Single persons in the church family

[debs]

I was just wondering how many out there are single Christians, and content to be that way.
Im a single woman who is content with being single.
I see alot of married people (fchristian friends) talking these days/dreaming of how much 'better' their life might be if they were single. And I see alot of single people who focus too much on being married, and when miss or mr right just walks away they get so devastated.

Paul says "I wish that all men were as I am (single)but each man has his gift from God.."

I believe that being single and content is a gift from God, and so is being married and content...any other observations out there..any singles wanna chat?

 

[ScottEmerson]

Originally posted by debs
I was just wondering how many out there are single Christians, and content to be that way.
Im a single woman who is content with being single.
I see alot of married people (fchristian friends) talking these days/dreaming of how much 'better' their life might be if they were single. And I see alot of single people who focus too much on being married, and when miss or mr right just walks away they get so devastated.

Paul says "I wish that all men were as I am (single)but each man has his gift from God.."

I believe that being single and content is a gift from God, and so is being married and content...any other observations out there..any singles wanna chat?

I'm single right now. I don't have a problem with it. I am a marriage and family counselor, so that proves to be a problem every now and then!

My problem with the church and the single scene is that too often, singles are referred to simply as a "single." We kind of lose focus as a church in realizing these people are "people" - more than their marital status, with special and specific needs.

(If they walk away, they're really not Mr. or Mrs. Right!)

BTW, Paul was once married (since he was a Pharisee and that was an absolute requirement). We don't know what happened to her after his conversion. My guess is she left him. Paul seemed to not have a problem with being single, though!

SEC

 

[debs]

scott. hi. whats a BTW?

 

[Ioustinos]

Originally posted by debs
scott. hi. whats a BTW?

I am not Scott but "BTW" means "by the way."

I too was lost on the abbreviations but I have learned some of them (but I still don't know much):

IMO = in my opinion

IMHO = in my humble opinion

LOL = laugh out loud

ROTFL = rolling on the floor laughing

These are the only ones I know

 

[debs]

hi scott..thanks for the tips
Ive felt at at times church that I am overlooked in favour of married people. I have wondered at times if people have thought "not married? must be something wrong there somewhere"...does this thought really exist out there??

It doesnt really concern me that much as God has placed me among good Christian friends, but I have to wonder how may others out there who are single by choice or circumstance are really lonely...

 

[TruelightUK]

HI Debs!

As a single man in his forties, I sympathise with your experience! My only 'problem' with my status is that occasionally 'caught' from those well-meaning brethren who obviously 'feel sorry' for me, that I've somehow 'missed out'! I also find that most churches find single folk - particularly, I suspect, men - of 'a certain age' and above extremely hard to cope with, even something of an embarrassment. Either to be 'matched up' with some other 'unfortunate', or viewed with suspicion ('he doesn't look gay!') and 'pretend we haven't noticed'!

Or maybe I'm just paranoid!?!

Anthony

 

[debs]

Hi Trelight UK. Paranoid?...maybe....Funny what goes on in our heads sometimes isnt it/ what we think others are thinking and all that?. I suspect that it the church that is missing out the resources that us singles have. I was reading the other day what Paul said ofter the verse above that its the single people who can be are devoted fully to the Lord. The married man/woman is busy with what the hubby/wife desires. And I dont know your situ. but I certainly have time, money and energy, and devotion to the Lord above all...I suspect the Body of Christ is lacking some or all of the above...and I also suspect that alot of us singles are finding it hard to feel a full member of the family of God.. I wonder how many singles drift off elsewhere because of these feelings?
Truelight, I just re-read your letter and theres something really funny there..well its got me laughing anyway...thanks for the laugh..or maybe its God

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I pity people who get married and then say how much better life would be if they would have remained single.
I was meant to be married. I took me a long time to figure that out. I didn't know life could be this good. I love being married.
If you are content being single, stay that way. That just wasn't who I am. I don't think it's right for people to pressure you into marriage. Single people are an amazing resource. They don't have to split their duty between God and family. Our BSM director at school is a single mid-aged female. You can just feel the spirit of God around her. Of course, I don't know if that's liminted to being single. There is something special about Godly women.

 

[wvmtnkid]

My experience has been instead of being an "unused resource" I was an "over-used resource". The state of mind being "She is single, no family to take care of-let's volunteer her to do ......" To some extent that is right and I don't mind doing what I feel God is leading me to do at church. However, I still have duties at home and I am the only one there is to do them, I don't have a spouse to help out. Sometimes that gets overlooked.

Now I am not complaining by any means, just stating my viewpoint. I guess the lesson is you have to discern what God is calling you to do and what you are being voluteered to do because of your perceived situation. Which I guess is the same for a married person as a single person.

 

[TruelightUK]

Now I definitely encounter the 'overuse' thing at work - "He's got no family, so he won't mind doing an extra shift / covering an extra sleepover / doing two residents holidays in a month and (the one that does grate) working over Christmas" (I work in a care home, so someone has to do these things - but somehow the ones with partners and kids assume it shouldn't be them!)

I've not really encountered this myself at church (tho' I have a (female) friend who definitely has) - in fact in one Church I was in it was definitely considered that unmarried folk were far too 'unstable' to be trusted with anything important! At one point myself and another guy went into full-time work (street evangelism etc.) for a period - Jason was married with a young baby, I wasn't. Jason got lots of encouragement, a low-rent church-owned flat while he rented out his own house, and a regular (small) allowance from the missions fund. I was just told - 'If that's what you believe God's telling you, you'd better do it - but it won't be easy' (and criticism for taking in a lodger rather than simply paying my mortguage 'by faith'!) Not that I'm bitter about it or anything - the Lord actually provided very well for me! - but it is an interesting example of 'discrimination'! (And, to be fair, many in the congregation gave into the missions fund believing part of it was going to myself, and were quite shocked when - at the end of my year - they learned otherwise). And, there again, it turned out there were lots more serious problems with the leadership of that particular church... but that's another story!

Anthony