I wouldn't normally divulge this kind of information, but I feel compelled to do so because of your post.
I got pregnant with my oldest child when I was 17. I was an active member of my youth group and had many friends at church...until they found out.
I felt so ostracised by my family, my friends....but especially by my church. Yes, I had made a huge err in judgement by having premarital sex. I knew that and I felt a tremendous amount of guilt over it.
But, what made it hurt so much more was how my church reacted to my situation. They (the Pastor and the Youth Pastors) wanted to use me as an example of what not to do and how one would be shamed by the church for such behavior. They were not there to pray for me or to support me or to lead me back to repentance.
For me, that was life-changing in many ways. It weakened my relationship with God for starters....because I believed that as Christians we are supposed to be representatives of Christ (Christian = Christ-like). We are to love the sinner, but not the sin. We are to pray for others who are struggling and help build them back up. Yet, I had nobody who was doing that for me. Instead, I had the finger-pointing, the bad-mouthing and the reprimands. That really struck a nerve inside my heart and made me feel like if "Christians" who are called to be God's example of love and forgiveness could turn on me like that and make me feel worthless - then maybe God himself felt that way about me too?
To this day....17 years later, I struggle with feeling like that at times. I still find it very hard to accept that God loves me despite what happened in my life so many years ago. I still feel guilty and ashamed, even though I have prayed and asked for forgiveness for my sins. And underneath it all I still feel the sting of being so unworthy of God's love.
Yes, I know we are all unworthy - but how many people actually BELIEVE that about themselves to the point that it strains their very ability to draw closer to God?
What difference can it make for your daughter and the youth group to see this differently??
It could be the difference between someone (the pregnant young lady) being able to find her way back to God and accepting his Mercy & Forgiveness - as well as learning from her mistakes and raising her child up in the Lord - or - it could scar her so deeply that it causes her to feel shunned from the ONE who actually DOES love her and will forgive her (GOD) if she asks for that forgiveness.
Sometimes "Christians" do not want to accept how great of an influence or impact they actually have on others. It is too easy to get caught up looking at that "speck in the other persons eye, while overlooking the plank in their own eye." We have ALL sinned. We have ALL fallen short of God's glory.
It may sound "cliche" but honestly - they need to ask themselves - what would Jesus do in this situation? And - what would Jesus have ME to do?
As Christians we have a huge responsibility put on our shoulders. We really have to be the example of Christ here on Earth.
Think about this - if there were no Christians here on Earth - how would ANYONE come to be saved? How would anyone else know what God's love was about? How would we discover God's grace, His mercy, His forgiveness or His love? We would have no example to guide our lives by. But, since there are Christians here - we look to them as examples of Christ's love and mercy.
When the church rejects you because of a sinful time you are going through, where do you feel you have to turn to? Will that draw you to turn to God or will that be more likely to cause you to turn to the world - who WILL accept you just as you are?
The goal here should be to help this young lady find her way back to God. I am not saying that anyone should advocate her behavior as acceptable. But, with tenderness, kindness and showing God's mercy - they should pray for her and for her unborn child.
That life that is inside of her had no choice in this matter. Yet, that life is a creation that God has made. If we don't provide the Godly direction that young mother needs in her life - then how will she be able to provide that for her own baby?
It can be difficult sometimes to put our own feelings to the side - to look past the faults and see the person inside - but that is what we not only should do, but MUST do.
If Jesus had shown no compassion to the sinners he encountered, who among them would have ever turned from their ways?
Many people who have fallen into sin know that what they did was wrong. But, without a loving guidance from another Christian - to remind us that despite our sins (no matter how big or how small) - God still loves us - He still has a plan for us - He still will forgive us......without someone showing us that - how will we find our way back to God?
The world accepts sinners as they are - because the world is filled with sin. The church must learn to open their hearts and their arms to accept the sinners in too. They aren't accepting the sin and saying that the sin is okay. But, they are to speak to the sinner's heart and soul - by showing them that God still loves them and as long as there is life within them - there is HOPE!
Sorry for the long ramble here, but I just wanted to point out some very important points and share with you from someone who was in a similar situation to that young lady you wrote about. My prayers are with her and her unborn child. She has a lot of work ahead of her and she is going to need all of the prayer, support and love she can get. Her and her baby's spiritual well-being depends on it!
I hope that your daughter, the youth group and the Youth Pastor will have a change of heart.
Perhaps you can help your daugther to put her feelings to the side for even a moment and ask herself - if I somehow had gotten myself into a similar situation - how would I really want to be treated? And what would I need from my fellow-Christians to get my life back in order and make things right between myself and God?
