I had a sudden realization today. I had been feeling somewhat sorry for myself lately, thinking about how hard it is as a pastor's wife to make friends. After five years in my town, I am just now starting to find ways to make friends. Fortunately, my kids are finally getting old enough to allow me to get out of the house more often, even if it's only taking them outside to play in the back yard. I was really feeling overwhelmed and lonely for a while when they were babies and it seemed as if all I did was feed them and change diapers and clean up messes. (I have a six-year-old son and four-year-old twin daughters.)
Then today I was talking to someone who is getting ready to move. She has lived here for two years and is very outgoing (which I am not). She said that people always assume that it's easy for her to get to know new people when she moves because of her personality, but she isn't really looking forward to starting over in a new place because she has a hard time making friends, too. She has no problem starting conversations with strangers, but actually making close friends is different. People are busy, and they already have their own social circles, and it's hard to find a way in.
What I realized--I know it's kind of obvious--is that as a pastor's wife, I am not so different from other people after all. Making friends is hard for everyone, not just me. While there are definite stereotypes and expectations that people have of pastors' wives, a lot of what we have to deal with (especially if we move often), is just what everyone faces when meeting new people, who already have established friendships, and being far away from the support of family.
Anyway, I just rediscovered the importance of focusing on building the relationships that I have finally started to develop here and not obsessing over how hard it is to make friends because of my husband's job.
Then today I was talking to someone who is getting ready to move. She has lived here for two years and is very outgoing (which I am not). She said that people always assume that it's easy for her to get to know new people when she moves because of her personality, but she isn't really looking forward to starting over in a new place because she has a hard time making friends, too. She has no problem starting conversations with strangers, but actually making close friends is different. People are busy, and they already have their own social circles, and it's hard to find a way in.
What I realized--I know it's kind of obvious--is that as a pastor's wife, I am not so different from other people after all. Making friends is hard for everyone, not just me. While there are definite stereotypes and expectations that people have of pastors' wives, a lot of what we have to deal with (especially if we move often), is just what everyone faces when meeting new people, who already have established friendships, and being far away from the support of family.
Anyway, I just rediscovered the importance of focusing on building the relationships that I have finally started to develop here and not obsessing over how hard it is to make friends because of my husband's job.
