Untreated Bipolar and Separation

[Summer65]

Hello
My wife and I have been married for over 20years and I love her very much. I believe the ‘well’ her also loves me very much. We also have a child who we both love.
Our marriage has not been perfect, for either of us, but we have got through it.
My wife suffers from bipolar with severe depression perhaps every few years. She has also had a major manic episode 10years ago which lead to her hating me and wanting to end the marriage. We separated and what followed was 5 months of very trying manic times (spending money, saying that she hated me, and other stuff), followed by my wife returning to the marriage and us starting again, though we had to work through a period of depression following the 5 month manic episode.
Now, 10 years later I feel that we are living through it again. She has pulled away over the past weeks. We have argued, but I would say that is mainly due to the start of the mania.
Yesterday we called it off and are now separated. My wife wants to sell the family home and move on. Family, friends and her phychiatrist can see that she is at least acting a little manic. She has agreed to revisit the diagnosis, but she is feeling so good at the moment and the person, the manic her hates me so much, and she believes that she is not unwell.
Please help. It is in some ways easier because I have been through it before, but I am still lost. I love my wife and know that she is not herself at the moment, even if she believes this is not the case.
Thank you.

 

[A_Thinker]

You may have to wait for her to come back to herself.

Will be praying ...

 

[Open Heart]

Hello
My wife and I have been married for over 20years and I love her very much. I believe the ‘well’ her also loves me very much. We also have a child who we both love.
Our marriage has not been perfect, for either of us, but we have got through it.
My wife suffers from bipolar with severe depression perhaps every few years. She has also had a major manic episode 10years ago which lead to her hating me and wanting to end the marriage. We separated and what followed was 5 months of very trying manic times (spending money, saying that she hated me, and other stuff), followed by my wife returning to the marriage and us starting again, though we had to work through a period of depression following the 5 month manic episode.
Now, 10 years later I feel that we are living through it again. She has pulled away over the past weeks. We have argued, but I would say that is mainly due to the start of the mania.
Yesterday we called it off and are now separated. My wife wants to sell the family home and move on. Family, friends and her phychiatrist can see that she is at least acting a little manic. She has agreed to revisit the diagnosis, but she is feeling so good at the moment and the person, the manic her hates me so much, and she believes that she is not unwell.
Please help. It is in some ways easier because I have been through it before, but I am still lost. I love my wife and know that she is not herself at the moment, even if she believes this is not the case.
Thank you.

Four words: This too shall pass.

I'm so very sorry you have to go through this. It sounds just awful.

All you can do is damage control until the mania is over.

 

[quietpraiyze]

Bipolar can be so exhausting. It sounds like your wife is having a "high" that's why she feels good. It's only after we crash and burn and end up in the hospital do we realize it was a manic high. I would say don't say much and just document. If you feel threatened at all make the 911 call and take the steps to have her hospitalized. It's hard but it's better than being abuse or worried that she can harm herself or someone else (you). Ask those Christians who you trust to pray for the situation and everyone involved.

 

[Greg J.]

It's an horrible situation. I'd fall on my face and ask God to prevent any permanent changes until she stops being manic, and of course, that he would heal her. But also, that he would grant her an awareness of when she is manic.

I have tried to program myself to add major (or expensive) things I want to do to a list that I can't act on unless it has been on the list for at least a month. My perspective on how much I need it hardly ever stays constant. My priorities change a lot over the course of a month (mostly not due to mania). I've also acquired perhaps 80% of the ability to tell when I am in a manic phase. When I notice it, I raise my critical thinking about things I am feeling and wanting—asking myself if this makes sense or if this really needs to be done now. I have had to adopt a habit of not buying things before I am ready to use them. Buying things to facilitate what I want to do in the future (or soon) isn't good enough. My waste of money has decreased a lot. I also remind myself I have 30 projects already on hold and I shouldn't start any new ones. I should go work on the existing ones. It's the Lord that has given me all this progress, btw. I can't really change myself in the ways I've changed for the better.

 

[quietpraiyze]

It's an horrible situation. I'd fall on my face and ask God to prevent any permanent changes until she stops being manic, and of course, that he would heal her. But also, that he would grant her an awareness of when she is manic.

I have tried to program myself to add major (or expensive) things I want to do to a list that I can't act on unless it has been on the list for at least a month. My perspective on how much I need it hardly ever stays constant. My priorities change a lot over the course of a month (mostly not due to mania). I've also acquired perhaps 80% of the ability to tell when I am in a manic phase. When I notice it, I raise my critical thinking about things I am feeling and wanting—asking myself if this makes sense or if this really needs to be done now. I have had to adopt a habit of not buying things before I am ready to use them. Buying things to facilitate what I want to do in the future (or soon) isn't good enough. My waste of money has decreased a lot. I also remind myself I have 30 projects already on hold and I shouldn't start any new ones. I should go work on the existing ones. It's the Lord that has given me all this progress, btw. I can't really change myself in the ways I've changed for the better.

This is some good stuff!