J
JoyinChrist09
Guest
I'm 33 and never married with no children.
Always wanted to have the married life and I wanted to be a mom.
I may still have a bit of time but I also face the idea it may never happen.
I've been a Christian for about 10 years (but only serious, i.e. submitting wholeheartedly to Jesus for the last 5 years).
I've done every thing to help me find someone: asking others to set me up on blind dates, get involved socially through my Church, Christian dating sites, etc.
But I just didn't have the so-called "luck" to get someone involved with me, long enough to create a relationship (and hopefully marriage).
I read dating advice books, written from a Christian perspective. I've tried too hard and then tried to pretend as if I'm not trying (lol).
There is not a tactic out there I haven't given a goooo.
There was always something small that didn't make it work out. For example a guy left me because I put too much cream in my coffee, another one wanted me to chase him - and YES they were all Christian).
The more I read my Bible and prayed, the more I just KNEW this was all God's plan.
So the ultimate question was, what has glorified Jesus in all this?
I wanted to believe that something "Holy" would come out of all this.
I was inspired by stories of Joni Eareckson Tada, and then later Bethany Hamilton.
These two women prayed to be used in His plan, and shortly afterwards experienced physical suffering.
BUT they used it to glorify His name.
I prayed to be used according to His purpose. As a result I kept getting rejected by various men around me.
It caused a lot of physical suffering, even to this day I sometimes suffer from crippling depression.
BUT I knew that somehow it would be used to fulfill His purpose.
And slowly, but surely, in small ways, it has.
First of all, my single life REFLECTS Christ.
As Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.
Christians are called to suffer and crucify parts of ourselves, for Jesus. I know part of why the men around me rejected me is because I wouldn't submit to the "games" they wanted me to play.
I was very honest, direct and never pretended I was ok with premarital sex or making all the first moves.
This turned off a lot of men around me. I know if they had Christ's heart they wouldn't react as such. But the reality is, they were also not interested in me...otherwise it wouldn't be an issue.
The point is, I never comprimised my Jesus for the satisfaction of the marriage/family life.
As a result, it is physical suffering but it is for the glory of Heaven afterwards.
Some people are tortured physically by others, because they choose not to comprimise Christianity.
I suffer in through rejection, because I choose place Christian values as priority.
~~
I also felt my constant rejection was a reflection of what Jesus experienced and experiences to this day.
I know I have a heart of gold, I try hard to express in my actions, words and thoughts the passage of 1 Corinthians 13:4.
I'm not perfect but I do believe I'm not of "this world".
This might sound like a "good catch" but honestly, most men want a b*tchy wife who is slightly controlling and sometimes nags.
You would be surprised how many of them do not appreciate a simple, nice, wholesome gal.
Most of them want someone who is flashy, with long fingernails, frizzy hair and tight jeans.
I don't blame them, it's all a part of the sexual fantasy. But the reality is, they didn't want to see my heart and the Godly things I have to offer.
Well, guess what? Most people turn down Jesus for the flashy, shiny things of this world.
Isaiah 53:2 He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
This doesn't mean Jesus is ugly and neither am I. But the reality is, most people do not want to be with Jesus because He offers intangible qualities such as eternal life, inner strength, humility and kindness which is more difficult to appreciate as oppose to wealth, power, control.
~~
Thirdly, my constant efforts reflect to others, especially non-Christians that you cannot earn your way to Heaven.
I found this to be the most joyful glory in my experience as a single woman.
I have stated before, I have tried every way and every avenue out there to find someone.
I am not picky, I give more than I take.
People remark I am pretty. I am of average weight (not that it matters, but I'm just saying...) I take care of my physical self. I am educated, I work full-time. I don't have any scars or physical handicaps.
To others, on the surface, they can't understand why I haven't found anyone.
Some of them argue I haven't tried hard enough and if I REALLY WANT IT it would happen.
Well, guess what? I've tried hard and I've REALLY WANTED IT for about 7 years now.
Every one in my family and my extended family knows this. They scratch their heads why I'm single, they know there is very "little wrong with me".
But the truth is, no one can EARN their way to Heaven. And no matter how 'perfect' you appear on the outside, you still can't 'find a husband' just as much as you can't 'enter Heaven' based on your good qualities.
It reminds my non-Christian family members (I hope) that no matter how perfect someone is, it doesn't mean a thing.
The most imperfect people can find a husband. In the eyes of God - He doesn't look at your good qualities. He saves you through GRACE.
I believe I am a reflection of this most important lesson to non-Christians, so they seek His forgiveness and grace.
~~~
Other than these points, I haven't found anything else great (yet) that is reflected through my singleness.
I have more time than my married friends to volunteer in homeless shelters, help the Church with their cooking and washing dishes as well as visiting lonely Church members in the hospital, etc.
These are all good things.
~~~
I do still hope one day I can get married. I'm suffering because I want sex (sorry but...)
As Paul says, it's better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:9).
SO, according to His word, it IS better for me to marry.
But that still doesn't mean it would happen. God didn't intend for Jesus to be crucified SINCE the beginning. It was only a part of His plan as soon as Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit.
He permits what He hates, to accomplish what He loves.
He doesn't DESIRE death, illness, suffering. But these are all a result of the sin in the world.
Although His word says it's better if I marry, I just might end up single for the rest of my days.
The Parable of Lazarus and the rich man tells a story of a saved man who spent his entire life in suffering, poverty and loneliness.
He didn't experience good things on earth, only in Heaven.
That could be me, that could be you. But the point is, one day I will experience everything I wanted on earth - in Heaven.
And that's the only thing that keeps me smiling.
Always wanted to have the married life and I wanted to be a mom.
I may still have a bit of time but I also face the idea it may never happen.
I've been a Christian for about 10 years (but only serious, i.e. submitting wholeheartedly to Jesus for the last 5 years).
I've done every thing to help me find someone: asking others to set me up on blind dates, get involved socially through my Church, Christian dating sites, etc.
But I just didn't have the so-called "luck" to get someone involved with me, long enough to create a relationship (and hopefully marriage).
I read dating advice books, written from a Christian perspective. I've tried too hard and then tried to pretend as if I'm not trying (lol).
There is not a tactic out there I haven't given a goooo.
There was always something small that didn't make it work out. For example a guy left me because I put too much cream in my coffee, another one wanted me to chase him - and YES they were all Christian).
The more I read my Bible and prayed, the more I just KNEW this was all God's plan.
So the ultimate question was, what has glorified Jesus in all this?
I wanted to believe that something "Holy" would come out of all this.
I was inspired by stories of Joni Eareckson Tada, and then later Bethany Hamilton.
These two women prayed to be used in His plan, and shortly afterwards experienced physical suffering.
BUT they used it to glorify His name.
I prayed to be used according to His purpose. As a result I kept getting rejected by various men around me.
It caused a lot of physical suffering, even to this day I sometimes suffer from crippling depression.
BUT I knew that somehow it would be used to fulfill His purpose.
And slowly, but surely, in small ways, it has.
First of all, my single life REFLECTS Christ.
As Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.
Christians are called to suffer and crucify parts of ourselves, for Jesus. I know part of why the men around me rejected me is because I wouldn't submit to the "games" they wanted me to play.
I was very honest, direct and never pretended I was ok with premarital sex or making all the first moves.
This turned off a lot of men around me. I know if they had Christ's heart they wouldn't react as such. But the reality is, they were also not interested in me...otherwise it wouldn't be an issue.
The point is, I never comprimised my Jesus for the satisfaction of the marriage/family life.
As a result, it is physical suffering but it is for the glory of Heaven afterwards.
Some people are tortured physically by others, because they choose not to comprimise Christianity.
I suffer in through rejection, because I choose place Christian values as priority.
~~
I also felt my constant rejection was a reflection of what Jesus experienced and experiences to this day.
I know I have a heart of gold, I try hard to express in my actions, words and thoughts the passage of 1 Corinthians 13:4.
I'm not perfect but I do believe I'm not of "this world".
This might sound like a "good catch" but honestly, most men want a b*tchy wife who is slightly controlling and sometimes nags.
You would be surprised how many of them do not appreciate a simple, nice, wholesome gal.
Most of them want someone who is flashy, with long fingernails, frizzy hair and tight jeans.
I don't blame them, it's all a part of the sexual fantasy. But the reality is, they didn't want to see my heart and the Godly things I have to offer.
Well, guess what? Most people turn down Jesus for the flashy, shiny things of this world.
Isaiah 53:2 He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
This doesn't mean Jesus is ugly and neither am I. But the reality is, most people do not want to be with Jesus because He offers intangible qualities such as eternal life, inner strength, humility and kindness which is more difficult to appreciate as oppose to wealth, power, control.
~~
Thirdly, my constant efforts reflect to others, especially non-Christians that you cannot earn your way to Heaven.
I found this to be the most joyful glory in my experience as a single woman.
I have stated before, I have tried every way and every avenue out there to find someone.
I am not picky, I give more than I take.
People remark I am pretty. I am of average weight (not that it matters, but I'm just saying...) I take care of my physical self. I am educated, I work full-time. I don't have any scars or physical handicaps.
To others, on the surface, they can't understand why I haven't found anyone.
Some of them argue I haven't tried hard enough and if I REALLY WANT IT it would happen.
Well, guess what? I've tried hard and I've REALLY WANTED IT for about 7 years now.
Every one in my family and my extended family knows this. They scratch their heads why I'm single, they know there is very "little wrong with me".
But the truth is, no one can EARN their way to Heaven. And no matter how 'perfect' you appear on the outside, you still can't 'find a husband' just as much as you can't 'enter Heaven' based on your good qualities.
It reminds my non-Christian family members (I hope) that no matter how perfect someone is, it doesn't mean a thing.
The most imperfect people can find a husband. In the eyes of God - He doesn't look at your good qualities. He saves you through GRACE.
I believe I am a reflection of this most important lesson to non-Christians, so they seek His forgiveness and grace.
~~~
Other than these points, I haven't found anything else great (yet) that is reflected through my singleness.
I have more time than my married friends to volunteer in homeless shelters, help the Church with their cooking and washing dishes as well as visiting lonely Church members in the hospital, etc.
These are all good things.
~~~
I do still hope one day I can get married. I'm suffering because I want sex (sorry but...)
As Paul says, it's better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:9).
SO, according to His word, it IS better for me to marry.
But that still doesn't mean it would happen. God didn't intend for Jesus to be crucified SINCE the beginning. It was only a part of His plan as soon as Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit.
He permits what He hates, to accomplish what He loves.
He doesn't DESIRE death, illness, suffering. But these are all a result of the sin in the world.
Although His word says it's better if I marry, I just might end up single for the rest of my days.
The Parable of Lazarus and the rich man tells a story of a saved man who spent his entire life in suffering, poverty and loneliness.
He didn't experience good things on earth, only in Heaven.
That could be me, that could be you. But the point is, one day I will experience everything I wanted on earth - in Heaven.
And that's the only thing that keeps me smiling.
