Stopping Sex Before Marriage

[Alyssak1215]

Hi. My fiancé and I have been engaged for almost 2 months now and together for over 2 years. Right now we're not planning on getting married until I earn my degree. Both of our relationships with God have been there our entire relationship but neither was very strong. we have been frequently attending a group at our church and our faith has grown. We have been have sex before marriage for awhile now and we have decided that the right thing to do would be to stop and wait until marriage. is there any advice anyone can share about there experiences doing the same thing. or just share how their experience went stopping sex. thanks

 

[Soyeong]

Hello,

I think your situation calls for seeing a Christian marriage counselor right away, but I think that every couple should see one before they get married anyway even if everything is going fine because there are many things that are better to iron out before hand that help to ensure that things will stay fine. It other words, it is easier for a counselor to help you to do preventative maintenance than to help you fix something after it is broken. There are all sorts of things that you might not think about or assumptions going into the marriage that can become messier to work out when you are under more pressure. For example, one or both of you might have strong feelings about whether potential children go to a private or public school, which can potentially lead to arguments when the time to make the decision is at hand.

I think backing off from sex is the right thing to do before God, but it seems to me at this point it is likely going to put a lot of strain on your relationship. It will be hard to stop doing those things that put you at risk of going further, but it is good to have healthy boundaries. It seems better to me to move up your marriage date if possible rather than to put that strain on your relationship.

 

[ParentofChildren]

I was in that situation more than once :-( Soyeong has good advice. Once you engage in intercourse, it is very hard to stop. Make sure you listen, share, and pray over this.

 

[zorro7]

Hi. My fiancé and I have been engaged for almost 2 months now and together for over 2 years. Right now we're not planning on getting married until I earn my degree. Both of our relationships with God have been there our entire relationship but neither was very strong. we have been frequently attending a group at our church and our faith has grown. We have been have sex before marriage for awhile now and we have decided that the right thing to do would be to stop and wait until marriage. is there any advice anyone can share about there experiences doing the same thing. or just share how their experience went stopping sex. thanks

Hi there, hope all has gone well. I think this subject needs much more discussion in christianity. There is no blanket rule. Having sex before or after marriage does not make or break a marriage. It is great to hear you attend church and group for your faith to grow. I believe this is a personal choice, if you feel it is a sin, it is sin. However there is no need to feel this will define your marriage. My first marriage we waited and waited until marriage and in the end, that marriage failed. Through experience and being older, when I was engaged to my current wife, we didn't wait and things are going great in life and with our faith.
My advice would be to think and pray it through. Sex before marriage is not something to feel bad about, in fact it can be a positive as well, as it can stregnthen your bond and closeness and provide a good foundation for intimacy in marriage

 

[Dave-W]

My wife and I were in kinda that situation. We never had intercourse before the wedding; but we did a lot of "hand work" both ways, IKWIM. We did not stop that. While it was very enjoyable, it cast a negative pall over our married relationship for a long time.

And I will agree with Soyeong that stopping is very difficult and does add a great deal of strain. Most people find them selves unable to stop without outside help (a pastor, christian counselor).

OR - get married sooner rather than later. IMO that would be your best bet. Have a "private" civil ceremony and go have your fun. Only a few people need to know about it. Then you can have a big celebration (which will actually be a re-statement of vows) at a later date. I had 2 daughters who did that.