June 16, 2015, I have seen hell twice on a drug trip and been questioning my existence. But, this experience brought me to the Lord, and my life has transformed and Im living for Jesus with everything I have. After this experience, I found that I was experiencing depersonalization. It feels like I don't exist. Anxiety and stress makes it worse. It is hard sometimes to drive, eat swallow, breathe....irrational fears. I'm questioning my existence. I need to talk to someone that has gone through the same thing. I feel all alone. I pray hours a day, fast, read God's word....I'm trying to do everything I can to get breakthrough. I feel hopeless and discouraged and that I will not make it through. I am going to Christ for the Nations in Dallas and know God has a call in my life.
Well I have dealt with depersonalization plenty. But what i found out is this. If you are of Christ, your identity is Rooted in Him. So therefore sometimes feeling that is coming from losing the worldly you or the things you only thought made you who you are, just pray and continue doing the best you can and if you already have not, accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior. Do not feel like others have not experienced something identical or similar, but even if they have not, remember that Jesus knows what you are going through, He knows everything! Praise God! But yea do not worry, maybe you will find who you really are since all the things that you thought made you who you are may not be, you are who God says you are! A servant, one who is greatly, and I mean greatly loved by God. Remove the sin from your life as much as you can, get close to God as much as you can, ask Him to show you what you need, He WILL provide so do not worry about this feeling, it will be okay as long as you stay with Christ , my friend. Remember even if you had to suffer for 100 years straight, it is nothing compared to the awesomeness of God, if only we could see beyond our own minds , beyond our understanding, but hey, remember that God can see beyond what we can,
Isaiah 55:8-9 King James Version (KJV)
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Remember that this can come from you realizing that the things you thought made you who you are truly do not make you , only God makes a man good. So allow Him to show you who you are, is it not so beautiful that we can not even know who we are and God will love us so much to show us who we are and who He will make us to be . All for His glory and awesomeness! It is going to be okay. :] I know I have had some scary depersonalization. So I know what you are going through .
All that matters is that you know Christ, and that you have been cleaned of your sins by His coming into the flesh, in the world, living among us, and His sacrifice on the cross and ressurection from the dead. He lives . And He always will. ALWAYS. God will ALWAYS live, Christ will ALWAYS live, and He will ALWAYS be there, nothing will ever change that, it is very comforting. No matter how far you get or how much you suffer, if you have Him, nothing can ever pluck you out of His hand, or take you away. So just repent and you will not have to worry about the bad things, and if you are being convicted on things you are doing, that is the Holy Spirit telling you, we are not supposed to grieve it, you can literally feel it when you grieve the Holy Spirit, it feels terrible. I do not speak from a position over you, just as a person who has been through something the same or similar, and had so much guilt, pain, fear, and all that, and I want it to change too. Just repent, and be in His hands! We can do it together. Remember that I am going through problems too, we may not have the same ones, but either way.
