I get tired of patriarchy vs feminism discussions, but one thing I see is this desire to go back to the patriarch resurgence is brought on by the "trads". They have a poor attitude. They think they're living more Biblical b/c they got married b/c the Bible says marriage is good, can talk about sex all they want b/c the Bible says sex in marriage is good, & are having children b/c the Bible says having children in marriage relationship is good.
This thread is wholly related to patriarchy. We've covered feminism in the past. But I understand the reason for the comment and wanted to acknowledge it. I know it wasn't directed at me. The bulk of the discussions online are as you've described.
I've been around the subject long enough to notice the shift and raised the question for a reason. While I intended to address it from a different angle what came out was apropos and the Lord's doing. I didn't plan to warn but the reasons are understandable.
Once upon a time there were two camps. There was a Christian message rooted in a desire to love the Lord, spouse and family as He instructs. Social influences were recognized as were the challenges to learn the things they weren't taught at home and unlearn philosophies and behaviors which undermine their walk and marriage.
Uncomfortable admissions were common. I'm spending too much time online; I needed to be more attentive to the kids or give my husband more quality time. Date nights were a positive result from that period. Dr. Laura challenged us and sometimes the message was firm but necessary.
I was listening to Dr. Laura before I settled on marriage. I wasn't in church or a feminist. But I knew she was right. Her advice mirrored my experiences and the unions were sound. They ended in death not divorce. Although I wasn't married I was part of the demographic that needed to hear it.
I could have been a stay-at-home wife and would have flourished. Not because it's trendy. It wasn't. Not because I believed it was a woman's place. I loved my work. I excel at home management and explored it on a scale that's no longer the norm. I wasn't trying to be a 1950s housewife. I went to an earlier age for inspiration.
Anyone not married, not having sex in marriage, & not having children in that marriage relationship, there's gotta be something wrong w/ them. Maybe they don't have that desire & they should. Maybe they're just doing it wrong. Maybe they're living secular.
I remember a conversation in my bible study on physical intimacy. There are things people won't admit when alone that they'll say in a group because others will agree. This was a conservative church and the woman beside me was commenting on frequency and I looked at her and said. There's two people in this relationship. You have to pick and choose your battles. That isn't a hill I'm willing to die on.
There's too much generalization and that's part of the problem. Men and women should endeavor to understand one another and our differences. That isn't the end position it's the starting point. When you understand the how the next step is why. Why do we need things the other doesn't? That's the step they miss.
Differences are maligned. They never reach the why or what follows. Once you understand the how and the why you can apply what you've learned to
your circumstances. What's appropriate for your marriage may not be applicable for someone else. We keep forgetting that. We allow outsiders to have too much influence on our behavior and relationships.
Just because you're married doesn't make you an expert.
Just because you're married doesn't mean you have a healthy relationship.
Just because you're married doesn't mean you possess character worth emulating.
I prefer to build relationships with couples. I can see their dynamic and the feedback isn't one-sided. It's easy to paint a picture when you're the only one talking. I like to see their advice in action in their relationship. When it comes to confidants I broach it with him before we speak. I tell them about the person and our level of acquaintance and ask if they're comfortable with me sharing.
I don't undress my partner to the world. That includes forums, groups, email, etc. There's one person and we handle it in prayer. If the situation requires more support I'll submit a prayer request. I'm not saying it's wrong to use those channels. Sometimes that's all you have. But it's more important for me to be trustworthy and respect his privacy.
Traditional is not the same as Biblical. You want Biblical.
Like one thing I saw is 'raising a family is God's highest calling'. It's like, no, whatever God wants you do as an individual is your highest calling.
Men and women have different wants and needs. There may be overlap in some areas. But where they're lacking isn't a source of contention. That's where understanding and support come in. There's always things we don't want to do or enjoy in human connections.
The more I talk to God about my circumstances the less I discuss them. We settle a lot in prayer. Oftentimes the best response is none. Be still and let Him work. I'm exploring that on a deeper level and I'll touch on it eventually.
I have my quiet time around midnight. The period between 12AM to 3AM has the most activity in the spirit realm and that's my target. I was under the weather earlier and The Holy Spirit said, "you can pray later" because I fast on Saturday and would have another session.
I roused myself a little later and grabbed my prayer scarf and glass of water and met Him on the altar. Before I began I said quietly, "if I don't pray for him who will?" That's my conviction. I cover the people He's entrusted to me in prayer. It's the greatest service I can render and I do it every day.
If we spent more time communing with the Father we'd have less complaints and arguments. We'd be less deceived by wrong teachings and temptations. That's how the wolves and leaven get in. We don't have enough of Him to recognize the source.
~bella
