The Excuse Game

[lucypevensie]

It’s too early to take a break, and by the time break time rolls around all the restaurants will be closed.

Quick, turn the radio off. I can’t stand this commercial!

 

[Chesterton]

The radio is two whole steps away, and my laziness is world-renowned.

Make a snow angel.

 

[mama2one]

well I'd say we're too busy except too late....
see my avatar


shovel my sidewalk, please

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

You want me to dig up your sidewalk? But it is under all that snow!

Put the kids to bed, quietly

 

[Chesterton]

Not possible. It's 12:00 noon here.

Let's ride on a bicycle built for two.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Two what? Bonobos? I never learned how to ride a bicycle though, only motorised unicycles.

Teach me

 

[Chesterton]

That would make me a teacher, and you should call no man teacher.

Help me learn my multiplication tables.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

You can't clone a table, the gestation period is too long.

Get your facts in order

 

[Ceallaigh]

I have to work out several theories on how to do that first.

You should adopt a stray animal.

 

[Chesterton]

I only adopt good Christian animals who have not strayed.

Let's go ice skating.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Haven't you heard about global warming?! You must mean snorkeling and splotching through mud.

Clean your boots

 

[Chesterton]

You don't understand. My dirty boots are the only evidence I have to convince my wife that when I leave the house every morning, I'm going to work, as I've been telling her for years.

Let's ride the rollercoaster.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

No, I can't invest in Cryptocurrency. I am pretty sure the Chinese and NSA are keeping tabs on me.

Do the morning exercises

 

[Chesterton]

I've already done both types of exercise. I walked (aerobic) to the kitchen and lifted (anaerobic) some jelly doughnuts to my mouth.

Let's go have a pint or two.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

I am happily married and not a teenage girl, so you can eat your tubs of ice cream and cry about boys alone, thank you very much.

Stop parking in my spot!

 

[Chesterton]

You haven't heard? We communists have taken over. Your parking spot now belongs to all of us, i.e., whoever has the power to take it.

Learn some manners, why don't you?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

You have to be born into manners, into the gentlemanly class, or you simply remain a nouveau. You can't learn true class.

Let them eat cake.

 

[Chesterton]

None left. I ate all the cake.

Go fly a kite.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Didn't you watch Kite Runner?! No sir, I am not opening any of those cans of worms.

Treat me with respect

 

[Chesterton]

Respect has to be earned. Or purchased. I'll respect you for 20 bucks.

Come on baby, light my fire.