Dating a friend's ex?

[PinkSweetart]

I don't think I could do it, personally. I'd feel awful.... or it would just be awkward to be with someone my friend once dated. Especially because I'd assume I'd already know the guy well from being with my friend.

And maybe also because if someone were to do that for me I'd feel a bit hurt. But then again, I don't know.

 

[SplendidTree]

I don't think it is.

I personally would not do it.


If any of my friends wanted to date any of mine, it'd feel awkward but each for a different reason. Mostly because I didn't make great choices and wouldn't want them going through what I did. Well plus, one of them I knew since like 6th or 7th grade and then was with for over 6 years. That is kind of like... don't go there please. lol

 

[Going Merry]

In your view, is this an okay thing to do?

When a friend dated my ex, I told them I would kick their bum if I saw them again. Never seen them again.

 

[DYOLF]

In your view, is this an okay thing to do?

I would never do that. To me it's the worst form of betrayal and a boundary that should never be crossed.
I treat all my friends like my brothers so that's a no.

 

[r035198x]

I might be able to handle it but there are two other people involved here that might not handle it well. I would avoid it.

 

[Going Merry]

I would never do that. To me it's the worst form of betrayal and a boundary that should never be crossed.
I treat all my friends like my brothers so that's a no.

I agree completely.
It's absolutely the line that you cross when you want to no longer be a friend lol

 

[explodingboy]

I most likely wouldn't, since I only keep very small groups of friends, if you start dating each others ex's it just gets... odd.

I will say I've been in the situation of my best friend dating a romantic interest of mine.. and it was pretty much as grim a situation as can be imagined.. and after 19years of being BFFs, I've only spoken to him once since it all went pear shaped. Though me and the young lady in question have sort of patched things back to the obscure relationship we had before hand.

 

[jpcedotal]

In your view, is this an okay thing to do?

bad idea, even if your friend says it is ok....it isn't

 

[Blackwater Babe]

In your view, is this an okay thing to do?

Bad idea. I'd avoid it. And if you had to ask, I think you already knew that.

 

[Amber.ly]

Never.

I can't even crush on a friend's crush even if it was an old one, new, beginning or a possibility.

 

[jpcedotal]

very very selfish act and one would not be much of a friend

 

[Hadassah_]

It would depend on the situation. If they broke ammicably then I don't see why not. Just because he wasn't a good fit for her doesn't mean he wouldn't be a good fit for me.

If I saw the relationship deteriorate and the break up was pretty nasty, then no...I wouldn't. I don't even think I could be attracted to someone after all that.

 

[LadyOfMystery]

In your view, is this an okay thing to do?

Nope. Not in my opinion atleast. Of all the guy/girls in the world, you would want to be like "Heyy.. I know y'all were together, and broke up and stuff... Do you mind if I take a chance with him/her?" lol I just dont think it's right.

 

[Touma]

I am glad more people agree with me than my friend. Hah!


Thanks for your answers!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think it depends. In most cases I would say no it's not OK but this is my situation. I went out on a couple of dates with a guy. He was a player so it never went further than that. A few months later I meet one of his friends at a club (but I didn't know they knew each other and actually they were best friends and worked together). So over time that man (the second one) is the one I married and was married to for 25 years until he passed. It was never awkward with the first guy (for me anyway) cuz I knew him and how he was. My husband also knew we had been together, so I guess it didn't bother him either. In fact that guy ended up being our best man in our wedding lol. He later married (but is now divorced and re-married) a woman who is my lifetime best friend. She knew about our past too but she is still my best friend. I knew he wasn't the one for me and my husband was so....
But I still say in most cases, I wouldn't do it. However they are ex's for a reason, just sayin'

 

[Hadassah_]

Great story!

I guess I just don't have a hard rule for or against it...each situation is different and should be treated as such. I think a person could experience a lot of heartache by holding fast one way or another...at least that's been my experience. *shrug*

 

[frenzy]

I don't think that it is inherently a bad thing, but most of the time a situation like that warrants a conversation with the friend first. I think that is pretty fair.

 

[Im_A]

In your view, is this an okay thing to do?

I have no reason to judge it as morally wrong. There is absolutely no reason to judge immoral.

HOWEVER...

I won't do it. For me it feels wrong because out of all other possibilities, I can maintain a friendship without the complication of being with his ex. Even if he said it was cool, it doesn't matter.

Plus, some of my friends' exes, I would stay away from like the plague. Not attracted to them or I think they are easy, fly by the night women that I want nothing to do with. I can't think of one friend of mine that I would even consider getting with his ex/exes.

Friendships are important for me. I am not so desperate in my love life that I will think I can hook up with a friend of mine's ex. Friendship is actually means a lot to me. Maintaining it is actually something that means a lot to me. I simply couldn't maintain it if I was with his ex.

I mean if there are people that have made it work, hey good for you. Maybe some will think I high of your accomplishment, I on the other hand will be saying thankfully that isn't me and I will pass.

I have a g/f currently but say I would hypothetically become single again...there are plenty of women to go after that have not been in a romantic relationship with my friends. The same chance for it to work or not work exist with people who haven't been involved with my friends as there would be with someone who had been involved with my friends.

 

[Im_A]

Then again, my thought range also remembers...

When I was in highschool, my highschool sweetheart and I busted. My, still, best friend, asked me if I would be bothered if he pursued her. I said I did. He never did.

I think it shows how great of a friend he is and thus it started my standard for true, lasting friendship. Still to this day it stays as the definition.

However, the older I get, I look back at that time with different eyes, different thoughts...who was the selfish one?
Just what if they would have hooked up and had a great life together? Isn't it kind of odd that I would through such a hissy fit over it? Why would I judge him? He would be just like anyone else trying to find love? Sure I am convinced that I am right with my own view, but being right doesn't mean you always get your way and what if he would have been happy?

A toss up situation as far as I am concerned. I do know, being a barrier for someone elses' happiness is not a good thing to be either.

 

[ulu]

There are a lot of better choices to date than a friend's ex.