Time

[blackribbon]

They say that time heals all wounds. I don't know about this. I have been a widow for over 8 years now and although I appear "okay" on the outside, I still can turn into a heap of mush when I hear a particular song or have something trigger a memory. It doesn't feel like he has been gone that long. On the flip side, I do now see myself as being single/alone and suffer deeply in the loneliness of not having him to talk to or do things. This is a uniquely shaped void and it is hard to fill.

 

[Pilgrim]

God bless you.

 

[bill5]

They say that time heals all wounds.

Only ignorant fools spew such idiocy. It helps, but it's no cure.

I can appreciate everything else you said. I wish I had something less trite to say other than "hang in there," but that's all that comes to mind offhand.

 

[1watchman]

Yes, all of us can appreciate one who suffers under such loss as a close loved one. We can remember the good times and be thankful for having one with us for a while. Sometime all of us will leave this world and it becomes very hard for those who are left here. I will pray for you, friend!

God cares about all mankind. Let me recommend you seek the Lord Jesus who is calling us to lean on Him forever for peace, comfort, and guidance ---note John 14 in your Bible and get acquainted with the Savior God in Jesus, who died in much suffering to provide salvation and God's care forever. Look up always, for God cares always!

 

[blackribbon]

I wouldn't be alive if I didn't have Jesus to lean on. Does it really erase the pain for everyone who seems to assume that I don't have God in my life because I still hurt so much?

 

[bill5]

I don't necessarily think that was the assumption, although I can see why you would draw that conclusion. Not well worded perhaps, but I think the intent was good...and I learned the hard way to try and focus on people's intent vs the words, because there are about a thousand things someone can say to a person in mourning...and almost all of them are ill-advised. Some of them had me steaming initially, but later I looked back and realized this.

We're just not very good at this kind of thing as a society. In fact, we really stink at it...

 

[blackribbon]

I don't necessarily think that was the assumption, although I can see why you would draw that conclusion. Not well worded perhaps, but I think the intent was good...and I learned the hard way to try and focus on people's intent vs the words, because there are about a thousand things someone can say to a person in mourning...and almost all of them are ill-advised. Some of them had me steaming initially, but later I looked back and realized this.

We're just not very good at this kind of thing as a society. In fact, we really stink at it...

That I agree with...that as a society we stink at handling grief. I was just wondering if there was just something wrong with me since over and over I keep hearing that I will just feel better if I trust God and lean on Jesus...especially on this forum. Since it is coming from other Christian widow/ders, I figured that maybe I just am a freak.

 

[bill5]

No, again it's just people reaching for something trying to be helpful (and given the nature of this site, saying "go to God" in some way or other is an obvious fallback). Most don't get (or refuse to face) that there is very little if anything they can really do to be helpful, esp in this format (online). This is not a problem they can fix or guide us to. They'd be better off simply expressing sympathies for the person's loss.

 

[1watchman]

Dear Ribbon, I found the following paper a comforting message, and those of us who have experienced the sorrow of loss need to look full on our loving God daily. It is the only true source for settled peace, which is not saying we stop remembering ---which we should not. I am glad to hear you know the Lord.

THOUGHTS OVER GRIEF AND LOSS OF A LOVED ONE
Ministry to a new believer with little understanding of the Word of God
who needed to find peace.​

Dear_______:
For some time I have thought about writing to you, but hesitated as I felt inadequate to say anything. That is often what happens with people in times of sorrow, but truly our thoughts and prayers are for you.
There are some things one might say in a natural sense, but what we need most of all at a time like this is to consider the love and mind of God. He has given us His precious Word for that, and therein are the eternal issues.

At such a time one feels many things all at once, but God says: "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psa.46:10). He is our Creator and He loves us, and He does all things well and according to His purposes. He never makes a mistake. There is "...a time to be born and a time to die" (Eccl.3:1-2). Job said of his many troubles and loss: "the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the Name of the Lord" (Job 1:21). God knows and understands our sorrow and our needs, and He cares, but His perfect plan must unfold.

Thank God the severe part of grieving will pass. Certainly one feels heavy in heart, perhaps even devastated, but time will in fact heal the broken heart, as we all find, though one will always feel the loss. One might say: "It would not have happened if...", but all things are according to God's plan. He is never early or late. We need to see God in everything and say: "Thy will be done" (Matt.26: 42), as did the blessed Lord Jesus, when He suffered and died on the cross for our sins.

We need to know God's love and peace (see Phil.4:7; Prov.23:26). He will keep one in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him (see Isa.26:3). How is that? Well, as we begin to see and think God's thoughts He makes us to "lie down in green pastures" (Psa.23; Phil.4:9). The way is open through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ (Rom.5:1-2), if one believes. God says: "But now in Christ Jesus ye who once were afar off are made nigh by the blood of Christ" (Eph.2:13). If one's hope and trust and fellowship is in Him, therein one will find peace. It is peace in the Redeemer, not in His teachings or example, etc.

Read God's Word and rest on His "exceeding great and precious promises", dear one, and be assured of His love (see John 3 and John 14 ---precious thoughts). God says: "the time is short", so trust in Jesus while we have time. One day we will understand the mysteries more fully. Look up always! - [R.L.D 04/12]

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

[blackribbon]

I was expecting something trite but this was a very good piece. From day one, my verse from God has been "Be still and know that I am God" Psalms 46:10a. I get it over and over and am a bit of a slow learner because I find it very hard to "be still" anywhere in the world. Raising kids alone has made that even harder...and yet, I know that I am in God's plan and in God's timing. I also do believe that God uses broken people easier than those that haven't experienced any real life tragedies because we honestly can say "I know how you are feeling today."

 

[teresa]

I figured that maybe I just am a freak.

you're not a freak as you said above, no not at all, and yes, I understand what you're feeling, in my own way, of course, through my own experience.

I find it's hard to stay as well.

I've gotten older and the hard part for me is having had a near-death experience that was wonderful.

so why stay?

I struggle each and every day to want to be here now that I know what's waiting for me.

I'm so sorry for your loss br