I had many sleepless frustrated nights and at times could not talk to my wife without feeling angry and hurt. But over many years of hanging in there, I've found the reward is that she's a comfortable and secure part of my life that I don't know what I'd do without. I've had issues with anxiety attacks (brought on by too much stress at work) and I've found that simply being with her helps a lot, even if I'm not feeling a lot toward her at the moment. I am annoyed that she's worn lingerie only once in the past 20 years (and she's still pretty hot looking in my opinion) and I cannot remember the last time she initiated anything. But she is responsive if I do, even more so over the years. Do I regret what I consider shortcomings on the sex side? Yes. At times, a lot. Did I ever think about giving up? I hit one spell where I seriously wondered what to do. (There was never any other woman involved for me.) During that time, a pastor I knew left his wife and the state for another woman, came to his senses a few weeks later, and set about the work of rebuilding his marriage. After seeing that, I decided that hanging in there was a lot more appealing than it had been. Do I regret sticking with her? No. Last year when her Dad died, she spent the last few days caring for him in the hospital. I saw a side of her I'd never seen before. She'd come out of his room, collapse on me crying for a few minutes, wipe her eyes and nose, and go back in to make him comfortable. She was like a dynamo in there rearranging blankets, talking, translating what he said for people (as his voice was getting weak), moving this and that every minute or so to keep him comfortable. And all of this on a couple hours of sleep. This tough, resolute, caring, and gentle soul is now there for me. The sex side does annoy me at times, but I can now put in the context of being a minor annoyance compared to what I've gained. On the plus side, she's frugal (and spends less money than me), active, healthy, pleasant, complements my strengths and weaknesses well, is a good mother, I could go on and on. But yeah, the not wearing lingerie when she'd look so good in it does bug me at times
and I do regret all the memories that we don't have together with things like this.
I pretty much tried most of the stuff people've mentioned here and more. Never changed much for us. It just seems to be the way she's wired.