Chris, if you were arrested and charged with a crime that is punishable by life in prison, the first thing you would do is call an attorney. You look online for an attorney in your area to represent you and you find 2.
The reviews for the first attorney are all horrible. Everyone who had been represented by that attorney was convicted of his crime and was sentenced to life in prison.
The reviews for the second attorney are all excellent. Everyone who was represented by that attorney was found innocent of their alleged crime and were set free. Which attorney would call?
Of course you would call the second attorney, but why would you call that second attorney? Well, because based on the facts represented by the reviews of both attorneys, you believe that the second attorney will save you from being convicted and being sent to prison for life.
The Gospel gives us the facts of God's way for saving us from the penalty of our sin. The Gospel gives us bad news and good news. The bad news is that we are sinners who owe God a debt, a sin debt, that we cannot pay, and the penalty is to spend eternity separated from God in hell. The good news that God stepped out of heaven and became a man, Jesus, so He could die on a cross to pay that penalty for us which then allows Him to forgive our sin and give us eternal life with Him. We must allow God to do His convincing work in our lives which means that He convinces us of our sin & of our need of a savior, and He convinces us that Jesus is our savior, and finally He draws us to a saving faith in that message.
Apparently you are convinced of your need or you would not be posting on Christian websites looking for answers about salvation. And you seem to be convinced that Jesus paid the penalty for your sins when He died on the cross. Also, I would assume that you believe Jesus arose from the grave, proving He is God who has power over death, and is alive today or you would not otherwise pray to a dead person. Furthermore, I assume that you believe He can save you from the penalty of your sin, but you seem to have a problem with the matter of trust, or saving faith.
Chris, you have heard the message, and you must believe it is true or you would not be so concerned about your salvation that you are asking people to pray for you.
May I suggest that you are looking in the wrong place for a convincing assurance of salvation, and that is yourself. I can say that because I had the same problem before God showed me how to truly believe. Like myself, I think you are looking at your attempts of trying to believe, and therefore you can't find assurance because assurance is not found in self. You don't call on yourself for help. You cannot save yourself. You call on someone who you "believe" can & will help you just like you would call the attorney who saved everyone he represented from being convicted of their alleged crime.
If God, through His Holy Spirit, is working in you to draw you to believe the gospel then He will give you saving faith. You have to allow Him to finish His work that He has begun in you. You need to spend time in His Word earnestly seeking his answer for your problem. Get your mind off of yourself and focus your thoughts on the finished work of Jesus on the cross. Think about all your sin debt that has already been paid for you at the cross. Think about that fact that when Jesus died on the cross and shed His blood there, that He did all that God requires for your sin to be forgiven. Salvation is all about what Jesus did for you; it is not about anything you can do, except to accept His finished work on the cross as all that is needed for your salvation just like God has already done.
It is like picking up the phone and calling that second attorney. You wouldn't make the call unless you believed he would help you. Making the call is proof that you believed in that attorney, otherwise you would not make the call.
Many preachers quote Romans 10:13, "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." But they leave out the most important verse of the message which is the next verse, verse 14, "How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom thy have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?" Do you see that before you call on Him, first you must believe Him?
Jesus is your attorney; believe that He will accept your call and do it now. He says in John 6:37 that all who the Father gives to Him, draws to Him, will come to Him; and anyone who comes to Him He will not turn away. That is the verse that the Holy Spirit used to convince me to believe Jesus will do what He says He will do.
Chris, I have full assurance of my salvation because God convinced me that my sin debt, the penalty for my sin, was paid "in full" at the cross. That's the moment I found myself calling out to Jesus to thank Him, and to tell Him I wanted Him to change me "His way." He did change me & gave me a peace that is impossible to explain to anyone who has never had his/her life changed by the power of the Word of God; the Lord Jesus.
He will do the same for you, but you must allow Him to do His work in you. Just give up on "self" and seek your answer by reading scripture. Read the Gospel of John; it tells us about who Jesus is and what He did for us. Ask God to show you how to believe, and then read His Word expecting Him to show you whatever it is you need from Him to convince you to believe Him. That's what I did and I found my answer in 2 days. God answered my prayer in two days after I had spent years living in fear & misery thinking there was NO way I could ever know that God had heard my begging/praying for salvation.
Chris, I pray for you almost everyday. But, Chris, you have to turn your attention to God for your answer. Get the matter of your salvation settled with God. Your sin debt has been paid, but there remains ONE sin that will send anyone to hell, and that is the sin of unbelief. God will give you the faith you need to believe; He has your answer, but you must seek it as though nothing else in life matters more to you than finding the peace of assurance that only God can give you.
John