Help! Should we Elope??

[Jay121]

Me and my partner are seeking advice. We are both commited Christians who love God and love each other. We are both firm in our faith, strong believers and read scripture daily. We like many christian couples have struggled with sexual immorality and when we fall, face very strong conviction about the actions we have commited. We are both so deeply in love with each other and it is clear to us that God has brought each of us into our lives, we are also in this relationship with full intention of marrying each other and if circumstances were right we would have done so. We feel strong conviction for the behaviours we have commited and repent but despite time passing we seem to fall again.

To give you some back ground: I have finished my studies and have a fulltime Job but my partner has 3 years left to finish university. I am 21 and she is 20.

This is our predicament:
My partners parents will not approve of us getting married until my partner finishes her study's. Me and my partner cannot express to them our struggles with intimacy in fear of how severe they will react.
I love my partners family but if you haven't gauged already they are extremely cultured and very intense.

Me and my partner are both commited to God and fear him, we both want to be right in his eyes and to honour our parents. We have contemplated elopement in private but ask does this disrespect her parents? But what about the fact that we have already fallen into sexual immorality, we may be fine now but another 3 years is concerning to the both of us. What if Christ was to return before now and then, it is so burdensome, we just want to be right in the eyes of God and fear that 3 years without us falling is unrealistic.

My question is: is it wrong for us to elope to be considered married in the eyes of God and to be right in his eyes without her parents approval?

At what point should we over rule man and choose God's law? Are we sinning against God by not telling her parents?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thankyou so much for reading this. Godbless.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Self-Control is a fruit of the Spirit and if you lack in this area - both of you - you should pray for it and avoid time alone together, but rather spend time with freinds or in larger groups when you are together.

The Bible does not provide for eloping, the parents must approve.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

If you elope you risk her alienating her parents forever. Putting her in a position like that is no way to start a marriage. I’m of the opinion that you wait it out and do it right, or talk to her family about how important it is to marry sooner and how it won’t impact her ability to graduate from college. They’re right to worry as marriage brings babies and babies being the end to college careers for women. If you guys have been together less than a year or two and/or they’re helping her pay for college, it’s a valid worry that should be addressed, not avoided.

Now, I don’t think that premarital sex is the religious catastrophe some do, doubly so if it’s with somebody you intend to marry, but if it is that upsetting to you then seek out advice on how to handle it from your religious leader.

IMHO, starting a young marriage in deception against family is a bigger issue in the long-term than sex with somebody you will eventually marry. That deception will never, ever go away.

 

[Josheb]

My question is: is it wrong for us to elope to be considered married in the eyes of God and to be right in his eyes without her parents approval?

At what point should we over rule man and choose God's law? Are we sinning against God by not telling her parents?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thankyou so much for reading this. Godbless.

Just a couple of facts, perhaps to be used as a reality check.

Love is not sexual passion and sexual passion is not love.

'Premarital sex is highly correlated to future divorce. So is cohabitation.

Dating less than three months and longer than three years are also correlated to divorce.

The Bible says to honor your mother and father so that all may go well with you and decades of research on marriage show family of origin support for a marriage is correlated to successful marriage.

Paul said a lack of self control (sexually) makes you vulnerable to temptation and satan so you should marry, but he notes that is his opinion, not something he got from God.

Successful marriage counseling is hard work, time consuming, and expensive.

Divorce hurts.

Divorce lawyers cost much, much more than marriage counselors.

If the post is any evidence then you should devote yourself more to your studies because there are many grammatical errors in this oo for a man with a four-year college degree​

What, exactly, have you done to prepare yourself for marriage and the role of maritally leading and loving? Please be specific.

 

[Josheb]

is it wrong for us to elope to be considered married in the eyes of God and to be right in his eyes without her parents approval?

Probably. How will you feel when your daughter elopes and marries a man without your approval? What will you think of the man who has not come to you to ask for your permission for your daughter's hand or your blessing of the marriage? Why would you do that to another?

At what point should we over rule man and choose God's law?

Where do you get the idea you get to rule over another man who is the woman's daughter?

Are we sinning against God by not telling her parents?

You will tell her parents. They'll find out one way or another eventually. What you are asking is, "Are we sinning against God by acting in secret to deceive another?" The answer to that questions is, "Yes!"

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thankyou so much for reading this. Godbless.

Pray. Ask God for guidance.

Go talk to your parents and her parents.

Talk to your pastor.

Start preparing for marriage. There are many good books for doing so. Begin the process by geting a job and saving every penny you can.

 

[RaymondG]

We are both commited Christians

Me and my partner are both commited to God and fear him

These statements do not ring true, given the information presented in this letter. It seems that you are committed to your flesh and you are trying to do whatever you can to please it.

"Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?"

Are you having trouble obeying God, or obeying your flesh? Are you making decisions because you want to please God or because you cant stop pleasing your flesh?

It is ok to ask for advice without letting people know how religious you are........such statements can add unnecessary distractions.

What you are going through is normal....to get pass it, we cannot pretend that we love and fear God while continuing in sin.

When your fear of God becomes greater than your desire to please your flesh, you will no longer have the issues that you speak of.

My question is: is it wrong for us to elope to be considered married in the eyes of God and to be right in his eyes without her parents approval?

No it is not wrong to elope.......However, when you have a family, your children will conspire with those outside of your family, to do things that you forbid as well. So it is up to you. Today you plant the seeds, the fruits of which, you will harvest in the future. So plant wisely.

At what point should we over rule man and choose God's law?

When you say elope, you are referring to going to a court house and filing documents with the government, correct? Where do you read in the bible that this is God's law? Why do you believe this makes you married in God's eye, and therefore ok to please your flesh?

Is the conviction you feel, from God or from your own personal beliefs? When that judge says you are married and you believe it, and begin to please the flesh with no remorse, is it because God removed the guilt.....or because your now personally believe that it is ok?

I believe that a "desire to please the flesh", is not a strong enough foundation on which a marriage can stand.

 

[eleos1954]

Me and my partner are seeking advice. We are both commited Christians who love God and love each other. We are both firm in our faith, strong believers and read scripture daily. We like many christian couples have struggled with sexual immorality and when we fall, face very strong conviction about the actions we have commited. We are both so deeply in love with each other and it is clear to us that God has brought each of us into our lives, we are also in this relationship with full intention of marrying each other and if circumstances were right we would have done so. We feel strong conviction for the behaviours we have commited and repent but despite time passing we seem to fall again.

To give you some back ground: I have finished my studies and have a fulltime Job but my partner has 3 years left to finish university. I am 21 and she is 20.

This is our predicament:
My partners parents will not approve of us getting married until my partner finishes her study's. Me and my partner cannot express to them our struggles with intimacy in fear of how severe they will react.
I love my partners family but if you haven't gauged already they are extremely cultured and very intense.

Me and my partner are both commited to God and fear him, we both want to be right in his eyes and to honour our parents. We have contemplated elopement in private but ask does this disrespect her parents? But what about the fact that we have already fallen into sexual immorality, we may be fine now but another 3 years is concerning to the both of us. What if Christ was to return before now and then, it is so burdensome, we just want to be right in the eyes of God and fear that 3 years without us falling is unrealistic.

My question is: is it wrong for us to elope to be considered married in the eyes of God and to be right in his eyes without her parents approval?

At what point should we over rule man and choose God's law? Are we sinning against God by not telling her parents?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thankyou so much for reading this. Godbless.

Luke 18:20
You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not bear false witness, honor your father and mother.'"

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Best to be married before fooling around.

My wife and I had the same struggles before we were married. Still feel bad that we didn't have more self control but, the desires of the flesh can be heavy.

Always best to Repent and sin no more.

M-Bob