WOW. This could really be a good, and long, thread! (Please let's not deteriorate into health care systems or mangled care issues! THAT'S TOO depressing!)
Most people just really don't know what to say when they find out about your illness/disabilities...which is probably why so many of us say "fine" in reply to "how are you feeling?" True, for most people, that's the only reply---but I, too, feel like a liar if it just isn't true! (Or if I have to "rationalize" the meaning of "fine" at that particular time!
)
I've come up with various responses to people who ask how I am... for those that I don't know at all, or for those I know don't really want to know... I don't answer the question but return it to them, " oh! How are you???"
Or I say something like, "I've had < worse> <better> days"... and smile.
"I'm doing okay really", "I had a tough night but I'm not too bad right now" etc.
I find the better phrase I can come up with, the better I feel and the better I feel about replying.
Now, the thread subject line caught my attention... and I was going to copy and paste the list of what we came up with...but alas maybe later?
What NOT to say to someone who is suffering?
Well, my dad never believed I was really injured until he was dying. Unfortunately one of his phrases that really showed me he just didn't understand (or couldn't accept that I was disabled) was... "Why don't you settle up with the insurance company and then you won't have to go to all these doctors?" sigh. I had a son say that I could "no longer be" his mother until I "quit being disabled and follow Christ." (He has repented and understands now, now that he is a DAV.) Actually, both my sons and my (now former) husband left me because "they couldn't live with my pain". O. K. But I have to. Actually, I'm sure many of you, like me, have lost their former friends as well... because they just couldn't handle what we go through and their encouragement was empty and devoid of understanding. Or, they just didn't have time for us any more, we didn't fit into their schedule, we couldn't be spontaneous any more etc.
Ok.. things not to say:
- You better hurry up and get well and get back to work.
- Well, you don't look sick.
You just....(believe me, anytime someone uses the word "just" the red flag goes up!)
- You just need to get out of the house more.
- You just need to try a new doctor.
- You just need to quit being so depressed.
- You just need to ignore the pain.
- You should just quit taking all the medicine and trust God.
- Hmm you didn't try...xxx (or If you don't want to try xxx) then you must not really want to get better.
- If you stop wallowing in your pity you wouldn't be sick.
- Just get over it.
- Snap out of it and move on with your life.
- I wish I could sit around all day and not work.
- I'd be sick too if I went to all the doctors you go to.
- Can't they find what's wrong with you yet?
- Some people go through anything for a little attention.
- You can't be in that much pain.
- (I even had a neurologist say I couldn't have such pain as he had a slipped disk in his back and was still working!)
- Lot's of people work while in pain (or sick).
- Things could be worse (You could be worse).
- There'll be blessings coming from this because of your suffering.
- If you hadn't xxx this wouldn't have happened to you.(or If you HAD just xxx....)
- Umm... do you know you parked in a handicapped parking spot?