That bad?

[Monaleezza]

My other half is currently studying to be a Pastor.
I'm liberal and outgoing and loud and probably a little bit too obnoxious and outspoken to be a traditional Pastor's wife. But I met an amazing man and so I'm going for it none-the-less.

But I am concerned that my children are going to be forever labelled, "The Pastor's Children" and

What's is really like to be a Pastor's child?
Is it that bad?
Given a choice, would you rather your father/mother wasn't a Pastor?

 

[aria425]

Hi,
I just wanted to tell you that I am a "PK", and have been one since I was like 5. My dad got saved when I was one and he became a pastor about 4 years later. Let me tell you, Mona, there is no greater blessing than having a parent who loves and serves the Lord, and if they are Pastors it's even a greater blessing. Each and every person in our church has nothing but great and beautiful things to say about my parents, how they have inspired them and encouraged them and basically showed them what God's love is all about. I love my mom and dad soooo much, and I am sooooooo soooooo blessed and priviledged to have them as my pastors too.

 

[Nienor]

I cannot think of one thing I enjoyed about being a PK. But I'm not really the kind of person who enjoys a life like that. My mom and dad love it, and I've known PKs who have loved it. I'll be honest though, I have struggled with some bitterness over feeling ignored because of my parents calling, but they are amazing people and are great at what they do. If you feel like its where you're supposed to be, then go for it

 

[becky81101]

I think that everyone is different. And getting opinions from people who grew up as pk's is good and all, but it ultimately is up to how you deal with them while in the ministry.
I am 25 and was a pk since i was born. And I'm currently the worship leader at our church where my dad is the pastor. I have things that I wish were different while I was growing up. I wish my dad had spent more time with us than doing church work sometimes. I had resentment towards him in those areas for awhile. I had to work through some of that. But now being in ministry myself, and actually working with him in ministry- I see things I didn't see at 10, 15, even 20 years old. I loved having parents who raised me in church and I loved being there for everything. And I still love having parents who are in the ministry full time. There are things that he wishes he did differently as well. And he is doing them differently with my younger siblings (17 and 6). So, it's definitely a matter of how you raise your child. I was labeled the PK for awhile. And for awhile, I liked it. For awhile, I hated it. And now I've outgrown it I'm a wife, mother and the worship leader at our church. Some of those things will come with time and the age of your children. Just make sure that you don't give your children the opportunity to resent the calling of you and your husband. Let them know that they are SO important to you. And always remember that if it comes down to it, you have to put your family first. Time with your family is SO important. It doesn't always seem that way to the parents because ministry is important. But you being a parent is a ministry, and the lives of the children are in your care - bringing them up in a Godly way and training them how to be when they grow up is your responsibility as a parent. I know from SEVERAL conversations with my dad how he wishes he had taken better care in this area. He has stressed to me to not do the same thing in my family.
As for me - I would prefer that my dad was a pastor. I wouldn't change that if I had the chance. And no, it's not that bad at all

 

[Locket]

There's another thread here talking about that, but to sum up, some like it and some don't. I personally have warmed up to it. I think it's fun knowing EVERYONE at church instead of knowing only the adults who happen to be the parents of your friends. It's fun knowing where everything is located in the church and being allowed to go practically everywhere.

There are downsides, of course, but it really can be very cool. There have been days where I wished my dad had a higher paying job or a job where people didn't freakin' need him ALL the time, but you get what you get. I'm glad he has the job he has.

 

[TCat]

Being a PK is good in some ways, as someone else stated you get to know lots of people, and go places in the church others don't. But you also are sometimes treated as the enemy by other kids or the rebel by some adults who expect you to live up to the stereo types.

The draw back is that your dad is always gone to church meetings or counseling sessions, and mom is usually very busy with Bible studies or womens groups.

Personally I was very angry at God for making my family move all the time. Dad always said that God needed him in a new church so we moved 13 times in the years I lived at home. The last move was when I was 16 and it was the hardest. I was so angry that God wouldn't let us stay in the first place that ever felt like home to me that I left God and the church and refused to return for 20 years.

My dad is still a minister but my mother is barely his wife anymore. I think all the moving and expectations and time dad spent in "his" ministry finally became to much for her and she now lives 6-8 months of the year with my sister thousands of miles away from my father.

So being a PK can be good and bad. I think that anyone with a family needs to commit themselves to God, family then ministry in that order. My father is now living a lonely life without much contact from his 4 daughters and wife since he chose to put his family last.

TCat

 

[Locket]

Personally I was very angry at God for making my family move all the time. Dad always said that God needed him in a new church so we moved 13 times in the years I lived at home.

From what I've heard, it seems to be only the senior pastors who jump around alot. My dad's dad was a senior pastor, and they moved every 1-2 years, but my dad is an associate pastor, and we've never moved. Not once.

 

[godsupergirl]

I used to wish that my dad had a "real job" so that my mother wouldn't worry so much. That made me mad. But I'm older now and understand that this is exactly where God wants him. My sibilings don't all agree, especially the 2 eldest. They're resentful that we couldn't afford all the things that their friends in school could. I always kept quiet about it, cause I didn't want my parents to feel sad. Anyway, I wouldn't trade them for the world.

 

[Ptilinopus]

My other half is currently studying to be a Pastor.
I'm liberal and outgoing and loud and probably a little bit too obnoxious and outspoken to be a traditional Pastor's wife. But I met an amazing man and so I'm going for it none-the-less.

But I am concerned that my children are going to be forever labelled, "The Pastor's Children" and

What's is really like to be a Pastor's child?
Is it that bad?
Given a choice, would you rather your father/mother wasn't a Pastor?

Hello Mona! I can relate to your concerns a little. I grew up a PK; my Dad was a minister in my church (and yours), and also a missionary overseas. The longest I lived anywhere was 5 years; moving is part and parcel of pastoral work in most churches I know. When I was little it was easy - kindergarten and primary age friends are fun, but Mummy and Daddy are central to life, and they go along. The first time we moved after I was 10, it was really hard, but my brothers and I got used to it. In my case, at least, I adapted by not developing very deep friendships - became a bit of a loner. My brothers adapted differently - more outgoing. It was a blessing that our family was so closeknit. But I have never regretted my Dad being a Pastor.

I believe that is key. If the family is closeknit, they can handle almost anything. When I was aged 8-15, in Papua New Guinea, Dad was away from home 7 months of the year - but Mum and he never allowed that to drive us apart. They focused strongly on our family, and it worked. All except my baby sister who on return to Australia, turned her back on Christ (at age 9). I suspect a factor was that by then, we older brothers had left home, and she was like an only child.
And I cannot stress enough the importance of a close loving supportive family. There will be outside factors that the Devil will use to drive wedges if possible. My sis had some of that. Finally when Dad was transferred again, she refused to move, and at age 15 took responsibility for her own life. Mum and Dad did the only thing they could - love her unconditionally, unreservedly (not that they didn't before) - and Sis knew it. She is still a close beloved part of our family, and one day I trust the Lord to bring her back to faith.

Now I am a Pastor too - and I have teenage and primary age sons. They have to face moving too - and they know it, even though they don't like the idea. But we will face it together. I make sure I spend time with them - and I take care that my ministry does not habitually
take me away from them.

No, being labelled the pastor's child is not all bad. It can be uncomfortable, at times people may use it as a lever against them. But if the children are brought up to value their parents' involvement in ministry, to love the Lord, they will usually be supportive.

Many of the PKs who split from the Lord have been in situations where the family was not united over the ministry. Believe me, if one spouse is not supportive of the other's ministry/career, the children will pick it up, and it will influence their attitudes too. If one spouse is critical of the other, of the demands of ministry, and/or if the other insists that the ministry takes first place over the family at all times, then something is not healthy, and the children will be more likely to resent church, and to leave the Lord.

 

[DavidThomas]

thanks to church people for help

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[Silvestra]

It all depends on your outlook and attitude to life. The values and ideals, bonds makes a family, whatever or wherever they may be.

Also, to remind you all that not only Pastors shift but even those in government jobs, military too shift and sometimes to far away or god forsaken places.

One can see a half filled glass "half empty" or "half full"