Dream Killer
Have you ever had trouble always seem to hunt you out the second you try to enjoy any phase of your life. It almost seems like Murphy’s Law. The second you start to get a glimpse of a little hope at the end of the tunnel, you can bet your bottom “penny” not dollar at this point, in my interpretation, God will send the devil after you to keep you in check and under his thumb. I know that a lot of people go by the belief that God is always out for their good, but I have been “alive”, I am not going to say that I have been “living”, because this does not constitute to “really living” on this earth the way life should be. Without fail, I can go the entire year through with struggle on top of struggle, and the second I fight against it, to have better, to try and live better, here comes God, with either, some stupid sickness, some financial trouble, some personal people drama, or just crap that can only come from him. I know everybody wants to blame the devil, but if God is supposed to be all powerful, and the devil can’t live in the same sentence as God, then obviously the devil works for God against anyone that even attempts to enjoy life on this earth. God has let me down personally so much this year, it has just become expected. I went through years of trying to believe, all to have God playing with my emotions again and again. It almost didn’t matter what I was trying to believe God for, he never came through for me.
Now let me set the record straight. I am not saying God can’t or couldn’t do great things. I just believe that God has a personal vendetta out to screw me over as much as he can. It is exactly as one child sensing that God favors one over the other on a consistent basis. I know this is not the first time that I have written memoirs like this before. I really do think that God listens to the devil more than he ever would me. Sometimes enough is just enough. Every time I think my faith in Him might be coming back, he lets me down again and again. I don’t even think God can remember how many times he has let me down personally. I feel for everybody else that has been trying to believe in Him. It doesn’t make any sense. His word says one thing about Him, but we never get to that point that we can trust him for what he has said. How can we tell children trust and believe in God’s principles and beliefs and he doesn’t even back us when we try to live like you have stated, and you make us and half the people that I have run across that say you are all that. To no avail, what is the point. In the last year I have seen you let people die, that profess you as God, I have watch you kill people that say you are God, I have watch junk after junk happen that should not have happen in the earth, but for God it must be all Good. I have no clue why was I even born. I know God is infinite and time has no bearing on Him. But, why would you want to keep playing the same game with different personnel throughout the ages. Moses had questions, Job had questions, I am sure Isaiah had questions, why do you put us through crap and we never see you be the God you say you are on our side, at least once would be… If Simeon, asked to see proof, what about me. I know you don’t like me, but at this point God, I don’t even care anymore. You, God, have wasted so much of my life, what’s the point. There is so much more I would like to say, but you wouldn’t understand anyway, so as I said before, what’s the point. God I know you want to keep me in fear. You can keep your fear, I don’t want it. If that’s how you want to control me, go find somebody else to humiliate. I’m not up for being your shame toy, when I don’t do everything that pleases you. I think over time I have finally figured it out. If you don’t get what you want, you make sure nobody else can without you. God you call us selfish, but what about you? You let injustice continually run rampant. God, you let people create laws that you know are not right. Maybe you are the one inspiring people to write these laws so they help you keep us under your control. Maybe it’s not the devil, maybe it’s just God.