For those of you who have used Eharmony (or maybe just online dating...)

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

So alright, as I've said, I've joined eharmony. At times I will get a response back saying "I am persuing another relationship." So, my question is....once you start communicating with someone is it implied that one only talk with that person or can one be communicating with several people at the same time online?

I'm a "one-guy" sort of girl and I would never date 2 guys at the same time. I tend to only have interest for one guy at any given time. But online....it's just not the same so I am not sure how to handle it. I just started communicating with someone online through eharmony and I don't know what to do if someone else wants to contact me and I seem interested in that person as well. I mean, if the relationship with the first guy was going on for awhile and it was more than just one or two communicatiions....I'm totally unsure of what to do! Any advice? Suggestions?

Oh...and the world of online dating is as crazy as it is in person....still got to "wait" until the other person sends an email back to communicate. Wow, it is driving me crazy.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I would presume there would be nothing wrong with talking to more than one person while you are still getting to know them. It's not like you are dating them.

And IMO, you are not dating someone until you have both: a) met in real life b) agreed on an exclusive relationship

(I don't really know much about e-harmony either....but IF you are allowed to talk to more than one person at at time, then I don't see why not)

 

[M*D*S]

If you find someone you're into and start communicating alot, why even continue to visit the site? I probalby should of prefaced that statement with the fact that I have no idea how E-harmony works.:o

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Eharmony matches you up with a lot of "potential" people...supposedly based on all these different characteristics, etc.....not to say that that means ALL the matches are right for you.

Right now I am just curious because there is only one person I am communicating with...but he hasn't written me in a few days. I guess the "dating game" is still online where you have to wait for the person to get back with you. Of course, they could always just disappear too.

 

[wallaby]

i dont think exclusivity is implied just because youre getting to know someone. i think it would be best to slip in, with the guys youre talking to, that you are open to talking to multiple people at once, but its not unusual for that to be the basic assumption on the part of other people.

 

[Inkachu]

I'm also on Eharmony, and I have the same problem. Instead of getting one or two "WOW" type matches, I get about 10 "meh" type matches every day. It gets wearying.

I've also had guys start communication with me and act all happy and interested, only to have them suddenly close communication and say they're pursuing someone else. I'm like, whaaaatever dude.

I think it's fine to communicate with more than one person at a time (especially since you get multiple matches at a time, you kinda can't avoid it). But if you aren't seriously interested...don't drag somebody along...just tell em up front.

 

[RobinRedbreast]

I've done TONS of online dating. Because of my anxiety conditions it has always been the best way for me to meet people

I have never chosen to only talk with just one person, because people are so unpredictable online. The process would have taken ages longer if I had have done it that way. No one had my exclusive attention until we met and hit it off, that was my rule, the only exception to this was if we both agreed verbally (well, "in writing" haha) that we were interested in each other enough to stop communicating with others (and this did happen once or twice when the guy was just too far away to go meet in a timely manner).

But this can have you falling into the trap of dating online, rather than meeting people online. Having a distance relationship with someone you haven't even laid your own eyes on (let alone interacted with to see if you are even compatible) is a very bad idea (which I've done -- see my ex husband for reference ).

So I typically suggest sticking to the "decide after meeting him" rule, and make sure you are both on the same page as well (not just "infer" it, but rather discuss it)

 

[4hurting]

How is it I can boldly claim that even before I became a Christian I would never ever cheat.

One person at a time syndrome.

This is why if I got together with someone and was off with her sister I'd expect her to say this:

'I'm not having a go, but your boyfriend seems a little off with me.'
'LOL, take no notice, it's his way making sure he avoids any temptation, putting himself in any situation that can or could get out of hand or be misleading.'

Of course this depends on your standing with God, how strong you are, so no need for the above.

Massive draw back.
When it does not work out, one goes back running to those one did not want to know while interested in this other person.
fortunately, not many said get lost, which I'd be inclined to do, nicely of course if she did that to me.

I personally thought you were gonna say they use that as a get out, but that would be lying, right.

I looked at that, costs, don't get me wrong, been on Christian cafe, had a deal once, free as long as I plugged their site on mine.
I prefer fusion101, not just for UK, plenty of others on there, and it's free.

One lovely looking woman, reminded me of someone out of a soap, neighbours, lol, and yet she replied cause I'd done a short one, testing and when I then replied back, she read my second message and that was that, emailed and nothing since the 5th, though no checked today.
Vanished.

Sometimes I'm paranoid and it's something bad their end.
But I'd much rather if it is what I suspect as usual, someone go, not interested, hurts, but I'll always appreciate that person, like one on here, eventually look back fondly on it.
But to vanish, really GETS me, hurts a lot.

Anyway, hope that helps.

 

[4hurting]

Beauty my mother always says I'm daft, your just friends, have to have many and see who is the right one.
So contrary to what I said above, because that is me, lol, and I'd be jealous in a way, thinking I like you and I'll lose out for sure, insecure one might say, you are right to say if you blow the second one off and then the first one is a con, does not work out for whatever reason, well you know.

However you can test, like I do.
In the sense and hate me if you do and goes wrong, but blame me, My shoulders are broad (Yeah and the rest of my at home) sorry that joke only works in real speech.
Seriously now, you need to make it clear, REALLY clear, cuse I'm a bit duh and unless spelled out strongly, I then get, I made it clear from the start that I only wanted to be friends, etc.

You need a wait and see policy, which one can choose on fusion, some choose marriage minded and I'm like yikes, sometimes I think, cool, bound to be serios then, but still don't mean it will work out.

Just be straight, heck while your worrying they might be dong the exact same thing.

Everyone is different. For me I feel guilty, like to share and give my one to all.
But risks, risks, risks, anyway, ((hugs)) tough one, like all things in life.

Bless ya much.

 

[Balugon]

I wouldnt hold to talking to just one person either. You arent dating them, you're just getting to know them. And statistically speaking, they arent the one. heh. You cant control what other people will or wont do, but until uve decided to go steady, i would still be open. And u may end up interested in more than one guy, but one of them will be the better, and u just have to pray and ask God to show u where these guys really line up so u can pick which one it would be in case one or both of them didnt fall through to begin with.

I understand e-harmony is like the "big" dating site, at least the most advertised, but from what i understand, its quite expensive. Christianmingle.com i think costs less, and its a very nice site as well, if u were interested in checking that out (best deals typically are on the holidays, last one was on valentines day or presidents day). And christiandatingforfree.com seems to be entirely free (ive messaged people and got replies and stuff), but its a bit more dead than the other dating sites (still free though, and there are still some people on there).

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

I'm also on Eharmony, and I have the same problem. Instead of getting one or two "WOW" type matches, I get about 10 "meh" type matches every day. It gets wearying.

I've also had guys start communication with me and act all happy and interested, only to have them suddenly close communication and say they're pursuing someone else. I'm like, whaaaatever dude.

I think it's fine to communicate with more than one person at a time (especially since you get multiple matches at a time, you kinda can't avoid it). But if you aren't seriously interested...don't drag somebody along...just tell em up front.

Yeah, I get a lot of uninteresting matches. The ones that I have started to communicate with never got past the few couple of stages (either one of us quiting first). Then I live far away so people won't contact me...so annoying. So now I have stopped contacting people for the most part and let people contact me. In real life i want a guy to pursue me and so, same thing online

Still haven't heard back from this guy. I hate the dating game. MEH!

 

[Psalms34]

Unless they changed it, they don’t get into questions about faith. I remember a ton of Christians complaining about that a couple years ago. Characteristics as they defined them, at least back then, are only secondary to me, and to others. But then even at a Christian match site I visited, many rate faith pretty low. Helps narrow the choices down at least. I’m a one person too, I tend to explore bonds and two or more begins to confuse. But that is apart from purely friendship encounters, which are usually pretty lengthy for me from the start until whatever happens, or better yet to wherever God leads. IMO usually best way at least.

 

[BlackEssence]

Eharmony still hasnt found a match for me because mine is just too "unrealistic"...


Peace O' crap...

 

[white dove]

Beauty, please keep in mind that I probably have about as much experience as you do in the realm of online dating.

I tried the Eharmony profile set-up for free and after that time-consuming fiasco, I actually had perhaps a handful of "Mmmm!" candidates and about 15 mehs. (Ps. I love when it tells you that you can have more matches if you're willing to sacrifice your desire to be with a non-smoker, like that's not important to a non-smoker. Ummmm...)

I'm never on it anymore though. I just can't justify spending $60 to try something out like that. To the OP, I would have no problems with meeting with a few different guys to see if you're compatible or not. But, be safe!!!

But, maybe let them know that you're not interested in getting married, like, tomorrow and you're just testing this whole eharmony thing out? You may be surprised at how many guys are doing the exact same thing. Good luck.

 

[white dove]

Eharmony still hasnt found a match for me because mine is just too "unrealistic"...


Peace O' crap...

LOL didn't you know? You have to be willing to be with someone who smokes and who drinks every single day/night/workday in order to find a mate!

 

[sweetlambofgod]

I'm on there too, and I will talk to more than one person until I'm in a relationship then it kinda is obvious not to lol. Also if he just stopped talking to you in may be because hes not a member, it was a free communication weekend last weekend.

 

[Psalms34]

Hides cigars lol j/k haven’t had one for… a week? Hah but only one this year. Guy thing I guess. These things remind me of that crazy prohibition movement, not that I was around then just like to explore history.

So, no questions on faith with e-harm? Or they change that? I’d be “rejected” I know it. I know that is not where I’m suppose to be. Oh lets see, e-harm questionnaire field entry: Evangelical-Fundamentalist Ultraconservative Dispensationalist! Woot! Then they’ll match me up with someone 80yo lol. Just havin lil fun here

Edit: Oh, so no suspicion, tends to loom at times, imported wine from Israel is nice, eh but still rare. Nothing this year. No particular reason mentioned, sake of escape stereotyping or reading between the lines etc

 

[Ladielissa]

I haven't done that much online dating, but I have done a bit.

I think that you cannot call someone you have never met your "boyfriend" realistically. I think that it is okay to talk to more than one person if you are not dating anyone in person. Like others have expressed, if you are communicating with only one person online and then they suddenly drop off the face of the Earth, how do you know what to do? It would just be too weird. If I meet someone in person, I am a little old-fashioned in that I want to give just that person a chance without comparing them to others. I think that there is too much room for confusion and hurt feelings, but as long as you are just talking on the dating site, I do not think that exclusivity is implied.

 

[Angelof2070]

Im skeptical about using a dating service where theres only a few (far away) girls who meet my high standards.

I would subscribe if I was able to see their pictures. There have been a few ive read that i'd be interested in, but it's too much money only to find out I dont find them attractive and there are actually None.

 

[Psalms34]

Though I think I could be realistic and set any such standards to run-of-the-mil conservative -if she has the correct issues in-line, I mean on that standard. There are sill some ultras left in the Rep party, however; but becoming rare I fear to compromise. Not that my party has faired well lately with all the strife over issues of compromising battles concerning a primary issue, that being attacks on the nil abortion position. sad-sad
As they say: hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Some comfort in that I suppose. Can apply to many things.