to share the same values and etc if we are going to be married. I told her we DO share the same values, i just don't like going to church, but she is still bothered by this and says it's important to her because its a big part of her life and she wants us to share that i guess.

I wish i could just flip a switch and like it, but i can't. I'm not sure what to do about it, i just needed to vent and get some advice. I'm also not the best at communicating, so if something is unclear, let me know please

First of all there may be something wrong at church - consider that possibility.

Second - invest a few afternoons of time for the sake of your marriage and your church experience with 3 easy steps:

1. watch this video I posted on this CF thread - you will find it fascinating.
Jan 28, 2021 #1

2. - do yourself a favor and watch the video I posted on my CF thread here
Today at 7:00 PM #1

3. I will give you the third "whopper" video once you have seen those first two.

Then post here and tell us if you found yourself "feeling" the spirit of it. These three would "wake the dead".

 

[Paulomycin]

The bad news: These are some big red flags.

The good news: You're paying attention and you're concerned.

 

[timothyu]

You could wait for her to catch up, but it likely won't happen. Tell her she can take care of the technical aspect of the day while you will be happy to act in a support staff position. People that used to work in theatres didn't always get into the 'theatre' involved there either.

 

[Albion]

She was really upset by me telling her this and she feels like we need to share the same values and etc if we are going to be married. I told her we DO share the same values, i just don't like going to church, but she is still bothered by this and says it's important to her because its a big part of her life and she wants us to share that i guess.

This is unfortunate, but it's not uncommon. Most often it happens when the two parties are of different faiths, but your situation amounts to about the same thing, I'd say.

So what to do? Probably you two should really talk this out with a determination to find a solution acceptable to both sides.

Nothing will be gained by either one of you forcing yourself into some position on the matter just because the other one won't compromise. If that approach had prospects of working at all, it wouldn't be for very long.

I also know that there are couples who do get along fine and respect each other's views about this, yet they go their separate ways on Sunday morning. Therefore, it can succeed with you two also. That doesn't mean it absolutely will, but if there is love and respect, it can. One aspect of a solution might be for you to agree to attend sometimes. Surely, that's not too much for you to do, considering how much she has invested in the church.

 

[Petros2015]

the messages are boring, or too shallow

Quite often a genuine experience. But a) you can find good ones if you look for them, and you'll know it when you do. I did. And b) you can also pray for and write one for others; this can deepen your own experience, and might even help someone who feels like you do.

i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted

Many churches have bible studies and/or community service projects apart from the typical Sunday service where you can build good relationships and do some good; as has been mentioned before this involves adjusting to attitude of what can I give vs what is this giving me. I think you'll find the best of the membership involved in those projects or extra-Sunday activities vs. the show up Sunday crowd, which isn't your cup of tea.

If there isn't one, start one. And you'll get to keep your fiance'

 

[Halbhh]

so basically the title says it. I can't stand going to church. My fiance is the worship director and shes going to start preaching after we get married. I also sometimes volunteer for the tech stuff. I recently told her how much i really don't like going to church ( I've told her this before, but i really drove home the point this time). I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted. Ive been to many churches in my life, and church always feels like a chore. I'm not a "feeler" either though, so i have never really "felt" God, and probably never will. However, i DO believe the bible and what it says. I'm just a very logic brained person.


She was really upset by me telling her this and she feels like we need to share the same values and etc if we are going to be married. I told her we DO share the same values, i just don't like going to church, but she is still bothered by this and says it's important to her because its a big part of her life and she wants us to share that i guess.

I wish i could just flip a switch and like it, but i can't. I'm not sure what to do about it, i just needed to vent and get some advice. I'm also not the best at communicating, so if something is unclear, let me know please

heh, I remember when that kinda feeling.

I heard a song today. I'll post it in a music thread. You might like.

Here, just posted:
Are you your own worst enemy?

 

[Bible Highlighter]

so basically the title says it. I can't stand going to church. My fiance is the worship director and shes going to start preaching after we get married. I also sometimes volunteer for the tech stuff. I recently told her how much i really don't like going to church ( I've told her this before, but i really drove home the point this time). I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted. Ive been to many churches in my life, and church always feels like a chore. I'm not a "feeler" either though, so i have never really "felt" God, and probably never will. However, i DO believe the bible and what it says. I'm just a very logic brained person.


She was really upset by me telling her this and she feels like we need to share the same values and etc if we are going to be married. I told her we DO share the same values, i just don't like going to church, but she is still bothered by this and says it's important to her because its a big part of her life and she wants us to share that i guess.

I wish i could just flip a switch and like it, but i can't. I'm not sure what to do about it, i just needed to vent and get some advice. I'm also not the best at communicating, so if something is unclear, let me know please

I would love to go to a church that believes the Bible plainly as I do. So I can relate that the form of church today may not please you. For me: When I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior back in 1992 by way of a mini comic tract called, “This Was Your Life”, it was like a light had went on inside of me, and I had peace that I had never known before. While churches did not offer me much (after I accepted Christ), my faith in Christ and His Word grew and became stronger. I think it is important that we focus on reading God's Word more and in praying to the Lord to strengthen our faith in Him. Christianity is not really about going to a big building to sing and to listen to sermons, but it is about having a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. It is about knowing GOD, and spreading the good news of Jesus and in loving others (like our fellow brothers and sisters and in helping those who are suffering and those who are poor). When we speak to God and ask Him to guide our life, and we seek His will by His Word every day, then worship, and fellowship will become important to you. For me: Fellowship is with a few Christian friends in my home (Whereby we can discuss the things in God's Word and to share in each other's love in Christ). The big light show may not be your thing like it is for me, either. I want to be real and not be a part of a show or stage.

 

[disciple Clint]

so basically the title says it. I can't stand going to church. My fiance is the worship director and shes going to start preaching after we get married. I also sometimes volunteer for the tech stuff. I recently told her how much i really don't like going to church ( I've told her this before, but i really drove home the point this time). I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted. Ive been to many churches in my life, and church always feels like a chore. I'm not a "feeler" either though, so i have never really "felt" God, and probably never will. However, i DO believe the bible and what it says. I'm just a very logic brained person.


She was really upset by me telling her this and she feels like we need to share the same values and etc if we are going to be married. I told her we DO share the same values, i just don't like going to church, but she is still bothered by this and says it's important to her because its a big part of her life and she wants us to share that i guess.

I wish i could just flip a switch and like it, but i can't. I'm not sure what to do about it, i just needed to vent and get some advice. I'm also not the best at communicating, so if something is unclear, let me know please

My fiance is the worship director and shes going to start preaching

Well looking at this from a logic standpoint since you see yourself as being a logical person, you just told your fiance that everything that is important to her is unimportant to you. And you dont quite see how that is a problem? Since her life is centered on those things that you dislike, she has a valid concern about the future of your relationship. This has about the same future potential of happiness as a high speed run into a brick wall, unless one or both of you change. You two need to talk this out, maybe the pastor can help.

 

[TzephanYahu]

Hi @awfulone What a tragic name!

I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted. Ive been to many churches in my life, and church always feels like a chore.

Amen, I know exactly what you mean!

I haven't gone for many years now. As for my walk with Yahweh, it's never been stronger and more intimate than it is today. My days are filled with learning the Word and giving Him praise. When I have popped my head back into a church to see what was going on, I still see the same things I did decades ago, but it is becoming further "diluted".

Now, let's look at the sound advice you may get about church and my opinions. You may be able to identify with these thoughts...
"attending Church is good for fellowship" - and that it is.
"...is good for spiritual covering.." - err, what? I don't witness to this. In fact, much damage can be done to you if you put your spiritual covering under a mere man who you suppose to be righteous.
"...its good to learn the Word..." - Not really. A small handful of churches do teach the Word well, but I'm yet to find one directly myself.
"...it's to worship the Lord..." - Not if you don't like the music. What then, should I pretend to feel the music and fake it before God? Shall I join in repeating the same chorus for the 15th time and pretend I'm not tired of it to seem as though I'm worshiping? It may work for some, but not all. Worshiping can be done in private, and without hillsong.

So if you feel that the Lord is leading you to not attend church, then don't. Better to have a clear conscience before Him than follow a crowd and have Him ask you "why didn't you follow the desire I put in your heart?".

Surely some will quote Hebrews 10:25 as the reason to go to church. It's funny how a lot of Christians suddenly get legalistic with this verse but treat the Instructions of Yahweh very lightly. But yes, Hebrews 10:25 is good advice. However, the church is a different place than it was in the first century.

But you're not single...

She was really upset by me telling her this and she feels like we need to share the same values and etc if we are going to be married. I told her we DO share the same values, i just don't like going to church, but she is still bothered by this and says it's important to her because its a big part of her life and she wants us to share that i guess.

Therefore, against the advice I give to you from man to man, your wife's feelings and heart must be considered and must be raised above yours. If she needs the church to connect with God, if she needs to be a part of it and have you there - then despite all the awkwardness you feel, you should go with her really. It must be hard for her to meet others there and say "my husband is at home". So attending is the right thing to do as a Godly husband and Christian. But it doesn't mean you need to attend one to meet with Yahweh or grow as a believer.

In the mean time, pray on the matter - that you and your wife might find peace in this situation or that He might lead you in what to do there. Perhaps you will have a role to play in that church you don't expect.

I hope something in that rant helps.

Love & Shalom