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Dating a friend's ex?
- Thread starter Touma
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- Jul 5, 2005
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Well, if it was over with and I had no feelings for her anymore, I wouldn't mind if a friend dated her.
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- May 10, 2011
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That's a no no. Unless you guys were just passing her around for fun.
If it's a relationship thing, no way man that's trashy.
If it's a relationship thing, no way man that's trashy.
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I think it would take a lot of treading carefully, and would depend entirely on the dynamics of the group. If I knew for a fact she'd be OK with it and it wouldn't hurt our friendship, then yes. But any other situation... no.
Honestly... I just tried to think what it would be like if a friend dated my ex and I know I wouldn't be OK with it, even though its been years, its long over, and there's no chance we'll be getting back together... its just... odd. I wouldn't play the jealous ex and disown my friend for it, and I'd probably get over it in time but still... I think it would feel extremely odd and awkward for me to see a friend be the person to him that I once was.
or maybe i'm overthinking it and the actual reality wouldn't be such a big deal.
Honestly... I just tried to think what it would be like if a friend dated my ex and I know I wouldn't be OK with it, even though its been years, its long over, and there's no chance we'll be getting back together... its just... odd. I wouldn't play the jealous ex and disown my friend for it, and I'd probably get over it in time but still... I think it would feel extremely odd and awkward for me to see a friend be the person to him that I once was.
or maybe i'm overthinking it and the actual reality wouldn't be such a big deal.
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Guy Incognito
Matt 6:25-34
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You can't help who you like, plain and simple.
If Jill and I were to break up, and say my boy Biggie (Allan) were into her, it'd suck. And yeah, it'd suck hard, but if I were actually being any type of friend to him and Jill I wouldn't throw a fit about it happening and try my best to let my friend(s) be happy. Don't go all Dawson in this situation guys.
If Jill and I were to break up, and say my boy Biggie (Allan) were into her, it'd suck. And yeah, it'd suck hard, but if I were actually being any type of friend to him and Jill I wouldn't throw a fit about it happening and try my best to let my friend(s) be happy. Don't go all Dawson in this situation guys.
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Toro
Oh, Hello!
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Yes, you want your friends to be happy BUT they should also consider how the friend would feel as well, they don't know how long it would last, say it lasts a week, a month.... then what? Besides this is a speculative thread of opinions.... no one is "going Dawson" Of course I am not 100% sure what that means but I am guessing the show which I never watched so maybe it did.
I just personally wouldn't ever date a friends ex. of course I by design dont have many friends, just a few TRUE friends...... so they are like family in a way.
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Sapphyre
pew pew pew
An ex of a close friend? No. I would also hesitate to date a guy a close friend had feelings for, relationship or not. Romance isn't worth throwing away those kinds of friendships.
Someone I didn't know that well? I guess it would depend on a lot of things, as people have said.
Someone I didn't know that well? I guess it would depend on a lot of things, as people have said.
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Guy Incognito
Matt 6:25-34
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Yes, you want your friends to be happy BUT they should also consider how the friend would feel as well, they don't know how long it would last, say it lasts a week, a month.... then what? Besides this is a speculative thread of opinions.... no one is "going Dawson" Of course I am not 100% sure what that means but I am guessing the show which I never watched so maybe it did.
I just personally wouldn't ever date a friends ex. of course I by design dont have many friends, just a few TRUE friends...... so they are like family in a way.
If my friend was "man" (for lack of another term) to at the very least tell me of his interest, I have no reason not to be as ok with it as I can be. Just my opinion
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S
SOLDIER ❤
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Well as someone who went through this...I feel the close friend should not do this out of respect. I mean it feels disrespectful because it SEEMS as if your ex and your friend had a thing while you where still dating. Get my drift? I mean out of respect i wouldnt. But there are circumstances where it can be possible. If it was 2 years later and i moved on and the friend so happened to well establisg that link i would not be too happy, but then I would say forgive and move on. It can be messy. It depends.
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There would be a lot of factors I'd have to look that would probably have a big effect on my answer. First... was I very serious with this girl? If I wasn't and the relationship didn't last long, then by all means go ahead. Why did we break up? Was it because we realized things wouldn't work out between the two of us and we parted amicably? Was it because of something she or I did that really hurt the other? How much time has gone past since we broke up? Is he trying to date her immediately after? Because as was mentioned, that would feel like they were going behind my back. If she left me and then suddenly started dating him the next day, I'd have some pretty strong feelings about that. How much am I still emotionally invested in that old relationship?
I think in most scenarios, I will eventually be okay with a friend dating my ex as long as they allowed some time to pass for me to be completely over her first. If they are meant to be together, they should be able to give me a little time to heal and still end up together. In the end, I wouldn't want to stand in the way of their happiness. If they are going to rush into it though, I sure hope they wouldn't proceed to rub salt in wounds by putting the relationship right in my face.
I think in most scenarios, I will eventually be okay with a friend dating my ex as long as they allowed some time to pass for me to be completely over her first. If they are meant to be together, they should be able to give me a little time to heal and still end up together. In the end, I wouldn't want to stand in the way of their happiness. If they are going to rush into it though, I sure hope they wouldn't proceed to rub salt in wounds by putting the relationship right in my face.
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- Jul 23, 2007
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Yes it's alright, she's a person your friend doesn't own her.
Sometimes people have to deal with awkward/hard things.
I'd hate it if the roles were reversed and happened to me, but I'd understand why my friend did this. If my friend couldn't do the same I don't think he's really worth keeping.
Sometimes people have to deal with awkward/hard things.
I'd hate it if the roles were reversed and happened to me, but I'd understand why my friend did this. If my friend couldn't do the same I don't think he's really worth keeping.
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Socktastic
we have sinned in thought, word and deed
Theoretically there should be no issue; two consenting adults can do whatever they wish and the friend/ex should have no weight when it comes to the dating decision. In actuality it can, in some circumstances, become an absolute mess.
The new relationship would have to be weighed up against what you know about your friend; are they really OK with it or are they OK with it because they want you to be happy whilst it's tearing them up inside, and if it's tearing them up inside do you want to walk down this particular path enough for them to be torn up during the adjustment period?
You can do the dance about Friend A needing to have enough respect and care for Friend B to not get into it/Friend B needing to have enough respect and care for Friend A that they just want them to be happy until the cows come home, but when put into practice you really have to consider the dynamics involved.
We discussed this tonight, and personally I wouldn't do it. I've lived with far too many people who say they're fine with friends dating exes who later go on to have drunken sob sessions to think it's a good idea.
The new relationship would have to be weighed up against what you know about your friend; are they really OK with it or are they OK with it because they want you to be happy whilst it's tearing them up inside, and if it's tearing them up inside do you want to walk down this particular path enough for them to be torn up during the adjustment period?
You can do the dance about Friend A needing to have enough respect and care for Friend B to not get into it/Friend B needing to have enough respect and care for Friend A that they just want them to be happy until the cows come home, but when put into practice you really have to consider the dynamics involved.
We discussed this tonight, and personally I wouldn't do it. I've lived with far too many people who say they're fine with friends dating exes who later go on to have drunken sob sessions to think it's a good idea.
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U
Ukrainia
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So it's seems I'm in the minority when I would say it's absolutely ok to date a friend's ex. But this may come from two factors. First, I would only date someone I really thought there is potential to be even more, possibly marriage. And secondly, I don't have many close friends. Thinking about the possible costs and possible benefits, dating a friend's ex may hurt the friendship, but it might also find me a commited significant other who may become my wife. I would love, more than almost anything, to have a loving wife and so if I believe that a girl presents that opportunity, I'll do what I can to date her, even if it makes a friendship more difficult. So yeah, you people with other opinions are just wrong (kidding!)
(kidding!)
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